Relationship help

[meme_maid]

the RELATIONSHIP ADVICE meme RULES ○ In the subject line, pithily summarize any issues your character may have in their relationship/with their canon love interest/ship partner/love life. Surely there's some trouble in paradise? ○ Others will give advice on how to be luckier in love, whether to pursue someone or not...or maybe, just maybe, if it's time to call it quits with someone (DTMFA).

Comments

Thunderbolts* spoilers

[goldenpa]

Um, hi, Ms. Belova? Sorry to bother you. Valentina sent me to talk to you about-

Well, you see... as you are now in a "front facing" position, it's been determined that you need to be more... relatable to the public. So, as part of the New Avengers PR, w-we've decided that the best way to achieve that is to, um, pair you with someone.

[ohios]

[ yelena doesn't stop what she's doing for this--which is, as it turns out, cleaning her gun with kitchen tools in the new avengers tower. ]

What, like a partner? How is this different than team?

[goldenpa]

[A tablet was hugged to Mel's chest as she glanced nervously at the gun.]

Yes! Like a partner.

A team is multiple people and while that's perfectly fine for some, it doesn't present the image we're looking for. Two is better! You and a partner. A, um, romantic partner.

And since you don't have one... Valentina assigned me the task of, ah... finding you one. The right one.

[ohios]

Romance. [ she locks the slide on, then sets it down on the counter, folding her arms. ] Tell Valentina that if she is so worried about who is having sex with who, she can go fuck herself.

[goldenpa]

No, no, no, you misunderstand! It's not about having sex but the perception of it. Society, ah, likes it when they see public figures involved with someone. It... it...

[She glanced down at her tablet.]

It makes them personable. Relatable. People can't identiny with a... a... w-wetworks specialist- But! But they can identify with an... an att- a woman in a relationship just like everyone else.

It doesn't have to be real! Just... seem real.

[ohios]

[ great. a fake relationship to go with her fake family. more memories of things she can never have for real, but has been forced to perform for other people. while she'd never shown much good humor, the ease drains out of her as she says, abruptly: ] Get out.

[goldenpa]

[Mel straightened up, clutching the tablet to her chest again. She stood there for a moment before she glanced at the gun again.]

Okay, I'll just tell- Okay.

[She abruptly turned and began to walk toward the exit. She got halfway there before stopping. A deep breath to calm her racing nerves and she turned back.]

I can't do that. I need to do my job. And this is a stupid thing she wants, but she wants it. So you... [Another step closer, clutching the tablet tight to keep her hands from shaking.] You need to listen to my presentation!

...then I'll go tell her what you told me to- not in those words but... yeah.

[ohios]

[ she narrows her gaze, looking somewhere between affronted and befuddled. ]

You have a presentation?

[goldenpa]

[Defensive:] I'm very good at my job.

[ohios]

[ she rubs her hands over her face, sighs, then drops her hands to her sides. ]

Fine. Give me your presentation.

[goldenpa]

[Mel waited a moment to make sure Yelena wasn't going to grab her before turning her attention to the tablet, accessing a few documents and tabs in her browser. She cleared her throat.]

In order to find out what kind of partner would be best suited for the public image we're trying to build, that the New Avengers are the more... in-touch hero group what with Captain America trying to-

Valentina doesn't think the, um, sanitized image of the past - pre Sokovia Accords [Added on hastily and a bit nervously] will work for you... all. So the research with the, um, focus groups didn't involve looking for some All-American person and create that outdated and old fashioned white picket fence American dream.

It was too unrealistic given your orig- your background.

[ohios]

[ dead eyes stare. ]

You decided it was too unrealistic that I should be functional, happy person.

[goldenpa]

[Mel huffed and set the tablet down on the table, making herself meet that unnerving stare.]

Look at your team. None of you are happy, functional people.

[ohios]

Are you suggesting I date my team?

[goldenpa]

We did look outside at other hero types. Unfortunately, our files on Spiderman are corrupted. PR had some good dual spider stuff but that's out.

The focus group tested highest on you and Barton's protégé, Bishop, but she's refused all requests for a meeting. So that leaves...

[She picked the tablet back up, opening a chart.]

Your team. It's not an unheard of situation. It was widely speculated that Nat- that your sister was involved with a teammate.

[ohios]

Kate Bishop is a child. I am not my sister. [ she takes the gun off the table and puts it into the holster on her vest. ] And I am not dating anyone because Valentina thinks it's a good idea. She thought the Sentry program was a good idea. She has terrible judgment. Terrible.

[goldenpa]

She's of legal American drinking age. [So not a child.] But noted.

[Picking the fun back up makes Mel nervous again, but she pushes forward nonetheless.]

I wouldn't say her judgement is terrible, just she tends to overlook some things. Arguably the Sentry program was a good one, just not the way it was executed. And none of this exists without her.

Look, I get it. Dating is hard, but since you don't have your own prospects, we have to manufacture them for you. The focus group was very favorable on you being involved with someone. It'll be good for the team.