laying in bed all day (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
f6f6f6) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2026-02-13 12:00 am
f6f6f6) wrote in bakerstreet2026-02-13 12:00 am
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Don’t get your panties in a twist. Was just some light strangulation. Stop acting like you were gonna die
Nothin gay about making out with guys onstage. It’s called putting on a show.
Didn’t let you sit in my lap cuz I like you. Let you sit in my lap cuz I was expecting some heavy petting. Disappointing on all counts
Can deal with coming home to you passed out in my bed at 3am. Can deal with you stealing my clothes. What I can’t deal with is you eating my fucking Crunchwrap Supreme
( Text him! Assumed CR, misfires, cross-medium, OCs, et cetera. Any gender configuration for shipping. )
1. hangovers are no excuse for missing a performance. coincidentally, neither is 39 degree fever. you couldn't tell, right?
2. you know, even blackout drunk i can always remember the exact point where i should have stopped drinking
3. why is your stuff in my hotel room? when did you even get here?
4. flowers. really?
5. you were threatening to kill him so yes i can see why they threw us out.
6. well the car is totaled, if that gives you any idea~
7. [ test your own or misfire him orwhatever. cross-canon, cross-mediums, ocs: all fine. m/m only and 21+ with exception for canonmates. (or 31+ if time skip) or you just prefer that age lmao + ]
1. A few bounces on it never hurt a friendship.
2. In the theatre of the absurd doing the main bit.
3. You know what's wrong with me? I like information.
4. Not an issue for me. Can see where you're coming from, but can also see that you're a gonk for coming from there.
5. Don't need breakfast. Body is made of titanium steel and runs on pure rage alone.
6. At the Dicky Twister. Have no idea what's going on or what anyone's saying. Just smile and say 'werk' every few minutes. Felt this way for ages. Accepted my fate. Hope I'm never found out. All this just to fuck men.
7.if it sucks hit da bricks <- litany against sunk cost
take it easy but take it <- litany against burnout/apathy cycle
fuck it we ball <- litany against perfectionism
now say something true and beautiful <- litany against irony poisoning
bigger idiots than you have done it <- litany against imposter syndrome
not a or b but a secret third thing <- litany against false dichotomies
2. In the theatre of the absurd doing the main bit.
3. You know what's wrong with me? I like information.
4. Not an issue for me. Can see where you're coming from, but can also see that you're a gonk for coming from there.
5. Don't need breakfast. Body is made of titanium steel and runs on pure rage alone.
6. At the Dicky Twister. Have no idea what's going on or what anyone's saying. Just smile and say 'werk' every few minutes. Felt this way for ages. Accepted my fate. Hope I'm never found out. All this just to fuck men.
7.
take it easy but take it <- litany against burnout/apathy cycle
fuck it we ball <- litany against perfectionism
now say something true and beautiful <- litany against irony poisoning
bigger idiots than you have done it <- litany against imposter syndrome
not a or b but a secret third thing <- litany against false dichotomies
1. if this is anything like my past relationships, i have no doubt that i will single-handedly reignite the cold war
2. conversations are so fun because the other person is always lying and trying to trick you and deceive you and kill you . it's like a game
3. you had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
4. is this a story i am going to hate you for?
2. conversations are so fun because the other person is always lying and trying to trick you and deceive you and kill you . it's like a game
3. you had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
4. is this a story i am going to hate you for?
Edited 2026-02-13 05:02 (UTC)
but we're on the same team???why talk to any of us if you just think we're gonna ditch you around a corner and laugh as you dieexcluding the ones that don't peel but they're probably more stupid than malicious1 ► my heart yearns for beautiful lingerie
2 ► Oh, my behavior is confusing even to me!
3 ► whoever came up with kissing someone's hand as a gesture of respect knew what they were doing... slut
4 ► Before interacting with Junah or Hulkenberg, you must ask yourself, "Is this something I should say to a beautiful woman with a violent temper?"
1 ► Complete standstill. Unending torments.
2 ► Do you ever look at someone attractive and feel hungry
3 ► Sometimes the nut doesn't bring any clarity at all. The delirium only deepens.
4 ► After Ashe almost died, he offered to do my dishes as an apology, which was of course unnecessary. I wasn't angry with him, and he certainly didn't owe me anything. I was just happy he was alive, and sad that he felt so guilty. But I did accept his offer because I hate doing dishes
i know isnt that the worst........
a girl almost baby trapped me once and i almost let her because of the post nut delirium
a girl almost baby trapped me once and i almost let her because of the post nut delirium
1. So it's ironically funny that my trick-cyclist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
2. I now have scientific proof that Human Error is the easiest cock block in the world to execute.
3. The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
4. We had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
5. [Only the following attachment. Just the first movement is included.]
