I have an unspeakable horror living inside of me but I can cook great lasagna

[hotlink]

pros and cons of dating your character

a humor/shipping meme



The premise is simple.

[1] Your character has a sign listing out all the pros and cons of dating them. Maybe they wrote it themselves, maybe they didn't.
[2] This list is displayed for everyone else to see.
[3] That's it.

Do not post any blank top levels. Comment with your character's list, then have fun reacting to other people's pros and cons.

Comments

Neuvillette | Genshin Impact | ota

[justwater]

[Pro: He can make you wet with very little effort (Hydro dragon)

Con: Distant, doesn't understand human emotions very well, is a dragon ]

[sweetdives]

Pros: there are none.

Cons: selfish, abusive, never apologizes, thinks he's smarter than he is, probably loves your goldfish more than you

[technusrulez]

AHAHAHAHA!!! SOMEONE WITH LESS "PROS" ON THEIR LIST THAN ME! I, TECHNUS, LORD OF ALL THINGS ELECTRONIC, AM SUPERIOR ONCE AGAIN! EVEN IN SUCH A PETTY CONTEST AS THIS!

Technus | Danny Phantom | OTA for shenanigans, M/M for shipping

[technusrulez]

Pros:
- Experienced
- Will probably shower you with gifts
- Good-looking for his age

Cons:
- Old
- Never shuts up, has an annoying voice
- Unclear if he can actually care about people


[Technus seems very annoyed about the sign.]

I HAVE FAR MORE PROS THAN THAT! I AM AN ABSOLUTE DELIGHT! SOMEONE GET ME A PEN, I NEED TO FIX THIS!

Yato | Noragami

[intertwinedfates]

Pros:
+ Never-ending fountain of optimism
+ Still has a childish sense of wonder
+ Skilled at many things (art, weaving, math)
+ Will fight for you
+ Easy to please
+ Strong sense of morals
+ An immortal god

? Comes with his own 14 year old teenager

Cons:
- An immortal god
- Overbearing father may target you
- Sometimes childish and demanding
- Volumes of issues
- Pervert
- Has a history of dealing in death
- Sweaty

[meds4sale]

People have invented

something useful

called deodorant.

[You know. For the sweating.]

[intertwinedfates]

[aksjdfh why this]

MY HANDS!

It's my hands that get sweaty while I fight! The rest of me is fine, thanks!! [Mostly.]

[meds4sale]

[If he lives, he trolls.]

Oh...?

I may have a cream that will help with your

problem.

[intertwinedfates]

[He's all ready to fly into another rage when what this guy says sinks in.]

...really?

........I might be interested, in that case. Yukine would appreciate it, I know that much.

[meds4sale]

[From his medicine pack, he procures a small jar. Inside is a pale cream that smells vaguely minty.]

If you aren't convinced, by all means. Try it.

[intertwinedfates]

[Thankfully the scent is nice. That was one of his concerns, given that some medicines can be kinda off-putting.]

Any known side effects? I have to be extra careful while handling my weapon since he's a person.

[It makes sense in context, honest.]

[meds4sale]

There may be some dryness in your skin if you over-use it.

Otherwise

simply do not use it

on other parts of your body.


It is not an appropriate substitute for lubrication.

[intertwinedfates]

Yeah, that makes sense. I think I can live with that.

[......]

Good advice, just in case anyone gets freaky ideas.

How much do I owe you for it?

Wade Wilson | Deadpool

[notryanreynolds]

Pros:
Sexy as hell (in the suit).
Extremely unselfish lover.
Loyal as fuck.
Would kill for you. Literally.
Unkillable.
Great with kids.
Works well in a team.
Hilarious.

Cons:
Some slight mental issues.
The whole looking-like-a-rotten-testicle-thing.
Clingy like a starfish.
Regularly kills people (bad guys!!).
Unkillable.

[meds4sale]

You're much too person shaped to look like a testicle.


Are you really

unkillable...?

[notryanreynolds]

You haven't seen what I look like out of the suit.

Yup! Unless you've got something that negates a healing factor long enough. I've been blown to bits with no issue and regularly re-grow limbs.

[meds4sale]

That does sound quite painful. One might find death preferable.


As for the suit...

...is it some manner of compression that keeps you in a human shape? If you take it off, will you just swell up like a tanuki's gonads...?

[notryanreynolds]

Now you're getting it.

LOL!! That'd be hilarious. Nah, I'm human shaped. My skin is all fucked up from cancer growing too fast and getting healed at the same rate.

