The Gagged Meme

[wine_sock]

One or both of you is gagged. That's it. That's the meme. It can be silly, serious, or smutty, just as long as one of you can't talk. Bondage, while obviously associated with gags, is completely optional.

• Comment with your character, preferences, and whether they are gagged or the ones doing the gagging. Feel free to specify what kind of gags you do or do not want (duct tape, ballgags, handgags, etc.)
• Reply to others.
• Thread.

 

Comments

[the_other_dellamorte]

"Don't say that." Illario sounds heartbroken, deeply hurt. "I do need you. I need your support."

Grier understands, surely. That the only person he's had on his side was Lucanis and Caterina, poisoned that by pitting them against each other. And then Illario destroyed that relationship for good.

The fear of being alone again, not having Groer, not having a safe harbour to come back to makes his breathing shaky, which he has to fight to overcome, forcing the panic down again.

"Please don't ever say that." He murmurs, "You don't know what it was like. Before I had you. Before we had each other."

It takes a moment, several moments, to master himself, and his hold on Grier is like a man clinging to a life raft.

[costofmagic]

Perhaps having so few tethers himself, Grier gets that. He feels the tremor in Illario's voice just as much as he hears it, holds fast to him with a matching intensity. His lover's victories are just always in his mind meant to be things he can hold on his own. Hard work that he did, that no matter what he could hold onto.

In no way does this mean he considers leaving him to them. Just that if he were gone, they would not be as well.

But it is becoming very clear to him that it was not Illario growing to depend on him that has been the trouble. It is that he now cannot imagine a life without him.

"I love you," he says gently. "I have every faith in you. And I say this not because I am on the way out of your life but because mine is no longer complete without you in it."

[the_other_dellamorte]

What he has done would not vanish away but Illario dounts he woukd have done the things he has in recent months without Grier in the background. Never forcing, never stirring or being anything more than a supporting ear and a sounding board when Illario had no one else to trust - including himself.

He might never have gone to the Wardens. He wouks have talked himself out of a life of service. He wouldn't have found some easier path. But he had Grier, who helped him when he had doubts and celebrated his successes and that, that is something Illario needed.

Just as much as he needs the security of the other man's arms around him and the sensible, musical tones of his voice.

"I know. I know you aren't going anywhere amore. But it was like an ice knife in my chest. I do need you. Otherwise my life is just an existence." He doesn't want to ever endure that again.

"I love you too. I think... I have an understanding of what love means, now."

[costofmagic]

His lips plant a small kiss on his shoulder, the corner of his jaw, his lips as he rests his forehead against his. This is the new life and the world he has chosen. Perhaps not at this very moment, but spurred on by that dream or not it feels significant. The haze of sleep no longer as heavy, allowing him to be fully present.

"Your life is your own," he whispers. "Beautiful and uniquely yours in spite of its pains, and I am honored to continue to share it with you."

[the_other_dellamorte]

The series of kisses calms him, the last leaves a smile on his lips and he tries to follow Grier as he pulls back to speak. He likes the kisses and the connection, the intimacy of it.

"My life is my own, and I want to spend it with you." He says softly, putting his hand on Grier's jaw, cupping his face and stroking along that handsome jaw, his expression full of affection. "I have done for a long time ypu know that. I... being a Grey Warden was so hard, because I was away from you."

[costofmagic]

There is a pragmatic part of him that always wants to argue. Being a Grey Warden is hard because it is. But that tightness in his chest only seemed to grow every time that he had to say goodbye, until it was finally unbearable. And then he could only feel relief when Illario agreed the Veilguard was a better fit for him.

Some of the others were relieved as well, as they were faster to notice than Grier was himself that his mood took a sharp downturn after a visit ended.

"It's better now, even with separate away missions." Perhaps because he always knows they're coming home to each other. And that's what it is.

[the_other_dellamorte]

Of course being a Warden is hard. Illario never thought it would be easy, just easier than waiting to die in Treviso. Being alone and frustrated, trapped in the estate with no hope of ever getting out. He wanted to be free. He wanted to be free on his terms.

