Am I The Asshole Meme

[3ggsdealer]

AITA for... ?

RULES:

1. Format your top level as if it were an r/ amitheasshole post, with your character icly describing a situation (not naming names) in which they may or may not be the asshole between the people involved.

2. Other characters respond with their commentary, questions or judgments on the situation.

2a. Optional Judgment Acronyms: YTA (You're the Asshole), NTA (Not the Asshole), NAH (No Assholes Here), ESH (Everyone Sucks Here).

3. Your character responds to the response. Other characters may respond to other responses.

4. Drama. Chaos. Possible internal reflection...? Or just doubling down.

Comments

AITA for following my father into exile despite him clearly being in the wrong?

[holdshisown]

To make a long story short my father recently got in trouble for pulling a sword at my uncle in full court. I'll not waste my time going in to detail but suffice to say the relationship between my father and my uncle has never been particularly good to begin with and has only deterioated over the years. I'm also not going to defend his actions here, he clearly took their disagreement way to far and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

It was decided he'll be exiled for a few years to cool his head and hopefully return a bit more contrite about the whole thing. Things have, obviously, been a bit tense between us and the rest of the family. Especially since my brothers and I have chosen to follow him into exile. It seems my cousins and uncles see it as us supporting his actions, and I suppose I can see their point but... I'm kind of afraid of what he'll get up to without someone there to try to reason with him.

Mother is usualy the one to make him see reason but this have all proven to be a bit much for her, which is understandable, and she has chosen to separate from him. I'm... not sure she'll ever be willing to get back together with him. Grandfather is also staying with him during his exile but he's not exactly the best at reasoning with him. So I thought that it would be best if I tried to be the one to help steer him in the right direction here but seeing as everyone seem to be mad about me deciding to go with him inexile I can't help but wonder if I might be in the wrong here. So AITA?

[roguelife]

Well, I suppose it depends on whether you consider it assholic behavior to hitch your wagon to a fool's errand.

I'd call you a fool at this point. How much you curb or encourage your father's antics would sway whether it went into asshole territory.

[holdshisown]

I don't know, that's why I'm asking others. I just don't know what else to do anymore. I knew he diliked his half-brother but I never thought he'd take things this far...

Is it foolish to wish to keep my family from falling apart altogether? Curb. I wan't to curb it. The last thing he needs is encouragement to do something that'll make his exile permanent...

AITA for stealing my best friend's job?

[lost_and_foundry]

I (49 M) recently became deeply concerned for my friend's (42 M) safety, due to finding a gift I gave him stained with blood in the hands of a ruffian in the lower city. I therefore left home to track him down, and quickly discovered that my instincts that he was in danger were correct. After some trial and error, mostly error, I was able to obtain some assistance in rescuing my friend from a very sticky situation at the hands of a malignant cult.

Imagine my distress when I realized my friend's violent opposition to said cult is what got him into the situation in the first place.

Now, I take no issue with his political position. I agreed that the cult and the powers supporting it had to be opposed, however the methods he proposed were extreme and involved a tremendous amount of collateral damage. He did not appreciate me expressing my opinions on this matter to his colleagues and coworkers.

Thankfully, when it hit the point that he was more or less espousing the wholesale slaughter of an entire religious group (not the initial cult in question, but rather a small group that had been subsumed and enslaved by them), his followers balked and opted to follow my suggestion instead, which was that we not kill innocent people. This resulted in my friend being ousted and effectively exiled from his community.

I feel bad about that, but he did threaten to kill me and an awful lot of other people, so AITA?

[holdshisown]

NTA. It doesn't really seem to me like your friend gave you a lot of choice in the matter. Feeling bad about what happened is only natural, seeing as the two of you seem to have been friends for quite some time, but I don't really see how you could possibly be in the wrong here.

[lost_and_foundry]

I don't think stopping him was the wrong call, for certain. Taking his position in the Ironhands might have been beyond what was necessary. But I was afraid that they wouldn't turn on him without another leader.

Ugh. What do you do when someone you cared about is ready to literally kill you? I'm not cut out for this level of stress.

AITA for exposing myself on live TV?

[infinite1ups]

Yeah, I know. Clickbaity title. But I'm not sure how to phrase it otherwise?

Anyway, I jumped off a Ferris wheel and healed on live television, thus making the existence of people with abilities like myself very public.

Now, to clarify, the only person whose ability I exposed specifically was my own. I didn't out anyone else in particular. Some people chose to do so after me, which is their right, and I don't really have an opinion one way or the other when it comes to whether or not people should out themselves. That's up to them. I didn't ask them to make themselves public, it's their choice. They didn't have to do that.

In truth, though, part of me regrets it all. Not because I think it was an AH move, the aftermath just sucked for me. At the time, I was tired of hiding who I was, but in hindsight I think I kind of over-corrected.

