(no subject)

[mcmemeface]

AITA: The Meme

r/AmITheAsshole or AITA is a subreddit dedicated to, well, figuring out if the poster is the asshole. People post their grievances, often with a snappy title (“AITA for not allowing my best friend to crash at my house after his wife died?”), the story of their saga, and often ending with two sentence TL;DR summary at the bottom.

Commenters vote, YTA (you're the asshole) or NTA (not the asshole) or ask for more details before giving their final verdict. Occasionally, people declare a story too unbelievable to be true, and refuse to vote.

• Post a toplevel with your character's story. Include as much or as little detail as is IC, including aliases if they're trying not to stir too much shit.
• Tag around. Are these people the asshole?
• Discuss! Fight! Pretend your character got banned from Reddit!

Comments

AITA for Keeping my distance from my childhood friend?

[wholefoods]

I (27f) am a Captain in a military force that is responsible for protecting Japan from large monster threats (kaiju). Recently my childhood friend (32M) joined as a trainee and I haven't acknowledged him in any special way. I fear doing so would imply that he couldn't make it on his own merits, and that preferential treatment would actually hold him back.

Once some of my coworkers found out I got called "cold" and "harsh". Was it wrong of me?

For further context: we had made a childhood promise to fight together one day, but I ended up accepted into the Defense Force (9yrs ago) before him. After continued failures he stopped trying until this year.

[counterstep]

YTA

Even if you fell out of touch, there's no reason why you can't spare him a casual greeting or conversation outside of work. Like, I get it, you're busy cause your life is your job, but it doesn't actually take up 100% of your time, and you're actively choosing not to engage, not passively disengaging. There's a difference, and I think anyone in your friend's position would think you hate them now.

Just talking to someone isn't preferential treatment either. That's not how that works.

[wholefoods]

Hm. I think I understand, but I also worry that my presence may be a distraction or already a point of resentment because he told me to continue on without him. If he were to die, or if his presence were to be the reason other officers die, in the line of duty... I would not be absolved of guilt.

His knowledge of our enemy is quite extensive, but his combat ability is well below par. Any recklessness or wrong move on his part could spell disaster on the field.

[spearofrohan]

NTA.

A commander should show his men affection, yes. But to show no favour is only wise - for him, and for you, and for all your soldiers. It will do no good to have them doubt, if it should come to many lives or his alone, which way you will first turn.

[wholefoods]

Thank you for your understanding. Favoritism can be quite dangerous within the ranks, and sowing doubt among my fellow officers is the last thing I would want to do.

[She appreciates the validation. A part of her still feels somewhat bad over how she felt she had to treat Kafka, but her responsibilities as a Captain come first and foremost.]

[spearofrohan]

Exactly.

But it is a greater concern, perhaps, if your fellows do not understand it so. Are they your men, or other officers, who call you cold?

[wholefoods]

I am a Captain, so the officers are my subordinates. However I should also endeavor not to allow room for other Captains or higher ranks to question my judgment. I became Captain at a young age, so my position isn't exactly one of stability.

AITA for not recognising my sister?

[spearofrohan]

I (28M) come from a long line of warriors, and from a land much damaged by war. I have always tried to protect my sister (24F) from the worst of it. For context: my sister is more or less the only family I have. Our parents died many years ago, and we were taken in by our uncle (71M) and cousin (41M), but our cousin died recently as well.

She is a valiant woman, and holds to her duty, and she is no fool; but she thinks herself a warrior, and has always chafed to be left behind.

When, not long ago, we rode out to defend the mountains, my uncle (the King, 71M) bade her stay and keep his hall. He did not dismiss her: he gave her sword and mail, and trusted her with the protection of all our people if we should not return. She still took affront at it, but she held to her duty, and she kept the hall, and we did return.

Soon after that, the beacons were lit, and we were called to ride abroad to fulfil our ancient oath. My uncle told her to stay and guard the hall again, but she took it with less grace. I tried to explain to her why she was needed there, and why she should not ride with us. Harsh words were said. I believed, then, that she understood.

