ryann comes in jars ([personal profile] cornichaun) wrote in [community profile] bakerstreet2017-04-22 08:32 pm

Aftercare Meme

THE AFTERCARE MEME


Sexual play can be intense. It can be emotional - it can be exhausting. It's essential to take time after to reaffirm, cuddle and comfort, apply any first aid, and relax.

PROMPTS:
1: ROUTINE. This is how you always do it; maybe it's complicated, maybe it's simple, but it has the comfort of ritual.
2: BROKEN. You're proud, you're confident, you're cocky, but this has cracked through the shell and left you open and needing.
3: SUB DROP. Withdrawal from the endorphins leaves you exhausted and unhappy. Someone needs to help with that.
4: DOM DROP. Dominating has really taken it out of you - maybe it's the submissive's turn to give some comfort.
5: SAFEWORD. You got interrupted in the middle: everything became too much, and someone used the safeword. Time to talk it out.
6: NONE. Your lover is cruel, and doesn't give you the aftercare you need.
7: WITH SOMEONE ELSE. You seek your comfort and your affirmation from someone besides your lover.
8: FIRST TIME. You've never done this before. The experience, the sensations - it's all new, and it leaves you all the more disoriented.
9: SECOND ROUND. Time for another go?
10: WILD CARD. For everything else!
shieldborne: (Default)

For magpiemythos

[personal profile] shieldborne 2017-04-25 03:01 pm (UTC)(link)
When he met him previously on the field of battle, Steve thought Loki had a brittle, hungry look. He thinks too much. Something was eating him from the inside out; he's surer of that in retrospect even than he was at the time, when Bruce so eloquently described him as 'a bag full of cats'. He even pities him, in hindsight, although he wouldn't change any of his own actions in response to the threat he posed.

It might be that prior sense of uncertain pity that makes him receptive when this alternate Loki appears, evidently from another universe entirely (another Yggdrasil? Steve isn't sure how these things work, and listening to the explanations from Thor and Loki has not been all that enlightening). On the whole though, this version of the trickster is not much like the Loki he once fought. He looks younger, for one thing, and less haunted, which makes him seem more puckish than threatening. It seems reasonable to assume that he has the same powers, and they would all very much prefer he not overuse them in any capacity while on their turf, but when he appears and reappears, visiting the tower like he's an old friend, Steve's capacity to be wary gets worn down quickly.

Maybe he'll be trouble later, or maybe he won't. Maybe he'll even be an ally. But it wouldn't be fair to treat him like an imminent danger before he's actually done anything wrong. That's not how justice works.

Eventually, Steve has to admit to himself he's a little charmed. There' s a something like youthful exuberance in this Loki, and when Steve finds himself coaxed into accompanying him to a movie, he realizes it gives him a feeling of nostalgia. Not that Loki is quite like Bucky was when they were barely-more-than-boys kicking around Brooklyn, and Steve isn't the man he was then anymore anyway, but the situation, the banter, the casual atmosphere...that's something he's been missing.

With all this in mind, he's not completely surprised to get a text from Loki late at night on an otherwise-quiet weekday. Steve keeps all hours, anyway, so while it's odd to hear from Loki in the dead of night, it's not really an inconvenience. Obligingly, he meets him at the side entrance to the Tower, riding down in the freight elevator and unlocking the door for him.

"It's almost midnight," he says by way of greeting, although he doesn't really care about the hour. "Everything okay?"

He's more amused than concerned, assuming this is just a whim, like his visits usually seem to be.
magpiemythos: (like you don't trust me or something)

Casually tl;drs everywhere

[personal profile] magpiemythos 2017-04-25 07:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Yon Cassius has a lean and hungry look.’ The newcomer might comment when the incarnation here was mentioned. A true comment if said in jest, in an easy tone with a sympathetic smile. Loki knew how he could be. He knew how he had been, how the Loki that Was of his own home had done terrible, awful things, had been just the sort of threat that the Avengers of this world had battled. But he knew he didn’t want to be that anymore. No more boxes, not for this little trickster.

Of course if Steve mentioned his suspicion of something eating at him, the younger Loki would simply laugh, though there was something there behind the mirth, something tense and almost frightened if the Avenger turned his head and squinted, though when pressed there was nothing forthcoming on that subject. Loki was a slippery thing when it came to keeping things to himself, and if pressed too far would simply vanish, ending the conversational thread in a more direct manner.

