bakerstreet | Sentence you to death

[Oh, that little flush was adorable. He saw that...but he wasn't gonna mention it.]

It is a good thing to think about.

[He nodded.]

It is important...to...ya know...appreciate the little things.

So I have learned.

[She clears her throat, smiles a little.]

I thought, once, that it would be love to die for a man. I come to think, these days, perhaps it would be a deeper love to live for one. Or with one.

Yeah. I bet whoever he is....he'd appreciate you living for him, too. It can get pretty lonely when all the decent people you know keep dying.

Whoever he is. If he should be, at all.

[Her smile is rueful.]

It would be a strange thing, after all, to find a man worthy of it; for whose sake a King's sister might repair to a peasant's cottage, and keep the fire for his coming, and bind his wounds. No! such a man would know himself, surely, and not be lonely.

I mean...he's gotta be. I mean...if you can't find someone to appreciate you, what hope do the rest of us have?

[Sounds nice. Hell, he knows from personal experience that Eowyn is pretty amazing at binding wounds. He healed up from that Zaterran bite like a champ.]

I dunno, sometimes they don't...but I would totally vouch for your skills on all those points.

[This time, she laughs, though there is still a dry note to it.]

O! what hope indeed? None, if you will not see it when it comes.

[She thought she was being pretty pointedly specific, Kabal. Zaterran bites and all.]

[Hey now....hey....oh.

There was a quiet deep breath from his respirator, but there was a smile after the exhale under the mask.

Well, damn. Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees.

He gave her shoulder an affectionate bump with his own.]

Thanks. Sometimes if it was a snake, it would have bit me. I'm a fast guy...not always the smartest guy, you know? People gotta spell shit out for me.

[A pause.]

Credit where credit is due-you sewed me up real good. Can hardly tell an acid spitting lizard man chewed me up back there.

[It wasn't quite what she would have hoped for - not least because it isn't actually any sort of confirmation of his own feelings, one way or the other, which means that lingering fear of rejection is still sitting, knotted up tight, in the pit of her belly. But she gave him a smile, all the same.]

I am glad to hear I am not without skill as a healer.

Hey, a warrior and a healer? You're a real renaissance woman. Not a whole lotta people can be both, ya know?

[He's dodging, in a way. He always seems to. He falls fast and hard but there's always the nagging fear that he's too much. He's a lot. There's a lot to unpack with a man like him. Kabal doesn't like feeling open and vulnerable with anyone. Every time he's about to, something pulls him back...because he was afraid and he'd never tell a soul that he was. So he'll just sit there giving compliments and non-commital pleasantries and not lose something...whatever it was they had going on.

Besides, what if something happened to him? He was a blow to the chest and someone ganking his air hose away from biting the big one. How many times had he already cheated death?

Still...he rubbed his shoulder absently with a gloved hand swallowed audibly. His voice got uncharacteristically quiet.]

Hey...Eowyn...you...you ever wanted kids?

[Vulnerability. Out in the open. The real question. Awkwardly phrased but honest....because he did. His stupid dream about the house, the wife, the kids and the cute little dog. The things he wanted the most and would probably never have and he should have grown up and moved on from that years ago...because even without the mask and the burns he was still a former criminal. His life was never going to be normal...but still...a guy could dream, right?]

[It is in some ways paradoxical, but that resistance to vulnerability is part of what draws her to him, even as it pushes her away. She herself is so afraid of her own feelings, of her grief and anger and hollowness, that it is reassuring not to have it demanded; and, at the same time, she feels it all the same, and the gleams of emotional honesty that he shows have the same effect as his scars, making her feel less alone.]

[It is difficult to know how to move forward from that.]

[His question makes her start, and she looks away for a moment, almost shy.]

Truly?

I have never given thought to it. [Not to children; she has thought of children plenty. But to whether she wants them... it has never really seemed to matter. Warrior or not, healer or not, she is first of all a daughter of an ancient line. Children are her duty. Why trouble with whether she wants them?]

[But now that he asks, she does think about it. Quite hard, for quite a long moment.]

...Yes. Yes, now that there is a future again. I do.

[One of the benefits of being nobody from nowhere is that children were never expected of him. He wasn't keen on fathering children outside of stable, comfortable homes, either. Once upon a time, when that sort of thing was on the table, he did not partake in a lot of activities those in his line of work frequently did. He'd grown up with next to nothing and he wasn't about to make more problems...but things could be different. He'd busted his ass for years and squirreled his earnings away for an early retirement. Now, he could provide a stable home...but he kept that to himself because...he didn't want to be hurt. It sounded so stupid when he actually thought about it...but kids had to come from somewhere and that meant being open and intimate in ways he was...afraid to be with almost anyone.

