yta without a thought

[hydrates]

AITA? Do you have burning questions such as "AITA for killing a guy for his bottlecaps?" or "AITA for turning my follower's wife into a pillar of salt?" or even "AITA for deciding my group's sworn enemy actually had some good points and switching sides?" Then this is the community for you! Post your snappy title to get attention, tell your story, and watch as the votes pour in. Ask after the morality of your actions, get your answers, find out if you're an asshole or not! Remember though, be ready to bear the full weight of people's opinions of your actions! Voting key: YTA: you're the asshole NTA: not the asshole ESH: everyone sucks here NAH: no assholes here INFO: not enough info meme codes

Comments

Giving up on retirement plans - AITA?

[witchimage]

My SO (deadM) and I passed away in what I suppose would be now counted as the early 2020s. I appointed my son C (55M) as my successor and we opted to maintain our presences on this earthly plane for a while to help him adjust to his new role and introduce him to his - oh, let's simplify it as "estranged" twin brother P (55butvampireM) who has been brought in to take C's place in our organization's worship band. My SO announced "our" (his, in all honesty) intention to retire about a year ago and we did take an extended vacation, along with establishing a new permanent residence in our version of the afterlife.

Close to six months ago, however, I opted to manifest once again to check in on C's progress and well-being. Transparently, he's doing well, but has had some struggles and mutual interest in my return was expressed. As such, I've opted to return as an integral part of my organization and will be henceforth suspending my retirement to continue my duty as a vital member of my Church and business. AITA?

Additional info: It's been brought to my attention that it may also be worth pointing out that C relatively recently intended to take a leave of absence for personal reasons. In his absence, I gladly volunteered to resume my previous duties. Upon his departure, however, he was hit by a truck. I did not originally include this information, as it does not seem relevant because my decision was made prior to the incident.

NTA

[greenup]

I... was not expecting the truck part at the end?

Damn, uh. Does your son getting hit by a truck change anything regarding your personal decision? Like, do you still want to help out? Is he going to keep his job even though he's a ghost?

He... is a ghost, right? Sorry, I'm not really familiar with how all this works so I'm trying to keep my facts straight.

AITA for ghosting my friend for 15 years

[twinkietwink]

I know I am, I just need this off my chest.

C (39M) is a family friend that used to watch me (32M) a lot when I was a kid. He was my babysitter, but truthfully he was more like the older brother I never had. I was a pretty lonely kid, and he would go way out of his way to try and cheer me up.

When I was 16, my dad passed, and it kinda fucked me up. Understandably, I guess. After the funeral, I dropped out of high school so I could take over the family business, and I just kinda... stopped answering his calls and texts. Honestly, not even sure why. I was in a weird place, mentally, and thought I had to handle things on my own. And then it had been years, and I just felt too ashamed by it to reach back out. I thought it would be better if he just forgot about me.

Turns out he never did. He actually got me my current job, which has been a pretty good fit for me. We were finally able to reconnect, and it's been really great. He gave me some shit for it but no less than I deserved, and that's just our dynamic. In that time, he'd been going through some pretty serious health issues on his end, and my biggest regret is that I wasn't there for him like he was for me when I was a kid. Especially since he was close to my dad too. C was closer to him than I was honestly, so it's not like I was the only one hurting at the time.

[vigil]

The best sort of friends are the ones you can pick right back up with no matter the length of time you've spent apart. Better to enjoy the time you have with your friend now, rather than dwell on what could have been, hm?

But sure, you're the asshole. I've been a similar sort of asshole myself, even.

[twinkietwink]

It really did feel like that, like we just slotted back into place in each other's lives.

I guess I have no excuse not to take your probably good advice, if you've done it yourself. How do you let go of the guilt of missing all that time though?

[nomadicflame]

You are not a bad person.

[He's not going to say asshole.]

Loss is... Devastating for many. Different for all.

You are still experiencing it, even now, yes?

[twinkietwink]

Well, my dad's not gonna stop being dead, so. Yeah. You can't just sit in that forever.

