Leon Scott Kennedy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
outbreaks) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2012-12-19 08:08 pm
outbreaks) wrote in bakerstreet2012-12-19 08:08 pm
Entry tags:
cuz death is my chance to be free
You may once have been a great hero, or a modest regular person. But something has pushed you past the limit. There's simply no going back to who you used to be. To be seen now, your friends, your family, would they even recognize you? Your savior was too late. The pain was too much. The pleasure was too intense. You've been short-circuited.
You're broken.
A. Post with the usual stuff! Note somewhere if there are any options you aren't okay with.
B. People can reply, with a roll for their characters or ask if you want to roll for yours in that thread.
C. Probably some triggers involved here. Read at your own discretion, etc.
1. Pain.
You've been pushed beyond your limits and become light-headed, 'floaty'. The sight of your own blood doesn't provoke a reaction anymore, and seeing a friend might cause you to smile, or talk strangely. You might not even recognize them. It doesn't hurt anymore. It's alright now.
2. Lust.
No, no, no became yes, yes, yes. Dignity and self-respect have faded, replaced by an insatiable and alien feeling of want. You've reached a point where shame doesn't even occur to you anymore. Your eyes seem out of focus and your smile doesn't look right. Look, I've made so many friends who like me...! Do anything to me if it feels good.
3. Shock.
What has been seen cannot be unseen. A revelation about a friend, a loved one, an enemy- something has shocked you in a way you can never reverse. It may change not only the way you look at someone or something, but also the way you see the rest of your life. I saw nothing, I saw nothing, I saw...
4. Oppressed.
What's it like outside my cage? Your spirit of rebellion or confidence has been cracked, and your rescuers might not be there in time to salvage what's left of your spirits. You've long since accepted that getting away from this oppression is impossible- Perhaps you've even become attached to it as the only way to live life. Yes, sir. No, sir. Sorry, sir.
5. Corruption.
Something has eroded you. You're not like you used to be. You're obsessive, your face is darker. You may even see who you were before as weak or useless. Whether it's a magic ring or Phazon infecting your body, you're going grimdark and it's looking a little too late to pull you out of it. This power is far greater than what I had before! To think I used to believe in justice!
6. Hysteria.
When you talk, you don't make any sense. Pure Charisma Break. Maybe you were a god stripped of your might, or you've suffered a terrible defeat. Either way your ego has snapped, leaving you a total mess and unable to function. But how could this be? How could I lose?!
7. Desperation.
Where before you were airy, confident, in control of yourself, you're now a ragged and fuming pile of hopeless anger. As a fighter you may have been careful or even graceful; now you swing wildly, strike without precision. You simply cannot accept the situation, cannot accept your own fall. It's not over! I'm still in control! I can still fix everything!
8. Isolated.
You've been alone for such a long time. Everyone's gone, now. Maybe zombies or mutants or flesh-eating ants killed them all. You've found people again, but your time in solitude's left you changed. Not for the better.you can mix/change/double-up/whatever on these. enjoy.
8
Emma is already convinced that isn't what this is, because she's not here for anything having to do with Jefferson. Henry was worried when Grace missed a day of school, and Emma realized it was probably her fault for giving Jefferson a warning about the curse. Locking himself away is one thing, but to a ten year-old, it isn't fair.
It's still quiet in Storybrooke, even if everyone is on high alert. Businesses are open, people are out, and as Mary Margaret and David both insisted, life is going on as normal. It works for her. Seeing everyone hold it together, that's a good sign. It's not a false sense of security if productive things are happening alongside all of the normal things. Maybe they need some normalcy to get through this.
With that in mind, she walks back up that path, to his door again, to knock instead of ring. To talk some sense into him, which is probably a waste of time, but she'll do anything to make her kid happy, and she told him she'd give it a shot. Henry knows that. Sometimes he takes advantage.
This is clearly one of those times.]
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She pleads with him not to be afraid as they take morning tea and breakfast. She notices how his hands shaky, how jumpy he is, and sweet Grace has strangely always been the one to do the comforting. Ever since her mother disappeared, she seems to know that Jefferson only pretends to be brave for her sake. Another failing on his part, but for her he honestly does try. He even breaks into the prescription bottles Whale's been giving him for years, the drug name long ago scratched out and a simple strip of masking tape with the words "Eat Me" in sharpie scribbled across it instead.
By lunch he's a little calmer, and then the knock at the door comes. At first he doesn't move, tries to dispel it as his imagination, but Graces gives him a worried, expectant look and he knows better. ]
Stay here, baby. Don't make a sound, alright? You remember what to do if...