Now our uncle is dead, and only when it was too late did I find my sister on the battlefield, near death herself. She fought valiantly, and she did great deeds, as she always wished. If she were anyone else, I would rejoice that she won such renown - but now she lingers on the edge of death, and has not woken, and I am afraid that it is my fault. She rode with us all the way from Edoras to Minas Tirith, and I knew her not. If I had sent her home, she would certainly have lived.

AITA for not checking more carefully?

[sisterimperator]

No. Part of it is that had your uncle and you had more time and had known her better, you would have ensured that she had a sufficiently powerful motivator to stay.

As it was, she rode to follow an ancient oath, as you said. This was more powerful than the charge you laid upon her, and you cannot fault her for rising to the challenge.

[spearofrohan]

She was no part of the oath. The Mark swore the strength of its men, not of its women.

[sisterimperator]

You could not have stopped her from taking on that oath if she wanted to swear it, as she clearly did. Valor is not something that is constrained to men or women or any sex or gender.

Clearly you love your sister. But your planning was lacking and you could not constrain her spirit.

[starfreckles]

It's hard to make a judgement... I will say that there were more than a few people who probably knew of how constrained she was feeling, and what her expected duty was. At any point, they could have noticed her and revealed her. None of them did though.

This leads to the question, why? Maybe she had a few sympathetic hearts in your army, maybe she really was just plain enough to go unnoticed. Maybe fate had done it's work on her and brought her there.

Still...

Looking for blame is not for the now, though. What is important is finding something to help her heal. Even if it's just... sitting in silence and praying. She will find her way back with a voice calling out to her.

[Trust them. Tar's got that elf wisdom going on.]

[spearofrohan]

She is very much beloved. Perhaps you are right, that they held her secret for that love. Or perhaps they thought, as many might, that her presence there must be by her lord's consent.

I would sit at her bedside until she wakes, if I could. But I cannot, not forever. The fighting is not done.

[starfreckles]

Then she has many voices calling for her, and that in turn bolsters her resolve in what ever fell lands her soul struggles through.

Go and do your work, believe with all your heart she will be awake for your return. Call out in victory "for you, my sister."

You are NTA. Fight well for her who fights her own battle and for your uncle so he may be more at ease in his final rest.

I will pray for all of you, as well.

Made my day to see Éomer

[thawbornrenewal]

To begin, I am sorry for your loss of both your cousin and uncle, and I hope there is peace for them in the beyond which may await you and yours in the end.

Though the situation sounds complicated indeed, I have to say my answer for you is no.

It sounds as if she displayed admirable courage, both when she remained behind... and also when she ventured out alongside the rest of you. Though I know neither of you, I feel as if I may understand, even only a little, what it could be that drove her to ride out against your wishes.

I can only imagine that she will have done everything within her power to escape your notice, and even the best leader cannot have their eyes on everyone all at once, no matter how much they may wish to do so. It only becomes more difficult to keep track of everyone the greater the number of warriors in your care. Though the guilt you feel is surely heavy, and no real healing can be found in mere words, I do not believe the fault rests on your shoulders.

Also... forgive me if I overstep in saying so, but with the way you speak of her condition it seems like you believe your sister will not wake. Is there no hope even while she still breathes?

he's a new muse for me but i'm having a blast!

[spearofrohan]

When we bore her from the field, I thought her dead. I have never seen any man lie so still and so cold, and live.

[Then again, she is no man.]

I dare not hope. I cannot despair.

[He considers whether to actually address the rest of the comment, but he is an honest man. Even when it hurts him, he tries to be an honest man.]

I understand why she did it. She has begged me before, pleaded to take up sword and spear like the shieldmaidens of old. And I understand it, in my heart: for the same blood runs in her veins as in mine, and it is not quiet.

I understand why she rode with us. I would have done the same, perhaps, in her place. To wait for the end, and not see it come; to know that battle must be met, and not be the one to meet it; to let others die in my stead... yes, I understand, and I know her well enough to know the fire in her blood. Yet I did not look for her until it was too late, and I trusted that she had returned, and remained.

That is why I feel such fault, now that she lies broken.

I love the way you write him!

[thawbornrenewal]

[She hesitates, but it's brief. Her own circumstance was vastly different.]

I know that I do not fully understand the specifics of your sister's condition... but I would like to offer my own hope for her recovery. If any power I held could help her, please know that I would offer it without hesitation.