Everyone's an orphan eventually. It just happened earlier for me.

Re: AITA for ghosting my friend for 15 years

[stablehearth]

If there is one thing I can promise, it is that those who have years on the young find it easy to be understanding about their journeys, having already visited similar places. Grief can choke out emotion, thought, and all hope of comfort. Any who have been there know this well.

If this man ‘gives you shit,’ then he holds no resentments in reserve. He is releasing the past for both of you; sharing catharsis for any old pains which yet linger.

I do not think you should keep your shame; not when he does not resent this past you share. A parent’s passing is always a great loss; all the more so for one as young as you were. If it were me, I would regret that you did not give me the chance to share in your grief at the time, but my compassion would be easy to find. I would feel you had harmed yourself more than any other, and I would wish to give you the chance to move forward; to heal any rifts remaining.

If you had such a friend now, someone you saw as a younger sibling, how would you treat their isolation in grief? Would you label them negatively in your mind, or feel their sorrow as if it were your own? Would you hold their silence against them, or simply worry, and hope for a reunion when they were ready? Based on what you have said, we know that for this man, it was the latter.

The very fact that you regret any harm you may have caused in your own time of suffering; this shows a grown man’s love and care for the family that remains in his life. This is something that your C no doubt feels from you in your interactions. No one can feel such deep caring without it bleeding through.

You are entitled to feel whatever you feel about this situation, but I think you should free yourself from guilt if you can. The time lost cannot be rescued, but there is time to come. You seem to be making a commitment to showing this man what he has meant to you. The memories which you share can give you the healing now that you denied yourself in your youth. I hope it will be so.

[kuukokujinjanozenko]

Like you said, yeah, of course you're the asshole in this, and anyone who says otherwise is probably trying to feel better about themselves.

So what? You sound like a sweet, relatable, lovable asshole. Like a terribly marketed donut.

Everyone who's lived to be old enough to drive has been the asshole sometimes. And sometimes you can't really expect someone not to be an asshole. And it sounds like you had more reasonable excuses than most people. Grief is difficult, and shared grief doesn't always make it easier.

I think what's more important is that you obviously grew from it. People talk about regret like it's losing a competition, but regrets are how you learn who you don't want to be, and it sounds like you've learned very well. You can forgive who you were for being the asshole, learn from it to do better, and use it to show compassion to someone else who's been the asshole, too.

One thing does bother me, though. It sounds like you've maybe idolized this friend a bit. It's always harder to reach out to someone when you feel like they're above you, somehow. Maybe get him to tell you about something he regrets. Even if it's something you know about, that doesn't mean you get how he feels about it. You only know your story about it, but you don't know his.

It just might bring you closer, and help to heal that guilt you've been nursing when you understand that the real assholes were the friends we made along the way and inside us all along.

AITA for making a bunch of ghosts relive their gruesome demises?

[meds4sale]

...In my defense...

...they were...

deeply

unpleasant people.

[kuukokujinjanozenko]

Hmm... absent more detail, I think NTA.

Isn't that the sort of things ghosts do anyway? Clinging to a life they no longer have by the tragedy that ties them to and servers them from it? I suspect you just made it cathartic, and stopped them torturing themselves and others.

Maybe with a little dose of judgment, but no one's perfect.

[refantasma]

I mean. I've done worse. NTA.

AITA for stealing several well-to-do gentlemen's wallets and immediately returning them?

[escucha]

See title. It's not truly stealing if the items are returned in short order, is it?

For the record, our judiciary disagrees and I (19M) was unjustly made to serve 3 months of a frankly baseless 6-month sentence before my brother (26M) bailed me out. But it is the principle of the matter. Am I the asshole?

YTA

[havenomercy]

Sorry. Stealing is stealing, even if you return it. The item has been taken from its rightful owner. But do tell, what is the point?

AITA Low stakes office drama.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

I own a small business with a friend. It's a law firm, in case that has any bearing on judgment. We have a number of employees ranging from law clerks, associate attorneys, an office administrator and interns (paid--that's not why I'm an asshole.).