[ Grace nods solemnly with an "I know, Papa", and he reaches to smooth her hair back from her face, even daring a smile for her. Then he rises to his feet, heading cautiously down the stairs and peering through the peephole. There's a rush of relief he hadn't realized he could still feel, and the door cracks open. ]
Emma.
[ Fool, he thinks. It could still be Cora, taking a familiar form to trick you. But then, why would Cora bother with the door in the first place? ]
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Henry asked me to check up on Grace.
[Because she told him that Grace could have been sick, but she knew it wasn't likely. Jefferson wasn't going to take risks with the girl when he finally had her back, it made sense in it's own way. And yet Emma couldn't help but feel like that wasn't fair. With her parents in the building, it was the safest place in town.]
He said she wasn't in school.
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[ He could have lied, said she was sick, given some manner of excuse to get her to go away even if she didn't accept the reasoning...but he's honestly trying, trying to be a better person. For his daughter if for no other reason.
And since that first night, the first introduction they shared, he hasn't lied to Emma once.
Jefferson is staring at her rather warily, however, and one could wonder from the shadows under his eyes how long it's been since he's slept. He's had to keep watch, or thinks he does, because it's just going to be the two of them now, and he can't...
He can't risk trusting anyone else. ]
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[This isn't Emma telling Jefferson how to be a parent. He has ten real years plus twenty eight lost ones on her. She's not going to question who he is as a father, it's none of her business. Henry swears that Grace is happier with Jefferson than she ever was without him as Paige. But this isn't about parenting, this is his paranoia affecting the life of his sweet young kid. How is she supposed to let that go without pointing out the obvious?]
Mary Margaret is ready for anything, and David's spending most of the day at the school with her.
[It's been slow, and he doesn't want to give up the badge. He might not be acting sheriff, but that doesn't mean there isn't any room for him at the station. She'll take him on if he wants the job, provided that he'll let her do hers.]
I know you don't want to let her out of your sight, but she would be protected there. Even if Cora makes it over, there's not going to be anything she wants out of you, Jefferson. You could lock yourselves away for years and you'd only be hurting her. ...And you, you look like hell.
[It's said as a passing comment, no hint of whatever concern might be just under the surface. Let him think whatever he wants to, she's not being unreasonable. She taps her boots against the porch while she waits, for him to snap at her or slam the door, something that hints at how unhappy he must be that she would come and say this.]
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[ He ignores the comment about him easily enough, his fixation abundantly clear. Oh, he knew what she was trying to say, what she was hinting at, trying to reason and be sensible when there was never any sense to be had. People betrayed one another, hurt the ones they cared about, fought amongst each other and panicked, and it would only grow worse the closer Cora got. If Emma honestly thought his daughter would be better off in their midst, the town that was more like a mob waiting to happen, then she was the crazy one.
Something like an incredulous smile twitches at the corner of his lips, then disappears immediately behind a more somber mask, his gaze darting away from her. ]
Neither of us are. Not until we can find a way home. A way out of here.
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[Dammit, her head. He makes her want to bang it against the door until she forgets the promise she made to Henry earlier today. It'd be too easy to wait it out and see what happens with Cora, he has to go off of the deep end immediately, which would be fine, she swears it would - if he wasn't intent on dragging his daughter off with him whether it's better for her or not.]
And second, let's be clear. I would not let anything happen to your daughter.
[Or any other kid in town, or any other person in town, but Grace is different. Henry cares about her. She wouldn't let Cora, or Hook, or anyone else who posed some kind of threat to the girl close. Maybe that's why she finds herself getting worked up again, flattening her palms against her sides to keep from balling her hands into fists.
Maybe he just has that effect on her now.]
And this? It's not fair to her. Keeping her locked up while her friends are outside, letting her worry and wait for Cora and so that she can be as scared as you are? She's ten. The only way she's going to feel safe is if she's allowed to continue on with her everyday life.
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[ It isn't Emma he doesn't trust. Or maybe it is, maybe he was wrong and she's no different from the rest, none at all. No, that's not quite right...it's himself he doesn't trust. He let her go once, he trusted her in the hands of others once, and this many years alone have taken their toll.
Emma was supposed to be a change in all of that, but he expected too much of her. Or himself. At their roots they're similar enough to confuse, except that Emma is brave. That familiar stubbornness flashes in her eyes when she stares him down. Jefferson swallows quickly, blinking something away. ]
And I'm not keeping her locked up. She wants to stay. Ask her yourself, if you don't believe me.
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[Already, Emma knows this is overstepping. It's gone from not wanting to tell him what to do with his kid to feeling like someone needs to get him to be reasonable. Cora may be powerful, but she's not completely unpredictable. When she gets to Storybrooke, Jefferson could easily stay under her radar. For him to enforce such an extreme lockdown is insane.
