Woke Up In Jail Meme

Where are you? Why is your bed so hard? Why is someone peeing right by your head? Oh right. Because you got pinched last night. Welcome to the slammer, baby.

Post with your character name/fandom/options preferences.

Use RNG to pick your possible scenario - or just go with what you'd like most.

Reply to other people's tags. Use RNG or decide what your part in the whole kerfuffle is.

Enjoy the confusion.

Reasons you're in Jail:
1. Public urination/defecation - You just couldn't hold it, could you? Well, you should have. Now you're waking up with someone doing the same all over your feet. Good job.

2. Drunk and disorderly conduct - "Wassat, occifer? No... I'm not dru-*hic* drunk. I'm unner the legal limit. Wooo!" No, no you're not. You're way over. Sleep it off, buddy.

3. Vandalism - Oh, you naughty thing. You got busted stealing that 'Chickens X-ing' sign. Or was it drawing boobs on the drive-thru clown? Either way, tsk tsk.

4. B&E - Apparently your friend didn't think you kicking in his window to sneak in and leave him a 'present' was as good of an idea as you thought it was. Well, no love for HIM. *hmph*

5. Grand Theft Auto - The car was BEGGING to go for a ride. It called to you with its sireny car-call. And you just had to answer. If it hadn't been for the damn spike belt...

6. Kidnapping - Trust me, there are better ways to get money to pay for your Bieber concert tickets.

7. Murder - Talk about being caught red handed. You got caught red armed. And faced. And front. You're messy.

8. Any/all of the above - Ooooh... You've been REALLY naughty, haven't you? Actually, you kind of scare me.

Relationship of the person tagging:
1. Cohort in Crime.

2. Person coming to bail you out. (or not)

3. Jailer/Warden.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Tony's cool from his shades to his swagger. And from the way he talks to one of the officers, he's no stranger to this place. As he approaches Barton's cell, off come the dark glasses. One would have thought that they'd send a real SHIELD agent in for this one. Why is Stark here then? What gives?]

Nice cage.

[Yeah, what gives? Barton is sat there, still covered in bloodstains, its even smeared over his face slightly.]

Funny.

[It isn't]

What are you doing here, Stark?

I volunteered. [He didn't.] I just had to see this for myself.

[Tony threads his hands and forearms through the bars, leaning on the thick metal, and tosses Barton a pack of handy wipes. No one yells at him for that either.]

Clean up. You're not getting in my car like that.

Yeah, well, laugh it up.

[He catches the wet wipes, moving to clean himself up.]

So you're my extraction? I take it Fury doesn't know squat about this?

[He gives Stark a look.]

And, if so, how can you afford to pay off murder?

[He doesn't like it. Sometimes people get hurt when they fight but Tony does his best not to get anyone killed if he can manage it. But Barton-- This is his job. SHIELD sometimes needs to take people out to make more people safe. Such is life.]

Um. Assassination. And have you seen the size of my house?

[He's good for it.]

Better question is: how did you get caught?

[And Barton's one of the best. In fact, he is probably in the top five of SHIELDs rota of assassins. Stark's question is valid: How did he get caught?]

That's classified. [And from the look on Clint's face, something he'd rather not talk about.] Hope you got a spare set of clothes there, too.

You know I'm just going to hack into the data warehouse and find out eventually.

[It's his favorite activity other than inventing and driving his car like a maniac and being Iron Man. He tosses Barton an old t shirt and a pair of jeans with questionable stains on them before discretely plopping a little sanitizer in his palms.]

I came prepared. There's even some newspaper in the backseat in case you have an accident.

[Hack all you want, Tony, this Hawk is staying quiet... He really doesn't want to talk about it.]

How'd you find me before SHIELD did?

[And evasive tactics as he pulls on the clothes and ignores the newspaper jab. The bloodied leather jacket? That's staying, though he holds it so the blood doesn't go everywhere. He even doesn't comment on the stains and state of the clothes he's been given.

He just wants out.]

Just hurry up.

[He isn't sure how much time they have. Probably not much. In and out. He'd seen enough spy movies to know the drill. In and out doesn't mean arguing over a blood stained leather jacket, but Tony's germaphobia is giving him issues at the moment. He hands over a plastic bag (not a supermarket bag, Tony doesn't grocery shop). That should make it clear where the jacket ought to go.]

Head down, Shaken Not Stirred. Don't talk to anyone.

[And Barton has been through this enough times to know exactly what to do. He bundles his jacket into the bag and gets to his feet, head low as he clutches the bag to his chest. His movement has a slight limp to his left leg. Looks like the reason he couldn't get away was because he got hurt...

... And he looks to be putting up with a lot of pain to move. Pulled muscle, sprain at the worst.]

[Tony doesn't say a word to Barton as they walk, his own gait easy and loose. The man missed his calling in life, evidently. He could have been a pretty damned good spy actually. And that's why he makes such a good business mogel, likely. Tony plays it off pretty well, all smiles as Barton follows him straight out to the garage. If Tony's relieved that they've made it without being harassed, he doesn't show it.]

Try not to grime up the seats.

[Barton follows close behind, keeping up despite his injury. If he's surprised or relieved to be free, he doesn't show it.

As soon as they get to Stark's car, he climbs in.]

Just drive before your little bri--

HEY!!

--be wears off...

[Why, yes, that was a cop yelling at them, there.]

Sorry! Send me a bill for resurfacing!

[It happens. Tony drives like his house, wife, new born baby, dog, and goldfish are all on fire or he has to pee really really badly. He whips out of the garage and onto the main road, heading away from Stark Tower.]

[Well, there's no sirens yet, so Clint's just going to slump in his seat and relax a tad, still hugging the bag with the jacket in it.]

You didn't answer my question. And why waste your own money? SHIELD would have extracted me sooner or later.

Yeah, sure they would.

[He doesn't mean for that to sound sarcastic but pretty much everything that Tony says? It's sarcastic. He takes another curve at high speed and joins the thick of Manhattan traffic towards Jersey. Maybe he should have brought the plane.]

[Clint just eyes Tony, before sighing and looking down at his leg for a second.]

Stark, just tell me what's going on.

Ahh, well, we might have been a slight be compromised. Nothing to worry about.

[He grins happily and shrugs as if it's nothing at all.]

Compro-

[Clint cuts himself off, thinking. That would make sense... Though...]

How, and how much is 'a bit'?

Uh. A whole lot. I don't know how deep it goes just yet. But they've been fiddling around in my own systems longer than I really want to admit to you.

You know how far it goes down?

[Because infiltration will certainly explain the failed mission.]

Jarvis is running scrubbers.

[And someone sent Natasha to kill him. That...doesn't bode well. He doesn't really feel comfortable telling Clint that, though. Cap hadn't believed him.]

It's close to home. People we know close.

[And that's all Clint needs to know.]

I need my bow.

[Fuck medical attention, he needs to be able to defend himself.]

Woke Up In Jail Meme

Woke Up In Jail Meme

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