parrygripp (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
parrygripp) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2026-02-06 12:16 pm
parrygripp) wrote in bakerstreet2026-02-06 12:16 pm
- 1. Wake up, it's pancake time.
2. I won't ask you to forgive me but I'll pay for your emergency room visit.
3. Glitter everywhere. Karaoke was a mistake.
4. I'm not putting my trust in Jesus!! I'm putting my trust in YOU!!!!
5. ( text him! )
That could be a fatal error on both parts for different reasons.
1. What kind of morning-after breakfast says "thanks for the sex but I'm not going to text you again?" Eggs? Toast?
2. The only emotions I have are sarcasm, Catholic guilt and bitterness.
3. So you do realize your previous text constitutes admitting to a federal crime, right?
4. Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
5. I spent the day drinking boxed wine and meditating. I'm zen as hell.
2. The only emotions I have are sarcasm, Catholic guilt and bitterness.
3. So you do realize your previous text constitutes admitting to a federal crime, right?
4. Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
5. I spent the day drinking boxed wine and meditating. I'm zen as hell.
Whatever Alfred feeds them, without me present. After I've sent them to a guest room to shower.
1: Not sure yet if it's an arson, murder or jaywalking sort of day.
2: Yes. There are many ways to solve a problem. Violence just happens to be the most satisfying.
3: It's too early for this kind of shit.
4: At the jail house currently. No, I wasn't arrested.
5: Of course it's a bad idea. You thought of it.
6: Bring your own!
2: Yes. There are many ways to solve a problem. Violence just happens to be the most satisfying.
3: It's too early for this kind of shit.
4: At the jail house currently. No, I wasn't arrested.
5: Of course it's a bad idea. You thought of it.
6: Bring your own!
1. hey. we’re friends, right??
2. can you pick me up please i am wasted and also i dont have a car
3. why the fuck am i old enough to join the army but too young to drink. that’s bullshit
4. if i was in jail would you bail me out
5. hot guy shirtless pics reference
fuck that was supposed to be a search
i mean
hi this is gary my phone’s been hacked disregard that
6. text him
2. can you pick me up please i am wasted and also i dont have a car
3. why the fuck am i old enough to join the army but too young to drink. that’s bullshit
4. if i was in jail would you bail me out
5. hot guy shirtless pics reference
fuck that was supposed to be a search
i mean
hi this is gary my phone’s been hacked disregard that
6. text him
A. I'm really sorry about the fire! I was too messed up to do science :( Looks like it really WAS a concussion! :o
B. That gang calls themselves the foursome.. so they're probably into that? :? Good news for lonely singles, I guess!
C. He's a sexting virgin! I went TOUCH YOURSELF DO IT!! Then he asked why I was yelling at him?
D. That's not a problem! I don't have a gag reflex :)
E. [text her!]
B. That gang calls themselves the foursome.. so they're probably into that? :? Good news for lonely singles, I guess!
C. He's a sexting virgin! I went TOUCH YOURSELF DO IT!! Then he asked why I was yelling at him?
D. That's not a problem! I don't have a gag reflex :)
E. [text her!]
001. that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
002. once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
003. do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
004. I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
005. just got off the L to throw up and got back on like it was nothing
1.) Do you think a sham wow would clean up cum better than a regular towel? Or worse?
2.) idk where I am, but its a goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
3.) Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
4.) Why the fuck are people on TikTok talking about using toner pads on their assholes??
5.) Text this mess
2.) idk where I am, but its a goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
3.) Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
4.) Why the fuck are people on TikTok talking about using toner pads on their assholes??
5.) Text this mess
01. Say, if I just took off out into the desert, how far do you think I'd get? I'm taking bets.
02. I think I need at least five more shots to process what happened last night.
03. Complain about my playing all you want. It's the only thing that brings me even a semblance of joy.
04. If I skip out on the next meeting, what are the chances anyone even notices?
05. Text him!
02. I think I need at least five more shots to process what happened last night.
03. Complain about my playing all you want. It's the only thing that brings me even a semblance of joy.
04. If I skip out on the next meeting, what are the chances anyone even notices?
05. Text him!
1. Permit me to offer my wisdom. Ensure when entering the untested waters of a relationship that you are courting the right person. You hardly want to look like a fool.
