Getcher advice here!

[cutrate_pegasus]

The Advice Column Meme

Step aside, Abby: it's time for someone else to shine.

How this works:
1. Leave a comment with your character's names and your preferences in the subject line. If desired, add a note in the body of the tag indicating how they came to be writing an advice column, or what sort of advice people should write to them to.
2. Tag other people's posts with letters asking for advice. Use character journals, but feel free to have them sign it with something like "Heartbroken" or "Perplexed by human rituals" rather than their names in order to protect their anonymity.
3. Reply to letters your character has gotten! Feel free to keep it rolling and turn it into a whole series of letters.

Comments

Peter Vincent | Fright Night (2011)

[fucking_ebay]

[the_eldest]

Dear Mr. Vincent:

I am terribly distraught over the callous murder of my brother. "Terry" was perhaps not the easiest to get along with. Admittedly there were long periods of time in which he and I lost touch completely. However, as they say, blood is thicker than water.

I can't decide whether to feed the perpetrators to my children or turn one... to my cause and have him feast upon the other. Tell me, Mr. Vincent, is there anything you wouldn't do for family?

Signed,
Watch Your Back (not that it will matter)

Aglet Bottlerack | Borrowers OC

[watchesthebeans]

[He can tell you all about termites.]

Seiko Shinohara | Corpse Party

[groper]

[ She's like a mother to her siblings so she might actually give some good advice! Maybe. ]

Hannibal Lecter | Hannibal

[justeatit]

Lithuania ❧ Hetalia ❧ ota

[gelezinis_vilkas]

Ganondorf Dragmire || The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker

[great_king_of_evil]

[ The worst best advice column in all of Hyrule, the Dark World, the Great Sea and affiliated realms. ]

Dr. Richtofen | Call of Duty: Zombies

[doctor_dismemberment]

[Feel free to write to him for advice on tricking the weak-minded to suit your whims, successfully starting a zombie apocalypse, and anything related to the removal and preservation of organs (medical implements not required).

Or, you know, come to him with relationship problems and boring gripes. He'll give it a go.]

[kindofademon]

Dear Dr. Richtofen,

What are good gifts for a doctor if you've already tried your major organs?

-Pining

Daine Sarrasri | The Immortals quartet (Tamora Pierce)

[wildmage_daine]

[Trouble with animals or animal-shaped mythical creatures? Step right up.]

Re: Daine Sarrasri | The Immortals quartet (Tamora Pierce)

[watchesthebeans]

How do you get squirrels out of an attic?

Yumehara Nozomi | Yes! Precure 5

[nozomiracle]

*Beware. She is not very smart.*

Relm Arrowny | Final Fantasy 6

[paintbrushes]

[ She is nothing but helpful. Honest. ]

Merlin - Legends

[emrysambrosius]

Minako Arisato (Female Protag) | Persona 3 Portable

[hasthepotential]

[Anything goes! Even if she doesn't have experience, Minako's got opinions!]

Baby Bonnie Hood | Darkstalkers

[hoodwinking]

Morticia Addams | The Addams Family

[madamemorticia]

((Advice on child-raising, marriage-preserving, and general wholesome family life!))

[(Anonymous)]

Princess Luna | My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

[princess_luna]

[Luna would probably specialize in dreams, warfare or dealing with myriad creatures of the night. Those feeling lost and alone could be aided.]

hannibal lecter | nbc's hannibal | ota

[intemerato]

[ one really shouldn't be asking a guy like him anything at all Most types of advice; prepare to be psychoanalysed, for some cases. ]

[longdistance]

Dear Dr. Lecter,

What do you get as a present for a man who literally has everything?

Regards,
Bloody Stupid Fake Name in London

Green Oak || Pokémon

[almostthebest]

((The snarkiest advice that will probably not be helpful at all. But. He'll try?))

Sebastian Moran | BBC Sherlock | OTA

[longdistance]

[Offering advice on weaponry, murder, all manner of criminal shenanigans, and dealing with psychotic boyfriends flatmates. Jim probably put him up to it.]

