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1. The longer you put it off, the worse it'll be.
2. You and cheap vodka have never gotten on and last night proves that's not likely changing any time soon.
3. Your email finds me in a Taco Bell at 2am, so do with that what you will.
4. I really hope you’re kidding.
5. With your track record, I'm honestly not all that surprised.
6. It doesn't seem like you need much encouragement; if anything, you need the opposite right now.
7. [ bring your own; misfires & assumed cr all good ]
2. You and cheap vodka have never gotten on and last night proves that's not likely changing any time soon.
3. Your email finds me in a Taco Bell at 2am, so do with that what you will.
4. I really hope you’re kidding.
5. With your track record, I'm honestly not all that surprised.
6. It doesn't seem like you need much encouragement; if anything, you need the opposite right now.
7. [ bring your own; misfires & assumed cr all good ]
I mean, agreed. But what is your new evidence about this?
Other than that I can feel my sinuses every time I breathe
Other than that I can feel my sinuses every time I breathe
- 1. What a year this week has been.
2. Sorry for being impatient, I was just really excited to see you.
3. Think about it. You really need to raise your standards.
4. Did he hurt you?? Where is he? I have business to take care of.
5. ( text him! )
1.) Don't worry, only my pride is wounded.
...
Well that and my ankle.
2.) Someone just asked me if I'm on my way to a costume party.
3.) Enjoying cookie dough, a heated blanket and PJs that should never be seen in public. I know, it's pathetic. But it feels SO right.
4.) The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on Tinder. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
5.) Text her
...
Well that and my ankle.
2.) Someone just asked me if I'm on my way to a costume party.
3.) Enjoying cookie dough, a heated blanket and PJs that should never be seen in public. I know, it's pathetic. But it feels SO right.
4.) The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on Tinder. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
5.) Text her
1. I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!" You may need to come get me before they arrest me for murder.
2. The next time you piss me off I'll peel you like a potato.
3. Flowers. Really?
4. Well, we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.
5. [Text him~]
2. The next time you piss me off I'll peel you like a potato.
3. Flowers. Really?
4. Well, we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.
5. [Text him~]
I thought "dibs" was considered a good thing by you people.
1. you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
2. mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. i am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
3. right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
2. mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. i am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
3. right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And? C'mon man, don't leave me hanging here. Tell me whatcha think.
1. apparently i have "behavioral issues" and i'm "too defiant".
2. you were so drunk you were trying to pick me up and carry me around like a fucking doll.
3. oak just told me it's obvious i'm someone who "learned social skills the hard way", what the fuck?
4. you look pretty biteable today, just saying.
5. [ text/misfire him! ]
1. Yes, I know where it is. No, I will not be giving back.
2. I am dying of boredom here. Is like regular dying, but slower.
3. I didn't touch him. He touched me. Not my fault.
4. Hearing "Don't start" gives me thrill. Really makes me want to start.
5. I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Never estimate me.
6. You bring up bondage and then stop answering me??
7. Bring your own!
2. I am dying of boredom here. Is like regular dying, but slower.
3. I didn't touch him. He touched me. Not my fault.
4. Hearing "Don't start" gives me thrill. Really makes me want to start.
5. I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Never estimate me.
6. You bring up bondage and then stop answering me??
7. Bring your own!
- According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
- I got you peach schnapps and those stupid candies because the food I miss the taste of most are fresh summer peaches. So, whaddya say? Wanna be my peach?
- And now there are teeth marks on my dick.
- You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey.
- Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
- Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
- (Wildcard - Text Him)
1. I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
2. Third-biggest I'd ever seen.
3. I know my general look makes it HILARIOUS but when I talk about picking up girls I usually do not mean literally
4. Not sure where this cat is trapped but can definitely eliminate the walls
5. He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
6. I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
2. Third-biggest I'd ever seen.
3. I know my general look makes it HILARIOUS but when I talk about picking up girls I usually do not mean literally
4. Not sure where this cat is trapped but can definitely eliminate the walls
5. He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
6. I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
1.) You know that picture I took of you? The one you hate? I made it my lock screen.
2.) Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
3.) Life keeps fucking me and I can't remember the safe-word.
4.) Just got a dirty look from an entire group of old women. Not my fault that they keep saying things like "he's full of spunk".
