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bakerstreet2025-12-26 10:07 am
socklessghoul) wrote in bakerstreet2025-12-26 10:07 am
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1.You texted me that since I was awake, I could be your designated driver. Guess how many things are wrong with that suggestion.
2. Was I required to send a Christmas card to my situationship?
3. I took my nun mother out for a drink after Christmas Mass. Tis the season, I guess.
4. I chose sleep over random sex for the third time this week. Is this what self care looks like?
5. If you're telling me to reexamine my life choices, you need to know I'd just make them again but in a tighter t-shirt.
2. Was I required to send a Christmas card to my situationship?
3. I took my nun mother out for a drink after Christmas Mass. Tis the season, I guess.
4. I chose sleep over random sex for the third time this week. Is this what self care looks like?
5. If you're telling me to reexamine my life choices, you need to know I'd just make them again but in a tighter t-shirt.
Nah, but if it was a shit holiday for them you might wanna put the ho in ho ho ho to just be a good sport about the season.
one. hahaha wtf are pillow humping vids? i'm a visual learner btw
two. if we ignore all the stuff that's gone wrong i've had nothing but wins
three. i am a girlboss i am a war criminal i am a lunatic . i am clinically insane & the next virgin mary & i am never going to die
four. you may have disappointed god but i for one could not be prouder
five. [ or text him! 20+ for shipping ]
two. if we ignore all the stuff that's gone wrong i've had nothing but wins
three. i am a girlboss i am a war criminal i am a lunatic . i am clinically insane & the next virgin mary & i am never going to die
four. you may have disappointed god but i for one could not be prouder
five. [ or text him! 20+ for shipping ]
1: I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
2: You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
3: Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
4: like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
5: Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
2: You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
3: Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
4: like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
5: Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
1.) I want to give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants because they are hard right now.
2.) I've got thirty text pictures from you last night. Is this a close up of your nipple or something else entirely?
3.) Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
4.) I can't meet you right now, I'm picking glitter off my tweed jacket with tweezers.
5.) Text him or ask for a riddle
2.) I've got thirty text pictures from you last night. Is this a close up of your nipple or something else entirely?
3.) Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
4.) I can't meet you right now, I'm picking glitter off my tweed jacket with tweezers.
5.) Text him or ask for a riddle
Okay but are you laying a trap or are you the victim of a trap? Very different vibes for when I come in through the window.
1. I take it you're not on your way over? Do I need to call an ambulance? Please just let me know you're alive.
2. I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb.
3. Just curious but is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
4. I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
5. It's too early for you to be weird like this.
6. I asked what was on your mind and all you said was "sin."
7. Or bring your own! I've seen all the eps!
2. I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb.
3. Just curious but is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
4. I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
5. It's too early for you to be weird like this.
6. I asked what was on your mind and all you said was "sin."
7. Or bring your own! I've seen all the eps!
1. The alcohol made you overheat so you clung to me called me your "precious ice pack".
2. Sent a man to the hospital after giving his cock frostbite.
3. You asked if I could be taller and "cradle [you] like baby". Apparently adding 6in wasn't enough and you cried.
4. I think I accidentally joined a cult. Please help remedy this.
5. Everyone had fun but me. I was stuck frosting glasses all evening.
6. Please delete the 10 voicemails I had left for you. It was my first time having enough drink to become inebriated and I was rapidly going through many emotional stages.
7. [Wilcard/Bring your own!]
2. Sent a man to the hospital after giving his cock frostbite.
3. You asked if I could be taller and "cradle [you] like baby". Apparently adding 6in wasn't enough and you cried.
4. I think I accidentally joined a cult. Please help remedy this.
5. Everyone had fun but me. I was stuck frosting glasses all evening.
6. Please delete the 10 voicemails I had left for you. It was my first time having enough drink to become inebriated and I was rapidly going through many emotional stages.
7. [Wilcard/Bring your own!]
1. For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
2. Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
3. I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
4. I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
5. He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
2. Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
3. I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
4. I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
5. He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Online is too easy to exploit. A lot have learned that lesson. The truth is much harder to hide. Which isn't always a bad thing, considering who wield it as a weapon.
Edited 2025-12-26 18:26 (UTC)
01. "you're losing blood" no, I know exactly where it is. the floor.
02. I had nothing to do with it this time.
03. Fell off a roof. Just going to lay here for a few minutes and think about my choices.
04. It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
05. Im not drunk ijust have a concussion
06. [Or text/misfire him!]
02. I had nothing to do with it this time.
03. Fell off a roof. Just going to lay here for a few minutes and think about my choices.
04. It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
05. Im not drunk ijust have a concussion
06. [Or text/misfire him!]
And here I thought the clown was in charge of the jokes in Gotham.
1: You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
2: Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind your back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
3: Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
4: Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
5: I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
2: Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind your back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
3: Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
4: Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
5: I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Hey, Clark. It's the holidays. It's not the pants we wear, it's the memorable moments we drop them at along the way that matters.
