bakerstreet | i'm in the mood for murder

i'm in the mood for murder

FUCK*, MARRY, OR KILL
a game with a twist

You know the game: now, let’s dabble in a version that’s a little bit unusual.

how to play
○ Do the comment do.
○ Folks line up to say whether they would fuck* (*kiss, if your character's underage or you're not into R-rated dialogue), marry, or kill your guy.
○ Rinse. Repeat. ♾️

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

( m/m for shipping. )

I shall not pick any of the proferred options. I trust that you take no offense, Utowin.

Haw, what's a cudgel for but hitting things anyway.

[ and the cudgel bumps his shoulder against the Deputy Captain's. chummy. ]

Just keep putting my spear to use, yeah?

[ ... won't you please. ]

[ Whereas the Deputy Captain, jostled by his Knight — a man and so definitionally not a cudgel — looks at him, sidelong, without immediate response. Following that pause, ]

Has my refusal to choose whether to kill, marry, or fornicate with you truly reduced you to such talk?

[ Sidelong, his glance goes longer still. Extended in the time afforded by bringing a cup of tea to his lips, sipping, and returning the cup to the table. ]

There is no question as to my use of your spear, but there should also be no question that you are more than a cudgel.

Edited (i have zero reading comprehension and i'm going to kill myself) 2026-05-07 01:33 (UTC)

[ a bright, glare-ice smile.

fornicate. fornicate. he mouths the word like it's a wonder. that's an Easthies word if ever he's heard one. lofty, thought-provoking: fornicating. would that be a specific kind of fucking, or is it a generous, unifying umbrella term for all kinds of obscenity? ] It's all my bad! You an' the fornication are good as gold.

[ ... say now. that stokes something warm, a fire in winter, in the pit of him. the smile, bright, goes a touch... soggier. glare ice melting. ]

-- You really know how to send off a man feeling like he's come out a winner, Eas.

[ 'tis an umbrella term. Fornicate encompasses as much of such acts as the hypothetical would contemplate, as he understands that Fuck, too, has broad application.

If pressed, it is unlikely that Easthies would use either word to describe what he might choose with Utowin. But he has given no thought to it. That choice exists in circumstances so different from their own, that they would as well be two entirely different people.

Here, as they are, Easthies thinks instead of the expressiveness of Utowin's features. Something brittle in that smile, indicative not of deception, for Easthies harbors no doubt that the Knight has taken blame where there should be none, but of —

— before he can place it, it softens. ]

By disagreeing with having you diminished to a blunt weapon? You have actual accomplishments to credit you.

[ Meal finished and tea near-drained, Easthies sits back, shifting as he does to turn, by increments, toward Utowin. His attention more direct, though his gaze as ever diluted by loose strands of hair strewn across his visage. Though his own expression no more or less sober. ]

It is all the question's bad, not your own. Any harmless or humorous aspect of its game is merely superficial. To answer would be tantamount to harassment.

[ Even in jest, to say that he would choose to marry or fuck his subordinate ~~— to the extent one could even fathom Easthies making the joke —~~ unacceptable. Violative. If not of the principles, than of professionalism and of morality. ]

Edited (i used to be able to spell.) 2026-05-07 02:57 (UTC)

[ a straightforward question, all things considered. but it startles olruggio out of a distracted quiet, cup in his hand clunking down on the table as he chokes on a sip of silvernectar wine.

after coughing and spluttering-- ] Uh-- sorry, you uh... what?

C'mon, Civvie Witch. Let's not be shy!

[ eyeing their 'progress': ]

You got 'til the end of this bottle to lemme know.

[ 20+ ota (he's just all over the place ok?) ]

[ voicetesting ]

( canon, crosscanon, au, and assumed cr welcome. 🐈‍⬛ )

Kill ( If only to fight him. )

Are you confident or simply foolish?

[ brats these days, huh. ]

Heh a little of both I think. Come on, what do you think? A fight to the death.

( He’s not serious about the death part, he’s not that unhinged. But a serious fight that leaves someone incapacitated? Sign him up. )

So, just foolish.

[ said as if wanderer is confirming it to himself rather than replying to lohen. ]

You're unwise to think I'd waste my time on one. The outcome is obvious.

Oh ho! I like the confidence! Regardless, show me what you got. I bet you can wipe the floor with me.

( He’s in it for the thrill of the fight, self preservation be damned. )