bakerstreet | THE AWKWARD SEX MEME

Sex is weird. You do what with that? And it goes where? Oh god, right there, right - ohgodnonotthere! Did you just - no, no, it's fine. Whatever. I'm tired anyway. You want to have sex WHERE?!

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I. LOCATION!
1. The Beach!
Sounds great, right? There was that whole romantic thing in the movies and DEAR FUCKING GOD THERE'S SOMETHING CRAWLING ON ME GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!

2. The Pool/Ocean/Shower!
This is a great idea, right? Absolutely nothing could go wrong! Wait, what do you mean water washes away lubrication? God, I hope we don't drown/fall and crack our skulls open.

3. On Random Furniture!
Um. Um. Honey? I think it's great that you have that whole 'I absolutely need you right now' thing going, but I am not having sex on my grandfather's hand-carved table.

4. The Bathrooms!
Oh. Oh god. What is that smell? I think I'm going to throw up.

5. The Car!
Honey, you remembered to put the parking break on, right? Move over, I have a seat belt buckle in my back.

6. The Movie Theater!
Gdi, that guy's doing a walkthrough again. What the hell does he think we're doing in here- oh.

7. The Great Outdoors!
I'm sorry, I didn't invite that squirrel to this party. Oh man, I'm getting bug bites places I didn't even know I had.

8. In An Airplane!
Augh augh augh we're going to crash and die! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Oh man, I think I'm stuck. DAMN THESE TINY BATHROOMS.

9. WHERE AM I?!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!

II. OOPS?

1. Injury!
Darling? Sweetie? Honey? I swear I didn't mean to slam you into the wall like that. Talk to me?

2. Timing!
....Uh. Look, if you give me a little while, I'm sure I can get it up again - can I give you a massage or something in the meantime?

3. Interruption!
OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL IS CALLING WHEN I AM FINALLY GETTING SOME - hi, Mom!

4. Awkward Bodily Functions!
...That totally wasn't what it sounded like. Honest!

5. Calling Out the Wrong Name!
Yeah, you're screwed. Just leave now while you still have your limbs.

6. Failed Experimentation!
Hey, honey? Honey? This really isn't working for me. I'm really sorry.

7. Just Plain Fail!
Where did I put the keys to those handcuffs?

8. Oh Shit!
DIY space! I have no idea what just happened, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't good. Pick another number or make up your own!

III. OBSTACLES!

1. Stress!
It's not you, honey, it's just that I've got a lot on my mind. Maybe we could try this a different way?

2. Preparation, Preparation, Preparation!
Fuck, where did the condoms go? Have you seen the lube? I swear they were around here somewhere!

3. Inexperience!
Do you like it like this? How about like this? Okay, what if I do - okay, no, not that. How about -

4. Location!
Your cousin just HAD to show up and need a place to crash today. IF WE DO NOT FIND SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO EXPLODE!

5. Mood-Killer!
I just feel like that picture of your mom is staring at me. :|

6. Surprise!
Hey. You didn't have that cut before. No, I want you to tell me what happened! Did you always have that birthmark? Holy shit! Where did you get THAT scar?

7. How The Hell Do I Say This?!
Hey, honey, you know that thing you do that you think is really sexy and stuff? ...Could you not do it this time?

8. Aww, I'm Sorry, Baby!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[For extra awkward potential, this narcoleptic has a tendency to pass out at very inconvenient times.]

If he would've been in a frame of mind to actually think about it Graham would have been amused by the fact that it was more rare than one might think that they actually managed to have sex in a bed, unless they'd just woken up.

Things just had this tendency to escalate very quickly between them and more often than not they ended up in couches, on floors, on tables, bent over counters, in the shower... the list went on. Sometimes they did get as far as the bedroom and then ended up just taking each other against the wall anyway.

This time, however, they had actually managed to stumble their way to the bed to fall down on it in a panting tumble of limbs, both laughing at the way they were acting like overeager teenagers.

Once there, though, they'd taken it slow, getting where they both wanted to be but not rushing it.

When Graham finally pushed himself inside Ripley it was almost his undoing right then and there, it felt so damn good.

Ripley was already half wrecked by the time they got to this point. Graham had him panting and writhing, his nails digging into the bed sheets and his hips rising to meet the other man's fingers. But none of that compared to actually having Graham inside of him.

His head pressed further into the pillows, back arching off of the bed a little more as he tried to find a more comfortable position. Graham made him feel so full and stretched out, and where he had expected to dislike a sensation like that before, he loved the way it felt, how close to Graham it forced him to be.

