slayer of socks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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bakerstreet2026-03-12 10:08 pm
sockslayer) wrote in bakerstreet2026-03-12 10:08 pm
1: I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
2: ... So I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
3: Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
4: i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
5: Ugh, I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
2: ... So I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
3: Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
4: i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
5: Ugh, I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sherlock Holmes π BBC Sherlock π OTA
highfunctioning_sociopath
2026-03-13 04:12 am (UTC)(link)
1. I can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing.
2. I canβt believe you made a group text to scream at me about Tesco.
3. I just had a very enlightening conversation with that hat. It was better than the skull. I need more of whatever the fuck I took.
4. [Only the following attachment comes through.]
5. Text him! (Assumed CR, OCs, AUs, and cross-canon welcomed. Misfires are β₯)
2. I canβt believe you made a group text to scream at me about Tesco.
3. I just had a very enlightening conversation with that hat. It was better than the skull. I need more of whatever the fuck I took.
4. [Only the following attachment comes through.]
5. Text him! (Assumed CR, OCs, AUs, and cross-canon welcomed. Misfires are β₯)
Edited (Changed Icon) 2026-03-13 04:22 (UTC)
01. I cannot stress how much I need people to stop calling me "Daddy".
02. Just because you can get drunk from the safety of your office doesn't mean that it's entertaining to hear your drunk chattering while I'm in the field, you know.
03. So I hit him with the bottle and said "Guess that one really went to his head."
It didn't get the laugh it deserved.
04. [ misfires, crosscanon, etc. okay. still voice testing so bare with me. ]
It is a bit gross, isn't it?
I'll talk to who I can, see if they can knock it off
I'll talk to who I can, see if they can knock it off
Edited (Enter key too soon) 2026-03-13 05:28 (UTC)
1. omw to fucking bite you
2. Lovingly, no.
3. kicked out of the boy aquarium for tapping on the glass
4. idk who needs to hear this rn but your thighs make me feral
2. Lovingly, no.
3. kicked out of the boy aquarium for tapping on the glass
4. idk who needs to hear this rn but your thighs make me feral
Edited 2026-03-13 04:19 (UTC)
1. You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants??
2. Hey Chief Big Dick. :) Where the fuck are my panties?
3. I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb.
4. We still on for Manwhore Monday?
5. Sorry about kicking you last night but you donβt mess with a girlβs margarita bucket OK?
6. [or text her!!]
2. Hey Chief Big Dick. :) Where the fuck are my panties?
3. I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb.
4. We still on for Manwhore Monday?
5. Sorry about kicking you last night but you donβt mess with a girlβs margarita bucket OK?
6. [or text her!!]
3 - had to use the PB for the perfect judging look.
doesnotsparkle
- 2026-03-13 13:24 (UTC) - Expand1: don't tell jamil?
2: you and me, next holiday. i'll throw a feast and a parade and -- i should probably check with jamil, huh?
3: i'm going over everything in the storage (basically the treasure room here at the dorm). did you want anything? besides carpet, of course.
4: what i lack in skill, i make up for in enthusiasm. or something like that.
5: jamil says no.
6: text him???
2: you and me, next holiday. i'll throw a feast and a parade and -- i should probably check with jamil, huh?
3: i'm going over everything in the storage (basically the treasure room here at the dorm). did you want anything? besides carpet, of course.
4: what i lack in skill, i make up for in enthusiasm. or something like that.
5: jamil says no.
6: text him???
1: Just sent an 18 page sext. What better way to say have a good morning?
2: You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
3: I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
4: This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
5: All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
2: You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
3: I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
4: This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
5: All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
01. it turns out that telling some meat head werewolf "down boy" is both very frowned upon
but also shockingly effective
02. he tried to insist i wear high heels to this big fancy whatever, so i may have thrown one in the general direction of his head
03. hello, this is your not-an-uber
just checking in if you're going to need me to pick you up any time soon
since i am still sober and i bet you're not
04. this bar is playing ashnikko and i just discovered they have the fancy bright green absinthe available
so basically i'm home now
05. [ modern day urban fantasy oc set in seattle. more details in her profile but the short version is: disaster lesbian who got roped into fighting monsters because she's god's favorite chew toy and has a people pleasing problem. misfires or byob are welcome. ]
001. Sometimes I kiss people just to make them shut up.
002. Whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. Have a good night
003. This temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins.
004. All I want is dick and wine.
005. So you had sex with my brother?
002. Whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. Have a good night
003. This temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins.
004. All I want is dick and wine.
005. So you had sex with my brother?
005. i'm so sorry you should've known this was like catnip to me
laicized
- 2026-03-13 15:36 (UTC) - Expand001. when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
002. I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
003. i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for a while. especially after the stalker pie.
004. I walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch
005. you wouldn't answer to anything but devil's advocate all night
5-- VtM Lasombra OC with a Bane that causes tech to glitch out
impulsiv
- 2026-03-14 00:25 (UTC) - Expand01. that is very illegal...i love you.
02. I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up and have someone feed me mini eggs
03. someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
04. Do you wanna have sex while my apple pie is in the oven?
05. note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many summoning-day shots...
02. I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up and have someone feed me mini eggs
03. someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
04. Do you wanna have sex while my apple pie is in the oven?
05. note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many summoning-day shots...
u already had me in the first half but if it means i can have pie double yes
a whole meal AND dessert?? π yum
a whole meal AND dessert?? π yum
1: it's not stranger danger if i know their name!
2: murr scratched me again! (ｑβ’ΜοΈΏβ’Μｑ)
3: just so you know, no, domi is not my fiancΓ©. she's an old childhood friend.
4: domi is getting out the leash again.
5: i can now say that i have been electrocuted. not sure if i should have been so excited about that.
