Get your gen texts!

[1sts]

texting meme You’ve got your TFLN, you’ve got your sexting, now here’s the meme for all those gen texts, phone calls, voicemails, pictures of your cats, and whatever else your little heart can come up with, because who doesn't like a little old fashioned friendly texting. (Or enemy texting, if that's more your bag.) instructions: What it says on the tin! Leave a comment with your character, include preferences, a start, absolutely nothing or whatever you want. Run around and reply to others. Lather, rinse, repeat.

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Robert Small 🔪 Dream Daddy (a dad dating simulator) 🔪 ota & misfires ✔️

[fourknives]

a. routine sunday morning text. are you alive?

b. woke up naked with a jason mask on and a fat lip. so we had a good night last night, then?

c. i haven't answered because it's my only polite way of saying fuck no

d. [ your text here ]

c

[chaiantwoord]

The Dover Ghost hasn't gotten me yet. Last night was a close call, though.

[fourknives]

[1/3] learn from my mistakes

[2/3] dont fuck with the dover ghost

[3/3] what were u even doing last night

[chaiantwoord]

I went on one of those haunted tours to see what all the hype was about. Apparently the Spoon is haunted? Why didn't you tell me that??

[fourknives]

[1/3] i figured you knew

[2/3] are you honestly telling me you've never noticed the amps and shit over in the open mic corner turn on and off on their own?

[3/3] i've also seen the milk steamer on your espresso machine go off while you were out back

[chaiantwoord]

[1/4] no!!

[2/4] that's terrifying why would you ever tell me that

[3/4] I can't believe my place is haunted

[4/4] guess I gotta add Booberry Pie to the menu

i do what i want

[heckraiser]

(continuing... 😇)

[there's a whole lot of 'like what's that joseph could give. every stupid little fantasy that'd never come true, him and robert together without the tangle of the whole 'marriage' thing-- and it is never forgotten. not really. joseph distracts himself, and he pretends. pretends like he's not made those vows and already broken them several times over. that it's really a lead-up to divorce, but neither he nor mary can commit to even that.

joseph would rather just pretend, and he certainly tries to forget, but it's impossible when it stares him in the face every single day. waits for him, arms crossed and exasperated.]

You with my family, for one. [it would be a lie to say he hasn't thought of what robert would be like in his kids' lives. he knows robert's got a daughter he doesn't talk to, but joseph's never really pushed for details.]

Us taking trips [yeah, on the boat. adventure. something he always yearns for.]

finding the lost shaker of salt together ;)

[and a dumb, trivial in-joke to break the chain because he's already regretting sending off the first bits. he's not even tipsy enough to excuse that, and joseph bites his lip. he wonders if robert will cut him now, right back down to size, for being personal at all.]

CRIES

[fourknives]

[ fuck. Joseph finally manages to actually surprise Robert with that first text. does Joseph actually think of that? Robert with his kids? (a cruel facet of Robert is surprised that Joseph thinks of his kids at all...)

the next few texts barely phase Robert. he stands at his kitchen counter with his open bottle and mug of wine and stares openly at his phone screen.

him...with Joseph's family.

thank god Robert is alone -- as alone as living with Betsy gets, really. he grips his phone tighter and a deep sigh rattles from his chest. he swallows against an uncomfortable tightness growing in his throat. ]

[1/3] idk if you'd want me around your kids. turns out i'm a pretty shitty father

[2/3] but i guess i'd make you look like dad of the year in comparison

[ so we're going full retcon on Mary in this little fantasy, then. Robert feels at a complete loss of what to say. he doesn't mean to sound pandering for ass-pats -- honestly. it was hard not to include 'shitty husband' in his text, because ain't that the truth, but he also...isn't sure how much of this fantasy he should be enabling right now, and 'husband' sure as hell encourages a lot more thought. ]

[3/3] i also don't remember seeing anything about a lost shaker of salt in any of my cryptozoology guides

[ Robert's...trying. trying what -- who the fuck even knows. he's not even sure that last text makes any sense. he forces the mug back to his lips, washing down the urge of overthinking this entire thing. ]

[heckraiser]

Have you maybe checked the index? Under... "B"? For, you know. Buffett.