A hiss of pleasure escaped through his teeth and he groaned, letting go of the bed to grab Graham's shoulders.

"Gods, yes." He loved the build up, he really did, but this? This was amazing. He wrapped his legs around Graham, shifted again, and pulled him closer.

Amazing seemed insufficient, but Graham had never really been a master of verbal subtlety and this was certainly not a situation that would help him become a master of wit in any way.

He worried sometimes that Ripley would find him too intense, would tire of his insatiable hunger for physical intimacy, for passion and affection and desire. It wasn't that the other man was failing to give him what he needed, it was just that he needed it so damn much.

He started to move, pulling out slowly only to thrust back in hard, reluctant to put distance between their bodies and so very eager to close it again. He buried his face against Ripley's neck, muffling his panting moans against the other man's skin.

Ripley was far from being over-whelmed by Graham. He lived for that insatiable hunger in the other man. Tilted his head back and his hips up to try and get more of Graham's body against and in him wherever he could. He had never had as much passion as the other man brought with him to the bedroom directed solely at him, ever.

There were moments when he wondered if he could sustain it. If he'd be enough for Graham or if the other man would tire of him or tire himself out. But Ripley was a positive thinker, and those thoughts tended to fall far from his mind when Graham was destroying his ability to properly think at all. His arms slid up above his head to grip the headboard and keep his body from sliding up along the bed with each thrust, a low, needy groan falling from his lips.

A million hungry thoughts were racing through his mind, voiced only in eager, barely intelligible words of please, yes, more. So it struck him by surprise when the heavy-handed weight of the sandman's call smacked into him and stole away his consciousness.

Like many other time his narcolepsy decided to rear it's head, the muscles in his body very suddenly and unexpectedly went limp beneath Graham until he was nothing more than dead weight.

If Ripley had been conscious for it, he would have been deeply embarrassed and angry at his narcolepsy for interrupting.

As it was, he was blissfully unaware.

Shit.

Shit shit shit.

It took an embarrassingly large effort to stop himself from just... well, continuing. He was shivering as he pulled out of Ripley to lie down on his back next to his lover, panting heavily.

It had been bound to happen, really, what with Ripley's condition and how relatively often the two of them did this. The guy fell asleep during every other conceivable activity so why not this?

Despite it feeling somehow wrong, he wrapped a hand around himself to stroke his painfully hard cock until he arched off the bed screaming out Ripley's name as he came.

After having pulled the condom off and carelessly tossed it on the floor he rolled over on his side to put an arm around Ripley to try and maybe get some sleep himself in the hope that it would make the wait shorter until the narcoleptic woke back up.

When Ripley stirred groggily from the land of dreams and darkness, his brows furrowed slightly as his mind tried to make sense of the jumble of memories from the night before. It was not unusual for him to not remember passing out, especially after a narcoleptic attack. However, as he pieced together their earlier activities with the faint ache to his body and the warm arm draped across his chest, his brows furrowed deeper, drawing down and close together.

Making a small sound of disappointed protest, one of his arms dragged up his body until he could settle an arm over Graham's and twist to curl himself closer to the man's warmth. Ripley was worse than Wolf when it came to waking up. He was always cold and he automatically sought out any warmth within reach.

"Grrhm." His voice was muffled, the slurred speech made even more nonsensical by the pillow his head was laying against.

Thankfully for everyone involved Graham didn't really mind having Ripley wrapped all around him, even if it could sometimes get a little too hot for his taste, especially when Wolf decided to join in.

The muffled mumble combined with Ripley's movements was enough to wake the sheriff up from his relatively light slumber, and his arm reflexively tightened around the other man.

"Hey."

A sleepy greeting to match Rip's.

Ripley was used to embarrassing situations, in all honesty. When you tended to fall asleep without notice at any possible time or place, it was hard not to be used to the embarrassment of waking up after. But of all the times and places he had ever been struck be his narcolepsy, this was by far the worst.

He groaned and draped an arm over his eyes, willing himself to pass back out.

"Ghhd Dahmn." He groaned, sliding his arm away enough to look over at Graham and try to judge the other man's reactions. This was some kind of nightmare.

"Ahm sorry Graahm."

Seriously.

Who does something like that?

THE AWKWARD SEX MEME

Ripley Vance Willems/Rip Van Winkle | OUaT OC | OTA

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And then it got really awkward and frustrated muns whined in a desire for more sexy Gripley times.

dear lord yes

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