6: did you know there are these things called cat cafes?
7: text him???
2: murr scratched me again! (ｑβ’ΜοΈΏβ’Μｑ)
3: just so you know, no, domi is not my fiancΓ©. she's an old childhood friend.
4: domi is getting out the leash again.
5: i can now say that i have been electrocuted. not sure if i should have been so excited about that.
6: did you know there are these things called cat cafes?
7: text him???
Aw! It's no fun if you go ahead and tell people right away, NoΓ©!
1. She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life.
2. You kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
3. Throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
4. Turn your tracker back on.
5. I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"
2. You kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
3. Throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
4. Turn your tracker back on.
5. I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"
Just drive it off instead if you can't physically lift it.
1: Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
2: you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
3: He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
4: It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
5: These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
2: you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
3: He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
4: It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
5: These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
1. hey so would you still support me if i spent my entire life savings on a suit of armor?
2. sooo i got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "ballsβ. is that not a medical term??
3. hold on i have to charm this cab driver
4. do you ever daydream about fixing peoplesβ shitty music taste or is that just me
5. text him. misfires, assumed cr, aus, etc, all welcome.
2. sooo i got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "ballsβ. is that not a medical term??
3. hold on i have to charm this cab driver
4. do you ever daydream about fixing peoplesβ shitty music taste or is that just me
5. text him. misfires, assumed cr, aus, etc, all welcome.
Only if you share access to these goods??? Hello?????????????
one β you spilled wine on my favorite pair of valentinos, prepare to die.
two β this isn't the godfather, I don't do free favors on 'this the day of my daughter's wedding' or any day for that matter.
three β the asshole who stole my wine is going to find it shoved up their ass.
four β wildcard
I'm already dead, zipper boy. So you'll have to come up with a more original revenge plan.
one β take my advice, if your boyfriend starts nerding out about something, just sit back and let him go off.
two β I don't see dead people, I see spirals.
three β there isn't enough tequila in the world to shut up the voices in my head.
four β wildcard
Okay but what if he's NOT my boyfriend???
Will listening buy my way into that?????
Will listening buy my way into that?????
but what if I'm not entertaining enough and boredom kills me too!!?!?!??
one β now I'm no stranger to dressing up in a dress but I don't do it 1) for free, and 2) sober.
two β I look good in a bonnet, did you know that?
three β I know it's a difficult mission but.....you and I have to get it on.
four β wildcard
Look, I'm in, but I'm going to need for you to explain further.
1: immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
2: not sure if I should laugh or punch you
3: tbh I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
4: Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
5: i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
2: not sure if I should laugh or punch you
3: tbh I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
4: Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
5: i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
one β I've had my fair share of dicks, I can assure you. okay it was one....and it was blue.
two β if someone ever tries to kill you, you kill them right back.
three β this suit is chaffing my ass.
four β wildcard
Valid and real advice.
Who needs this even said to them?
Who needs this even said to them?
(1) if you're wondering why people are asking drake about superhimbo calling him "babygirl"
i am entirely guiltless
(2) That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
(3) time for everyone's favorite game:
"is there a new super weirdo i didn't know about, or is that a girl running around in rabbit ears and lingerie for some other, presumably spring related reason"
(4) remember when i had to date a flight attendant just to try to find someone one of my relatives hadn't already stuck their tongue in?
it's bad out here
(5) i've literally come back from the dead, a tequila hangover is nothing
stop being boring
(6) wanna get drunk and make really bad decisions together?
the drunk part is optional
even though i bet it'd be hot
(7) [ or text him yourself, he is... often in a Way. ]
i am entirely guiltless
(2) That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
(3) time for everyone's favorite game:
"is there a new super weirdo i didn't know about, or is that a girl running around in rabbit ears and lingerie for some other, presumably spring related reason"
(4) remember when i had to date a flight attendant just to try to find someone one of my relatives hadn't already stuck their tongue in?
it's bad out here
(5) i've literally come back from the dead, a tequila hangover is nothing
stop being boring
(6) wanna get drunk and make really bad decisions together?
the drunk part is optional
even though i bet it'd be hot
(7) [ or text him yourself, he is... often in a Way. ]
one β there's nothing more terrifying than the wrath of a scorn woman, and I've faced death many fucking times.
two β they were eating the tigers.
three β I will not fucking let you call me 'daddy'. fuck off.
four β wildcard
Absolutely never wanted to call you that. Fuck do you think I am, and fuck do you think you are?
(1) I cannot stress stridently enough how much this phone number should never be used to send selfies, in any state of dress or undress.
(2) I need a date for a Wayne Foundation gala that is actually capable of holding a conversation, that's all.
(3) Isley has tweaked her formula again, so the standard tolerance isn't that effective.
This is both a general service warning, and notification that I will go under lock down until I'm sure it's purged my system and I'm fully clear-headed again.
(4) It does hurt a little when people call them vanity muscles. That is what I want them to think most of the time, I know, but still.
(5) [ or you can bring a wild card/misfire/etc. ]
(2) I need a date for a Wayne Foundation gala that is actually capable of holding a conversation, that's all.
(3) Isley has tweaked her formula again, so the standard tolerance isn't that effective.
This is both a general service warning, and notification that I will go under lock down until I'm sure it's purged my system and I'm fully clear-headed again.
(4) It does hurt a little when people call them vanity muscles. That is what I want them to think most of the time, I know, but still.
(5) [ or you can bring a wild card/misfire/etc. ]
I'm sure the ability to record all the conversations you aren't part of never entered your mind, too.
one β that shit's not funny. don't send me a picture of a foot and chain and say 'this us?'
two β yes I'm god damn scared of the dark and sleep with a nightlight now.
three β I got the photos you wanted. this shit? it's extra.
four β wildcard
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