5.) Text this mess
2.) Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
3.) Life keeps fucking me and I can't remember the safe-word.
4.) Just got a dirty look from an entire group of old women. Not my fault that they keep saying things like "he's full of spunk".
5.) Text this mess
1. At least life still wants to fuck me.
2. Let's both be adults and never talk about last night again.
3. You have to eat like five to die, so I'm probably in the clear.
2. Let's both be adults and never talk about last night again.
3. You have to eat like five to die, so I'm probably in the clear.
1. If your plan involves me putting a bra back on, you’re going to have to be a little more persuasive.
2. I don't know what's worse; that you've let this happen again, or that you're surprised it's netted the same result as always.
3. It's genuinely intriguing to me how you've survived this long.
4. That’s a bold accusation.
5. I can see you; get down!
6. Apparently you ‘lost your ankles in a bet’ and thus, the carrying home.
7. I’m a woman of many talents, but helping you comprehend the idiocy of this plan of yours is apparently not among them.
8. [ Text her! Assumed cr/misfires welcome ]
2. I don't know what's worse; that you've let this happen again, or that you're surprised it's netted the same result as always.
3. It's genuinely intriguing to me how you've survived this long.
4. That’s a bold accusation.
5. I can see you; get down!
6. Apparently you ‘lost your ankles in a bet’ and thus, the carrying home.
7. I’m a woman of many talents, but helping you comprehend the idiocy of this plan of yours is apparently not among them.
8. [ Text her! Assumed cr/misfires welcome ]
In the infamous words of 50 Cent: Go ahead and get your refund, motherfucker, I ain't dead.
1. You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
2. No matter what anyone says, gysahl greens are not suitable for smoothies.
3. kid ran in, called me "King Dumbo", then ran out. Reconsidering my whole 'court open to all' policy.
4. Why are there forks in my walls?
5. Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING CHOCOBO LAST NIGHT?!?!
2. No matter what anyone says, gysahl greens are not suitable for smoothies.
3. kid ran in, called me "King Dumbo", then ran out. Reconsidering my whole 'court open to all' policy.
4. Why are there forks in my walls?
5. Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING CHOCOBO LAST NIGHT?!?!
1. Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
2. Unlike many walls, that one did not have chicken in it. Sorry.
3. We had a frank and open discussion about her goals and desires and I don't know if the terror will ever let me sleep again.
4. Please tell me I just dreamed that I claimed I was King of All Ducks.
5. What gets gum out of fur?
2. Unlike many walls, that one did not have chicken in it. Sorry.
3. We had a frank and open discussion about her goals and desires and I don't know if the terror will ever let me sleep again.
4. Please tell me I just dreamed that I claimed I was King of All Ducks.
5. What gets gum out of fur?
1. Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
2. I'll let you know if at any point this day starts to make sense.
3. In an unrelated matter, I'm going to eat you out so much later.
4. I'm using your dog as a pillow. He's fine with it.
5. On way back. With the shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
6. [ text him! extremely extremely ota, crosseverything, misfires, assumed cr, the works ]
2. I'll let you know if at any point this day starts to make sense.
3. In an unrelated matter, I'm going to eat you out so much later.
4. I'm using your dog as a pillow. He's fine with it.
5. On way back. With the shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
6. [ text him! extremely extremely ota, crosseverything, misfires, assumed cr, the works ]
1. The DA handed me a case for a guy who got a DUI on a riding lawnmower at 1am. Apparently he told the cop "Sorry for partying." The joys of pro bono work.
2. I need advice on new, polite ways to say "fuck you on your way to hell."
3. Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
4. I'm kinda drunk and scrolling dating profiles. Why do all men sound like
serial killers?
5. I'm at the bodega getting condoms and protein bars. Do you need anything?
2. I need advice on new, polite ways to say "fuck you on your way to hell."
3. Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
4. I'm kinda drunk and scrolling dating profiles. Why do all men sound like
serial killers?
5. I'm at the bodega getting condoms and protein bars. Do you need anything?
1. i could absolutely kick your ass if i wanted to. i just don't want to.
2. can life stop sucking so bad for like. one day.
3. some people can't take a joke, i don't get how that's my problem.