[just to lighten the mood, he continues. kinda reminds him of the stupid shit he and mary would go back and forth with. back when they actually felt something for each other, when it wasn't like eating glass. robert and him-- it's so rocky, but they manage to still be playful, sometimes...

and sometimes even now, it's a hell of a lot more than that, once alcohol gets involved.]

But yes. I have.

I wouldn't expect you to be perfect. No one is.

[dangerous. extremely. and joseph could throw something in about how jesus loves and accepts regardless, but he knows robert doesn't care about any of that. joseph didn't used to either. now, it's a comforting thought.

comforting, even as he sends these wistful thoughts to robert, knowing he hasn't given the same care toward mary in so, so long. that well of theirs dried up forever ago. no such dreamy aspirations.]

i am both wrecked and inappropriately amused that this is a tag i ever typed in my life

[fourknives]

[ ...okay. Robert won't admit it under pain of death, but the Buffett thing gets a snort out of him.

and he immediately hates himself for it. ]

[1/6] that's what they all say

[2/6] and that's what everyone thinks they mean

[3/6] and that's what you let me think, too

[4/6] but at the end of the day, people either don't know what they bargained for and they find out they bit off more than they can chew, or they're just full of shit

[5/6] you're right, no one's perfect, but everyone thinks of themselves as infallible, and they use that judgment against everybody else

[ Robert doesn't understand why it starts getting so hard to type at first -- thank goodness for autocorrect -- but the tightening in his throat is a dead giveaway. tears don't fall, but they sit heavy over his eyes, blurring his vision. his wine sits completely ignored. ]

[6/6] you might think i'm good enough for margaritaville, but your little audience you pander to wouldn't think i'm good enough for anything. so neither do you

💔

[heckraiser]

That's not true

[but it is. partially. it's the reason he and mary haven't divorced yet. the reason joseph has had a hard time imagining robert at any of the church functions. it's easy to say that he wouldn't care what his community thought, but... he and mary are icons. they are leaders. goals for so many of the members, their so-called perfect and holy union. even if mary hates the crowd and even if she's skeptical of so many of them, she shows up to events and plays a role. people like her, generally, when she's got a handle on the wine she's consumed for the night.

for joseph to just separate from her... and to bring robert along as if nothing was wrong, when he isn't even sure if robert would care to make an impression?

yeah. it's tough. joseph doesn't know what else to say, so he leaves that there.]

[fourknives]

[1/5] probably in your fantasy, it's not

[ people assume Robert of the same addiction to escapism that Joseph has clearly succumbed to. apparently, an interest in cryptozoology and conspiracies means you're trying to run away from the truth.

that's not Robert -- they're secret truths, real truths, hidden away under a canvas of ignorance. Robert is no stranger to ignorance or avoiding responsibility, but he never denied the truths in his life.

so it's hard...it's really fucking hard to escape like Joseph does. because Robert knows that it ends in you waking up to reality -- which is an empty bed.

Robert is still and silent for a long string of minutes, staring down at his phone, eyes seeing nothing. they seem to shut on their own, breaking the daze. he breathes in a sharp breath of air, breathe in the empty reality surrounding him, and he thinks it's almost enough to cut him up on the inside. ]

[2/5] i wish i could be like you

[3/5] i wish i could just pretend it all away for a while

[4/5] i wish it worked for me

[5/5] does it work for you?

[heckraiser]

Yeah, it does.

[that's why he has the margarita zone. the yacht. the yacht that he, sometimes, fucking lived on when things got real bad with mary. he'd tell the kids he was going to be gone for just a few days. then he'd do it, just to get away from the mess brewing inside their home. he was always concerned, leaving mary to the kids like that, to care for them herself. was always concerned something would happen. but-- when she was forced to fend for herself, she usually pulled through, at least.]

But at the end of the day, you know it's not real. Just something to keep you sane a little longer, I guess. A break.

[fourknives]

[ Joseph's finally got Robert at a loss, and he didn't even say anything clever or scathing. It's just the truth.

Maybe that's what's got him. Joseph just...being straight with him. That's kind of fucking rare. ]

[1/5] i don't think i can be your break, joseph

[2/5] maybe if i didn't know you as well, or...

[ ...fuck. Robert doesn't want to have to say this much. despite all the wine, his mouth is feeling pretty damn dry. ]

[3/5] idk

[4/5] if things were different maybe

[ like "you weren't married", or if Robert "didn't have feelings for you"?

but if things were different, then Joseph wouldn't have hurt him the way he did...