He seemed content to keep his head down in general, and aside from his shapeshifting, which he explained as simply a part of him instead of some spellwork, he was almost… wary of using his actual magic. If asked he just made an off-hand joke about the ‘big red button’, but otherwise once again was evasive with answers, as seemed to be the case with many things. And even his absolute delight at the culture of Earth didn’t explain how carefully he avoided being around Thor long, or the fact that the Asgardian prince might report that there had been no sign of him even trying to come near Asgard.

Easy enough to assume bad blood, but there was something in the younger man’s carriage when anywhere near his other-dimensional brother. Pain, yearning, both hidden behind smiles and teasing whenever they absolutely had to interact. Otherwise though, he was happy to stick to bothering Steve whenever he did show up, though the man would notice that more often than not he was dragged out for their little get-togethers, even on occasion back to the Manhattan apartment that Loki had acquired for himself.

It was an unspoken deal that he’d started, actually requesting entry instead of sneaking in to surprise someone. He knocked at a door and in turn if any of the Avengers came snooping around his place, they returned the favor. If only because Natasha discovered that sneaking in found them nothing but a empty apartment that looked nothing like the one that was behind the door whenever Loki himself answered the door, but no one, not even Loki said a word about that detail. Showing up in the dead of night to drag Steve off on an adventure was nothing new, but the lack of armor. He might not be up to something but he did like the general reactions of confusion that his usual garb got, so tended to keep more casual Earth-style clothing for when he was staying in.

Showing up at the Tower in jeans, sneakers and a green hoodie wasn’t the norm. Nor was just how pale he was, the almost fragile too-sharp edge to the smile he wore, the fever-like brightness to his gaze.

“That late already? You won’t turn into a pumpkin when the clock strikes, will you Cinderella?” A tremor, almost hidden in his tone, hands in the pockets of his hoodie in a way that would almost be casual if not for the fact that he tended to be one to cross arms when he relaxed. Not answering the second part of the question, which in itself was telling that he couldn’t answer honestly and didn’t seem to have redirection in him at that moment.

Trying to act like he was fine, but the parts of the disguise didn’t add up and just served to highlight that all was not right in the world of Loki Laufeyson.
shieldborne: (Pensive)

[personal profile] shieldborne 2017-04-26 03:46 am (UTC)(link)
The way he avoids Thor is the only thing that worries Steve. It implies...something unfortunate, especially since Thor, while consistently determined to protect Earth, also dearly loves his brother. Steve imagines it must have pained him to have to choose one over the other, and judging from Loki's behavior, it's much the same kind of pain to him. It must be, Steve thinks, like if he himself were to be forced to choose between Bucky and the rest of the world.

He has questions, but he'd rather be kind than perfectly informed, so he only asks them when he thinks they're essential. Natasha's account of slipping into the apartment intrigues him. It also reminds him that even if Loki is extraordinarily good at getting along in the world around them (probably better than Steve himself is), he's not your average human. Reality may very well bend around him, for all Steve knows.

But he's playful, and he makes Steve laugh, and if he never knows for certain where he stands with him, at least he starts to anticipate seeing him return to visit.

Tonight, he's pleased by the visit, but the amusement dies as he gets a better look at Loki. Steve notices details, even down to a shift in the pallor of skin or the tension in a man's shoulders. "Not a pumpkin," he says, still smiling, but his eyes are serious. "I guess there's always the possibility I'll shrink back to 5'4" and asthmatic at midnight, but it hasn't happened yet. Come on in. Did you want me to come out with you, or are we staying in tonight?"

His money's on the latter, and he's concerned enough about what he sees to hold out his arm. It's either an attempt to touch his shoulder and usher him in, or a tentative offer of a side-hug.
magpiemythos: (The long walk to nowhere)

[personal profile] magpiemythos 2017-04-26 04:16 am (UTC)(link)
Loki knew that Steve wasn’t blind. That he noticed the avoidance, that he was curious about the differences between him and the Loki of this dimension. But he didn’t push matters, didn’t nag or pry beyond things he might actually need to know in the moment, and for that, Loki was more grateful than the man might know. He was fine with honesty, but he’d also learned that too much honesty just seemed to hurt, to ruin everything good he tried to maintain in his life.

Small doses he could do though.