On most levels, he wasn't ashamed of his body. He'd seen it, medics had seen it...a few others had...but it was a risk he was hesitant to take. He'd survived a hell of a lot and there was a lot to be said for that...in a way, he was proud of still being here...but. there was always that terrifying moment of revelation and he hated it.

But that was neither here nor there.

They weren't talking about that now...but he had asked and important question that was deeply personal to him. A step in opening up...being a little vulnerable with someone he respected on a number of levels.

He also appreciated that she thought about it for a moment. It was a big question that he thought required some actual consideration.]

Yeah? For awhile...I thought the world was gonna end but...I guess we saved it. I would not have brought a kid into an apocalypse...but...but it is better now...safer.

[He paused.]

For what its worth, I think you'd be a pretty good mom.

[She looked both surprised and touched by that.]

Truly?

[Well, since they're being honest:]

...I have feared that I would not be, in truth. I am ungentle, more warrior than matron; I do not well remember my own mother, but I do not think I am much like her.

[And for what it was worth, he trusted her with…being that close to him if it ever came to that. Hell, she’d kissed him before. She’d seen him shirtless when she bandaged him up. It felt different, somehow…but he’d take the risk. Some people were worth it.]

Maybe you have lived through rough times and you did what you had to and acted the way you had to to get through those times. Like you said…there’s a future now…so maybe things can be different.

[A soft shrug.]

Maybe.

[She looked at him for a long moment, thoughtful, considering.]

Give me your hand.

Take your gloves off, first. I want to touch you.

[Which isn't the point, precisely. But it feels important, somehow.]

Yeah. Okay. Sure.

[He pulled his gloves off and tucked them into one of the larger pockets of his jacket. Kabal did it without hesitation, which should say a lot. He doesn't do that for most people but here they are. He offered her his hand. His palms had been spared, thankfully, but the backs were covered with the mottled burn scar tissue that covered the rest of his torso.]

[She took his hand in both of hers, slim fingers lacing between his, and met his eyes - as well as she could through the mask, at least.]

Would you ever stay?

[Kabal took a few deep breaths, enjoying the feeling of having skin to skin contact, how her hands held his...how the magic that had healed him had somehow saved his nerves on the back of his hand so much so that he could feel were the weapon callouses were on her hand from holding swords and the like.

He sat in that feeling for a moment before her question hit him like a freight train.

Run. Too close! You'll just get hurt again! .

Kabal's heart hammered in his chest but he didn't move, riding out the momentary panic that had reared up, waiting for the panic to subside and logic to take over.

He was a nomad, had been his entire adult life. One step ahead of the law men and the Black Dragon alike. What would it be like to stop? To have a home? A place to come back to-the same place to come back to? A real home?

He'd always knew he'd eventually have to retire. There's no way someone in his condition would be able to keep going until he was an old man. That wasn't going to stop him from doing his best to last as long as he could...but he was realistic.

Kabal audibly swallowed before he turned his head to an angle where Eowyn could see at least his good eye through the lens of his mask. The hand she was holding trembled a little. His throat was suddenly very dry but he nodded as he closed his fingers around hers.]

Yeah. I think so.

[Someday. Not right this second...but definitely. At some point, even he would have to slow down and then he would have to stay somewhere.]

Edited 2024-09-12 20:05 (UTC)

[Her hands were not entirely steady, either; but the steadiness of her gaze, sharp and intense, made that easy to overlook.]

Then when you are ready to stay, if I am still unwedded... come and find me.

[She squeezed his hand, once, and let it go.]

[It was a difficult thing to say. Not only because she was a woman unused to being so open, not only because of that fear of rejection - but because duty had not left. She could steal away sometimes, find time to herself, in a way she would not have done before the war ended. But she was conscious, all the same, that she was the king's sister; that he was a stranger and a foreigner, with nothing but danger to offer to her people. It was not enough to care for him. It was not even enough to love him. Her happiness had never been cause enough to do things before, and it could not be the only cause to give up what duty still demanded.]

[But there was a stubborn streak in her which railed against that duty, and so long as they were talking in if and someday and I think... it did no harm to say it, did it? It was not a promise.]

[It was, perhaps, a hope.]

[Kabal flexed his hand when she let go...staring at it for a few moments as her words sank in. Her previous question had hit him like a freight train, but this one sat on his chest, burrowing into his heart and filling it with things he didn't know he'd ever feel. Tears welled up in his eyes but he wasn't sad. He wasn't stifled or trapped. He closed his eyes and blinked his tears away while he nodded.]