I guess mostly my worry is whether I'm the AH for inspiring other people to go public and starting a whole dumb thing.

[duckshaveears]

Nah, NTA. You only chose for yourself, after all. What everyone else does with the knowledge is up to them. Might've been a mistake, can't say one way or the other, but not an asshole move.

[infinite1ups]

Thanks. I just worry, knowing people put themselves in danger after seeing what I did. But as you said, it's up to them. I can really only take responsibility for myself.

[ruinedworld]

There's something to be said for setting an example, but I'd still say NTA. You made your choice, and they made theirs. You're only responsible for one of those things.

I'm curious; if you could choose again, would you choose differently?

[infinite1ups]

Yeah, that makes sense. Thank you, it does help. I never told anyone to do what I did, I only ever spoke for myself.

If I could, I think I would choose differently. I'm not sure what else I would have done or said, but if I'd known what the fallout would be, I wouldn't have jumped.

AITA for kissing my best friend before he left to take the worst job promotion ever

[duckshaveears]

So, uh, right. My best friend--only friend, really--and I used to work for...call them rival companies. Both of them terrible, we got to know each other gradually as we realised both companies were shite and we had more in common with each other than the places we worked for.

So that lasted a long time. Really long time. But eventually we were both able to retire and actually be friends openly, which was great. And then someone said something that made me realise maybe I don't think of my best friend as just a friend, and I thought maybe I should say something about it. We were both going through some stuff at the time so I had to wait til they was sorted, though.

But then that same morning, same morning it was all fixed and I was going to take him out for a fancy breakfast to celebrate, his old toxic company got in touch and offered him a promotion. And he took it, despite them having treated him like dirt for millennia and tried to kill him once and also wanting to end the world. Said they'd hire me onto if I wanted. Which I really, really, REALLY didn't and I can't believe he thought for even a minute that I would.

So I said my piece instead, counter-offer, asked him to run away with me or stay with me or just...not go back there. And he said nothing lasts forever.

Figured that was it then so I was going to leave, but then here's where I might be the AH. I kissed him. And yeah maybe it was partly a last-ditch attempt to change his mind and maybe it was just me figuring I wouldn't get another chance to show him how I felt, I don't even know. He did kiss me back, for a bit.

Anyway. He said he forgave me, I told him not to bother, and he left. Went back to his old company. Haven't heard from him since.

I can't be sorry for not going with him like he asked, or for trying to talk him out of going back to the people that treated him like shit. But AITA for kissing him?

[keepgodwaiting]

Needs more info. Did you actually have reason to think the feelings were mutual before the kiss?

[duckshaveears]

Yeah. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they are. Were. Are. Whichever.

AITA? My son has a twin and I never told him.

[witchimage]

Not sure if anything needs elaboration beyond the title. It only came up once, roughly a year ago, and we haven't really discussed it much since. They weren't raised together and I spent the last 54 years assuming I wouldn't need to cross their paths, so I've naturally kept quiet. The only reason he (my son, 54M, who we'll call "C") found out is because he "Saw" something he wasn't meant to while my defenses were down during what I'll call an ill-timed state of vulnerability. To his credit, though, he is very powerful. His mama's child, through and through - I am as proud as I am frustrated with him for pushing through the glamours and wards I kept up for very good reasons!

But now the proverbial cat's out of the bag and everything will work out to both of their benefits. C is free to explore his new position as head of our organization (my former role that I have passed down, now that I've passed on) and what it means to be the Antichrist, while his twin (54AMAB at least, I don't know what if any level of nuance there might be now - we can call them..."D") takes over the musical project. Or whatever the delegation may be. I trust C's instincts and decisions with that (and all things) implicitly - otherwise I would not have left him such responsibilities in my sporadic absence!

Considering it was all an unfortunate conflagration of events that made this information even remotely relevant, am I really the asshole?

EDIT: I've had to answer this enough times that it seems like I ought to add: yes, I AM dead, now. I had not planned to be (ever, if we're being honest) but my more-or-less husband (alsodeceasedM - we can call him "0") passed unexpectedly a few years ago and so, plans had to change. We were already raising C to take over for us - I just expected we'd be there to see all of that in the indefinite flesh...

EDIT 2: Fine - YES, I did also leave out the fact that C only comparatively recently (within the last few years since 0's passing) learned that we were his parents, too. It was a complicated situation that did not seem relevant because it was no longer an issue when the actual issue at hand arose.

EDIT 3: I do not appreciate the barrage of DMs from people accusing me of murdering 0's other sons who were not biologically mine. That is also not relevant. I am not asking if I'm the asshole for putting my stepsons down. I don't care what you've inferred from my post history.

[duckshaveears]

You're an AH for not telling him about his twin, yeah.