2. You take the idea of "getting legless" to a whole new dimension. Must you regard it as a talent?
3. I realise there is much you can blame me for. But failing to dodge Francois is not one of those.
4. If I fall off this Gestral Tower one more time, I swear I'm going to set the entire beach on fire.
5. My children refuse to acknowledge the melody of an accordion. My son calls it gauche, my youngest daughter thinks I must be deaf, and my eldest claims it's an instrument for poor people. Only my wife appreciates me.
6. On occasion she requests I wear the baguette outfit when we retire to our bedroom.
2. You take the idea of "getting legless" to a whole new dimension. Must you regard it as a talent?
3. I realise there is much you can blame me for. But failing to dodge Francois is not one of those.
4. If I fall off this Gestral Tower one more time, I swear I'm going to set the entire beach on fire.
5. My children refuse to acknowledge the melody of an accordion. My son calls it gauche, my youngest daughter thinks I must be deaf, and my eldest claims it's an instrument for poor people. Only my wife appreciates me.
6. On occasion she requests I wear the baguette outfit when we retire to our bedroom.
Edited 2026-02-06 17:30 (UTC)
You failed to dodge a rock? Should Gustave have thrown one at you instead of the Paintress?
1.) Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having obnoxiously loud sex next door.
2.) Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day.
3.) You say 'impossible', I say 'challenge accepted'.
4.) My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that any of the contestants are in real danger.
5.) What drew you in, exactly? Or did you mistake my awkward, anxiety-ridden rambling as something more charming?
6.) Text him or ask for a riddle.
2.) Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day.
3.) You say 'impossible', I say 'challenge accepted'.
4.) My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that any of the contestants are in real danger.
5.) What drew you in, exactly? Or did you mistake my awkward, anxiety-ridden rambling as something more charming?
6.) Text him or ask for a riddle.
You make a good point.
I'll add it to my list of "reasons to" for that category.
I'll add it to my list of "reasons to" for that category.
Edited 2026-02-06 17:53 (UTC)
1. Everyone heard. Sound carries in this place.
2. I've been having a rough day for about 20 years now, but please continue.
3. You can't just say "sorry" for flirting with my old man!
4. You worry about my feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making me mad.
5. My squad is making bets on your personal life.
6. [Text him!]
2. I've been having a rough day for about 20 years now, but please continue.
3. You can't just say "sorry" for flirting with my old man!
4. You worry about my feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making me mad.
5. My squad is making bets on your personal life.
6. [Text him!]
A. stop being sexy & help me get the blood out of my hair
B. i gave him a handjob and he never talked to me again. pe teachers are so fucking sensitive
C. would looooooove to get through a day without having to listen to ur fake british accent!!!
D. u almost died yesterday and ur mad about second hand smoke?
E. [text her!]
B. i gave him a handjob and he never talked to me again. pe teachers are so fucking sensitive
C. would looooooove to get through a day without having to listen to ur fake british accent!!!
D. u almost died yesterday and ur mad about second hand smoke?
E. [text her!]
[ 001 ] Why am I getting blamed for the arrow stuck in the ceiling? I know better than to shoot my shot indoors.
[ 002 ] Last night was a whirlwind of whisky induced emotion.
[ 003 ] Having a hard time existing right now.
[ 004 ] Soup would be nice, and would make me feel better, yes. Are you offering?
[ 005 ] Maker preserve me, I don't think I have the patience for this.
[ etc ] ota. info&prefs
1. So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
2. Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
3. Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from strangers. They're more reliable.
4. I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
5. We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
2. Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
3. Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from strangers. They're more reliable.