[There's a weight to her wishes not unlike a leader who would truly do anything she could to ease someone's -- anyone's suffering.]

I see... if I may ask, do you fault yourself more because... even while understanding her as you do, you wished to trust her, and believe that she would remain behind safely?

[astrogator]

NTA to that specific question, but this whole situation is a mess of compounding errors. I'm sorry that it had such tragic results.

Firstly, it sounds as if she acquitted herself well in battle. She doesn't think herself a warrior, she clearly is one. Being your younger sister doesn't make her incapable, and you shouldn't underestimate her.

That said. Being charged with protecting civilians while others go to fight isn't a glamorous duty, but it's an incredibly essential one. I'll allow that there could be circumstances where disobeying an order might be forgivable, but rushing off after your own glory and abandoning civilians isn't among them.

Having multiple family members in the same chain of command causes this sort of complication. It's inadvisable. She felt she was being held back, so she acted recklessly. It's the sort of behavior I'd expect in a trainee much younger than her. I understand the desire not to speak badly of her, because she already paid a high price for that decision, but if you're reckoning up and thinking of blame, you can't ignore it.

But for all that, it's not your fault that she was wounded so terribly. That's the nature of war. Any of your soldiers who died or was wounded wouldn't have been, had you sent them home, but that doesn't make you responsible.

[spearofrohan]

I do not think her incapable. You are right: she acquitted herself well and bravely, and did deeds that the poets will sing of, and so long as there are songs and halls to sing them in, her renown will not be forgotten.

Yet she is not a warrior. She had fought in no battle ere this one, ridden in no eothéod, killed no man. She rides well, and when we sparred as youths, was almost a match for me with sword and spear, and she is bold and she is strong and she is courageous, and in all things has the makings of a warrior - but she is not one.

Perhaps if we had allowed her to be one, things would have been different. I cannot say whether they would have been better.

We lost many soldiers upon that field, and they were mine to command, and my responsibility - mine, and Théoden King's. But they were soldiers, too, and knew the cost, and had faced it a thousand times.

She was not.

AITA for stealing souls to help my brother?

[moonrockvictim]

I already regret everything I did, but I want your judgement anyways.

I (18M) have a younger brother named H (10M) who is very sick. I was told by my father and his ally that to help my brother I had to collect certain cards from their holders. Supposedly, these cards were only held by criminals and similar types, and the method I had to use to get the cards involved both taking their souls and straining my own health in the process.

A lot of this turned out to be untrue, but I still took numerous souls before stopping, and I suspect I started to enjoy making criminals repent.

I regret taking those souls. However, it was the only way I had to try to help my brother, and I was willing to dirty my own soul and risk my health if it was for H.

[gopackers]

NTA. You might be legally an adult, but in my eyes you're still extremely young, and it's not fair to ask you to make nuanced moral judgments. You shouldn't be judge jury and executioner, not just because it's not legal, but because it's not a fair burden to you.

If anything I'm disappointed you say you regret it, I'd call CPS on behalf of your brother but explaining magical nonsense is hard enough without trying to integrate it with the living legal system.

Also I welcome downvotes but why is it always the dads who get off so light on these things?

[tachyondragons]

No.

Considering the shit she pulled to get Marik back...

[itisdestiny]

You are not at fault.

[songstressedout]

Uhh…

[ “Sounds like your dad was at the root of it all, though.” She thinks, but decides against saying out loud. ]

It sounds like you were just doing whatever you could do at the time for someone important to you, so… no? I mean, stealing souls still isn’t great, but there are worse reasons to do bad things.

AITA for not responding to a call from my ex?

[luckychances]

AITA for not responding to a voice mail my ex left me? I was fully over him and out of the blue he sends me a voice mail and I just…couldn’t deal with him after being on my own, away from him for so long. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him insanely, but we were just so toxic together the love wasn’t enough to fix all what was broken between us. A week after the voice mail I was at his funeral.

I still have the voice mail and I don’t want to listen to it in case I find out he was trying to get my help and I just ignored him. He’s left his entire estate to me, and I’m expected to run it, but I’ve failed him already. How can I even run his estate? I still can’t even bring myself to listen to that voice mail.