6. Text him!
1. Every time we have sex, I'm gonna put 10 bucks into the birthday jar. So its up to you how hard ya want your party to go.
2. Its Valentines Day today. You wanna go to the bar to see how many people I've slept with and I'll brutally honest reviews how they were in bed?
3. Its your fault that I'm always horny and angry all the time.
4. Has anyone seen Nuggs? Last I saw him he was headin' towards the bar but I don't see him. I hope he didn't get into somethin' he shouldn't.
5. Will ya stop blowin' up my phone? I thought leavin' you on Read would have been a big enough hint I don't wanna talk.
6. Can you actually explain why you texted "HELP" ten times or is that all I'm getting?
7. Text him!
2. Its Valentines Day today. You wanna go to the bar to see how many people I've slept with and I'll brutally honest reviews how they were in bed?
3. Its your fault that I'm always horny and angry all the time.
4. Has anyone seen Nuggs? Last I saw him he was headin' towards the bar but I don't see him. I hope he didn't get into somethin' he shouldn't.
5. Will ya stop blowin' up my phone? I thought leavin' you on Read would have been a big enough hint I don't wanna talk.
6. Can you actually explain why you texted "HELP" ten times or is that all I'm getting?
7. Text him!
There is such a thing about bragging too much, you know.
1.) I'm too tired to get up and find the remote so I guess I'm just watching old seasons of American's Next Top Model now.
2.) Do my dark under-eye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?
3.) If you can't handle me at my worst then that sucks for you because that's all there really is.
4.) Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
5.) Text this mess
2.) Do my dark under-eye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?
3.) If you can't handle me at my worst then that sucks for you because that's all there really is.
4.) Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
5.) Text this mess
1. does cupid even have a halo??
2. you want your jacket back or not?
3. the wings are bullet proof. not my body. stupid.
4. chocolate is obviously better than flowers.
5. i can't feel my legs. that's new.
6. ( text your own. open to misfires. m/m )
Edited 2026-02-13 05:07 (UTC)
yours sure isnt there to display your intelligence
cupids have halos as big as the sun, they use them to lasso their prey before they squeeze them into pieces
cant believe you dont know this1: Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
2: When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
3: Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
4: I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
5: My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
2: When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
3: Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
4: I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
5: My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
(1) see, but the first rule about fight club is that "you don't talk about fight club," sorry
(2) That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
(3) so i climbed out of a pile of shattered flower pots, and i was like, "oh yeah, valentine's day is coming up"
(4) are you asking because you're concerned, or do you just want to see me shirtless?
(5) i'm just saying: strip mahjong
(6) wanna get drunk and make really bad decisions together?
the drunk part is optional
even though i bet it'd be hot
(7) [ or text him yourself, he is... often in a Way. ]
(2) That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
(3) so i climbed out of a pile of shattered flower pots, and i was like, "oh yeah, valentine's day is coming up"
(4) are you asking because you're concerned, or do you just want to see me shirtless?
(5) i'm just saying: strip mahjong
(6) wanna get drunk and make really bad decisions together?
the drunk part is optional
even though i bet it'd be hot
(7) [ or text him yourself, he is... often in a Way. ]
(1) You know, if you wear a dress like that, you're probably going to need someone to make sure it fits right. You know, for nipple security.
(2) I either need coffee or head. Maybe both.
(3) First of all, the only Valentine I need is Beef, thank you very much.
(4) Be honest, does this look like a "dadbod" to you?
[ attached: your expected shirtless mirror selfie. he is, again, flexing every muscle in his body, whether you can tell it or not. ]
(5) [ or you can bring a wild card/misfire/etc. for this poor overworked disaster of a man. ota, cross canon approved, and i don't bite. ]
(2) I either need coffee or head. Maybe both.
(3) First of all, the only Valentine I need is Beef, thank you very much.
(4) Be honest, does this look like a "dadbod" to you?
[ attached: your expected shirtless mirror selfie. he is, again, flexing every muscle in his body, whether you can tell it or not. ]
(5) [ or you can bring a wild card/misfire/etc. for this poor overworked disaster of a man. ota, cross canon approved, and i don't bite. ]
1. it’s always 'why did you jump in the lake" and "you’re soaked and smell like wet dog, get away from me". it’s never "how was the lake?" the lake looked fun and inviting
2. bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
3. the karaoke bar doesnt have ride the lightning. i’ll just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to ride the lightning
4. hey quick question. would you rather be taxidermied or be a wet specimen??? i’ll wait
5. text him
2. bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
3. the karaoke bar doesnt have ride the lightning. i’ll just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to ride the lightning
4. hey quick question. would you rather be taxidermied or be a wet specimen??? i’ll wait
5. text him
Edited 2026-02-13 05:12 (UTC)
1. Surely the conses won't quence.
2. why do we have thirty seven jars of pickles?