4. I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
5. We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
1. Hypothetically how can a person tell the difference between just liking sex and being addicted to sex
2. Is a size queen specifically about dicks or overall body size? What about if it's both? Is that a size king?
3. Are you busy? I've never sent a booty call text before... is this good??
4. I think I have a kink for sad guys
[ Text him ]
2. Is a size queen specifically about dicks or overall body size? What about if it's both? Is that a size king?
3. Are you busy? I've never sent a booty call text before... is this good??
4. I think I have a kink for sad guys
[ Text him ]
I think it's specifically about dicks, if you want an overall huge person I think that's a giant fetish or something.
[ 001 ] I just think I should be allowed to bite back.
[ 002 ]You bounced a coin off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. You deserved it.
[ 003 ] I am not full of rubbish! ...You're full of rubbish. Doesn't feel so good, does it?
[ 004 ] No, I shan't apologize when she started it.
[ 005 ] I'm not a very educated person. I just do things and they work out in my favour.
[ etc ] ota. info&prefs
Who says you aren't? Go ahead and bite away. I won't stop you.
( stressed/exhausted af rn but need an outlet; sorry for any slowness )
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
1.
he said something about making it rain and the next thing I knew the fire alarm and sprinklers were both going off2.
well we can't all be cute and ward things off at the same time like a pangolin, so I'll just stick with the latter3.
when I said I need more ammunition, I didn't mean order twenty pounds of paintballs4.
why's it called a silver lining anyway? don't people usually prefer gold over silver???5.
people that say not to bring a knife to a gun fight just have skill issues1. Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
2. I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
3. CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
4. Good news my life of crime finally paid off
5. It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
2. I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
3. CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
4. Good news my life of crime finally paid off
5. It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
1. you can trust me. i'm unemployed
2. i actually just want to get famous enough to duet with a muppet and then i’ll quit
3. yeah but then i feel like it's worth it?? like dude you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a goddamn otter pop
4. i don’t care if my dad is disappointed in me. i’m not particularly impressed by him either
5. text him
2. i actually just want to get famous enough to duet with a muppet and then i’ll quit
3. yeah but then i feel like it's worth it?? like dude you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a goddamn otter pop
4. i don’t care if my dad is disappointed in me. i’m not particularly impressed by him either
5. text him
1. cmon you kno how watching friday 13th gets me goin
just one boob???
2. changed my instant messenger status to horny
3. hold on got blood on my mom's good rugg
ahe s gonna killme
4. you know what's better than one hot chick?
two hot chicks
5. you cant fuck teachers
there not even people
1. Fuuuuuuck head head is splitting. This hangover feels personal.
2. Why are you gettin' mad? At no point did anyone stop me and that feels like a them problem.
3. Would it be any better if I said I didn't start it? I was merely actin'out of self defense.
4. Woah, woah, woah! I ain't lost! I.... just don't know where I am. Or how I got here.
5. I know it’s late but... I can't stop thinkin' about you.
6. Is tellin' someone you can be their "trophy wife" the same as proposing?
7. Text him!
2. Why are you gettin' mad? At no point did anyone stop me and that feels like a them problem.
3. Would it be any better if I said I didn't start it? I was merely actin'out of self defense.
4. Woah, woah, woah! I ain't lost! I.... just don't know where I am. Or how I got here.
5. I know it’s late but... I can't stop thinkin' about you.
6. Is tellin' someone you can be their "trophy wife" the same as proposing?
7. Text him!
Same here.
I don't care how late it is. I like hearing from you.
I don't care how late it is. I like hearing from you.
01. I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
02. Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
03. Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
04. I love having boyfriends. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I haven't washed my hair properly in a week, and I'm still going to get laid tonight.
05. If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for having sex too loud we're breaking up
02. Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
03. Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
04. I love having boyfriends. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I haven't washed my hair properly in a week, and I'm still going to get laid tonight.
05. If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for having sex too loud we're breaking up
1. I thought my sex drive was gone, but let me tell you, it is back with a vengeance.
2. I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store.
3. Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day.
4. Oh damn it. Let me get a drink. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
5. Text him!
2. I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store.
3. Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day.
4. Oh damn it. Let me get a drink. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
5. Text him!
1. I just need some of your time and all of your body.
2. Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
3. This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
4. You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
5. I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
2. Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
3. This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
4. You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
5. I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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