Another telling note that he barely laughed at the reply just a small breathy huff of amused noise, before there was that light touch of a hand on his shoulder, an offer of affection that if he was in a better frame of mind he might have more easily side-stepped or turned into some sort of easy continuation of teasing. Instead there was barely any hesitation in him just stepping closer, all but burrowing in against Steve’s side. That close the man would undoubtedly feel the way Loki was trembling, no matter how he’d tried to pretend like he was okay before.

“S-staying in.” So much for small doses.
shieldborne: (Analysis)

[personal profile] shieldborne 2017-04-27 02:43 am (UTC)(link)
Despite some opinions to the contrary, Steve has at least a bit of a dark side, and a host of broken spots, all of which he covers up as a matter of course. Some things don't bear dwelling on, not when you have work to do and people depending on you. This is why he craves work to do and needs people depending on him. It's a different kind of avoidant, and it seems to work for him so far. There may be crash some day, and an ugly reckoning, but until then, he keeps himself in motion. So he understands when prying is the wrong thing to do, and that picking at wounds doesn't help them heal.

There, too, he may rely a bit on Loki's quirky, upbeat facade to keep them both from going too far into introspection. That facade is crooked tonight, tenuously clinging to its usual place, and when he touches him, it seems to crumble entirely. For a moment, he's shocked, not sure what to think, but protective instinct is the first thing to kick in. He guides him a bit further inside, pulls the door shut behind them, and then leans against the wall and puts his other arm around him, embracing him. "Loki? What happ--"

No, wait. He cuts himself off, worries his lip, and starts again. "Okay, you know what? I'll worry about that later. Are you hurt?"

That's the first, and most important consideration. Because while Steve can handle human first aid, he's not sure he could do much for a seriously injured demigod.
magpiemythos: (would you turn your back on me)

[personal profile] magpiemythos 2017-04-27 03:18 am (UTC)(link)
As always there was that urge in Loki to press buttons. To poke and push and see just what Steve Rogers was hiding behind that red white and blue, to find out which broken bits got the most reaction. But unlike so many other incarnations, this one seemed at least to be willing to let that sort of thing lie. For the most part anyways, it was still in his nature to seek reactions, to seek outbursts, but at the same time there was a line. Shaky, blurred, a thing still being defined, but he was trying.

For the moment there was no sign of any of it. Mischief, playful teasing, the sharper, more pointed prodding that was rare from him but happened on occasion. Nothing of it was present currently, Loki just letting himself be pulled along by Steve, staying pressed in as close as he could, feeling at least some comfort so far as he picked up on that protective worry, the warmth of the arms around him. Fingers curling shakily in the fabric of Steve’s shirt, though even he wasn’t sure if it was to keep the man there with him, or if he was going to try and push away.

“J-just bruises.” Replied in a low tone, something a bit slurred though he didn’t really notice that part, focused as he was on the feel of that embrace, something steadying in it, and the dark morose thoughts already seeping in. The scene itself had been fine. Restraints and flogging, nothing he couldn’t take, nothing he didn't deserve but…

It seemed that his partner just up and leaving after the scene was done wasn’t doing him any favors tonight. Not that it ever seemed to, but it wasn't every session he felt so low that he couldn't just suffer through it alone.
Edited 2017-04-27 03:57 (UTC)
shieldborne: (Portrait)

[personal profile] shieldborne 2017-04-29 08:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Best he doesn't pry at Steve too hard. He's durable--extremely so--but not unbreakable, and probably tricky to repair should he fall apart. Of course, that doesn't mean he can't take a little needling. Tony certainly does a good job with that, and as long as he doesn't have to be prodded by both Tony and Loki in tandem, he takes jabs and pointed queries with eyerolls and reasonably good humor. Or, at worst, the occasional quiet warning of "not now". In some sense, he welcomes a psychological challenge, if only to remind himself he's still up to facing off against things that are bigger than him.

He does have a temper, but he internalizes so very, very much of it.

He can't entirely object to not having his buttons pushed either, though. "Just bruises," he repeats quietly, noting how he's being clung to. And now, he thinks he knows exactly whats been going on. They don't talk about their sex lives, in particular, but he's observed the occasional telling bruise peering out from under the edges of Loki's clothing. And there have been alterations in behavior subtler and less worrisome than this one; temporary dark moods and fatigue that seem to have come from some event Steve isn't aware of.

