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trashtalker) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2025-05-22 09:00 pm
trashtalker) wrote in bakerstreet2025-05-22 09:00 pm
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it’s between the University district and the Barrel. And it has these old stained glass windows
i. While I did wear this gown for you, you have to stop staring at my tits. I can't concentrate.
ii. You came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress.' You were naked, of course.
iii. Oh, please. Everyone knows that a betrothal is just a formalised suggestion, at best.
iv. You told everyone that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the table.
v. He told me that he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
vi. Or text her!
She's tiny and black and has a little tuft of fur missing on her tail. I found her eating from the garbage bin when I was taking the trash down.
I haven't named her yet.
I haven't named her yet.
I didn’t mean “bees” literally…
Anyways, yeah no. I’m not discussing this with you until Meryl tells you what “birds and the bees” are.
Or rather in my case, 🐝 and 🐝
Anyways, yeah no. I’m not discussing this with you until Meryl tells you what “birds and the bees” are.
Or rather in my case, 🐝 and 🐝
Cause you have a wrap sheet longer than my light bill?
Let me put it a better way. Sometimes what we think feels like home is bad for us and the people we care about so it's good for everyone, including ourselves, to pack up a metaphorical and emotional moving truck. Been there.
...
I'm not falling for that. I asked her what a twink was last week and she didn't speak to me for three days. THREE DAYS. It was the worst.
I'm not falling for that. I asked her what a twink was last week and she didn't speak to me for three days. THREE DAYS. It was the worst.
1. My neighbors two floors down have the most obnoxious sex sounds I've ever heard. Either that or one of them is a dolphin.
2. Men will leap across rooftops and punch strangers in the face while wearing an uncomfortable suit all to avoid therapy.
3. I'm going to reach hitherto unheard of levels of drunk tonight.
4. If I didn't have terrible taste in sexual partners, I'd have no taste at all.
5. Why is your coat in my microwave?
6. [text him]
2. Men will leap across rooftops and punch strangers in the face while wearing an uncomfortable suit all to avoid therapy.
3. I'm going to reach hitherto unheard of levels of drunk tonight.
4. If I didn't have terrible taste in sexual partners, I'd have no taste at all.
5. Why is your coat in my microwave?
6. [text him]
Bold words from someone behind on score with his own brother, last I heard.
YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT A TWINK IS DESPITE BEING ONE?!
1. You called me from inside your apartment nearly in tears, because you said you locked yourself in.
2. There's a sword in the ceiling and the couch is on fire. Please explain. I promise I'm not mad.
3. They started throwing things at you because you started singing along with the karaoke machine. Badly. I don't think some of those were drinks, by the way.
4. Can you come get your friend? They're power-dancing in the fountain, scaring the ducks.
5. Did you have a bad night? There are angry googly eye stickies on everything. Even the ceiling.
6. In case you're wondering, the police brought you back drunk and singing something incoherent. You then said "I wuv you Mr. Fuzzy" and asked for a piggy back ride before you threw up and passed out.
7. I don't know what happened last night, but the kitchen looks like all of the condiments exploded everywhere. It's like you fought the refrigerator and lost. .... please don't tell me that that is what happened...
8. [ Wildcard option! Misfires loved, or just Text her! cross canon/medium welcome]
All the animals. You know I'm getting a dog, right?
Edited 2025-05-23 11:59 (UTC)
I’m workin’ on it! I’m like the New York Knicks, it takes a while to reach the championship.
You didn't tell me that at any point in time, no.
I already have a cat.
I already have a cat.
1. Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
2. All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
3. You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
4. Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
2. All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
3. You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
4. Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
1. Just checked my missed calls. why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
2. I'm telling you, the hot tub won't lead to anything more than awkward splashing
3. Hey, so, how come on Star Trek, they always say 'where no man has gone before,' but when they get there, there's always some guys.
4. Huh. Should I have a middle name? What would it even be?
Or text Minoru
2. I'm telling you, the hot tub won't lead to anything more than awkward splashing
3. Hey, so, how come on Star Trek, they always say 'where no man has gone before,' but when they get there, there's always some guys.
4. Huh. Should I have a middle name? What would it even be?
Or text Minoru
Okay, okay! Let’s calm down here.
You do understand what “sex” is, right?
You do understand what “sex” is, right?
i. The moment I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a stolen tiara, I knew I had a friend for life.
ii. You were shouting at a tree and saying it should be in the forest, where it belongs.
iii. Did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood in the hallway?
iv. I'm busy playing with the baby I just found in the kitchens. Not yours, is it?
v. As a matter of fact, you told me I fulfilled your "woods-witch teacher fantasy."
vi. Or text her!
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