He wanted to be with Grier.

"We do not need to be glued together. But having a home with you? Waking up with you? Being yours and you being mine? Its more than I ever thought I couls have. A happiness I never knew existed."

He reaches for Grier's hands, beings them to his lips and kisses them gently.

[costofmagic]

His eyes, lidded, watch him as he starts to relax again, each little kiss sending a small gasp of sensation through him. A smile.

"I feel much the same. I just...missed you, then. Even when I had you with me."

[the_other_dellamorte]

"The dream me?" He clarifies, a little smile tugging at his lips. Grier can be so sweet, charming and romantic even when he has no idea what is how he's being, and he'd probably deny it if Illario mentioned it. "You missed me because we weren't this close? I think I'd miss that too. But perhaps its for the best. I don't think you could handle a dream me and a real me."

Especially as back then, Illario knows how bad he was. He remembers the anxiety and uncertainty that plagued him, grasping at straws because he had so few options left. He would not have made a good partner.

"Do you want to try and sleep some more, or dhould we get up? Coffee, something to eat? Or we can stay right here."

[costofmagic]

Grier is not quite in a state to joke or he might say something off-color about barely having the energy to keep up with one Illario. But the smallest and most fleeting of flushes probably communicates the thought does cross his mind.

He shakes his head to clear it. "I don't think I can go back to sleep."

What if the dream just starts over again?

"But give me a moment. I just want to be here."

[the_other_dellamorte]

He does need to say it, because Illario does not miss that hint of colour, he knows Grier well enough by now to guess at what has gone unsaid, and he chuckles - not even able to pretend to be scandalised.

"I know I can be a little much," He says instead, and lets it go. He doesn't think it's a good idea that anyone has to deal with two of him.

Illario nods, moving the pillows and cushions (of which there are many, this is Illario's nest after all) so that they can be more comfortably propped up. Then he shifts back against the pile, and tucks Grier in at his side, keeping him safe, close, warm.

"So do I, bello moi. Just relax. We're here, and we are safe."

[costofmagic]

There is only so much he can do, Illario. "I like that about you," he admits with a nuzzle.

Grier is quiet for a moment, giving his body more time to relax and then wake up the proper way. Even if a nightmare did not start all over again, there is always the chance it would just mean more time spent at least mentally away. And he is not ready to return to that just yet.

"I have to leave it up to my mind filling in blanks with the answers it has," he murmurs. "But the dream did suggest you might have already been interested even back then. I'm probably fortunate that was the case. At least there."

[the_other_dellamorte]

And what he does is enough.

"If you like it, it cannot be too much of a fault." He replies, but they both know it probably is.

Either way, they settle, Illario’s arm around Grier, fingers toying with the ends of his soft and silken hair.

"If the dream me is the same as me, he was. Not that he knew it so clearly at the time, but he thought about you often. Wondered if somehow you could ever understand the choices he'd made."

[costofmagic]

"If you wanted to tell me." He watches him as he speaks, gaze patient. "I would have still insisted you stop because I am stubborn that way. Anyone can turn from the worst, especially if they seek to. Asking is always an important first step, and Grey Wardens do not take that lightly."

He imagines that is at least one reason why Lucanis has trusted him to do this.

"There have always been parts of you waiting for their chance to grow and flourish, and I'm happy to see that."

[the_other_dellamorte]

"Telling you would not have stopped the feelings, even so." Illario points out, although he smiles a little when Grier says he's stubborn. Like attracts like so often. "And I didn't know that. Asking for anything... It's not how things are done, not in the Crows. You have to be independent. Clearly, that did not work for me."

Because he listened to his own advice, which had been the worst thing to go.

"Like Harding's garden, sometimes these things need the right situation to thrive."

[costofmagic]

"Don't doubt I like you as you are now," he murmurs.

He rests his head against his chest, hearing the beat of his heart and at peace.

"There's much to admire in a person who can look at something wrong they have done and still choose to be better. You are a better man because of it and that is the man I fell in love with."

[the_other_dellamorte]

"I don't doubt it. If you didn't like me, I wouldn't be here."