Maybe there are a few things he should have pried at, before now. Steve sighs and slides one hand up to brace against the nape of his neck gently, just a different way of holding onto him. "Okay. Let's go up to my quarters. You probably don't want a friendly chat with the others right now. But I've got you. Once you're settled, I'll make you tea or somethin'."
magpiemythos: (I know that it's coming)

[personal profile] magpiemythos 2017-04-29 10:02 pm (UTC)(link)
At least this time Steve didn’t have to worry. Loki tended to be more reckless in those dark moods, more likely to push and needle in a meaner way, to push at the limits and boundaries, but he was too far past that state to want to do anything other than stay right where he was. It was rare for him to feel safe, especially around someone else, and yet here and now, he did.

Just giving a small nod in response to the comment that he might want to avoid the others. Normally he’d be happy to stroll in, see who was there, and see just how much fuss his mere presence caused. Not evil, but he still did enjoy those little games. But at the moment he definitely wasn’t in the mood. The only reason he even wanted to be near Steve was that he just… he knew he shouldn’t be alone.

Steve would likely see new bruises if he looked, peeking under the collar of his shirt between undone laces, raw lines across wrists, usually hidden under his gloves, but he hadn’t bothered with those here.

I’ve got you.

He could feel some of the tension coiled in him easing at the words, something about the reassurance grounding in a way that he hadn’t even realized he needed before showing up here.

“Sounds fine to me…” He must be feeling down; even in his darker moods he rarely let a chance for teasing pass like he was here and now.
shieldborne: (Analysis)

[personal profile] shieldborne 2017-04-30 03:59 am (UTC)(link)
It's a genuine privilege, in Steve's eyes, to be able to be a touchstone for so many extraordinary people, some of them so terribly damaged they struggle to trust anyone. These days, especially, it's something he needs. To feel able to offer support, and make some kind of small difference to the people around him. Because a weak man knows the value of strength, and knows compassion.

He's not certain what's left of the good man Dr. Erskine saw in him. So much has changed, and not always for the better. But someone trusts him, and that gives him a little hope.

Tonight, he's going to ask some awkward questions, as soon as he thinks he can get away with it. Right here, Loki's too close to an easy egress back out into the night, and the last thing he wants is to let him go off alone to suffer. "You're all right to walk, I'm guessing, since you got here alone."

He moves to step toward the freight elevator, guiding the young man along with him. And then, as if it's just occurred to him, he wonders aloud, "What kind of painkillers do people use on Asgard, anyway? All I've got is ibuprofen."

Which is about as useful to him as a tic-tac, and he doesn't know why he bothers to keep it, but at least he doesn't need painkillers often.
magpiemythos: (Ugh fine whatever)

[personal profile] magpiemythos 2017-04-30 04:29 am (UTC)(link)
If Steve actually voiced that concern... Loki could understand the worry, but he couldn't really imagine Steve as anything but good. He had his flaws to be sure, but then... didn't everyone? Even the gods had their flaws and hubris. What was important, at least to Loki, was that Steve tried to be better than whatever flaws and failings he could claim as his own.

"I'm fine to walk, yeah." To a degree at least. Not like he would admit it if he wasn't, and in this state it would be questionable if he'd notice. But luckily Loki seemed steady enough with Steve's assistance, even if he seemed reluctant to move away from him either way. At least that hinted that his want to stay would override his desire to avoid awkward questions.

"Usually we don't really bother for bruises. Salves tend to ease any discomfort and we heal a bit faster than humans do so..." A small shrug, letting Steve lead him further into the Tower and away from the outside world, at least for the moment.
shieldborne: (Portrait)

[personal profile] shieldborne 2017-05-05 02:20 am (UTC)(link)
Maybe that's all any human being can do, in the end: to know they're flawed and try to be better. It's fucking exhausting, but then Steve's never been the type to take the path of least resistance. More the opposite, much to his friends' amusement and annoyance.

He's read some mythology by this point, in a possibly-misguided attempt to catch up on this brave new world he's found himself in, which is apparently one of nine other brave old worlds full of beings he never ever wants to meet (he likes a challenge, but there are limits). The Loki and Thor he keeps reading about do not seem to quite match with the men he's met, and on some level he finds that hilarious, because he knows how legends work. Captain America is purported to have done things that Steve Rogers, for all his crazy recklessness, would have considered foolhardy and/or impossible. Still, maybe there's a grain of truth in all of these stories. He wonders about Loki when he looks out the window at a bright sliver of moon, and now he wonders if there's some sort of healing herb he should have been keeping around just in case of a crisis.

"I have some witch hazel," he offers. "Extract, I mean. Probably suspended in rubbing alcohol. My mother used to use it for bruises."