[meds4sale]

So you are just a normal person with a skin condition? How disappointing.

[He wanted to see a giant sentient ballsack.]

...Are you in any pain from your condition.

[notryanreynolds]

Yeah, the pain fucking sucks. But it is what it is, you get used to it.

Re: Wade Wilson | Deadpool

[ahundredlifetimes]

[ These are… quite the lists. ]

Uhhhmmm… hm. Interesting cons. I don’t know if I would call “clingy” a total bad thing.

[ She doesn’t know how to broach the whole “looks like a rotten testicle” thing. ]

And a good sense of a humor can go a long way!

[notryanreynolds]

Here's to hoping a good sense of humor pays off, because it's gonna have to do a lot of heavy lifting.

Airi Kanzaki | Original | OTA

[kairosive]

PRO

+ fun-sized
+ can take care of herself, so -10(?) to any fears concerning enemies going after your SO if that's a thing, general life-threatening disasters, monsters, etc.
+ fit, fast, flexible
+ looks sharp in business formalwear and her military uniform
+ cleans up real nice in other fashions, too
+ runs hot, so you would have your own personal space heater eventually probably AND not have to worry about fighting over the sheets so much maybe
+ animal & pet friendly
+ will NOT save over your video game save files if you get into an argument no matter how wrong you are, she's a lady
+ actually pretty kind and thoughtful if you pay attention or get to know her
+ attentive to text-based communication
+ can more than handle the monster under your bed
+ multilocation, multitype date options with a multitype gaming bookworm who loves rain

CON

- would like you to drink water, eat, and get enough sleep (Why are you still here? Run!)
- basically married to a dangerous job that demands her time any time and overtime because they're perpetually short-staffed
- possibly wouldn't think to use the vacation time she abhors to spend time with you despite being smart
- irregular sleep schedule when she has one
- her crow fam will judge you, harass you if they perceive you've harmed or offended her, tell their friends about you, and can hold a grudge for 17 years
- always looks sad, like. Smile, girl!
- hard to read between the big, sad eyes, monotone voice, and lack of enthusiastic facial expressions. Is she anything but sad or unamused? Is she teasing or was that a genuine insult just now? Who knows! It's a mystery.
- will change the channel or turn on your game station if you leave the room
- your pet may end up liking her more than you
- can get real competitive
- might ask you to do unreasonable things like be supportive of her goals like she's supportive of yours and work with her so you can spend more time together, YIKES!
- wears sunglasses inside and at night sometimes
- will NOT pretend to lose so you can save face in front of your bros
- would be willing to shoot or stab you under the right circumstances
- you don't take her to Fight Club, she takes you to Fight Club
- dude, why are you still here? seriously, run!

---

[ Naturally, a look. ]

I don't have time for this foolishness. [ Who accessed this information and how did they get it? She wrinkles her nose. ]

Tch! Vacation time... [ Oh, the disdain! ... the pause that follows may be indicative that she hadn't considered that possibility, though. Huh. ]

[noble_drill]

That's really it for cons? Sure, it's a little weird you're not emotive, but I think most people could learn to live with that.

You seem like a catch, I would just have to drag you on a vacation every once in a while.

[kairosive]

[ Hers is the face of a woman both too used to hearing the emotive bit and generally allergic to the concept and word "vacation" even if it is convincingly paired with the baiting "PTO" and dressed up with "handsomely paid for your selfless service".

In fact, she might get hives. ]

I am not dragged, certainly not to do nothing.

[ With that correction issued, something else is due. ]

Thank you for your kind words.

[noble_drill]

Okay, dragged might be too strong a word, but I may make cute pleading eyes at you. Anyway, it wouldn't be to do nothing! It'd be to go have fun.

[Sure, lounging on a beach could be fun for a little while, but Aira was a more active girl than that.]

Part of working things out is making sure you make time for your partner, right? Just like your partner needs to be understanding when you have to work.

gorgo | fragments of sappho / original | ota

[unironically]

( info + permissions. f/f for genuine shipping, ota for shenanigans. )


PROS

- very beautiful, a nice rack
- intelligent, an interesting conversationalist
- from a prestigious family, so has connections and wealth aplenty
- artistic, writes songs and is a good performer

CONS

- holds a grudge forever, will invoke nemesis if you beat her at a foot race
- look out, this one is a schemer
- and you're getting the in-laws from hell

Kara Danvers | DCTV | m/f

[wapow]

