bakerstreet | The Ominous And/Or Inconvenient Fairytale Curse Meme

The Ominous And/Or Inconvenient Fairytale Curse Meme

PICTURED: Ahiru (left) is heading off with Gwendolyn (right) in search of a way to turn human.
(In case you're wondering, the animators ran out of yellow so they had to make do with what was at hand.)

One of you got cursed! You had the unfortunate luck to not be kind to a strange old woman begging for a room for the night, or you were child #1 or #2, or an evil fairy had it out for you, or just...something happened and now you have a curse.

Sucks.

The other one of you is the only person who can get rid of the curse. You both somehow know this, or at least strongly suspect it, or are just taking the opportunity to get the assistance of someone who happens to have a fully functional body without any terms and conditions (such as spitting out gemstones whenever you speak) making things difficult.

Standard meme terms and conditions apply, but:

Post!

Reply to people while you're at it.

If you have something in mind skip this step, but here's the obligatory RNG options for people who don't have a curse in mind or just want to do something...well, random.

1) Every single time you speak, an object is spat out of your mouth. These objects are probably going to be themed (one sister produced gemstones and gold, the other insects and frogs) but if you want your character to mass produce sewing supplies whenever they give a speech be my guest.

2) You have been polymorphed, transformed into a form not your own. Are you a dreadful beast? Are you a swan? Do you, awkwardly, resemble someone else you or the other person knows? The sky's the limit. You may or may not be able to transform back during special limited circumstances, but that's only if you're lucky.

3) You are now trapped inside of something...like a mirror or portrait or statue or whatever. Fortunately you probably don't need to eat or sleep, but the prospect of being trapped as the world goes on without you is probably a bad one. Fortunately someone can hear your screaming.

4) You can either only tell truths or only tell lies. Alternatively speaking, when you tell a lie there's some physical tell which is a dead giveaway to you bluffing.

5) The good news: you're not...exactly cursed. The bad? Everyone else around you is cursed. You are the princess trapped in the metaphorical thorn-hedged castle with everyone you know asleep, with the first non-sleeping person the person who just showed up. (Replace 'sleep' with an appropriate term, like dead, or transformed, or...whatever.)

As for how to undo the curse, classic fairy tales didn't just have kisses and true love, they had options such as not speaking until you spun seven shirts out of thistles, or chucking the prince in question against a wall, so creativity is key here. If you want the curse to be undone by eating a box of Pocky while humming the Star Spangled Man With A Plan, go for it.

And kick ass and take names.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

Bro.

[This is not a casual, hey-sup 'Bro.' This is a particular, careful blend of Strider deadpan: the Bro-I-kind-of-have-a-problem 'Bro.' And maybe the problem is obvious when, as Davesprite speaks, a robin-sized egg falls out of his mouth painted Easter-style with Hella Jeff's smug porkchop face.

Davesprite catches the egg, looks at it, and then stares at Dirk. Please advise.]

[...]

[His head quickly tilts to the egg. It quickly tilts back up to Davesprite's face. Clearly, this is a matter to be concerned about, but the thing to really ask is obviously...]

Who knocked you up?

I get double-teamed by the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy and you don't catch it on fucking livecam? Weak.

[Shit. That's eleven more eggs right there, and he struggles to catch them all: Geromy, Hella Jeff, a scratched record, the Buster Sword, smuppets, T-Pain. They vary in size from quail to chicken. His feathers are seriously starting to ruffle up.]

Let's find Santa and Peter Rabbit to make up for it.

[God, this shit's all kinds of gross and hilarious. He didn't know whether to feel bad more than he wanted to laugh or not. He flashstepped, snatching up eggs from the sprite's grasp and setting them somewhere safe.]

You might want to shut your beak, bro. I'm not looking to be an uncle to the fucking Houston Cougars.

[Bro should know better than to make sports references at a Dave. Or to expect a Dave to shut up for any reason, in any universe.]

I dunno, dude, we could make a goddamn monster omelet.

["goddamn monster" results in a relatively large Cal-themed egg.

Davesprite, uh, accidentally lets that one fall.]

[Now that's going to leave a mark. Right on poor Dirk's heart. Shard's of Cal's face grimaced up at him from the ground. He stared in silence.]

...

[It's enough to get him to actually tug his shades down a bit so he could just take in that gooey sight.]

...

Bro. [Finally, a Sweet Bro one to complete the SBaHJ set. No, wait.] We already got enough for the Olympic egg toss, so if you're done preening your mating plumage, can I get a little help here.

[Yes. Perfect. Along with nachos and batarangs, "Olympic" gave him The Big Man and "mating plumage" got him Sweet Bro's mom. Gotta catch 'em all. He's gonna make his friends a fucking gift basket of the things.]

What the fuck did you eat?

[The shades were back up; no use crying over cracked Cals. He was close to Davesprite, face leaning in toward his. He was grabbing his chin all "Hmmm" and shit.]

...

[He knew jack about sprite anatomy, so why a male of all things was hacking up eggs... well.]

Have you made a nest yet?

[Pokerface.]

Didn't Animal Planet [SBaHJ squirrel] teach you it's the babydaddy's [Ben Stiller] job to build the nest [a jar]? I'm still waiting [clockwork gear] to be fucking wooed. [A heart and a spade? Davesprite tilts his head; he doesn't know what to make of that one, aside from them appearing on his bedsheets.

Anyway, okay, this is getting ridiculous. And annoying. He goes to look for a box or something.]

