bakerstreet | Hardest words to say

Hardest words to say

HARDEST WORDS TO SAY

Sometimes the hardest things to say are also the most important. It doesn't matter how much it scares you to do so, it's finally time to be honest.

- post as your character.

- Others go to RNG and roll numbers 1-22 then respond setting up a scenario.

- Respond and have fun!

01. I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE Unfortunately, you can't keep lying to your partner/friend/family anymore. You just don't feel the same for them anymore.

02. I WOULD KILL YOU The person who means so much to you has done something completely unforgivable and now it's time to make sure they know where they stand. You would kill them if you ever got the chance.

03. I LOVE YOU, BUT... A bittersweet love confession. You know you love this person more than anything, but you're not sure you can give them what they need.

04. I DON'T TRUST YOU No matter how you feel about this person, you really can't trust them anymore.

05. SACRIFICE You're going to sacrifice yourself, for the person you're talking with or for the good of all humanity. You want them to know the reasons and that there's no stopping you.

06. TROUBLE You're in trouble and you might not make it through. You need to let at least one person know how you feel before it's too late though.

07. CRIME CONFESSION You did something you weren't proud of and now it's time to admit it.

08. DEMONS We've all got our demons and we've all got our own personal nightmares we have to face, but this time? You can't hold it all back.

09. I'M PREGNANT... Now's not the best time for it maybe or maybe you're just nervous how your partner will react, but they need to hear it.

10. BETRAYAL You've betrayed this person and you have to tell them the truth, no more running from it

11. CHEATED You've been unfaithful and it's time to tell your lover.

12. BROKEN That's it. You've had it. You are entirely broken and tired of everything.

13. AFRAID Something has you deathly afraid and you need to talk about it.

14. HELP ME You need someone to help you, bad. You can't do it alone anymore, you've tried.

15. I'M SORRY You said something or did something horrible and now it's time to ask for forgiveness.

16. YOU WERE A MISTAKE Sorry, but whoever you're talking to was the biggest mistake of your life or maybe it was just something you did together.

17. NOT WHO I SAY I AM You're so far from who they think you are, you need to finally tell the truth.

18. LET'S RUN AWAY You want to just get out, leave everything behind and be with this one person for the rest of your life.

19. ASHAMED Either you're ashamed of something they have done or something you did, either way you need to bring it up.

20. CAN'T REMEMBER The person standing in front of you looks so happy to see you, so relieved, but how do you tell them you can't remember a thing about them?

21. HOW COULD YOU You don't understand how they could treat you like they have, do what they have done when you've done nothing but be good to them.

22. YOUR CHOICE Either choose an option from above, mix and match, or make up your own idea.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

[It's not like it's a rare thing for Totsuka to hang around the bar, back rooms and all. With the years, and being a founding member of HOMRA, came a certain set of privileges. Like wandering in like some stray cat, and once in a while bugging the King.

Or less bugging, and more just seeking his company. That's what it's been lately, anyway. Something's on his mind, but he smiles it away. tries to, anyway.

It's one of those days. Quiet downstairs, and no terribly recent additions to look after. Totsuka doesn't sneak, but neither does he stomp, just a naturally light step that carries him around as he's looking for Mikoto.]

[He never said a good deal but he never seems to mind when Totsuka comes to bug, he is at home here. The few faint smiles that the times bring are proof enough he enjoys them actually.

Upstairs was where he was when the first few steps fall, just waking up he sits up, reaches out and picks up a cigarette, a plume of smoke in front of his face.

His form rises, stretches, hands slip into his pockets, they only leave long enough to touch the door handle. As it swings slowly in front of him he steps out and to the left.

He sees Totsuka as he does and he stops, his head cants a little, he exhales the smoke, frees one hand as he moves the cigarette from his lips.]

Lost?

[Totsuka notices the smiles. He always does. It gives him hope, but for just this once, it's not a hope he can allow to take root. So he tries to prevent that, but that's going about as well as trying to stay away from Mikoto ever did.

His smile lights up the hallway as he spots his King. Or, almost. Something about it doesn't carry the same brightness it usually does. Totsuka shakes his head.]

Just wandering. Did I wake you up?

[There are people who tread more quietly than he does, and there are people who are light sleepers. Asking that, at least, shouldn't hurt.]

Ha..[Totsuka sees his smiles and Mikoto can see where his is lacking the moment it touches his lips.

The cigarette is between Mikoto's lips again by time the question sounds.]

No...