4. you have strawberry ice cream in your freezer?? lol. gay.
5. fuckin flunked my drivers test even though i was the fastest guy on the road. bullshit.
6. text him!
2. can life stop sucking so bad for like. one day.
3. some people can't take a joke, i don't get how that's my problem.
4. you have strawberry ice cream in your freezer?? lol. gay.
5. fuckin flunked my drivers test even though i was the fastest guy on the road. bullshit.
6. text him!
ugh ikr??? its like DUDE im just fucking w ya n ur makin it sooooo easy lmao
1) there was blood everywhere
it was super hot
2) drowning in research and also vodka.
hope you're having fun.
3) we're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
[ota, assumed cr/misfires all great - info in profile c:]
it was super hot
2) drowning in research and also vodka.
hope you're having fun.
3) we're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
[ota, assumed cr/misfires all great - info in profile c:]
1. I don't know what's up with dream me, but by now I'm sure he's not on my side.
2. Please don't forget about the bread in the toilet. I'm not dealing with that.
3. Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
4. They took the keys away because of 'the incident'. 'The incident' was NO ONE FELL ASLEEP. That's justice for you.
5. I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
2. Please don't forget about the bread in the toilet. I'm not dealing with that.
3. Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
4. They took the keys away because of 'the incident'. 'The incident' was NO ONE FELL ASLEEP. That's justice for you.
5. I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
1. you know what. i think we were all too mean to clippy. i miss that guy.
2. delete system32
3. printers were created by the devil himself and even i can't make them obey me
4. stared at this hot pocket for five minutes before realizing the microwave wasn't on. so that's how my night is going.
5. so. that laptop in your room. there was nothing important on it, right?
6. text him!
2. delete system32
3. printers were created by the devil himself and even i can't make them obey me
4. stared at this hot pocket for five minutes before realizing the microwave wasn't on. so that's how my night is going.
5. so. that laptop in your room. there was nothing important on it, right?
6. text him!
Edited 2026-03-06 17:13 (UTC)
i. Do you think they’ll just let me buy the mini stick without the meal?
ii. It’s just bruised. I should be fine by tomorrow night.
iii. "You have eyes" is not a compliment. I don’t even know why I said that.
iv. Okay. Just curious - are you drunk?
v. I don’t know how I’m supposed to endorse these sweatbands. They feel disgusting. I don’t think I can pretend they don’t.
vi. ( wildcard. )
001. yeah, no, that's not happening.
002. are you in jail again?
003. the chicken noise is because the station is called the squawk. don't read into it.
004. can you run them to another gen next time? thanks.
005. there are three other survivors, you know.
006. BYOT.
1. there’s not enough enrichment in my enclosure. pretty soon i’ll need to act out and i will make it your problem
2. “you’re mine”??? yeah no first of all i’m on probation. i belong to the state of indiana
3. uh actually i would marry a concept album if i could. relevant track order? recurring lyrical motifs? music as a narrative device??? perfection to which no human being can compare
4. i have to start drinking water. i have a drug test to fail at 1:40
5. text him! misfires, assumed cr, etc.
2. “you’re mine”??? yeah no first of all i’m on probation. i belong to the state of indiana
3. uh actually i would marry a concept album if i could. relevant track order? recurring lyrical motifs? music as a narrative device??? perfection to which no human being can compare
4. i have to start drinking water. i have a drug test to fail at 1:40
5. text him! misfires, assumed cr, etc.
1. im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
2. Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
3. If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
4. Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
[ pls specify s1 or s2! ota18+ castmates and crosscanon 💜 ]
That is the boldest pickup line I've ever heard, even from you.
And I would absolutely say "yes immediately" if we did not have that presentation for Heimerdinger tomorrow
And I would absolutely say "yes immediately" if we did not have that presentation for Heimerdinger tomorrow
a. Shame is for losers.
b. And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're topless. That's just not fair.
c. Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
d. A moment; I'm having a staring contest with a squirrel.
e. You reeked of guilt, booze, and sex, so we offered you pancakes.
f. (Send one!)
b. And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're topless. That's just not fair.
c. Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
d. A moment; I'm having a staring contest with a squirrel.
e. You reeked of guilt, booze, and sex, so we offered you pancakes.
f. (Send one!)
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