001. I just rolled a joint with wrapping paper. And you say I have no holiday spirit.
002. The goal for Yule is twelve days of orgasms.
003. Let's start a new holiday tradition. We will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle.
004. It'll be a Yuletide-Fucking-Miracle if we get through mass without a Sibling or a ghoul vomiting.
005. I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for Christmas at 3:28 this morning. We don't even celebrate Christmas.
002. The goal for Yule is twelve days of orgasms.
003. Let's start a new holiday tradition. We will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle.
004. It'll be a Yuletide-Fucking-Miracle if we get through mass without a Sibling or a ghoul vomiting.
005. I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for Christmas at 3:28 this morning. We don't even celebrate Christmas.
Edited 2025-12-26 17:20 (UTC)
Or Secondo. He has looked a little green the last few days, though that may be less to do with the drinking and more to do with the emotional damage Merciful accidentally dealt him by calling him a teddy bear within his hearing.
[ ooc; wol or adventurer/culinarian oc! azem/ancient is also available. ]
01. It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a healer. Trust me.
02. I don't know... I want to do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
03. Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
04. Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
05. [ text her! ]
01. It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a healer. Trust me.
02. I don't know... I want to do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
03. Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
04. Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
05. [ text her! ]
well, no one will tell me, what else am i supposed to do?
it's true that the way to the heart is thru the stomach
violetprelude
- 2025-12-26 21:03 (UTC) - Expand1. His penis is average but his stamina is amazing. I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!
2. Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket.
3. Please don't ironically join a cult!
4. She's 6'2. Of course I went home with her!
5. I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy, but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes...
6. Choose your own/text her first.
2. Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket.
3. Please don't ironically join a cult!
4. She's 6'2. Of course I went home with her!
5. I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy, but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes...
6. Choose your own/text her first.
{ caught up on volume 2, but please mark any spoilers that may slip in for other people! }
1. ever think about how you can literally just disappear into the woods anytime you want??? sounds tempting
2. i don’t think my dad knows enough about me to even identify me on a morgue table so there’s that
3. i drink all this goddamn water and for what? to piss?? this planet is a prison
4. thursday?? no way man. can’t make it. the curse won’t lifted by then
5. text him
1. ever think about how you can literally just disappear into the woods anytime you want??? sounds tempting
2. i don’t think my dad knows enough about me to even identify me on a morgue table so there’s that
3. i drink all this goddamn water and for what? to piss?? this planet is a prison
4. thursday?? no way man. can’t make it. the curse won’t lifted by then
5. text him
1. We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
2. Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you can't eat. You're dead to me.
3. If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
4. The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
[ pls specify s1 or s2! ota castmates and crosscanon 💜 ]
Ugh, I don't even know if I want to fuck him?
I mean I could, he's cute, he's just... not that interesting, I guess
I mean I could, he's cute, he's just... not that interesting, I guess
1: We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
2: I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
3: Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
4: Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
5: I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
2: I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
3: Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
4: Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
5: I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
01. Not sure that should rank on our list of priorities right now.
02. Trust me, I'm very happy to kick that can further down the road.
03.
04. So you've managed to pull your heads out of your asses?
05. [Text her. up to date, please mark spoilers]
02. Trust me, I'm very happy to kick that can further down the road.
03.
(spoiler-adjacent, click to read):
- Anyone else feel like we just got way too much good news all at once? Like I don't WANT to question it and I'm real fucking glad and I missed you and I want to believe it's a good sign but oh boy the paranoia is REAL
04. So you've managed to pull your heads out of your asses?
05. [Text her. up to date, please mark spoilers]
Oh yeah we're fucked. Might as well go out with a bang though.
1. That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
2. WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
3. I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozzarella sticks.
4. At least life still wants to fuck me.
5. I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
2. WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
3. I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozzarella sticks.
4. At least life still wants to fuck me.
5. I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Edited 2025-12-26 17:24 (UTC)
a rather understandable reaction so no need to apologize
though you could try asking before the stabbing next time
though you could try asking before the stabbing next time
1. I can arrive on time or I can arrive not sopping wet. Your choice.
2. Are you on the naughty or nice list? Be real with me.
3. Woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "You fucking asshole" to "I can be there in 10 minutes." What the hell is going on?
4. At the risk of owing Mariah a hundred bucks, all I want for Christmas is you. So stop asking about gifts.
5. I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
6. Thanks for bailing me out. I can't believe hitting one rude person is always such a big deal.
7. The Christmas onesies are on SALE.
2. Are you on the naughty or nice list? Be real with me.
3. Woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "You fucking asshole" to "I can be there in 10 minutes." What the hell is going on?
4. At the risk of owing Mariah a hundred bucks, all I want for Christmas is you. So stop asking about gifts.
5. I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
6. Thanks for bailing me out. I can't believe hitting one rude person is always such a big deal.
7. The Christmas onesies are on SALE.
Yeah, laws are dumb like that. I think everyone should get one get-out-of-jail-free punch a year for those scenarios but no one has enacted my sense of law yet.