[He is fluid, in motion again as a few more steps carry his slightly slouch postured form closer to the other.

Would he dodge? Mikoto would not be surprised if he did but he asks his question anyways, Totsuka's smile is not something he can ignore.]

What is it?

Edited 2013-01-18 06:31 (UTC)

[He's not scared. Totsuka never was, not even when they first met. Even now, with enough power to burn a city to the ground and let not even ashes remain, Mikoto doesn't frighten him.
But he tenses a bit. It's visible to one who pays attention, there in the line of his shoulders that don't quite slump, in the hands that aren't quite relaxed where they rest. He should move away. He should want to move away, or he should, at least, not mind. Instead, he follows Mikoto's movements with bright eyes, ever observant.

And then he averts his eyes, swallowing drily. It takes a moment for him to get his letters in a row, the King's eyes on him have never felt this heavy.]

Ah... it's hard to say.

[And he'd rather not have to.]

[Those eyes follow Mikoto, he knows it, they've always, the same as that smile and the man's way with words has remained the same. That is till this moment, it's all different and Mikoto worries.

That so?

[A hand briefly touches his head, it does not hit, not this time. Totsuka wasn't being reckless and worrying at this moment, no, he was worrying him for other reasons.]

Since when, you're always talking.

[It translates from the few words to all his concern at that moment, if onew knew him well enough to read it.]

[It's the movement that makes him look up again, but he doesn't look afraid or wince. To date, Totsuka trusts Mikoto completely, and he can see the concern - in the gesture, in the words, written plainly on his face.

So he smiles, bright and confident, and pretends he didn't bask in that brief contact.]

Haa~ you think I never have a speechless moment?

[Mikoto himself tries to pretend his hand did not linger a little longer than it needed to in that contact. His cigarette burns out, his hands slip back into his pockets.

His body turns, he takes the first few steps back towards the room he had just left.]

I've never seen you have one.

[He pauses again, the smile, yes it is brighter but it does not burn his concern away, he looks over his shoulder at Totsuka.]

Come on...

[Whatever it was, maybe he just had an inkling that Totsuka was going to share it eventually and stop deflecting from it, maybe he was intuitive enough to see that whatever it was, it was not meant to be shared in public. Or maybe, he just wants to sit down, either way after he tells Totsuka to follow he returns to that room, his body returns into the chair, hands still in his pockets, eyes immediately go to find the other man again.]

Then this is a first.

[Still smiling. He puts his own hands in his pockets, mimicking the posture with his usual ease as he follows. Slinks into the room behind him and closes the door quietly.

From that, he turns to the room to once again find himself under scrutiny by the King - and he stills, but the tension isn't as evident anymore. Totsuka lingers a moment before he decides to enter the room. There's a couch, which he finds isn't too far away, and it's his first instinct to sit as close to Mikoto as he can get. He sits down, conscious of the King's eyes on him.]

I was just looking for you. Do I need a reason?

[Mikoto makes that small noise of his, eyes close. His head moves to rest back againts the seat. Did he need a reason? Well no but Mikoto assumes he knows that already. He had never needed one or thought he did, he just found Mikoto one day and this had become life.

There is a faint smirk, the hints of happiness curve it looking for him was he? Those words linger in a pleasant manner. His fingers find the pack of smokes, another put between his lips yet left unlit for the moment.

Totsuka was not going to tell him with prying, years of the other dodging Mikoto's questions taught him this and it only adds to the fond hint that is behind closed eyes.]

Never have before.

[Totsuka might talk, but for his own reasons and on his own time. Nobody had ever been able to make him if he didn't want to, not even the King. So he smiles, leaving the words as they are, and watches while Mikoto sits back and pulls out another cigarette.

And then he's right back to trying to uproot what he's feeling, something warm and just a bit stifling taking up room in his chest when he notices the hints of fondness. But for once he doesn't look away from it, searching answers, searching proof. Perhaps he seems like an optimist, but there's a reason he is wrong so rarely.]

I'm glad you don't mind.

[The cigarette lights this time almost of it's own accord, his eyes open at those words. They seem to have still been on Totsuka the whole time because it is there the gaze lands immediately.

A loose trail of smoke snakes it's way around those red spikes atop his head, one of the side strands almost in front of his eye when those words fell upon his ears.

Mind? No, he did not, in fact he come to more than not mind these moments over the years.

There is a moment he considers teasing the other, perfectly natural if he did, yet, there is that look still, the one that tells Mikoto some how it all means more today.]

