bakerstreet | A snowball's chance

A snowball's chance

IS LOVE LIKELY?

Hold up a mirror. Look into it. Really stare at it, taking in every detail, every curve of your face.

Because we're about to do some self-reflection, gang.

HOW TO PLAY
✱ Comment with all the regs.
✱ Instead of topping and dropping, however, you're character is about to (probably traumadump and) dissect the the following topic with the scalpel of honesty: how likely is it that they'll find lifelong happiness with The One.
✱ Be real.
✱ Be really real.
✱ Don't worry, you're among friends. We'll tell anyone if they're actually Unlovable.

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Me? Please. I’m a water monster with a taste of mischievous or dangerous stunts. I’ll take small flings here and there unless someone really wants me and can accept that.

Maa... "life long"? Whose life? It seems like any positive answer would either be very self-centered, or involve a suicide pact.

[Why self-reflect when you can dispute the basis of the question?]

Besides, I'm not sure exactly what "The One" is supposed to mean. I guess some people find it romantic, but I'm really not sure why... to me, it sounds like some kind of prescriptive destiny that ignores what really makes someone special. The same things that make them precious means others can be, too.

[ Possible content warning for discussion of sex work. ]

I don't think I've ever been cut out for "the one." There was work, and then ... in my current line of work I don't think looking for "the one" is really in the cards.

I'd argue the opposite. The One is supposed to be the right one for you, aye? That means that whoever it is will need to be accepting of what you choose to do with your life. How you got to be where you are. I'd argue that your work allows you to vet more individuals to find one to your taste more than others. You already know off the bat if you're compatible in the bedroom, and that can be something that's found out far too late in mundane relationships. By then, so many feel they've invested too much time to let that be the reason they part.

[Rowan was never uncomfortable discussing sex work, or most work, really. Part of it was definitely because of his profession, but the other part was because of what he was. Not that she was aware of that...]

Perhaps you'll find them. Perhaps not. But that one, lovely? I believe it will be worth trying to keep when you do find them, if that happens for you. And I hope it does.

[ Bella didn't quite look at him as he spoke, her eyes soft and unfocused -- listening, but a little distant. After a few moments, though, her gaze moved to him; she watched him, considering. ]

Not that the bedroom isn't important to me, [ she said, slowly, ] but looking for love is ... I think it's almost antithetical to the job. People hire me because they want something specific, something contained. Even when that thing is the girlfriend experience.

[ It felt odd to articulate this to a client. Self-defeating, in a way. Like explaining a magic trick and then expecting the audience to still believe that the woman was sawn in half, the knots were all real, and the deck wasn't stacked. ]

They want something they can pick up and put away afterwards. And I don't mind that, I get it. It just doesn't lend itself to ... I don't know. Long-term intimacy.

My dove- [He reached over and picked her up from where she'd been sitting beside him, too easily perhaps, and settled her on his lap. He lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles, letting her hide her face if she wanted, but the need to touch and soothe had risen up when he'd noticed her discomfort.] -there are foul creatures out there. Foul and cruel and wicked. Ones who fully accept that and enjoy doing what they do. And some of them have found their One. Their person who either looks the other way, excuses it as necessary, or is just as wicked as they are. That's the purpose of someone being your other half.

[He kept dropping little kisses on her knuckles, brushing her hand against his face as he let his other hand pet against her back.]

I don't know all there is to know about you, love. I'm not asking you to share what you don't want to. We all have secrets that are ours to spill or keep to ourselves. But whatever you think of yourself, if you feel you're not worthy of it, or that your wants don't matter in the finding of your mate... you're very wrong. I know darkness. True darkness. I've seen it many, many times.

[In the actions of humans against humans. Or those they felt were weaker and stupid or deserving of enslavement. Of pain. Of torture. He'd been a medic across centuries; in wars, encampments, cobbled together lean-tos while voices screamed themselves raw as their septic limbs were removed. And all of that wasn't even taking into account his own kind and the evils some of them brought to everything they touched. No, this one might have a whiff of blood and darkness about her, but it was a neutral thing. He kissed her hand and looked up at her.]

The ones who want that aren't the ones for you, my love. They can find their pets to play with and pay for if that's what they want. Perhaps you want someone who is willing to share you. Perhaps your 'One' was made into two? Either way, Bella, you're not unlovable because of what you do. Or what you've done. I hope you believe that.

[ As ever, Rowan's strength caught her a little off guard. She moved with him, though, settling into his lap and the steady loop of his arms, resting her forehead against his temple.

A mulish part of her wanted to stop him, to take her hand back and brush away the conversation. The thought of some of those true monsters finding their one, who would ignore or enable or encourage, scraped uncomfortably, a reef against the hull of her own history. Hadn't she been ignoring the truth of Tommy Menon, after all? Compartmentalizing the crimes he committed and lives he ended, because they hated the same man, and because the sex was good, and because he listened when she talked? Wasn't that being a little bit in love?

Did that make her unworthy of love? No. No, she'd never thought that. ]

I do believe that, [ she murmured. ] I don't think I'm the problem. I mean -- what I do isn't the problem. [ She let out a wry huff of laughter, breath cool against his cheek. ] I like my job. Maybe more than my old job, even. It's a lot simpler in some ways. And I get to meet people like you, alongside all the real bastards. I get to be good at something. I get to have some really incredible sex.

I just ... I don't know if I can love somebody else the way they'd deserve. There are always going to be other things that come first, for me.