It works better than ibuprofen, he finds, for after-training aches. That says something about it's efficacy, maybe. Or maybe pain is mostly psychosomatic for Steve up until it comes from an injury as serious as a gunshot wound.

He keeps close to Loki in the elevator, and guides him gently, quietly, down the hall until they reach his own suite of rooms. He's likely at least seen this by now. It's very, very tidy; the bed always seems to be made, the clothes always put away. Tonight is no exception, and he guides Loki to the sofa and tugs an extra cushion off the windowseat for his upper back.
magpiemythos: (would you turn your back on me)

[personal profile] magpiemythos 2017-05-05 05:39 am (UTC)(link)
It’s all anyone can do, human or not. Loki’s been trying, no matter the odds against him. Those self-same myths and legends trying to pull him back to the way every other incarnation had been, insanity and burning that so often personified being Loki. But the Boy had proven they could be different. That change was possible, so who was he to do anything other than try to live up to that same example?

“That should be just fine…” Mumbled in response as he just stayed tucked close to Steve, letting the man lead him to his own room. Sure he’d been there before, but that was usually just a brief foray- checking for the man to drag him out for some fun or mischief. He’d never really stopped to give the place a good look-over before. And while he might usually tease about how neat and tidy things were, that self-same trait here was… comforting. At least a little.

“Topical treatments work the same, it’s the stuff you have to take by mouth or have injected that’s a toss-up.” Sitting with his back against anything? Wasn’t going to happen, not just yet. So instead when Loki settled down, he did so carefully, easing himself to sit, a few inches of empty space between the cushions and his back, leaning his weight against the arm of the couch.

This would probably only last until Steve himself decided to sit, at which point he would be the god’s new makeshift pillow.
shieldborne: (Pensive)

[personal profile] shieldborne 2017-05-07 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
Steve helps him sit on the couch, then closes and locks the door, draws the blinds, and turns the lights on low. Soft, dim light, enough to see by, but gentle to the eyes. He gives him a reassuring smile as he heads for his bathroom to fetch the witch hazel, but there's a flash of concern when he notices the way hes sitting, leaning. Like he's stiff or injured.

Just bruises, he'd said, but that's an indicator of some impressive bruising. He makes a soft, uncertain hum, but hastens to get what he intended. He comes back out of the bathroom with a bottle, a towel, and a couple washcloths, and sets them on the coffee table within reach. Then he stands a moment, considering, and watching Loki's body language.

"...I think maybe you should let me take a look," he says quietly. "I know you're going to heal fast, but you're obviously sore."

He sits beside him then, and puts his hand against the back of his neck, ruffling his hair a little. "What do you really need, though? Just contact? Company?"

I wish you wouldn't do this to yourself. He doesn't voice that thought out loud. As much as he understands it's consensual, what Loki gets up to, an expression of his desires, truly something he's doing to himself, choosing for himself...it doesn't feel right, to see him like this. Not without trying to protect him from a recurrence.

"Do you even actually know what you need?" He says without thinking, and then feels bad he phrased it that way and tries to soften it by putting out his arms in an offer to hold him again.
magpiemythos: (the bitter rewards of truth)

sorry this took so long, rl kicked me in the teeth there for a bit XD

[personal profile] magpiemythos 2017-05-14 02:31 pm (UTC)(link)
It was certainly telling, when instead of deflecting or denying the offer of assistance with a smile and casual wave of his hand, Loki just... nodded.

"Probably not a bad idea." Spoken not much louder than Steve was, subdued in the same way his body language was. Just leaning slightly into that light run of fingers over his hair, craving the contact even if he wasn't entirely aware of the way he'd responded. And in truth, Steve didn't need to feel bad about his phrasing, as the comment was almost identical to what his question had sent rattling through Loki's thoughts, so similar that it startled a laugh from him, something thin and brittle no matter the bloom of ache it brought with it.

"Do I ever?" He muttered, even as he shifted the way he sat to just burrow into the offered embrace, legs drawing up to let him curl more securely against the man. He barely even knew what he was looking for in these sessions he'd indulge in, which might explain why he'd been drawing such poor partners lately, the ones who saw the self-destructive guilt he carried and fed into it instead of digging deeper. It was a hard thing to say they were doing it wrong when that little voice in the back of his head just said he deserved it all, with that same guilt scratching up and down his spine almost exactly like the ache of fresh bruises.
shieldborne: (Portrait)

not a problem! Glad to have you back!