1) Got a free coffee at the shop. The manager said I looked like I had ‘day after holiday regret.’ Here I thought it was just a busted lip.
2) It’s a social obligation wrapped up in a threat tied with a holiday invitation card.
3) The couch is a few weeks old now. It was only a matter of time before someone finally bled on it.
4) I’m not saying the gift is suspicious, I’m saying you giving me one is suspicious.
5) Got cookies for helping someone last night. I could drop them by if you need something to get in a festive mood.
6) It’s like everyone decided to fit in a last minute fuck up or crime before the year ends.
7) Message him! Good with misfires, assumed CR, and crosscanon.
2) It’s a social obligation wrapped up in a threat tied with a holiday invitation card.
3) The couch is a few weeks old now. It was only a matter of time before someone finally bled on it.
4) I’m not saying the gift is suspicious, I’m saying you giving me one is suspicious.
5) Got cookies for helping someone last night. I could drop them by if you need something to get in a festive mood.
6) It’s like everyone decided to fit in a last minute fuck up or crime before the year ends.
7) Message him! Good with misfires, assumed CR, and crosscanon.
1) It wouldn’t be the holidays if murder and mayhem weren’t involved.
2) The Christmas sweaters on the dogs. Your doing?
3) Mind picking me up? I’ll swing for breakfast on the way back.
4) Back in town. Want to avoid merry crowds and get takeout with me?
5) I will admit there was something festive about him getting caught tangled up in holiday lights.
6) Text him! Misfires, assumed CR, and crosscanon are welcome.
2) The Christmas sweaters on the dogs. Your doing?
3) Mind picking me up? I’ll swing for breakfast on the way back.
4) Back in town. Want to avoid merry crowds and get takeout with me?
5) I will admit there was something festive about him getting caught tangled up in holiday lights.
6) Text him! Misfires, assumed CR, and crosscanon are welcome.
1: You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
2: if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
3: Heading there now. Already have a boner.
4: I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
5: woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
2: if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
3: Heading there now. Already have a boner.
4: I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
5: woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
1) I can be festive. I even got a present for myself this year.
2) I’m suspicious of anyone who offers me leftovers that many times.
3) It was a working holiday, of course. Crashed a party. Took some presents.
4) If he whines about the cold one more time I’m shoving him off the roof.
5) I appreciate the gift of silence. How did you know it was what I always wanted?
6) Message him! Good with misfires, assumed CR, and crosscanon.
2) I’m suspicious of anyone who offers me leftovers that many times.
3) It was a working holiday, of course. Crashed a party. Took some presents.
4) If he whines about the cold one more time I’m shoving him off the roof.
5) I appreciate the gift of silence. How did you know it was what I always wanted?
6) Message him! Good with misfires, assumed CR, and crosscanon.
1) They said they couldn’t wait to carry things on into the new year. But like. In a creepy, threatening way.
2) Heeeeey, so I was kind of in the middle of a thing when I heard your message but I got ‘aim’ ‘harbor’ ‘feathers’ and ‘pretzel.’ You okay, buddy?
3) Why does every research job I apply for these days feel like the Charlie Brown football kick situation? THIS TIME nobody will turn evil. No really.
4) Got webbed to a rooftop by an alternate universe spider. Help me before I have too many identity crises?
5) I’m gonna start off by saying that I am absolutely fine and everything is perfectly under control.
6) Message him! Misfires, assumed CR, and crosscanon are welcome.
2) Heeeeey, so I was kind of in the middle of a thing when I heard your message but I got ‘aim’ ‘harbor’ ‘feathers’ and ‘pretzel.’ You okay, buddy?
3) Why does every research job I apply for these days feel like the Charlie Brown football kick situation? THIS TIME nobody will turn evil. No really.
4) Got webbed to a rooftop by an alternate universe spider. Help me before I have too many identity crises?
5) I’m gonna start off by saying that I am absolutely fine and everything is perfectly under control.
6) Message him! Misfires, assumed CR, and crosscanon are welcome.
Edited 2025-12-26 17:29 (UTC)
Okay, but I am going to point and laugh at you for at least 30 seconds, as is my right.
01. i woke up at 5am and found myself wrapped in a string of lights that was plugged into the wall.
02. we're using bottles of mead as rolling pins to make yule cookies
03. I'm sorry. We set two of the decorated trees on fire. Also some garland.
04. we should play "let's see how many holiday movies we can watch before we start having sex."
05. Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
02. we're using bottles of mead as rolling pins to make yule cookies
03. I'm sorry. We set two of the decorated trees on fire. Also some garland.
04. we should play "let's see how many holiday movies we can watch before we start having sex."
05. Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That is okay, I budget for holiday-related fire ghoul shenanigans.
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