Issue at hand: The office temperature has become a point of contention with rival factions forming across sectarian lines and disruptions are occurring. This includes, but is not limited to: passive-aggressive group chats, sly fiddling with the thermostat throughout the day with wild fluctuations and then followed by complaints about the change, and one employee who makes it her life's mission to get to the office first so she can set the temperature and I walk into a kiln.

Am I the asshole for severely pulling rank as the first name on the door and saying that only I can control the thermostat, putting that shit on lock, and telling anyone who is cold to bring a sweater?

Like I said, low stakes but I didn't have this problem at my last office because we were all mono-temperatured and we were friends instead of just colleagues. Things used to be a lot easier.

NTA

[havenomercy]

Oh, hell no. Pull rank.

INFO

[kirstenmcduffie]

Ooo! Does does this mean you're the bad cop? Because I can totally get behind staying the good cop!

[She smiles and holds out a cup for him.]

I brought you a coffee.

ditched a friend - AITA?

[was_right]

Okay so say you befriend a living island - yes, the whole island is sentient, get over it - and you're hanging out and then you have to go take care of some business and so you tell the island hey I got this thing to do, I'll be back. And then maybe you get busy and a lot more time passes than you realised - and I need to point out that time is a construct, and to plants it is very different than it is to humanoid brains - and then one day your island bro shows up in NYC and maybe causes several earthquake like incidents, including dumping a museum into a sinkhole.

Now okay, this was admittedly a minor issue that you MIGHT have been partially responsible for. But then some GUY has the gall to say that this is ALL your fault and every single thing you do has negative consequences for everyone else around you.

Which makes HIM the asshole. Right?

[tamponstraw]

You are a FOOL if not an asshole because you didn't torch the vegetation instead. But if they can't handle the results, they should use that time to get stronger! Whining does nothing.

AITA for using a teenager to lure my ex out of hiding?

[kanzan]

I (26M) have been involved in a [REDACTED] that I helped to start when I was in high school. One of the other co-founders(also 26M), whom I was involved with at the time, left the country out of the blue with very little warning or explanation about 7 years ago. During that time, he ignored all attempts at communication. Even after returning to the country, he continued to brush me off with one-word non-answers when he wasn't just leaving me on read.
One day, a newcomer(17M) showed up at [REDACTED], and he was exactly the type that used to catch my ex's attention, except a little quieter and with worse handwriting. There was a debate about whether or not he should [REDACTED]. I assessed the situation and, knowing my ex would probably be watching via live camera feed, I stepped in to make sure the newcomer would [REDACTED]. There's no way my ex wouldn't at least make a brief in-person appearance after seeing [REDACTED], and at this point, I was at a loss as to how else to find any opening to at least have a damn conversation.
The newcomer might have [REDACTED] anyway even without my interference, but I wanted to make sure. Actually, I already know that I didn't do anything wrong, but I guess you can share your opinion anyway if you so choose.

[kuukokujinjanozenko]

Well it's hard to say if you're the asshole regarding the teenager, since you don't actually say what it is you got them into. That's a bit of a red flag in itself, though.

But in spite of all the words, doesn't all this boil down to trying to force someone to talk to you just because you wanted to? I notice you don't mention any particular consequences to anyone from your ex's absence. Unless you have some solid extenuating circumstances like shared obligations or someone else who's harmed by a lack of communication, coercing someone into a confrontation they don't consent to is the act of an asshole. Reaching out persistently is a gray area and depends on details, but deliberately forcing an interaction just because you want one is pretty clear.

For the record, that's not to say you have no valid grievances here, yourself. Your ex was also the asshole for some part of that saga, that's another story he'd have to tell us about. But having a valid grievance doesn't change that you were definitely at least the asshole for putting your desire to communicate above his desire not to.

AITA for not picking up my laundry?

[lazytype]

So me (30sM) and my younger sibling (20M) live in the same house together and also work as sentries together. I'm not usually interested in the job, mostly because our boss, the reigning monarch, doesn't live locally and never checks up on us. And there hasn't been anything to guard against for decades, easily. That's necessary to mention because I do have the energy when I come home to do chores, and mostly the house is clean. We take turns cooking and doing maintenance, I have no complaints.