[personal profile] shieldborne 2017-05-15 02:47 am (UTC)(link)
"Ohhh..." Both concerned and dismayed, Steve sighs and gathers the young man closer. "I didn't mean that to sound harsh..."

Although, really, Steve is capable of brutal honesty, but that was more of an impulsive outburst. In any case, he's more of a mind to be reassuring right now. He's going to have to move in a short while to get a look at these bruises, but he's sure they're nothing immediately threatening to Loki's life or long-term health, so they can wait.

He's going to keep stroking his hair as long as he's getting away with it. "You're pretty reckless," he tells Loki with a sigh. "And I'm not sure I'm the right guy to tell you not to be."

Which may be why he's come to Steve, upon reflection. "But I do give a damn. If you're gonna go this rough, you need someone to take care of you afterward. Whatever it is you're trying to escape or let go of or atone for...breaking yourself isn't going to fix it."

Gently, he tries to cup Loki's chin and tilt his face toward his a little more. "Okay? Just think about it."
magpiemythos: (Oh my heart was flawed)

Thank you! I'm totally digging this thread Steve is such a doll

[personal profile] magpiemythos 2017-05-15 03:44 am (UTC)(link)
"It wasn't harsh." True sure, and the truth always seemed to hurt for him but there had been worse, there always was, and definitely from people who didn't seem to have his best interests in mind like Steve seemed to... for whatever reason. And Loki wasn't upset over it, not with Steve and certainly not enough to want to pull away, especially not with the soothing quality the man's presence offered, that light, reassuring touch different than the harsh handling earlier in the evening in a way he hadn't realized he needed until here and now.

"...If I am broken maybe I won't-"

Become him.

Not something he'd even thought about in relation to his proclivities but could that explain it, this sudden drive to find the most brutal partners available? He'd excused it to himself before as just an extension of his desire to test boundaries, that you didn't know how hard you were pushing, how fast you were going without resistance, a wall to hit. But at the same time that never rang true. It wouldn't be the first time his sense of guilt led him to disaster. With a quiet huff he just shook his head, dismissing what he'd been saying with a small frown.

"I'm not even sure what I'm looking for out of it anymore." Muttered as a sort of quiet agreement, as Loki simply tilted his head to rest against Steve's chest, soaking up the warmth of him, the solid reassurance his presence offered. He felt okay admitting that much at least. And it was true. He'd known before exactly what he wanted, what he needed. But nowadays, like everything else in his life, Loki was... uncertain about his wants and needs, which didn't help matters. Just left him floundering, escalating in some reckless attempt to find his footing again.
shieldborne: (Analysis)

he likes to be caretaker.

[personal profile] shieldborne 2017-05-16 02:50 am (UTC)(link)
Steve stills at the second statement. 'Maybe I won't...' what? Steve can think of a few possible endings to that, but they're all based on his own experiences, his own dark places. He's not sure he knows Loki well enough to guess accurately at any parallels.

He sighs again and resumes stroking him a moment later, keeping to his head and neck out of worry he'll jar those bruises. "I don't want to push you away, you know? If I knew what you were running from, maybe I could help, but maybe that's not my place. But I am glad you came here tonight, to me. So...keep that in mind. If you want to talk, I want to listen, but if not, remember you can come to me."

He closes his eyes, quieting to let Loki consider what he's said and make what he will of it. And in the meantime, Steve can wonder to himself when it became so vital to him that he play a positive role in this Loki's life. It's not just the idea of a potentially useful ally any longer. This is not strategic. Probably that's a good thing. People are more important than strategy.
magpiemythos: (what a way to hang your head)

Precious golden retriever masquerading as a person

[personal profile] magpiemythos 2017-05-16 04:28 am (UTC)(link)
He fell silent as Steve spoke, still aside from the tremor still running through him. And while he always did run cooler than the average person, on account of the Jotun blood in his veins, Steve would find the skin his fingers slipped over as he shifted from stroking hair to petting chilled even for Loki. Not that he said anything about it, just stiffly curling against him for the moment.

"The box with my name on it." Said in a quieter, dull sort of tone after a long, heavy moment. "All the evil I could do, the horrible person I could be, all inside it. Sitting there waiting for me to succumb to the stories, to the expectations of everyone you'd think would want me to be better, but instead just want their god of evil back." Bitterness there in the words and as low as Loki felt, if he thought on it, he might peg this sharing as a way to try and push Steve away. Not out of cruelty or hatred, but...