PROS:
✅️ cute
✅️ bubbly
✅️ kind
✅️ sweet
✅️ smart
✅️ sassy
✅️ funny
✅️ goofball
✅️ foodie
✅️ nice legs
✅️ strong enough to throw a bad guy into space
✅️ gives the best hugs

CONS:
❌️ low self-esteem
❌️ perfectionist
❌️ impatient
❌️ abandonment issues
❌️ identity crisis
❌️ might flake on dates
❌️ ... sassy (double-edged sword there)
❌️ has a bit of a temper
❌️ bottomless pit of a stomach (rip your wallet)
❌️ selfless to a fault
❌️ overprotective
❌️ will pick saving the world over you


Oh, I sound so attractive. This will bring the boys to the yard. [Oh, there's the sass!]

loki odinson | where mischief lies

[annarr]

pros:
- he's a literal prince

cons:
- he's a literal witch

[meds4sale]

Someone mixed up your pros and cons.

[annarr]

Society, surely.

Besides, they're both pros.

[meds4sale]

I have met both witches and princes.

More often than not

the former

is far preferable

to the latter.

[annarr]

More often, perhaps.

But I'm me.

Ri!Kusuriuri | Mononoke (2007) | OTA

[meds4sale]

Pros:

+ Pretty. Like soooo pretty.
+ A respectful, devoted and reciprocol partner. He will go down on you AND do the fucking dishes.
+ Adventurous and experienced.
+ Comes with a +1 if you're into that.
+ Has an impressive breadth of medical knowledge, both mundane and supernatural.
+ Has the Good Stuff in that box of his. Will probably share.
+ Calm and collected almost all of the time. It takes A Lot to shock or surprise him.
+ Great listener.

Cons:

+ Has a bad case of short-person-syndrome and will stand on your furniture just to make eye contact about it.
+ Probably a fox. And no, not the figurative sexy kind; like a wild animal aping a human(ish) appearance and mannerisms.
+ Can and will fuck with the upper class/nobility/gods just for funsies if he thinks they're abusing their power.
+ Does not have a medical degree. Debatable if he's entirely clear on what one even is.
+ Literally hundreds if not thousands of years old.
+ Blanket hog.
+ Your shower drain vs his hair. The plumbing is not surviving that.
+ His job brings him into contact with the very worst humanity has to offer; his bouts of melancholy and cynicism are legendary.
+ Forever broke. What even is money.

[cinnamonbun]

Thousands?

[meds4sale]

Ah. I was born in the late Heian period.

But the nature of the shuuga no mine makes determining my actual age


difficult.

[cinnamonbun]

Ah, wow! I had no idea! But I guess I just didn't bother thinking about something like that.
What do you do for maybe-thousands of years...?

[meds4sale]

Sell medicine, of course.

I am

after all

a Medicine Seller.

[cinnamonbun]

I... didn't know that either. What kind of medicine do you sell? It's nothing bad, is it?

[meds4sale]

'Bad' is subjective. I have a store of oleander for treating various gastro-intestinal issues and

more pressing

emergencies.


But I would not use it in

say

crafting incense.

[A longer than usual pause, and then a soft, breathy laugh.]

Well, not deliberately.

John Goblikon | Right Now reboot | OTA

[johnnygobs]

Pros:
in metal band
funny
internet famous
what else would people want? I don't know

Cons:
fav cons are those two guys from Home Alone and Robert De Niro from that movie with the bunny where he has to keep the bus over 50 mph...The Shawshank Redemption!

[Clearly, he wrote this himself]

robert "bob" reynolds ☼ mcu

[psychevades]

( spoilers for thunderbolts* ahead, so please tread carefully! )

Pros:
???

Cons:
Drug addicted schizophrenic freeloader that has no good work ethic or useful skills and probably would have destroyed the entire world accidentally on purpose.

#justbobthings

ferdinand von aegir | fire emblem: three houses | m/f pref for anything serious but ota for gen

[nobiliteatime]

Pros:
• Will learn your favorite kind of tea and make it for you
• Loves to show affection
• Wealthy enough to take care of you and happy to do so
• Supportive of your dreams and ambitions
• Loves animals

Cons:
• Will quietly judge you if you prefer coffee over tea
• Tends to make everything into a competition
• Wealthy enough that he's missing some crucial perspective
• Almost never uses contractions, even in writing, so have fun getting used to that
• Will use all the good shampoo with all that hair of his

antonia | marvel cinematic universe | ota | spoilers inevitable, voicetesting

[mimikriya]

Pros:
???

Cons:
???

I don't know. Is this not a matter of subjective opinion?