He likes the way Grier settles against him, feels the warmth of him as a reassuring weight, a reminder of all the good things that have come to pass.

"You are far too romantic." Illario murmurs, "I'm lucky you and Lucanis saw that in me. I know I did the work - but I had the chance because of you."

[costofmagic]

"Or the opposite, really." Because he wouldn't force anyone to be here that didn't want to be, themselves.

Grier isn't sure that was necessarily meant with romance in mind. But it's something that Illario feels and he can give him that.

"All you had to do was ask. There will always be someone waiting to listen."

[the_other_dellamorte]

"Perhaps. I can't fault the Lighthouse as a safe haven. But if we weren't so close, I doubt I'd feel quite so at home," He pauses, considering his last words then, and smiling slightly at the thought. The Lighthouse has become home, or rather, the space he shares with Grier has become home.

Illario isn't sure he believes that there would always be someone ready to listen. He could, possibly, talk to Lucanis. Depending on what it was. He could probably talk to Professor Volkarin. But as for the rest... he wouldn't press that. There's still a long way for him to go before he's comfortable in considering the rest of them friends, never mind confidants.

"I prefer talking to you. I think... you understand, more than they do."

[costofmagic]

Solas still keeps his distance for similar reasons. Remaining near and having a place to go to ground -- hopefully because what Grier said had some bearing. He doubts the man was much of a social butterfly to begin with, appearing when he needs to be around people, engaging with the ones that want to, but generally remaining scarce save to those that know how to look for him.

It's a safe way to live, while recovering from yourself.

So Grier does not mind being that for Illario, nor does his cousin or the few that do tentatively reach out. Sometime still tentative (save for people like Neve who is never tentative about anything). It would be more suspicious if they weren't slow to warm up.

"I try," he says with a smile.

[the_other_dellamorte]

"And I'm grateful you do." Illario murmurs. Truthfully, after the events in the Grand Necropolis, he's found himself less inclined to share certain things with the others, because while they accept Lucanis and Spite, whatever got its claws into Illario... well. It's not something he wants the mages to really pick up on.

He does not really want to be compared with Solas, not because the comparison is unflattering for Illario, but because it is the other way around. Solas tried to help his people, made a mistake, and tried to fix it himself. Badly, blindly but all the same. Illario tried to kill his own people for his own power.

It's really not the same.

[costofmagic]

It's only difficult now not to make comparisons because they are all technically living in a space that was very much his. Both sides feel equally awkward, them with the knowledge that they have just been staying here and him at even the idea of chasing anyone out. It's an odd coexistence.

"If we did not live here, where would you see things, for us?"

Just a daydream. No harm in fantasizing.

[the_other_dellamorte]

Illario pauses, trying to think of a future outside of the Lighthouse. He does consider this home the little music room where their collective belongings have migrated is like a little haven, a place he always gravitates to when he needs some peace.

But should they move away? Should they have to give up the Lighthouse, where would they go?

"Somewhere quiet. With a library. Big wardrobes." Illario says, leaning in to Grier and talking quietly softly, dreamily. "Windows. A view of something green and alive and real. What would you want?"

[costofmagic]

A satisfied hum at that description. Grier shuts his eyes.

"You touch on most of the important things, I think."

Probably for the best he doesn't let himself become a complete hermit, but with some comfortable distance from other people, not in the very center of a bustling city.

Nature.

Books.

Creature comforts.

"Room to work." But the word work is said differently. Not like the tasks in front of them now. Not the pressing, the world-deciding. Rather the quiet kind. The meditative. Creative, even.

[the_other_dellamorte]

"A sewing room?" Illario asks, because when Grier says work, Illario hears hobbies. He may well be wrong in this but he thinks that would suit them too. Grier had talent when it comes to clothes and while Illario can't match that, he could learn a lot from watching Grier.

Somewhere that isn't too far away from civilisation, maybe on the outskirts of a quiet town, somewhere supplies aren't difficult to get, where Illario can start to be social again, build some friendships. Pet some cats.

"It sounds like paradise."