But then again, this is the Mad Hatter she's dealing with.]
...Listen, why don't you let me take her out for a few hours? We'll just go to Granny's, or even to the apartment to catch up on her schoolwork with Henry?
[Interaction. They both need it, but Jefferson's needs aren't something Emma is actively trying to take into consideration. Maybe he doesn't trust her, but he knows she wouldn't let anything happen to Grace, doesn't he?
Her eyes don't leave his even after the offer, because she's not going to make this easy for him. He shouldn't be allowed to do this, the world is always a dangerous place, but closing off like this is more dangerous.
He should know that better than anyone.]
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[ Jefferson bristles all over again, a tensing in his frame as his hand finds the door's edge in a much tighter grip. Emma means well and he knows she'd never let anything happen to an innocent, but she's too transparent, he thinks. All she wants is to get Grace away from him, give them the opportunity to take her away for good. Take the one good thing he has left in the world...it's vengeance, maybe. That's all his actions ever seem to earn.
Blue eyes narrow as he leans forward, fighting down panic even then. It skirts across his face, that twitch of mania just under the surface. The sign that maybe being alone all these years didn't leave him completely unscathed. ]
...I might not be a perfect father, or even a good one, but I am her father.
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[Emma forces the calm in her voice, the tone that tells him he should know better than to accuse her of this. She's the last person who would separate a parent from their child, she's been away from Henry for long enough to know that pain, to know what it's like to wonder if she'd ever get to see him again. The memory of it makes her a little less determined, her eyes wide with uncertainty; not because she thinks she's wrong, but because she doesn't know where his behavior is coming from.
He's the one who betrayed her, not the other way around.]
I don't think that staying locked up in this house is good for either of you, but Grace is just a kid. And I offered to take her out because I thought maybe you'd feel like she was safer if she was with me, not because I'm trying to take her away from you.
[But he's too worried to see that, isn't he? Everyone is the enemy now.]
I think you can take care of her just fine, but I'm telling you right now, this is not the way to do it.
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[ Does it matter in the end, who betrayed who? The point is trust, it was stupid to trust anyone. If his resolve could be bent by someone like Regina, someone whom his very own acts of betrayal had helped create, then why should he expect anything more from anyone else?
She'd been leaving, after everything, a nasty voice in his head that he associates with Wonderland mutters. She was just cross to be shown for what she really was, angry because her child was poisoned. Because she refused to believe him anything more than a mad, lonely pity case.If she'd believed him then none of this would have happened in the first place...
His head throbbed, and his stare finally broke from hers to stray inside the hall, to see if Grace was coming. The way the hallway light plays over his face makes it clear how utterly exhausted he looks. ]
Not again. Never again. I...
[ Why couldn't Emma, of all people, understand? He can't lose anyone else, and he certainly can't lose her a second time. ]
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[Simple, honest, to the point. There are probably better ways of saying it, but Emma goes with what comes naturally to her; the truth. Clinging to Grace won't make her any safer, it'll just make her miserable, the same way that he is. And why anyone would want that for their kid, she will never be able to understand.]
If you think this is the right thing to do, if you think I'd let something happen to her, then you've snapped. Congratulations on living up to your name.
[The Mad Hatter is more mad than she thought.
She can't help but take offense. He knows enough about her to know what kind of person she is, and what kind of person she isn't. And she doesn't even want to deal with this anymore, she hates that she came in the first place.
She hates that she worries about the look on his face, the one that makes her think he's falling apart. But she swears she has a handle on that when she lifts a hand, moving it to cover his on the doorframe. He doesn't matter to her, that's not why she's doing this. There can't be anything real behind it now, she hates him.
That thought goes through her head a few times before she settles into it, to the point of almost believing it.]
I'm not trying to hurt you.
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[ He's halfway to swinging the door shut and leaving her to stand on the porch as long as she damn well feels, and she can try to come back with warrants or fresh arguments and beat her head against the wall until she's dizzy. He's not mad for wanting to protect Grace, it's them. They don't know the full capacity of Cora's cruelty.
But those intentions to close the door in her face abort themselves when her hand grasps his, and instead he jerks his hand free and takes a step back from her in spite of her reassurance.
I'm not here to hurt you.
But it does hurt, her presence setting off something twisted and ugly in his chest. It's his latest in a series of mistakes hovering right in front of him, reminding him, and if they're going to survive Cora he can't let himself become distracted. Maybe she's right, maybe he's starting to come apart a bit at the seams, and his shoulders sink as his hands fall to his sides instead. ]
I know. You...you really don't even need to try.