[Among many other reasons, yikes, he's impressed.]

Got kicked out my church on purpose. AITA?

[cafeultra]

My parents wanted me to go on mission. I wanted to go to college. I hated my church and wanted out. Some shady shit happened to me as a teen that I won't get into. Suffice it to say, the Bishop is and was a freak, and not in the fun way.

I ended up going on the mission, against my will, because my parents held my chance at a college degree over my head. So, at first I thought I'd just suck it up and deal. It's only two years, the time would fly by, right?

Wrong. I was so wrong. Time crawled, my mental health tanked. If I didn't do what I did, I might have done something worse.

The rules are very strict. I was supposed to basically be with my companion everywhere, I was not to be alone with anyone else. Your companion is like an accountability buddy, except I had like, zero accountability because I just wanted to leave. We were allowed privacy for the bathroom, but that's about it.

I think my church knew I would be up to something, because of the companion they paired me with. This companion, let's call her Bethany, she was very... strict. A rule-follower.

My initial goal was to turn her, to convince her that my way was better, but I couldn't really get anywhere. Everything with her was always about scripture and all that shit. She didn't seem to pick up on it when I tried flirting with her. I wasn't trying to do anything illegal, just against church rules, you know?

So instead, I happened to meet someone else whose line of thinking was more like my own. I escaped my companion to go get closer to my new friend. In the bedroom I shared with Bethany in our small apartment, because the goal was to be found breaking the rules. Predictably, Bethany caught us, and predictably, she snitched. Mission failed successfully.

My parents were dismayed, disappointed, disgusted, and frankly, pissed off. Especially my mother. She wanted to get me in some sort of disciplinary program my bishop was offering but I wanted no part of it. At this point I was legally an adult, and I was excommunicated from the church, so there was dick all she could do.

I said some choice words that def make me an AH, which I won't share here since that's not what I'm looking for judgment on. I left and have never gone back.

ATIA for not sticking it out and committing, even though I hated every minute of it and didn't believe a single word of what I was supposed ot be preaching? I already know I'm probably TA for the way I did it.

AITA for giving into my worst impulses?

[ricochetingbullets]

This gonna get long and trigger warning: there's a lot of mental health talk in here.

I got diagnosed with BPD and some other stuff when I was really young. If you don't understand what that means, Google it, I'm not about to play Wikipedia for you. For the most part, I've been able to function. Saw a therapist for a long time though that stopped a while back. I take my medication, stick to a strict schedule, and got a job where the routine keeps me from spending too much time in my own head.

And then it all went to shit. Everything I had done to prop my life up got pulled out from underneath me: I got suspended from my job because they needed a fucking scapegoat for something that wasn't even my fault, a person who really had kept me on the right path told me to stay away from her for good, and I just started spiraling out of control.

Enter this guy we'll call Vince. Vince basically kept telling me to do what I always wanted and just throw everything away and do what made me feel most satisfied instead. Give into all the impulses I tried so hard to keep under wraps my whole life. So I did. The problem is that in doing that I hurt people. A LOT of people including that person I mentioned up above who meant a lot to me. I liked what I was doing and it felt impossible to stop.

He basically made sure he was the only one I had left to turn to when everything had collapsed. And then I found out he was just manipulating me the whole time for his own benefit. I was just a pawn the entire time. Sure, I lit my own life on fire, I won't deny that but it didn't help he was pouring gasoline on me the entire time. I don't think I would have gotten as bad as I did if he hadn't been around.

Oh and keep in mind all of this happened in like about nine days, so I lost everything in at lightning speed. So AITA?

[infinite1ups]

I was leaning toward you not being TA, but if you're admitting that you liked hurting people, I'm not so sure.

It does sound like you're acknowledging your own fault in the situation, which is a huge point in your favor. From what you describe, it definitely sounds like you were used and put in a bad spot. We can't always predict how we'll react to manipulation - a lot of people like to put on the bravado and claim they'd never let it happen to them. Never mind that manipulation, by its very nature, is supposed to happen without us being aware. If we do realize we're being manipulated, it's usually way too late. The damage has often been done by then, and then it's just scrambling to fix things.

So, my judgment is going to be ESH, because of the hurting people thing. They're wrong for what they did to you, but you still did harm, too.

AITA for holding a woman against her will?

[learningtolove]

Yes, I know that sounds bad right off the bat but hear me out! I have this medical condition. I won't say what, that's not important, but it's been life-changing. Even if it doesn't kill me (which it might), if I don't get cured soon, it's going to permanently impact my life to a degree I'll never recover from.

The problem is that there is a very specific cure for this and it's not something you can just find lying around or have someone make for you. I need someone else to provide willing help to get it done. The thing is I've pretty much become a recluse since this happened thanks to depression and anxiety about going outside, since this medical condition affects the way I look in a big way. So finding that one person wasn't going to be easy.