But I left a sock in the living room and it really seemed to annoy my brother when he noticed it. Every day he looks at it, and looks at me, and asks me if I'm going to pick it up and take it to my room. That was six months ago and it's still as funny to me as it was the first day. AITA? Should I do what he wants because it's communal space? Am I wrong to think it's really funny to vacuum around the sock?

Reader, I don't even wear socks.

NTA

[lactoseintolerable]

No, no, you're right, it IS funny to vacuum around it. I might consider spicing it up a lil' bit after stringing him along for a whole six months though-- maybe replace it with a different sock or two over time... start moving it around and convincing him the place is haunted... but that's just my opinion!

AITA for not wanting to get married to any of the girls I'm engaged to?

[treebornekettlegirl]

Alright, so.

Starting at the very beginning, I (16M) have been training in the arts ever since I was born. Part of that included hiking all over the world with my old man (40sM) going to just 'bout every neck of the wood. Stay with me, I promise this is relevant information. To make a long story shorter, I had this... I guess you could call 'em a childhood friend (16F), though I only knew 'im for a handful months at the time. We hung out every day, me and Ucchan, "he" was the bestest friend a guy could ask for...

Imagine my shock years later when "he" showed back up with a grudge for leaving "him" behind. Turns out this whole time, Ucchan's been a girl and I was none the wiser! Pop, on the other hand, knew and made an arrangement with Ucchan's old man behind my back. Wed us off because we got along well, or whatever. Somehow, Pop suckered her dad into agreeing to it, with her family's okonomiyaki yatai as the dowry. But that panda bastard never planned on actually going through it, and booked it the minute he got the cart and dragged me with him.

Jumpin' ahead to years later close to the end of my travels, my "genius" Pop and I got into a... bit of a hiccup with some cursed springs in China. We stopped by this village of warriors that was hosting this tournament. My old man and I... might've snacked on the grub meant for the winner, but in my defense there, we've been walkin' for a good while with barely any supplies! And I thought it was for the spectators, honest. As you can imagine, this seriously pissed off this one chick, Shampoo (16F). I challenged her to a fight, 'cause if it was meant for the winner, then there's no problem if I win it fair and square in a duel! Which I mopped the floor with her, naturally!

... The problem came with the village's laws that I wasn't aware of. If a woman is defeated by an outsider girl, she'll hunt that outsider to the ends of the earth until she finally bumps her off to regain her lost honor. And she was serious about it too! Chased Pop and I all over China and followed us back to Japan to stick our heads on pikes. I... technically beat her in another fight, though it's more of an accident. Which opened up a whole other can of warms for me.

Y'see, if a woman of that village is defeated by an outsider man, she has to marry him. Again, I never knew about this BS law! Then there's Akane (16F). Before either of us were born, our dads planned on getting us hitched so we can carry of the family legacy in her old man's dojo. Pop was stubborn about it too, broke a stop sign over my head because I wanted to go straight back to China and sort out my curse problem! Getting married to some violent, uncute macho chick wasn't on my to-do list.

None of them are bad girls, I guess? Like I mentioned Akane's a violent uncute tomboy who stinks at everything feminine, Shampoo's always plotting something to get the other two out of the picture and is gung-ho 'bout not using the door when she comes in or leave me alone when I'm takin' a bath, and Ucchan uses the fact we're childhood friends so much it's hard to tell when she's being genuine. But they all have their good moments now and again. Even so, I'unno about marryin' any of them in the end.

AITA for stalking someone?

[ricochetingbullets]

[Up to date with DD:BA but mark spoilers for others!]

Actually, it's been multiple someones for a while now. A couple are because I'm waiting for the right moment to kill them for revenge and another is because...well, that one's a little more complicated, but a big reason is because it helps keep me on the right path by keeping tabs on him. I know it's wrong but I'd be a MUCH worse person if I wasn't doing this.