The only thing I ate [nachos] recently was the cake from your goddamn girlfriend [Sweet Bro's mom again]. Because you know she likes me better.

[...Spoilers: Jane didn't do it.]

[Let's ignore any reference to a girlfriend, because that shit's ridiculous; Dave was gonna get points for trying, though.]

Well, since he's not around, I guess I'm stuck building you a nest.

[He sighed and sped off to find some blankets, coming back with a bundle of them.]

Let's wrap the little suckers in here for now.

[Dirk has to know Davesprite just wants his own Egbert-Crocker-Harley-English kid to tell him how cool he is and make cookies for him forever. He knows Dirk doesn't have a girlfriend.

Dirk only has eyes for Cal.]

Whoa, dude, if you shine any more maternally your shades will crack from the mommy-chlorian readings coming off you.

[Even as more eggs appear, he starts tucking them in the folds of the sheet-nest so they won't roll out and break all over the floor.]

Why'd you get a cake in the mail anyway, Bro? You don't have a birthday coming up, pretty sure you were fused from the dead souls of a robot and a cockatoo.

[If anything, have to raise himself (with a little help from the bots) for a good part of his life, made him this way. Even if he was a douchebag a good deal of the time.]

It was a kakapo and TARDIS, I'll have you know.

[He looked over to the sprite after finishing up with tucking some of the eggs in. He was kind of worried about what might hatch out of these things, if anything did.]

It was probably someone trying to fuck with me, and they got you instead. They never plan their shit right.

Well, fuck--

["What do we do to fix it?" was what he was going to ask next, but at the stressed word and his raised voice,

a tiny

fluffy

yellow-orange puffball of a baby bird flies out of his mouth and tries to find a perch atop Dirk's head. It's sporting a miniature pair of pointy anime shades and looks chill as fuck. It opens its mouth and peeps.

Davesprite claps both hands over his mouth and STARES.]

[Oh fuck no. Oh fuck. What the fuck? What. The. Flying. Fuck?]

[He stared at that fucker and grabbed for it with his sick ninja skills, cupping it between both palms. When he looked in and actually saw the little orange fluff... well.]

This has got to be the cutest lil' fucker I've ever seen.

[Hands still plastered over his face, Davesprite turns to laser-inscribe a poster with:]

ok nope
thats it
stick a fork in me i am as fucking done as last years steak
im voting myself off total suck island
bye

[Ignoring the nest--it looks deliriously comfortable but no way he's touching it if it's full of eggs (oh god what if they hatch oh hell nope fuck that)--and flops face-down on the futon instead.

The chick chirps again and makes itself comfortable in Dirk's hands.]

[Okay, first he was a little ticked that he had to deal with a damaged poster now... But this is just too good. Dirk moved a hand to stroke at the top of the bird's head with his index finger.]

Hey. No. Dude, you're gonna help take care of these. Or maybe find them a home.

[But then he thought of what might be the obvious route with birds. His mouth tightened into a thin line.]

Maybe they'll just fly off in a couple of weeks. No big deal.

[Davesprite only moves the minimal amount necessary to stick his hand up and flip Dirk off.]

motion denied
we got a cardboard box and a perfectly serviceable curb right outside
or make them a mombot
point is im too young to get on sixteen and pregnant so fuck this noise
call me when my life comes crawling back

[He's almost as fluffy-looking as the happy chick in Dirk's hand, what with his anger-ruffled feathers.]

[He cracked a smirk; leave it to his bro to wussy-out when it comes to caring for something small and maybe-not-so-defenseless.]

You're not gonna do it on your own, Daffy. I'll be your bromate and we'll love and tolerate the shit out of these fuckers til they're ready to fly off.

[The little bird that had been in his hand flew up to his shoulder and pressed the top of its head against his cheek.]

...

[Davesprite pushes himself up again to level a stare at Dirk.]

Oh my god, you actually want to keep it. You are actually in--

[GODDAMMIT these stupid EGGS. He shoves them between his side and the back of the couch and continues text-wise:]

so obviously youre madly in love with my freakish inexplicable witchspawn
but can you stop with the googly eyes for long enough to bend the twisted maze of your brain to the task of figuring out why thik is HAPPENING

[Starting to typo-stutter in his distress here.]

[Well, shit. He had kinda forgotten about that issue, really. He had gone all googly-eyed with this cute little fucker who had now fluttered to the top of his head.]

Want me to whip up some medical scanning program or something?

[It wouldn't be that hard; it'd only take a few hours of programming, and that's if he let the auto-responder "help."]

You sit tight while Donald [He hiked a thumb up at the bird on his head.] and I get to work.

[A few hours of not being able to TALK?]

dude
no
this is magic right cant we just
i dont know kill somebody to break the spell
isnt that how these things work
fuck man ill eat a frog if thats what it takes
the world cant go on without my sick rhymes id be a monster if i let this travesty continue

[ He arched a brow over his shades. ]

Some people might see this as a gift, if it is some kind of fairy tale shenanigan, but I guess...

[ And he had to crack a grin, because he was so goddamn funny. ]

A kiss from the prince might fix it?

if you touch me ill scream

Dirk Strider | Homestuck

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oh my fucking god, i love you

That is ACTUALLY what the RNG gave me. No joke.

Best thing ever.

This can't end well.

....CAL................

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When in doubt, blame the Batterwitch.

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Hope orange is okay, I'll fix it if not

N'aw, orange is clearly the best colour out there.

Okay cool

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