No one could be his friend without being hurt. It would be better if the man gave up on him now, before it was anything more serious.

"If I break, perhaps the burning that comes with that title would be enough to end me instead of being locked back in that box." With the 'future' version of himself back home, everything he hated and feared about what he could be at his mother's right hand whispering poison into her ear, he didn't hold much hope anymore that he could escape their designs for him. All he could do was self-destruct and hopefully protect everyone else in the process. If he wasn't in such a poor emotional state he might realize the folly, but when he was upset Loki never was a very rational creature.
shieldborne: (Uniform)

just a big floofy blond.

[personal profile] shieldborne 2017-05-18 03:28 am (UTC)(link)
Cold. He feels cold. Steve has a complicated relationship with the chill, and while he knows about Loki's heritage--or at least, about the complicated heritage of the Loki of his world, and therefore he has some basis to make assumptions--it strikes him as a bad sign on more than one level. Absently, he gropes the back of the couch, where there's a small throw blanket with a logo from the last Stark Expo (guess who gave him that?). He pulls it down and tucks it clumsily against Loki while trying to watch his face and listen to his voice for nuance.

The even, heavy tones are not reassuring, but they're also very distantly removed from the vivacious theatricality of the other Loki's delivery. The words are English, perfectly clear, but Steve nevertheless feels a little like his friend is speaking a foreign language. A box? Burning? He wasn't prepared for this complexity, but he's never been one to back down from something he wasn't prepared for.

"I don't think evil needs a god," he offers mildly, as if they're just discussing a philosophical question at the moment. "Or a face, or a representative. There's a little of it in all of us no matter what."

He nudges his forehead against him gently and sighs. "You're talking about expectations, or destiny itself? If it helps at all...I prefer you unbroken, and trying to do your best."
magpiemythos: (Not the story I'd hoped to be telling)

H*ckin' good Cap, 13/10 would pat.

[personal profile] magpiemythos 2017-05-18 02:00 pm (UTC)(link)
It was… a long story. A long and complicated story, and if he were to tell the whole of it, Loki couldn’t help but fear what Steve might think of him for it. Just tucking under the offered warmth of the blanket being draped over him, keeping himself curled securely against Steve.

And if it meant that he couldn’t meet the man’s gaze, that would be just fine for now.

“Perhaps. But people are more comfortable when it does have a face. A name to attach blame to when poor choices lead to misery. Especially Asgardians, stubborn and resistant to change as they are. It was my own poor choices that led to my being stuck with the title. I’m a creature born of story and myth, when my brother decided to come to Midgard and fight alongside our Avengers, I thought nothing of following to oppose him merely to be contrary. A silly jealous impulsive choice to carry brotherly rivalry from Asgard to Earth with no thought for the archetype that would make me in the story.”

The small laugh that slipped from him at what Steve said after certainly wasn’t born of humor- it was barely discernible from a sob in tone. Would he feel the same once he’d learned the whole of what had happened to make Loki what he was? Or like Thor would he turn away?

“You… seem to be the only one, Steve.” What should have been a low, sardonic tone instead just… sounded small, fractured in a way.
Edited 2017-05-19 11:39 (UTC)
shieldborne: (Portrait)

[personal profile] shieldborne 2017-05-29 01:15 am (UTC)(link)
Steve might as well be snuggling with a nuclear bomb right now, as far as power and danger in potentia are concerned. He's dimly aware of this, on some level. Of course, the same could easily be said of most of the other people he knows. It's too much to think about what they might do or could do. And as far as what they have done...objectively he can see the argument that some of them should be locked away, but you can't redeem yourself from inside a cell.

Whatever Loki's done or might still do, it can't be made better, or balanced, or countered, by cruelty or self-destruction.

"Well...I have a little bit of an idea what it's like to fight people's expectations of you," he says. "They told my mother I'd never walk, or read, or finish school. I guess that's not the same thing, but it's something. I wanna see you be better than anyone ever thought you could be."

He runs his fingers through Loki's hair gently, content despite the gnawing feeling that he's in way over his head with this one. He's still going to try to help. "Do the stories people tell about you really affect who you are, or what you do? Literally?"
magpiemythos: (what a way to hang your head)

[personal profile] magpiemythos 2017-05-29 01:50 am (UTC)(link)
He wasn't sure what to say to Steven. That dark, broken, self-destructive part of him wanted to snap, to snipe about how it certainly wasn't the same. But at the same time, he was brought up short by what he said along with it. Something he... wasn't sure he believed anymore. That anyone ever wanted to see him be more than Loki, God of Evil. But somehow, coming from Steve? He wanted so badly to believe it.