It's not so bad.

[He expects it, really, the teasing that doesn't come. Instead there's a small flame flickering to light the cigarette, and Totsuka smiles to see it before his eyes return to meet his King's. He's never been anything less than imposing, but it's a comforting presence, knowing Mikoto would never do anything to harm him. How could he be afraid?

Predictably, his heart seems to beat harder in his chest, and he thinks it should be loud enough to be heart across the room by now. Despite that, he sits back on the couch, leaning back with some pretense at relaxing. So many Buts and Can'ts spinning around his head, he wants to make more certain than this. Somehow.
For now, he'll settle for being grateful he can be this close. It's great! He just wishes it was enough.]

[It was not an awkward silence, at least not to Mikoto, he did not need constant talk so for a few minutes he just sprawled there in the chair, smoke plumes moving over his head till the cigarette was gone.

The butt is done away, a soft breath expels from his lungs and the ceiling loses it's interest.

His movement is slight but he shifts in the chair, getting more comfortable obviously okay with just sitting here for however long they did.]

Careful, your brain may start to smoke.

[There is that slight amused sound, the faint curve of smirk into smile before it disappears.]

[It should be comfortable. Always has been, always was, but now, now it's hard to calm down, even when there's Mikoto. He feels drawn in, as he always has, but more. Doesn't want to fight it - never needed to before - but he's his vassal, his clansman. And that's all, isn't it? That should be all. ...he's never cared about 'should' before, either.
The teasing snaps him out of it easily enough. But he sees the truth of it, too.]

It's not like me, is it? Thinking that hard on something?

[Ruefully, he looks down, down and away, before recovering his smile. He doesn't want the King to worry. But it's a big late for that, isn't it?]

[Mikoto never made a move as a King, not since those first days, he was not about to start now. He also was not a man who would think over the should of a situation. Things just were what they were and that is what they were going to be.]

No, you're not being carefree.

[Reckless was more like it, but Mikoto chose his words and those were the ones he was going to use as he pushes himself up from his chair. It takes no more than a step with those long legs, he stands before Totsuka.

His hand raises, it falls upon the others head, rest there as he just looks down at him for a moment.

Wasn't this the guy who was supposed to say how it would all be alright? No worry though, Mikoto knew he was still that guy.]

[Carefree, he says. And Totsuka can't help but think about risks he's taken. Broken limbs, the threat of a knife or a snapped neck or a crushed throat. Naturally, his eyes follow Mikoto as he comes to him, and he looks up with curiosity, ever wakeful eyes on him. His eyes close, though, when Mikoto's hand lands on his head. He smiles, calm and easy, head tilting slightly to lean into the touch.

He can't help but think, "what risk?" just in comparison, and it makes him chuckle.

Opening his eyes by degrees, still smiling, he brings his own hand up to touch the one resting on his head. Not bold, not quite, but certain, slender fingers tracking over the back of his hand. Looking up at his King, he finds his doubts gone, his hesitation. Fear seems silly, suddenly.]

I love you, you know.

Ha..[That soft sound is all he gives at first, that was it, was it? It left a warmth, different from the usual fire he contained, those words, that hand.

Silence remains at first, Mikoto watches his face, brave, sure, the same certainty he feels in the slender fingers over top his own.

His eyes are the first thing to give any indication, coming to his response in his own time he closes them. What did he say? Mikoto was not a man of sentiment after all.

But this, this was more than some random confession and well,where his hand rests, that the other hand is over his. Physical contact, not a thing he allows quite often, affection, he was not, then he stops that thought because what was he doing right now if he he was not the affectionate type.

There is faith in those eyes that find his, the face, the smile, it is all and has been his strength more than most would notice.

It is after all this that he finally speaks, his hand does not move, his eyes once more fall closed. That fondness curves the edge of his mouth.

He could hear the other in his head, don't sweat it, it'll be alright and the words come.]

I know, you know the same too. [Words, never his strong suit, but the feelings, most certainly returned and he assumes, there and now that Totsuka knows this, he can see it in him, after all, he sees what Mikoto himself can not see within his own self or so it has always seemed.]

[Totsuka had always been the one who saw where the lines really were. The one who, therefore, knew exactly how to carefully navigate them and get away with things others would not dare to try. His faith doesn't waver. It never has. But this? This is new, brand new in that way that feels a little bit like being scared, a little bit like falling.

He hears the exhale, and he thinks 'here it comes'. Expects some way of being let down in a way that might hurt slightly less. But instead...