Then this old guy pretty much broke into my house because he was in an emergency situation (I live in a bad area) and needed a place to stay. I'll admit I could have handled the next part better and this is what might make me an AH but I didn't let him leave afterwards, mainly because I was upset someone had seen me and the way I look. I just kind of kept him there and yes I know that's kidnapping. Then his daughter who I'll call Antoinette came looking for him. Now, the old man couldn't provide the cure but with Antoinette there was a chance.

So we made a deal. I let her father go and Antoinette would stay with me. She's held up her end of the bargain, though she did try to run away once. And though there was a lot of rough patches at start, we've really started to get to know one another and are getting really close. I'm beginning to think I might have fallen in love with her. I even gifted her a library because I know how much she loves books.

(I might have forgotten to mention my parents left me a fortune when they died, so I live in a mansion and have a bunch of servants. Yeah, typical rich kid life aside from the medical condition. So yes, there is a fully-stocked library in my house. Moving on....)

It seems like she's gotten used to the way I look too, which has been a big plus. And I know I should just let her go at this point but I am SO CLOSE to finally getting my cure. She just has to stay here a little longer. So AITA for wanting her to stay with me?

EDIT: No, I'm not telling you what medical condition it is. You'll just have to take my word for it that it's as debilitating as I said it is. And no, Antoinette is not a doctor or a trained medical professional at all, but that's not what I need her for.

[cafeultra]

I'm going NTA. You gave Antoinette a choice, and her old man did break into your home. Stand your ground probably applies, and it your arrangement was far gentler than how lots of people would deal with home invaders.

It doesn't sound like you're being abusive to her, it sounds like you're just trying to find your cure. Shoot, I'd love to be gifted a library. That's more than a fair exchange.

[myfavouritepart]

NTA. It sounds like "Antoinette" may know what she's gotten into, to start with - by my take, at least. Unless you're - oh, waou - exaggerating any of these negative aspects, I think maybe your initial perceptions of the situation don't quite override any other part of this? Maybe she might be very receptive to the work you've been doing?

AITA for somewhat being responsible for my husband's death?

[thelamia]

I (27F) married my husband when he was an octogenarian (85M). Let's call him Howard. I'm not denying being a gold digger and never have. I wanted a comfortable life and he wanted a really hot wife. We both got what we wanted in the end, so it's not like either of us welched out on the bargain.

Here's the thing. Howard's heart wasn't really all that great but his libido was really high. Like higher than some guys and girls my age have. This might be the part where you want to click away to another part of the site because I'm gonna be frank about our sex life. Because we did have sex a LOT. It honestly isn't as bad as you'd think, he usually didn't last that long. But the last time we did it, poor Howard's heart just gave out right in the middle of the act. Admittedly, he went out with a bang and a smile on his face, which I'm pretty sure is a death most men would gladly want. I did call 911 and everything but there was nothing to be done. He was dead before they even got to the house.

The problem is NO ONE believes I didn't kill him intentionally. Everyone has these wild conspiracy theories that I poisoned him or strangled him or some other bullshit. I think it's mostly sour grapes because I inherited the entire estate: the house, the assets, the actual cash. I have it all now. His relatives didn't get a dime. But I kind of wonder if maybe they're not right in some way and that it really IS my fault Howard died. SO AITA?

AITA for holding my employer's business together

[kierist]

Until recently, I was a department head in my employer's corporation. The company pioneered some tech that makes it so my employees don't remember their day-to-day life while at work. It's a beautiful piece of technology that allows them to avoid suffering from bad memories while at work, and my employees were happy and fulfilled while working. However, some people in my department began to indulge their curiosity about other departments and I couldn't stand for their subterfuge. I began to explore ways I could make things better for the company, but I didn't tell them what I was doing while off campus. I ended up getting fired for this. Despite this, I remained loyal and when I found out the employees had activated the overtime contingency—which would allow them to wake up in the evening while at home—I rushed to stop inevitable disaster. But they still didn't reward me for my loyalty. AITA?

AITA for investigating what my employer is doing in secret (cw suicide attempt)

[notorpheus]

I'm an employee of a company that has the power to sever my day-to-day memories from my work life memories. I wake up every morning in the elevator, and when I get back on the elevator at end-of-day, my ability to recall what's happening is shut off. Everything was fine until recently when my department head was suddenly fired...I think, anyway. All I know is he disappeared and they made me department head. His replacement is so upset to be an employee of the company she actually tried to hang herself. Everything about this situation made us curious about why they're trying so hard to hide things, and why we're treated like children, that we figured out how to wake ourselves up at home. I woke up and found out our counselor is actually my supposedly-dead wife. They're definitely up to something I don't understand, and I hate it. But I've been acting outside of my job responsibilities. AITA?