3. Tonight I'm serving can't.
4. Look if you're not busy for the next 40 years I'm just saying I'd like to be in cahoots with you for the rest of my life.
5. I'll choose my babe over my family any day, blood ain't thicker than that ass.
6. Ratatouille ain't special, I can grab someone by the hair and control them too.
7. Thanos was right, half of you need to go.
8. text him
2. why do we have thirty seven jars of pickles?
3. Tonight I'm serving can't.
4. Look if you're not busy for the next 40 years I'm just saying I'd like to be in cahoots with you for the rest of my life.
5. I'll choose my babe over my family any day, blood ain't thicker than that ass.
6. Ratatouille ain't special, I can grab someone by the hair and control them too.
7. Thanos was right, half of you need to go.
8. text him
1. Stop sharing your location.
It's like you're asking for some creep to turn up at the front door.
2. Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened."
3. Not surprised you got hard after I threatened you.
4. I told you not to do anything stupid. You just grinned at me.
5. [Text him~]
It's like you're asking for some creep to turn up at the front door.
2. Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened."
3. Not surprised you got hard after I threatened you.
4. I told you not to do anything stupid. You just grinned at me.
5. [Text him~]
Do you know how many people would yell at me if I stopped? Like come on.
1: 69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
2: You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
3: This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
4: I'd like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
5: So, to be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
2: You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
3: This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
4: I'd like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
5: So, to be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
001. You called me at four in the morning and invested me over for pasta and a late night viewing of Titanic.
002. Your head's too pretty to be stuck in books.
003. Daytime is texting time. Nighttime is you send me naked pictures time.
004. We were spooning and you were the big spoon, but you insisted that I call you "the ladle."
005. Here's how sick I am. I'm not hungry. I don't want coffee. And I don't want to get laid. So, you know it's bad.
002. Your head's too pretty to be stuck in books.
003. Daytime is texting time. Nighttime is you send me naked pictures time.
004. We were spooning and you were the big spoon, but you insisted that I call you "the ladle."
005. Here's how sick I am. I'm not hungry. I don't want coffee. And I don't want to get laid. So, you know it's bad.
1. are you mad at me?
2. how many times have you gotten kicked out of a party? like what's the average?
3. i have no idea where the fuck i am, do you think you can find me if i describe this tree i passed out next to
4. if one more person sends me that fucking "no bitches" meme i am gonna lose my shit
5. ur MOM. lol.
6. text him!
2. how many times have you gotten kicked out of a party? like what's the average?
3. i have no idea where the fuck i am, do you think you can find me if i describe this tree i passed out next to
4. if one more person sends me that fucking "no bitches" meme i am gonna lose my shit
5. ur MOM. lol.
6. text him!
1. It's easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone.
2. If you're going to yell about how I "need to be tamed" you could at least look me in the eye while saying it.
3. My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
4. Apparently lifting your shirt so that everyone can ooooh and aaah over your scars doesn't qualify as a party trick.
5. [Text him!]
2. If you're going to yell about how I "need to be tamed" you could at least look me in the eye while saying it.
3. My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
4. Apparently lifting your shirt so that everyone can ooooh and aaah over your scars doesn't qualify as a party trick.
5. [Text him!]
No, it isn’t. If it was, all of Mondstadt would be familiar with the sight of my breasts by now.
[ Should we bet on who has more scars? ]
[ Should we bet on who has more scars? ]
for all we know they have some kind of vampire type in the ancient Teyvat lore lol
uncrownedaybreak
- 2026-02-13 08:28 (UTC) - Expanda. If you don't want to know, don't ask me the question.
I'm not gonna sugar coat it.
b. These noodles might be the best I've ever made.
And I'm not sharing, so don't ask.
c. Do you remember where the needle and thread went?
I think I need to stitch something up.
d. Obviously I could bench press you.
Don't be stupid.
I'm not gonna sugar coat it.
b. These noodles might be the best I've ever made.
And I'm not sharing, so don't ask.
c. Do you remember where the needle and thread went?
I think I need to stitch something up.
d. Obviously I could bench press you.
Don't be stupid.
It's okay. I've put it off long enough, but I think I'm finally ready to face reality.
So please, tell me the truth.
In your opinion
Is my forehead really THAT big?
So please, tell me the truth.
In your opinion
Is my forehead really THAT big?
01. one of the sound guys for the band told me i'd make a great valentines gift for his girlfriend
02. They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again
03. Black lace...the rest is up to your imagination
04. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome.
05. there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over my mouth
02. They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again
03. Black lace...the rest is up to your imagination
04. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome.
05. there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over my mouth
1: i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
2: I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
3: All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
4: Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
5: Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
2: I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
3: All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
4: Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
5: Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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