bakerstreet | hungry hungry hippos

The FEED ME, SEYMOUR! meme

Man, you're hungry. You can't remember ever being this hungry before. But every time you try to put something in your mouth, it just won't work. Maybe it slides off your tongue before you can bite down. Maybe your spoon seems to come against some invisible force field every time you try to lift it. Maybe there is no spoon! But either way, you literally cannot feed yourself, and you're getting hungrier and hungrier...and all you can think of is, please, won't someone feed me?

Because, you're soon finding out, it seems the only way to get anything in your mouth is by someone else's hand.

001 - Breakfast in Bed - Oh God, I'm so hungry I can't stand. Scream at your roommates, because you just can't get up. Hopefully there's some Egos in the freezer they can make for you while you clutch your pearls and cry in bed about how despicable it is for your roomie to find you in such a state, since you sleep in Spider-Man boxers/the nude/a long white gown like an old lady.

002 - I've fallen and I can't get up! - You couldn't get that sandwich in fast enough, or at all. So weak and dizzy you can't stand, you desperately start crawling towards the kitchen (or the bar where you keep limes, lemons, and your secret fudge cakes) and bemoaning your fate when your best friend/worst enemy happens to drop by. Will they feed you? How good are you at begging, buddy?

003 - The Brew that is True - Man, this sucks. You're stuck with someone you don't really trust, and they're the only one that can get something edible in you. They're suspicious, though, and maybe they've tried to kill you before. You could take what they have to offer, but you're not sure about the way it's fizzing. They wouldn't poison you in your current state, that's foul play and totally undignified! You're not frothing at the mouth now, are you...?

004 - The least romantic dinner in the world - You've looked forward to going out to this very busy restaurant/cafe/diner for so long now and you feel like you'll slump over the table while your stomach rumbles out a heavy metal beat. Your beloved has to decide if they're too embarrassed to feed you in public or if you're really worth feeding like a baby while people stare. Hope it's not the first date!

005 - Oh my God, I fucking hate you - Your companion is kind of a joker, but you never thought they'd take it this far. Oh yeah, they're going to feed you, hooray! But who the hell eats a sandwich with cherries, spinach, half a container of mustard, two dill pickles, all covered in paprika and oregano? That's is so gross, dude, I'm going to kick your ass when this is over with.

006 - Blackmail - Oho, how the great have fallen! You'll be fed, but there will be pictures taken for later purposes. You want to have a great presidential/prime minister/tzar/grand poobah campaign? Ha-ha-ha, that's funny. Here, drink from this baby bottle while I film it, you'll never see that career you wanted. All is lost, buddy, unless you want to starve to death. Ha-ha-ha.

007 - Obligatory Sex Option - The person you've been eying for so long, dreaming about, and yet never quite able to reach is at your mercy. You'll save them from a miserable death...if they give you something to take away from it when it's all been said and done. Or maybe you'll feed them bit by bit juuust enough to keep their stamina going without being able to get completely free. No one ever said you had morals, after all.

008 - DO MY BIDDING - For some reason, you're under the impression that everyone is obligated to serve you. Not just because you're hungry, but because you're also the most awesome thing that ever awesome'd all over the place of awesome. With your attitude, though, how far can you get with them? Don't catch the vapors now, Malfoy, or Hagrid will force feed you his rock cakes.

009 - Wildcard - Do whatever the fuck you want, man, it's all about having fun.

hungry hungry hippos

Rick Bradbury | Ex Machina