Okay. I will.

[He gently reached out to tuck some of her stray hairs behind her ear before he sighed. He felt overwhelmed in a completely different way than it had a few moments ago. The nagging fear that no one would ever want him...would ever want to make a home with him was suddenly dashed to a thousand pieces. Who knows? He might be made a horse guy yet. It was like Eowym was thinking, though he didn’t know that…it was a hope. A hope that he could have a place to call home…and someone to share it with.]

Edited 2024-09-13 04:31 (UTC)

[She could hardly see his expression through the mask, but she could hear it in his voice, see it in his slow, almost dazed movements. When he brushed her hair back, his fingertips grazing her temple, she tilted her head into the touch, wondering at the tightness in her own chest, the lump in her own throat.]

[Sometimes, she did not realise how lonely she still was, even surrounded by people who loved her as their lady. Sometimes - and then, when the loneliness lifted, she realised how heavy it had been. This was one of those moments.]

[She swallowed, and closed her eyes for a moment, taking a long, deep breath.]

Take your mask off, a moment.

[His breath caught a little when she leaned into his hand. Would he ever get used to that? Did he want to get used to that? He was content to enjoy it regardless.

At her request, Kabal nodded.]

Sure.

[Of course. For her? Anytime.

His hands moved to the side undo the buckles and straps. That held it on and loosened the air hose. It gave a small his as it shut off and he slid it up and let it rest on the top of his head like a pair of sunglasses. He gave her a crooked smile, good eye still wet with happy tears.]

Hey.

[His voice was quieter without the artificial amplification of his respirator, but it was happy nonetheless. How could it not be? It was not every day a former criminal turned mercenary turned part time OIA agent got kinda sorta proposed to by a princess.]

Edited 2024-09-14 00:20 (UTC)

[It was not at all the sort of face she would have expected to want to see. He was not at all the sort of person she would have expected to feel this way about. He was certainly a long way from the handsome kings and dashing warriors she dreamed of in her loneliness.]

[But life was strange, sometimes; and she has learned, in the past months and years, that what she needed was not always what she thought.]

[Now it was her hand that came up - the good one, the one not restrained by scarring and a still-damaged shoulder - and touched his face, fingertips tracing the uneven scars on his cheek, feeling with some surprise the wetness of tears.]

Hey.

[Not something she would ever have said, before knowing him. The casualness of it still sat oddly on her tongue - but she smiled, all the same. It was a softer smile than usual, one that lifted the hardness and stony cold from her features.]

[She leaned in, and kissed him squarely on the mouth, briefly but not gently.]

[Hey, Kabal didn't think his face was one that anyone would...you know..wantto see. Even before being disfigured, he'd never considered himself traditionally attractive...more like...unconventionally so...but now, especially, he had always thought it was plainly obvious his face was not one that anyone would actually like to look at. Frankly, there weren't many people he wanted to actually look at him. Eowyn. was one, though. It was his turn to lean into the hand that traced along the uneven tissue on his cheek.

He gave a small, pleasant sound at the smile that was a bit softer than he usually saw. He suspected she had intended to kiss him but the way she did it was different. She'd kissed him before...but it was soft and polite. This one was brief, but there was a forcefulness to it that he definitely noticed and appreciated. It took his breath away in a good way. The hand that had tucked her hair behind her hair cupped her cheek while he leaned in and gave her his own insistent kiss in return.]

[Kissing was not something that had been a significant part of her life. In fact, this was almost the first time she had been kissed, at least with any kind of heat behind it. It felt strange, his lips as uneven and damaged as the rest of him, rough and smooth at once.]

[In the name of exploring further - and driven by some rawer instinct - she parted her lips a little, the tip of her tongue running against the rilled texture of his mouth, curious to know whether it would feel different that way, too. Then, as if catching herself doing something so strange had shocked her, she pulled away sharply, blushing a little, but still smiling.]

Catch your breath, if you need to. [I do.]

[The tip of her tongue against his lips was a pleasant surprise and he started to open his lips to allow her more room to explore...but she suddenly pulled back, but the blush and the smile made it clear she was probably more startled than anything. Kabal smiled and gave a small shrug.]

Thanks.

[He definitely took it as a compliment, if that flush was anything to go by...but he would take a few deep breaths to go along with that beaming smile of his.]

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Look at these two being idiots. Love them.

one brain cell between them

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I now need an AU where this totally happens.

duly noted c:

Excellent :)

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Oooooo, girl.