...right? ]

[5/5] i'm not tryin to bust your balls but if it were me, and i had a good woman like Mary and beautiful kids like that, i wouldn't need to look for an escape. you're living my fantasy. i wish you could see how good you got it

[heckraiser]

[he flinches inwardly when he reads-- a good woman. you know, part of that is true. it's why he married her in the first place. there is something he loves in mary, even if he does not love her fully. if he is not in love with her.

but robert doesn't see the other side. no, he knows the two of them go out and drink together. joseph doesn't exactly mind, even if it's certainly awkward. he figures mary wouldn't... sleep with robert, and even if for some reason she did, he honestly wouldn't be able to fault her for it. eye for an eye, really.

it's like the three of them can't stay away from things that are bad for them.

rather than try to argue-- he really doesn't want to do that right now, he's been doing it all day with the woman in question-- joseph just says something vague again.]

It would be nice if things were different, wouldn't it.

[a long pause.]

If you ever want a break yourself... or maybe just for me to find that flavor of margarita you might like. ;)

I'm here.

[it feels like stringing him along. joseph hits send anyway. he can't stop himself from wanting. from desiring.]

[fourknives]

[ Robert thinks a miracle must have occurred -- either Joseph has whittled him down somehow, or he's too burnt out on his anger. he reads Joseph's texts and nothing really sparks. too vague. all he feels at that last text is a cold stone in the pit of his stomach. goddamn it, Joseph.

this used to be part of the chase, these little mirages Joseph always laid down. now he isn't sure what this is anymore. it's late and Robert can't stop himself from (albeit, somewhat angrily) wondering just what part of Joseph is still even available to him, for him.

Robert knows he's going to crash on his own couch with the dog in this empty house and he can't stand the thought of it, not when Joseph's got his hook in his rib, not when the night feels like a cocoon that's he's trapped inside. damn it.

Joseph's starting to get into his own head. Robert finds himself thinking he's going to sleep hurting in every possible scenario, so why not enjoy it a little first... ]

[1/3] i like pineapple. but i hate pina coladas, so keep that coconut shit far away from me

[2/3] also idk if you've ever had mexican candy, but one time i had a rita that was mango and chili, and that thing kicked some serious ass

[3/3] not super spicy tho. just kind of warm

[ as soon as the texts send, Robert is pretty sure he's going to have an honest to god panic attack. what is he doing. ]

[heckraiser]

[if asked, joseph wouldn't have an answer. are you really available? there are enough things in his life that make him want to say yes, but the bind of his marriage cancels all of that out. if maybe he and mary would decide on something, if either of them could bring the subject up without fearing what might come next, maybe joseph wouldn't have to go through this. as it stands, he worries.

figuring robert wouldn't respond or that he'd tell him to go fuck himself, joseph is very, very pleasantly surprised to see these responses. he reads them twice. a little smile forms as he looks at the screen. it's as if he's been given a second chance. (again. and again, and again, and again--)

pineapple with some spice. but not too much spice. no coconut. joseph will remember this.]

That gives me something to work with.

I think I'll be able to sway you yet, Robert.

[fourknives]

[ these two texts back feel like a death sentence. Robert reads them and feels his stomach turn a little bit cold at the draw it pulls on him. Like there's still a possibility--

Joseph's still got his claws in him; Robert reads his phone screen over, seeing the adamant patience and persistence despite his defensive aggression, his attempts at scaring away. he feels a bizarre urge to apologize, as if they'd had an honest to god domestic dispute. he's sorry.

because there's a part of Robert that just assumes when something is wrong with a situation, it's his fault. ]

[1/2] you've swayed me plenty times before

[2/2] so you'll probably sway me again

[ Robert winces as he sends them. can somebody please jump through the window and knock his phone out of his hands? ]

[heckraiser]

[it doesn't take a genius to notice there's something bitter in those words. robert's fighting with himself right now, and joseph can see it in his mind's eye when he thinks of robert right now. texting him back, over and over. it's not always like this. only when joseph gets lucky and robert feels that same longing he does. then they can play this guilty little game of theirs.

is it manipulative of him? sure is. so is flirting. laying it on thick to get someone to like you. joseph's very patient. very persistent. very. he's turned it up a notch, noticing that robert is giving him the time of day-- or night, right now.]