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And he's not capable of being strong for her like this.]
Are you seriously trying to tell me that I hurt you?
[Because she's pretty sure that the one whose son got poisoned should be allowed to feel more hurt than the one who allowed for the poisoning to happen. Part of her just wants to grab him and knock some sense into him, ask him how he could let Regina do what she did. Ask him why he didn't warn her, why her safety was worth so little after she opened up to him. But that has happened before, and every time she swears she's not going to let it happen again, someone comes along and proves how little she knows about herself.]
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Jefferson swallows hard, allowing some of that tension to hold his back straight. They'd been straying off-topic, hadn't they? ]
It doesn't matter. You're not here for me, you're here for Grace. And I've given you my answer.
Rest assured that I know you mean my daughter and I no harm. This has nothing to do with you.
[ A lie, and even she would be able to tell. ]
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[Since those words are clearly bullshit, she's not going to argue with him anymore. Misleading her was one thing, betraying her was pretty damn bad, but this? Emma isn't going to take this. If his daughter wasn't in the house, she would make it clear exactly how done with this she is. But Grace saves him, maybe in more ways than one, and she only glares before she turns to stalk back to her car, to open and then slam the door shut once she's inside.
He doesn't make himself hard to hate, that's for sure.]
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Emma might have a point. Grace didn't need this place to be the same sort of prison it had been for him. How long would it be before she resented him from keeping her here while she still had friends outside, a life she'd maintained without him present? While the thought of losing her still terrified him, maybe...maybe it could be her choice, instead.
Realizing he hadn't spoken since her question, he tugs on a brief smile, reaching to touch her head gently. ]
Grace, I want to ask you something.
[ They talk for almost an hour. It's Grace who is the brave one, who reassures her Papa that they can trust Henry and his family, and it's her who promises that things will be alright. It's almost comical and a little sad in a way, but it's how they work. At last he relents to the idea, and the way she smiles so wide at the prospect at once pleases him and gnaws at him unpleasantly.
It's several hours still before the sheriff's phone rings. The moment she picks up, the moment he hears Emma's voice: ]
Ice cream. Grace...she likes ice cream.
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But it's not for Jefferson, it's for Grace.]
Henry likes it too, I'll take them to Granny's.
[He should know where they're going so that he doesn't have to track them down if he changes his mind. Because if he has to go looking, she's going to be dealing with someone even more unpleasant than the Jefferson she's getting used to. She leans back in her chair, letting her gaze fall on Henry sitting at the table with his homework.
It'll make Henry happy, that's a plus.]
We'll be there in about fifteen minutes, is that alright?
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[ It isn't, and he'll likely be fretful and anxious until she's home again. But if this is what she needs, then he needs to be able to give it to her, no matter what it costs to him personally.
He tries to be a better person sometimes, for her. He might have tried for...but that's not a concern anymore, is it? He bites the inside of his lip for a moment. ]
She'll be ready to go. Just knock.
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[It's just under fifteen minutes when she finds herself walking back up to his door, with Henry waiting in the back of the car. She thought about sending him up instead, but that thought was sidelined by her need to make a point of showing him just how not upset she is about the things he said earlier. Because you can't care about the reaction of someone who means less than nothing to you, so she's fine.
She even rings the doorbell this time.]
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When will she be coming back?
[ He manages to direct the question to Emma, brow knitting. ]
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It's just ice cream, maybe two hours? Henry left his storybook at the apartment and he's been wanting to show it to her.
[If this is uncomfortable, Emma is determined not to show it this time.]
I'll have her call and check in if you want.
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[ He forces a thin smile that doesn't reach his eyes. He is trying, whatever else she might think of him at this point.
A pat on the back and Grace is on her way to the car. Jefferson's eyes remain trained on her, his smile fading by degrees. ]
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[If she doesn't just send Grace up on her own, or with Henry. She's as tense as he is, but she let her expression change until she turns toward the car and has her back to him, sighing with the relief of getting through it without getting sidetracked.
But she keeps her word about time, and it is just minutes under that promised two hour timeframe when she walks Grace back up to the door, laughing with the girl as she tells her a story about Mary Margaret making a volcano. They didn't keep to Granny's and Granny's alone; ice cream was followed by the stop at the apartment, which resulted in some time spent going over the storybook page by page.
Henry told plenty of stories about Emma, Grace told a few about Jefferson, they made popcorn and finished all of it and those two hours felt too short by the time all was said and done. In spite of what it took to get the girl out of the house, Emma is glad she did it. She likes Grace on her own, for being sweet, and considerate, and for the strength she finds in those bright eyes.
She lets Grace ring the bell and waits with her, glancing down at her watch to check the time again.]
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