And that? He wasn't sure how to feel about that. In a way it was frightening. Another person to disappoint. Another person to let down, like he'd let down Thor back home. Loki wasn't sure if he could take someone looking at him with that hurt again, that dawning realization of the idea that he might never be better, no matter how he tried.

"Literally." Said quietly, the god not moving from his spot against Steve, not with the warm reassurance of him, the soothing feel of fingers in his hair. "I'm not sure how your world's Asgardians are, but back home, we're literally created from the stories told. Gods in truth, bound to our tales. Like... oh, a bird. They still fly, they still dip and turn and soar, but gravity is still there. They always have to land. Our myths and legends are that to us. Gravity. Others have a gentler landing, but all there is for me is that same box. Evil, insane, always burning."

"It's why I worked for the Allmother. Every task completed for Asgard meant an old myth erased, both from story and memory, replaced with tales of my good deeds, such as they were at times." A small huff of noise, another not-laugh as Loki curled in a bit more, almost hiding his face against Steve. "For all the good it would do. She had other plans, meant to see me hit the ground so hard that any thought of rising past it again would be gone."
shieldborne: (Analysis)

[personal profile] shieldborne 2017-05-29 02:11 am (UTC)(link)
Steve is silent for a long time, turning this over in his brain. It's all a little too existential for him, maybe, but he can't let go of the thought of how horrible it would be to have so much of what and who you are dictated by what other people believe of you. Like being a snake devouring its own tail.

He's never been so glad to be human before. Even a weird, altered, misbegotten science experiment of a human. It's bound to be easier.

"Can...people make new stories, then, and change things for the better?" Even as the words come out of his mouth, he feels like it's painfully naive to ask, and hopes he hasn't just driven Loki away out of sheer annoyance. But if no one else is helping him, then goddammit, Steve has to try to figure something out.

"I'm not sure it's fair to blame you for things beyond your control..." He adds in a low voice.
magpiemythos: (nowhere to lay my head)

[personal profile] magpiemythos 2017-05-29 02:33 am (UTC)(link)
Whatever Loki had expected, whatever he thought Steve would come back with, it certainly wasn't that. Shifting to look up at him, unable to help the slight confused crinkle of his brow. As if the idea of someone wanting to help him like that, to put that sort of effort into his cause was something entirely alien to him.

"I... I'm not sure." He replied slowly, weighing the idea in his mind. "I don't see why not. I just... know it's not easy. Thousands of years of stories, versus the new."

Even his own actions were like a grain of sand against a mountain. He couldn't change his stories, not against the grain of what already existed. As if it wasn't accepted if it didn't already match what was there. But someone else, someone without the gravity of Loki to weigh them down.

"I suppose every little bit helps, right?" A small, wan smile accompanying the statement. Because new stories would help. But at the same time, with so many old stories to overshadow the new, and no way to wipe them away... it might take quite a long time. And he wasn't sure how long he could keep flying like this.

"I had a choice." Not anything good, but he'd accepted this idea at least. "Instead of falling. I mean, you can't be a very effective God of Evil if you go and die on them, right?"

A small shrug as he said this, with a grimace. "By the time I realized what happened, I think it was too late for that anyways. I was too far gone. Once you start burning... you don't want to stop. It's almost addictive."
shieldborne: (Portrait)

[personal profile] shieldborne 2017-05-29 03:45 am (UTC)(link)
That sad, quizzical look is both endearing and heartbreaking. Steve ruffles Loki's hair gently and gives him a lopsided smile. "Well...worth a try, then."

He gives him a light kiss on the top of the head, then closes his own eyes. Gods and falling and burning. He's going to have to ask more questions later, when Loki is in a better frame of mind, and when Steve has had a chance to process some of this. "I guess most people get the choice to lie down and die, but it's not an attractive option."

"So...I'm not much of a storyteller, but I still draw, you know. And I have a new set of watercolors. I could paint a portrait of you; maybe it'd count. This is Loki, who texts me at weird hours and drags me to movies and is therefore unqualified to be the God of Evil." Truth be told, he's already done a couple sketches here and there, but not from life, and he usually doesn't admit to these things.

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