Re: Sebastian Moran | BBC Sherlock | OTA

[wilhelminaharker]

Dear Mr. Moran,

When dealing with foes whose physical weaknesses include silver and hawthorne wood, weapons made of the above are obviously ideal. But pure silver swords are expensive and hard to come by, and stakes can require multiple people to hammer in. Are there any alternate weapons you might suggest for such an occasion?

Sincerely,
A Cautious Woman

Lovino Vargas | Hetalia (AU)

[tomatoes_dammit]

[Runs the advice column 'Ask Romano' in the World W Academy newspaper. Mostly because his brother is a prominent member of the newspaper club.

He gives decent advice, as long as you're willing to be snarked at.]

Music Meister | Batman

[hypnotic_patter]

[Supervillain culture blogger. He takes questions on fashion, performance, criminal technique and how to know if your archnemesis has a thing for you.]

[17thangel]

Mr. Meister,

Not certain if you are the one to ask, but is vengeance enough of a reason to declare a dark and brutal war of retribution against an entire nation? Is a giant robot and a pair of goggles enough? What do you do if your archnemesis is really just pretty but has a personality that is almost as interesting as an inanimate carbon rod?

Thanks!

Kill-less in Kislev

Sergeant TK-622 | Star Wars: Empire #13

[loyal_soldier]

[Advice on Imperial protocol, weapons maintenance, IED spotting, and how to deal with that feeling that everyone sees you as just a number.]

[Civilians and their questions welcome, but not necessarily understood. He'll do his best to be helpful regardless.]

Abathur | Starcraft 2: Heart of the Swarm

[broodofone]

[Offer opinions on genetics, consumption of rare species, Purity of Essence.]

[Also will offer opinions on family life, work problems, relationship difficulties. Will in fact offer opinions on everything.]

[Opinions have slight chance to come with complementary zergling.]

Rose Lalonde | Homestuck

[cephalopodcounselor]

[Rose considers herself quite the psychologist, so please come to her with your psychological problems of any kind. Or maybe you want advice on your writing. Or maybe you want some romance advice. Or advice on any number of other subjects. Ask away and don't be surprised if she psycho-analyzes you in the process despite not asking anything of the sort.]

[sylphauxiliatrix]

Dear Miss Lalonde
I Have A Problem Of A Romantic Nature
Im Living With A Number Of Roommates In Rather Tight Quarters
A Situation That Is Not Likely To Be Resolved For Some Time
At The Moment Things Are Fairly Stable Yet There Is A Complication There
I Find Myself Attracted To Someone In Our Household
So Far Weve Been Good Friends But Nothing More
And I Would Like To Change That But Im Not Sure How
I Am Also Wary Of Introducing Such A Change To Our Household Dynamic
The Formation Of New Relationships Would Likely Have Averse Effects On Our Roommates Creating Tension And Drama
And On Top Of That Im Not Even Sure If My Friend Would Reciprocate These Feelings In The First Place
Im Hopelessly Lost

- Not anybody you know at all

Ivan | Being Human (UK)

[deservesadaisy]

Re: Ivan | Being Human (UK)

[bornandforged]

Dear Ivan,

Recently I became involved with the brother of my dearest friend. Their relationship of late has been strained terribly and it has been very difficult to maintain loyalty to both of them at once when they are at odds. I am concerned that now neither truly believes I am on his side when in truth I would take both their parts against any in all the realms were I able. How do I preserve these relationships when they are at each other's throats? How do I choose between them if I must? If I were to invite them both to an event do you have any advice on preparing the seating chart to avoid slighting either and also to discourage murder?

Sincerely,

Lady SStuck in the Middle With Fools, AsgardNew York, United States

P.S. Why is it considered inappropriate on Midghere to wear white after a day of labor? Surely you would not advocate wearing white while one works. This seems foolish. If one labors one day and then rests for a day and then labors again, can one wear white on the intervening day, as it is both after labor but also before labor? My mother is anxious to have the answer to this most pressing of questions.