[ The thought, to her surprise, made her eyes sting for a moment. She shut them and laughed again, at herself, at the stupid world, and leaned into Rowan's arms a little more. ]

Did you ever read Don Quixote?

Darling, you'll love your one the way they're meant to be loved. Not all true love is some... burning romantic trope that's all flowers and stars and giddy nausea. That's Hollywood poisoning expectations, much like porn does for lovers.

[He could smell the salt of tears, but she didn't let any fall, and he welcomed her leaning into his embrace. So hard to be a woman in this world. So hard to live up to veritably impossible standards that had been imagined by some fool in the first place. He had no idea what standards she'd set for herself in her own mind, but they had to be legion for her to feel them so insurmountable.

Her question got a surprised chuff.]

"The truth may be stretched thin, but it never breaks, and it always surfaces above lies, as oil floats on water." It's one of my favorite quotes.

[For a reasons. The closest that he could come to thinking that a human mind had seen the truth of what his kind were and had issued a warning for it.]

[ She hummed softly, appreciative, and nodded. ]

I like tilting at windmills too much to settle down with Dulcinea. But then, she doesn't exist, so I guess that isn't too much of a disappointment for either of us.

What about you? Think you'll find your one?

[He pet his hands gently over her, touching to comfort himself and her. The question was expected, and he smiled as he thought about it.]

I hope. I don't live isolated, keeping myself pure for this imagined creature. I love those who let me love them, who enjoy me as much as I enjoy them, but I hope that somewhere out there, my other half exists.

[They could be born already, or he may have to wait another hundred years. Or three. Which is what made being alone through it a fool's task. He loved humanity too much to keep himself from immersing in them. In loving where he could. But love...]

Love is a word that gets misused. Love comes in so many forms, so many degrees, to limit it to one specific function, one specific sensation is doing it a disservice. So I hope that I'll find the person that completes me. I hope you do as well. But while we're searching, waiting... I'm pleased that I get to enjoy time with you. To love you, in my way- not the selfish, sweeping possessive way that makes that word so frightening to some.

[ Extended laughter. ]

Oh that is absolutely darling. Love is a scam, didn’t anybody tell you this?

Opportunities I believe have come...and gone.
But while I will live...eternally, I feel another chance may not happen for a long, long time.

Never. That's not something that's in the cards for me.

I mean if I'm able to move past how crippling student loans that live rent free in my head, the endless "am I enough" self-doubt, and the persistent worrying that I might be failing or disappointing someone...

...then yes. Absolutely. Unequivocally. Yes. Statistically speaking I'm not prime material...but if I ever get my shit together...

I better not hear you disparaging yourself, Foggy Nelson! You are absolutely a catch.

Disparagin? I'm doing aggressive self-assessment. Very responsible. Very on-brand for me let's be fair.

It is very on-brand. But I think it's only fair that you list some of your good qualities while you're aggressively self-assessing.

[ His only answer is an angry glare. ]

Lifelong? Oh, that is hilarious because guess what? I'm undead, as in immortal. Lifelong for us is an eternity.

As for "the one?" There's going to be more than one for the simple reason I'll get bored of them eventually.

Edited 2026-01-03 21:24 (UTC)

I've found The One in Jesus Christ, being spiritually married to him. At least, that's the easy answer. A true answer, but the full story is always more complicated. I don't think I'm meant to have a flesh and blood spouse, to find The One here on earth. Part of me thinks my past, though common enough, keeps me from being worthy of a good one, silly as that is. I know I'm not a plucked rose, but it certainly feels that way sometimes. Better to find love in atonement and faith.

I don't know.

[An honest answer. He keeps the specifics to himself, mostly that considering what he was, a fae, and where he chose to live, among humans, it was less likely he'd find his fated mate than he if went back to Underhill. But, maybe he was wrong. There had been other pairings between fae and humans. Other bonds that extended the lives of the mortal tied to an immortal. But he wasn't sure about what he wanted. If he was willing to be that open with a mortal. It rarely went well when he'd done it in the past, even without romance in the picture. Human minds didn't wrap around magic as easily now in a technologically advanced world as they once had before iron had seeped into everything.]

I want to say yes. I grew up thinking that it was what I wanted. What we all did. That somewhere, past or present, there was someone that the Fates had made that was the other half of my tapestry. Together, we make a full soul, a full creation. Each year that passes adds more things that happen that burdens a soul that you'd want to keep away from someone you love.

So I love, but I prefer to love many. To love easily and simply and let them go to find deeper loves that they can lose themselves in. And I am happy for them. And perhaps for myself, because if they find that love, then it wasn't ever me, was it?

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A snowball's chance

“Marie” | OC | OTA

Hiroe Matsudaira / Kuukoku Jinja no Zenko | OC

Isabella O'Rourke | OC | OTA 21+

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this is such a good tag it took me forever to write back jklfdsa

stahp, I'm blushing. (cw: gore)

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Johanna Constantine | The Sandman (Netflix) | only s1 compliant I haven't canon reviewed in ages lfg

Dean Domino | Fallout: New Vegas | ota

The Creature | Del Toro's Frankenstein | OTA20+

Benjamin "Dex" Poindexter | MCU | OTA

Foggy Nelson | Daredevil | Open

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Megatron | TF:Prime (post canon)

Remilia Scarlet (Adult) | Touhou Project | OTA

Rachael|OC

Rowan O'Cleary | OC | OTA