bakerstreet

1. He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
2. I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the SWORD way
3. please don't ironically join a cult
4. There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work at night. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
5. Text her!

[ The typing bubble comes and goes for about five minutes. Clearly a lot of thoughts on that. Eventually- ]

🤨

[ That seems to capture them all at once. ]

[ Darcy's response comes hours later after she's sobered up from some rest, greasy diner food, and a long, hot shower where she had to sit with the fact that she did in fact send that text. ]

Look, whatever I say to try to make that sound better will probably just dig me into a deeper hole.

And I wish I could give some solid context, but I was a drinking game worth of shots in when I sent that.

To be fair, it does sound like something that would come out of a SWORD hosted conference???

[ Smooth, Darcy. ]

[ J'onn isn't waiting with bated breath, but does smile when he sees the response. He's picking up spare shifts on monitor duty, up there in space, keeping an eye on Earth down below. He can spare some time for his favourite thing- dry humour. ]

A shame. It was one of your more sensible statements.

[ Darcy takes a few moments to respond. Partially because she choked slightly on her cold brew and partially because she's trying to figure out a proper response. ]

Really????

[Here comes one of the said aliens.]

Uh-huh, Dr. Lewis. That's a... goal.

That is certainly a goal.

In my defense, the first aliens I ever met were Asgardians and that turned out pretty OK??

[ keep digging, Darcy, you might hit the earth's mantle eventually. ]

Ah, well, they are pretty attractive. My sister had to practically drag me away from the console because I was staring at Thor's file picture for too long. 😅

But not all of us are humanoid, and we cannot all shapeshift into humanoid form.

You probably knew that, though, SWORD and all.

Honey
Sweetie
Darling
I don't want you to get your hopes up
An alien isn't going to fuck any of us, they're into shit humans can't even dream of
They ✨ freaky 🌈, man

Edited 2025-05-23 15:30 (UTC)

You say that, but I shared a bedroom wall with Jane and Thor and he's an alien so. I've heard things, dude.

Okay, you can't just say that and not tell me more.

He's like, my hall pass, man. If I run into him on the streets, I'm gonna fuck around (get fucked) and find out (with my ass).

So you know how hot he is on the news? Honestly, even hotter in person. Abs you could grate a block of cheese off of. And he's just really chill and fun to hang out with on top of that???

Also he got our friend Erik absolutely drunk as a bonding exercise.

[ Aaaand she's just going to very casually not mention the fact that he dated one of her best friends and how much the revolving door of "Thor's here! And gone! And back! To space!" sucked. ]

That's not fair. All that and he's for the girls?

Love that for them but not for me.

I mean, dude's a 1000+ year old alien god. Idk if gender's a big dealbreaker for him??? Like, I haven't seen evidence otherwise, but also...there's potential, that's all I'm saying.

That old? I probably need daddy issues to go through with it. Grandfather issues?

Ancestor issues?

tfln

Darcy Lewis | MCU

2

no subject

no subject

no subject

2

no subject

no subject

2, because Darcy needs a no nonsense sassy gay best friend

oh man, yes

I misread it without the word wall and was like "the ot3 I never knew I needed???"

I mean I have 100% read that fanfic before soooo

Going to have to go to ao3 immediately

ao3 really is out here doing the hard work for us

how did we survive in the pre-ao3 dark ages tbh