Well, only if you want to.

[a little test. see if robert will accept it. joseph needs to know it. he needs the confirmation they're on the same page, even if it hurts.]

I've made far more vocal haters of fruity drinks change their tune, though. I'm a force to be reckoned with. [he just has to soften it--]

[fourknives]

[ they've always been on the same page, but Joseph is also on other pages too. pages Robert can't be on.

Robert sees all of this, what Joseph's doing -- he's always seen it. honestly, he isn't sure that Joseph ever really pulled the wool over his eyes...perhaps Robert just always chose not to see what always laid just outside the edges of their little margaritaville. ]

[1/2] you know what i want joseph

[ that's always kind of been the problem, hasn't it? ]

[2/2] well you're not wrong about that

[ Robert discovers that at some point, his mug emptied out. when did that happen? he grabs the bottle of wine to refill it when...he decides, fuck it, and drinks from it directly, eyelids flickering heavily. ]

[heckraiser]

[as he waits for the next response, joseph gets up. heads out of the bathroom; the steam's filtered out awhile ago and he's getting a little chilly now. he slips bedclothes on, things airy and comfortable before meandering into the guest room. he didn't feel like sleeping on the couch tonight. this has become routine.

he reclines on the bed, far too invested in this to actually feel sleepy.

you know what i want.

joseph hovers over a reply, chewing his lower lip as he contemplates. wonders if robert will cut him for what he wants to say. it's not fear of desperation: joseph has no problem showing robert how much he wants him. playing hard to get is for the flings, for the men who never mattered beyond a couple of nights spent together.]

Should I come over?

[bad. terrible. oh well. it's easier for joseph to show desire than it is any vulnerability, like something bothering him. hurting him. robert's the one who's good at articulating it, joseph would rather push it away.]

[fourknives]

[ it's hard to think about this clearly. it's hard to think about Mary. it's hard to feel the grooves of the tenets you've punched into stone for so long when your fingers feel so numb.

Robert's pulse spikes when his eyes soak in those four words Joseph sends him. Robert swears he can feel the air around him begin to tense around him. he takes another sip of wine. the atmosphere in this house has never felt emptier, like echoes carry further than is truly possible. Robert doesn't want to be alone in this place.

which is why he goes out so much. bars, shows, the woods -- anywhere is better than being alone in your empty home at the end of the day. Robert knows he can't, and he shouldn't rely on Joseph to be able to fill in that empty space. it's a void only Robert carries. he knows that.

but despite all sensibility, he's holding his phone, typing again. ]

[1/3] no

[2/3] you shouldn't

[ Robert is starting to think, a little, that he's having an out of body experience. he feels completely numb at the skin, but his chest feels almost uncomfortably full of sensation, his pulse pounding, his blood's own heat that seems to keep steadily rising.

he stares at the hole he's begun digging, words cutting into bedrock he's spent so long relying on to hold him up. there's a pause before another text. ]

[3/3] but i want you here

slides in w an A all smooth

[aesculapius]

I feel like I should be the one asking you that.
As a doctor, in the name of science, I need a sample of your liver to better figure out just how one human could ingest so much whiskey and still be conscious at this hour.
I might be curled up in bed, hungover, but I'm still pretty handy with a scalpel. :)

super smooth!

[fourknives]

[1/5] excuse you

[2/5] the only person allowed to scoop out my organs are

[3/5] a. the observing medical examiner when i die

[ if you're ever lucky to sneak a peek at his driver's license, you might catch the organ donor symbol printed on it. yup. (not that there will be much to use, between being a smoker and a drinker...hey, it's the thought that counts!) ]

[4/4] or b. whoever gets the jump on me and takes me out. if my insides end up on the black market, then i deserved it

[5/5] so what i'm saying is you're gonna have to kill me for em

she shouldn't take it as a challenge but listen?

[aesculapius]

( well if that isn't an invitation she isn't sure what is. )

can i call dibs then
i'd treat the even colder you very well ♡

( like -- smoker and drinker status aside, the black markets would have a use for it somewhere for sure? call it a liver marinated in whiskey and aged to perfection. not that she'd jeopardize her license like that, but still. )

i wouldn't even sell it
just keep it in a jar

( is she being serious? probably a little. )