Instead he's beaming, overjoyed to see that fond smile.]

You- ... [He knows? And he stops himself before he falls all over his own words in response, instead, lets go of his breath like he's been holding it. It sounds almost like a laugh, and looks like it might be one, too, with the slight shaking of his shoulders.]

I was worried if I told you, you might not... [All sorts of things. Not feel the same way. Not want him close anymore. Not take it seriously.]

Ah, but... it looks like I could have taken my own advice, doesn't it?
[It'll work out somehow. And it is.]

[It was endearing, the entire response from the first excited smile, to the slight laugh, to the words spoke. It was all Totsuka again. All because that smile it so bright once more.

Such a wierd guy Mikoto thinks, but it is always with that fondness, that crack in a rather well set armor. He obviously cares for all his clan, but this, yes, this was different.]

Up to you, turned out alright, didn't it?

[Romantic was not something the King would ever be called. Calm, for a moment even that edge in the back of his mind, the thought of burning is gone. All lost in a smile and warm eyes in front of him.]

[Another laugh. It's strange to hear Mikoto say it, very strange, but it warms him in a way he can't properly express.]

Yeah, I'd say.

[Second thoughts are a thing of the past. They never suited him anyway, and if problems arise, they'll deal with those then. Totsuka gives the hand atop his head a light squeeze, before gently, slowly shifting it to the side of his face. Eye contact is steady as his smile, but he'd never demand, only ask. And now, he'd like to feel that warmth against his skin. No big words or big actions.]

[That was new, he watches eye contact broken as his hand is brought to Totsuka's face, his fingers still, then slowly they move in a pattern they have never known to cup that cheek.

He is always warm, but is powers kick up a little, it is never enough to hurt, a gentle radiation from fingertip to palm, where ever skin touches to skin.

Big words or big actions would have been awkward here, instead there is the steady gazes, the warmth of skin. A peace that settles over, problems were something that came, Mikoto did not even stop to consider them at this juncture.]

Ha.

[Eyes close, roughened palm rests against smooth skin, breaths are easy. A cigarette has not even been thought of let alone sought out. He focuses in his silence on the warmth in his palm, the tingle that did not come from power.]

Edited 2013-01-19 02:21 (UTC)

[For a pattern they have never known, they settle quickly. Totsuka exhales quietly, visibly enjoying the touch, the gentle warmth of it. This is, really, what drew him to Mikoto in the first place. Not just the strength, but strength used with kindness in mind, with purpose. This man isn't some loose canon.

Mikoto has Totsuka's absolute trust.

If it wasn't clear enough before this, Totsuka leans into that hand, callouses and all. Hands that know to break, to burn, and he knows they do, yet he closes his eyes, still smiling, with not a care in the world. Takes a deep breath of lingering smoke, cigarette and otherwise, that seems to cling to Mikoto no matter what, these days. And it fits, doesn't it? Suits him well, at least in this one's mind.

He enjoys the moment, wishing he could somehow capture it, yet knowing how much of it would be lost if he did. This is good, just as it is.]

[He knows Totsuka trusts him, believes in him, it is the man's belief that is Mikoto's, he has none of his own. He would never see himself as this, a King, strong, protector, no, these were not words Mikoto would have used to describe himself.

They are all words that this man's beliefs helped make true. Pressure comes into his palm when Totsuka leans in, it is a comforting feel.

So strange, new, yet familiar all at once. Ease is what he feels, his hand never leaves, his form however does. Down he goes, beside Totsuka on that couch.

There are no words he needs here, no more gesture than his hand upon that cheek. Relaxed is what his posture says as he turns his body to make sure the contact of his hand does not fade.]

Edited 2013-01-19 03:52 (UTC)

[It's a welcome shift. Puts them, in a way, on more even ground, and that makes him so happy it nearly hurts. Because despite everything, they can be together. Can be as equals, even if they're not. His smile, grateful as he opens his eyes, shifts where he sits to accomodate, says more than he can find words for.

It puts his King within reach. So reach for him he does, as he hasn't since the days HOMRA began, his free hand moving slowly, tentatively, brushing aside a strand of hair as his own calloused fingertips touch the side of his face. They don't stay there. Instead, they slide into the red mass of it, just to find out what it feels like. There's so much of him that Totsuka feels he doesn't know, suddenly. Even so, his movements remain unhurried.]

3 it is!

3 is a nicely odd number.

Agreed!

Re: Agreed!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject