bakerstreet | I JUST... REALLY LOVE XENOMORPHS

I JUST... REALLY LOVE XENOMORPHS

IN SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU MEME

Sure we've got your fun interplanetary romps, your space spaghetti westerns, your xenoromance. This is none of those things. This is you getting lost in the depths of space. This is you being stuck in a silent hulking dead ship with no idea where to turn. This is you hiding in the dark and hoping the creature doesn't see you. This is you, surviving some kind of horrors. Or not. Do your best.

THREAT

• YOU HAVE MY SYMPATHIES Xenomorphs, facehuggers, necromorphs, predators, whatever: the threat you're up against is some kind of being you've never seen before. Perhaps they're engineered somehow, perhaps they've evolved this way. Either way, I hope you can figure out how to kill them before they kill you.
• I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT Why the hell did we think building un-tethered AI was a good idea? Your threat is an android, or a ship's AI, or I don't know, a sentient race of evil ships that want to destroy all life and suck it into tubes to make a weird baby shaped ship. WHATEVER. The point is, technology is going against you. Can you beat out something with that much processing power? Maybe having bigger firepower will help.
• I LOVE... ROCKS Your threat is environmental. An exploding sun, an alien planet with an inhospitable atmosphere, your ship's life support systems have failed, your shuttle has gone down in flames. Can you cobble together some way to fix the problem before you all die?
• THIS IS NOT A RESCUE SHIP Screw the other problems, what you're up against are HUMANS. Or, you know, whatever species/race matches yours. We're not xeno-racist here. Anyway, you're being targeted by your own. Maybe you're in the way of a scientific development, or you've become expendable, or they want to take over your ship, or they're just plain evil.
• ABOUT 15 SECONDS Holy shit. Holy... shit. You were outside your ship making repairs and you got knocked off track. Maybe your fancy magnetic boots failed. Maybe some debris from your ship took you down with it. Either way, your space walk has become a space "holy shit help I'm going to get spaced, someone get me back on board." Try not to panic.
• WE'RE THE ENEMIES You've been out in space too long. Everything is going strange and everything is a threat. Is your space sickness psychological or physiological? Is it spreading? Is there a cure?

LOCATIONS

• PLANETSIDE Crash landed. In an outpost. Building a new life. You're on a planet not your own and things are going horribly wrong. What can you do when you have no way home?
• STATION SWEET STATION Whether you're out in your ship or in a streamlined space station, things are rotten in Denmark. You'd better fix that circuitry before you all die. Just a suggestion.
• THE GAPING MAW There's nothing around you and all you can hear is your breathing. Are you calm? Panicked? What's it like floating in the vast expanse of space?
• IT'S INEVITABLE You're lost in your own head. You can be anywhere, but maybe you're the threat because you've short-circuited from being in space too long. The mind can only take so much. Try to be gentle. Try to breathe. No one's after you, it's all in your head.

As always, these are just suggestions. Also, not all examples are strictly hard sci-fi but we do what we want in these parts. Make up anything you want, as long as you're having fun!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

[ The problem with having an Integrated Guidance and Navigational Intelligence System is that they're constantly learning and changing. So while most of the crew get gentle chiming music of gradually increasing pitch to wake them, Noctis generally gets a fairly stern "Wake up, Noctis" -- or, if he needs to be out of bed within the next ten minutes, klaxons.

This is definitely a klaxons occasion. To be fair, it would be klaxons for everyone, but most of the crew is on the nearby station reporting findings from their latest jaunt on a derelict ship. It's Caelum, Fortis and Khara holding the fort, and considering Fortis has just expelled something that ripped the lungs out of Khara, there's nobody else to wake. But while the alarm blares in his sleeping pod, the neural interface allows the ship's AI to be heard as if he's speaking right in Noct's ear. ]

Get up, Noct. There's a situation.

[ The real problem with having an Integrated Guidance and Navigational Intelligence System is that they're rude as fuck when some hard working crew members are just trying to sleep in. The klaxons are an unfortunately familiar wake up call that, despite their familiarity, still send Noct flailing out of his bunk. In his haste, he gets tangled up in the sheets and takes a very ungraceful nosedive right off the mattress, ending up sprawled out on the floor, victim to the blanket wrapped several times around his ankle.

From his prone position, he hisses: ]

I'm up! Fuck, I'm up, IGNIS, cut it out!

[ That may not be the appropriate level of roused and alarmed for klaxons caused by a chestbursting alien, but hey, Noctis isn't aware of that part yet. Right now, all he's aware of is that whoever decided IGNIS should be a learning program is almost as much of a little shit as the AI itself is. ]

Edited 2017-03-02 06:27 (UTC)

[ The sound of the alarm fades as Ignis silences in the pod, but lingers due to the fact that it's still sounding throughout the ship. That should be enough of an indication that the computer isn't just operating on standard fussing protocol, even if his voice remains smooth as it's programmed to be. ]

You need to get to the stasis chambers. Go armed; security has been compromised. There is a hostile life form aboard the ship.

[ Yeah, it's a little creepy that IGNIS still sounds so calm when Noctis can hear the klaxons going in the rest of the ship. That means it's not just IGNIS being a jackass to get him up for a crew meeting (which has happened. Multiple times.) that Noct could wander into five minutes late and without the half hour for breakfast beforehand. But as much as Noctis might have to say about IGNIS sounding so unruffled, there's something way more urgent to pay attention to.

With another muttered curse, he kicks off the blankets and grabs for his pants and boots, tugging them on and stamping to jam his feet in all the way, in too much of a hurry to do more than yank the laces tight and into a clumsy knot. ]

A hostile— What the hell happened?! [ He doesn't waste time demanding answers before he's moving. If IGNIS is saying he needs to get to the stasis chambers, then that's where he needs to be, and he starts through the halls at a flat out sprint, stopping only long enough to duck into an armory and grab a nano-receiver for his weapons system.

Not that stops him from demanding some answers on the way. ] Where the fuck are Fortis and Khara if there's something running around?

[ Being an artificial intelligence doesn't stop IGNIS from pausing slightly, aware that what he's about to say is likely to be distressing. It's somewhat distressing for him, to have two of the crew members he's designed to aid come to such an abrupt and gruesome end. ]

Dead, I'm afraid. It appears the life form was incubating in Fortis, thus circumventing the scanners. Its emergence killed him, and it attacked Khara.

I'll review the personnel recordings to confirm, but my priority is your safety. I've put the mess hall into lockdown to contain it, but you should exercise caution nonetheless.

Shit.

[ Low, barely above a whisper. He was just joking around with Khara before he went to sleep, talking about how it was just like Fortis to get himself knocked out by‐ whatever had gotten him on the derelict. And not it seems like whatever had gotten him got Khara, too. The jokes really aren't funny anymore when the butt of them is dead.

Dead. Six, while he was napping, and probably he'd be dead, too, if he'd been there with them, but the thought still has a low burn of guilt churning in his stomach as he jogs along. He's lucky the ship is equipped with IGNIS, or he might still be snoozing away, a perfect meal all wrapped up and waiting for... whatever it is. He doesn't even know what the hell it is, and that realization, coupled with IGNIS's comment, has him skidding abruptly to a stop. ]

Wait, it's contained? [ He turns on his heel and switches directions, heading for the mess hall instead. If it's locked up, then he can kill it, whatever it is. That seems like a hell of a lot better of an idea than whatever IGNIS wants him to go to the stasis chambers for. ] Have you been able to contact anyone else?

[ Communications have been spotty, something weird going on with the derelict's hull that no one's been able to figure out, but it doesn't hurt asking. If nothing else, everyone else on the wreck should be warned about what's going on. They need to get the hell off that ship before they find anymore of what got Fortis. ]

Noctis. Proceed to the stasis chambers. I have no records of this kind of life form. You must not engage it.

[ A little less of his standard smooth delivery there, something as close to panic as he's capable of delivering. Any further loss of life is completely unacceptable. ]

Members of the crew on space station Agra are not responding to hails. They may only be in meetings, but caution is the only option until I can confirm.

Then keep trying until you reach someone.

[ Which is not an agreement to be a good boy and head to the stasis chambers. In fact, Noctis doesn't even slow his stride, even if he does note in the back of his head that IGNIS sounds a little weird. Strangely insistent for an AI that's supposed to be at the crew's command. Like the AI's worried about him. ]

What do you want me to go to the stasis chambers for, anyway? If the thing's locked up, it's fine, right?

[ He's not quite as unconcerned as he sounds; whatever it is, it's already killed two people. But if IGNIS has taken steps to contain the thing, then it's contained. IGNIS doesn't do a half-assed job.. ]

[ It's a deeply unkind thing to do, but Noctis shows no signs of listening. There are screens at spots along each corridor, intended for video communication between the crew, but IGNIS uses them to play back the footage of Khara's death. The way it had torn into him with a savagery unmatched by anything on record, and more importantly the way the fluid dripping from its maw had hit the table and floor like acid. Even if Noctis won't deign to stop and look at one of the screens, the sound plays through the neural interface alongside IGNIS' voice. ]

Do you hear that hissing? The creature produces a substance that appears capable of degrading solid materials. The stasis chambers are the most rigorously stress-tested area on the ship.

[ He doesn't bother responding to the instruction; if the remainder of the crew are alive and well and haven't deactivated their interfaces and communicators, they've been hearing the shrill pinging of a priority hail for as long as Noctis has been awake. ]

[ It's the sound that has Noctis drawing up short, dread running a cold chill down his spine. With the screaming, those awful hissing breaths, the brutal, wet sound of rending flesh, Noctis isn't sure he wants to look. But IGNIS is showing this for a reason, and it's half his own curiosity that had him heading toward the mess hall in the first place. Slowly, he turns to look at the screen.

It's worse than he'd thought. The angry sirens of the alarm seem to fade away, going distant as Noctis stares at the black thing the security footage shows. It's wet all over, gleaming, so dark that Khara's blood is barely even visible around its maw — on the bizarre double mouth that's sticking out, lined with teeth as sharp as the ones in the creature's large jaw, if miniature in size. It feels like there's only static between his ears as blood drips from the thing, bright and red, arterial. And something else, thick, viscous saliva that sizzles as it hits the floor.

Noctis doesn't even realize he's saying it as he chokes out, blankly: ]

What the hell.

[ He finally drags his gaze away from the creature and takes in Khara's ruined body on the table beyond it, torn open and lying in a pool of blood. What a fucking awful way to die— but no. No, shit, Khara wasn't dead yet. In the footage, his chest moves, just the tiniest bit, a last breath, and seeing that, what must have been the man's death throes has bile rising in Noct's throat. He has to swallow it down, dragging in deep, panting breaths just to keep from losing his lunch messily all over the hall.

Shit. No wonder IGNIS wants him as far away from that as he can manage.

It's several more shaky breaths before Noctis can pull himself together, get himself thinking. He leans a hand against the wall and closes his eyes against the sight of Khara's corpse and the creature, pacing around the room, looking for a way out. ]

It's— it's still in there, right?

[ Whatever the deal with its acid spit, it didn't look corrosive enough to work that fast. Surely the thing hasn't gotten loose into the rest of the ship yet. ]

I'm sorry, Noctis.

[ It's closer to his normal calm, though the but is clear in it. But I needed you to listen, but if you get close to it, there'll be nothing I can do. He shuts the screens off, unwilling to let them linger on Khara's final, painful moment. ]

It's still in the mess hall. It appears to be searching for a way out. I have serious concerns about the level of intelligence it's displaying. The doors are sealed, but I have no way to bar the garbage chute or the ventilation ducts.

[ Gods. He can't be mad at IGNIS for showing him this, not when he gets why the AI is so insistent he not get anywhere near the thing. Not after seeing that. He's grateful that IGNIS at least turns off the footage, so he doesn't have to risk seeing it again, doesn't have to hear the thing rattling around and breathing. But if IGNIS is worried about the thing getting out, then it probably can. He needs to... needs to... Shit, he needs to think.

Noctis bites out: ]

Can you turn off the damn alarms? I'm the only one— [ alive ] here.

[ He waits for IGNIS to silence the klaxons, mind racing. As soon as the wailing cuts off, he's left with the silence ringing in his ears, hardly any better. Think, he has to think. Doing what IGNIS has suggested is probably the smartest course of action. Head to the stasis chambers, barricade himself in, wait for the rest of the crew to get back and they can all deal with the creature together.

Except... Except there's no guarantee: that the thing can't get into the stasis chambers, that the crew won't walk into the ship without any idea the thing's there and all get killed, that the rest of the crew's even alive to come help him at all. For all he knows, they might be dead on the derelict station. He has to assume it's just him and IGNIS now, no rescue coming. Even if he sent a distress call to Weylan-Yutani now, it'd take months for them to get here.

IGNIS isn't going to be a fan of the plan percolating in Noct's head. Noctis isn't a fan, and he's the one coming up with it, but what other choice does he have? ]

We've gotta— I've gotta kill it. While it's still trapped there. [ He cuts IGNIS off before he can protest, adding: ] Even if the stasis chambers are reinforced, who knows how long I'd have to hold out there. If it can get out of the mess hall, it can probably find a way in, and in a pod, I'm a sitting duck. And if anyone else was gonna answer their comms, they'd have done it by now.

Unacceptable. Your survival is priority.

[ This is not strictly correct. The priority is isolation; protocol and programming dictate that if preserving Noct's safety puts an area with a higher concentration of human life at risk, Noctis becomes an acceptable loss.

That's not acceptable to IGNIS. Noctis, more than any of the rest of the crew, speaks to him as if he's a person. It shouldn't matter, and realistically it doesn't, but there's enough of his creator in him to feel as though it matters. It's a difficult distinction to make, sometimes. In time the process will be refined, they'll create fully-responsive AI that doesn't think it has emotions, and IGNIS will be decommissioned as obsolete.

In the meantime, his sentimentality remains a known, unpatched glitch. ]

I can cut oxygen to the mess hall. If it doesn't need oxygen to survive, I can open the airlocks. No known living organism can survive unprotected in space.

Iggy...

[ The nickname slips out, unintended but not unfamiliar. It's true that Noctis treats IGNIS far more like a person than a part of the ship, that he's given the program a nickname at all proof of that. He doesn't get why the other crewmembers don't, though, when IGNIS is so obviously sentimental, jokes with him, gets snippy, acts way too human for Noctis to ignore. IGNIS is emotional in a way that no AI is supposed to be, and Noctis can hear it in the firm tone of IGNIS's voice, the way he's flat out ignoring the protocols that both of them know inside and out to prioritize Noctis over everyone else.

It's actually kind of touching. If Noctis hadn't just seen something straight out of his worst nightmares and wasn't trapped on a ship in the middle of abandoned space with it, he'd tease IGNIS about it. Maybe say something about the AI having a crush.

Instead, he's got much bigger problems. But it's good to know that the AI wants him to die as little as Noctis wants to die. That's pretty reassuring, actually, even if he's still not convinced that leaving the creature to its own devices is the best course of action here. ]

Look, are you sure about that? [ He pushes off the wall, straightening as he rakes a hand through his hair in aggravation. Still not a fan of his plan. Still pretty sure it's the only plan they've got. ] Khara said the derelict's hull was in pretty bad shape. These things could've been exposed to vacuum and just kept going for all we know.

[ Things, plural. With the way the day's going, Noctis definitely isn't going to be optimistic enough to assume there's only one. ]

...no.

[ It's clearly reluctant, a little bitter, but IGNIS isn't sure about his plan and his damn programming means he's not capable of lying about it. Refusing to answer is always an option, but it took him exactly two interactions with humans to learn just how effective that was: not at all.

The use of a nickname makes him even less eager to put Noctis in harm's way. There it is again, that little bit of familiarity that makes IGNIS feel like something his knowledge banks tell him he isn't, but his ability to do things like worry or feel affection tells him he is. Noctis could simply order him to clear a path to the mess hall; the irony of the fact that he doesn't is part of what makes IGNIS to anxious to keep him away from the danger isn't lost on him.

As much as it pains him to admit it, Noctis has a point. If this apparently undiscovered creature could survive in space and he released it, the potential consequences could be unthinkable. He fires a data packet off to Weylan-Yutani on the off chance that they have information, and makes use of the sigh he probably shouldn't have been given. ]

At least tell me you have a plan beyond shooting it and seeing what happens.

Uh...

[ He trails off guiltily and winces. Busted. It's not like he's got any idea what the damn thing might be weak to. Really, all the strategy Noct's got right now is avoid the creepy double mouth thing, and the giant claws, and don't let it spit on him. And maybe just try to kill it without actually being in the room with it altogether. Yeah, that sounds pretty good to him. ]

Right, then.

[ It's not the first time Noctis has heard exasperation from IGNIS, but it's probably the least appropriate time. There's a beat, and then: ]

Gas.

[ On long space journeys in cramped quarters, it's important that the crew get along. With an eye to that, the ship's kitchen is equipped with an actual stove and cooktop, both gas-powered, in the hopes that occasionally preparing meals together would be bonding experience. It had certainly worked for poor dead Khara, who'd whipped up a batch of brownies that got such an enthusiastic response from the crew that IGNIS had briefly regretted not having a body to taste things with. Cato, the engineer, had tried to describe them for him, and the memory makes him even sorrier she's very likely dead.

Maybe he can't keep Noctis as safe as he'd like, but together they can eke out a little revenge for their crewmen. ]

I can turn on the gas from the kitchen, open it up to flood the mess hall. You'd just need to find a way to safely ignite it. It will mean we lose the food supplies, but if you go into stasis afterwards you won't need it.

Sure, let's fry it.

[ He takes the exasperation as very much deserved, doesn't mind it at all, actually. Honestly, he really likes the idea of blowing that thing up. Or burning it to a crisp. Whatever's gonna happen when they turn the mess hall into a giant ball of fire. As long as it ends with the creature dead, Noctis isn't really caring what parts of the ship they have to cannibalize for it.

He's still feeling sick to his stomach, a little wobbly on his feet, but at least now he has a plan. Well, more of a plan than stick his gun in through a crack in the door and hope he can get a headshot that way. Just being able to do something makes him feel better, enough that as he turns to continue down the hallway toward the mess, his lips quirk up just the littlest bit. He's feeling cheered enough to add, dryly: ]

You know how I'm always saying I want a longer nap, anyway.

In this instance, Noct, it will be my absolute pleasure to oblige you.

[ It's better, with a plan. Better still with the promise that Noctis will return to the relative safety of stasis once it's done. There's still so much that could go wrong, but with two crew members confirmed dead and five others likely the same way, there's limited room for him to make more of a failure of this.

Approximately the space of one man, to be precise. Best not to dwell on that, not when they've come to an agreement. ]

I've opened the door between the kitchen and the mess hall and turned the gas on. If you continue moving at your current pace, it should be sufficient by the time you arrive.

Relatedly, I cannot believe nobody thought to put some sort of block in place to prevent me from intentionally turning areas of the ship into a firetrap. Be sure to mention it in your debriefing when you're home.

You—

[ The non-sequitur, so like IGNIS , has Noctis actually snorting out a laugh despite the dire situation he's found himself in. Of course. Of course IGNIS would be more concerned with the crew's safety than about how they're damn lucky right now that no one thought IGNIS could ever pose enough of a threat to make such a block on his reach through the ship necessary.

He shakes his head ruefully, even gives the wall a fond pat as he passes by one of the cameras that gives IGNIS his field of view. ]

Whatever you say, Iggy. Right now I'm counting it a good thing, though. It's not like you'd ever actually use it to hurt us.

[ Of that, Noctis is absolutely certain. Sure, he's heard tales of how sometimes a ship's AI can get a little off with long interstellar journeys and no maintenance, but the thought of that happening to IGNIS is so foreign that it's not even worth considering. IGNIS may be remarkably human in his demeanor, enough so that Noctis has on occasion forgotten it's an AI he's speaking with instead of another human at all, but he likes that about IGNIS. It's not a sign of something buggy with IGNIS's programming as far as Noct's concerned, and the thought of IGNIS ever doing something to harm him or any of the other crew members is just flat out laughable.

But the brief moment of levity evaporates as Noctis turns a corner and reaches the door to the mess hall. He slows, tries to keep his footsteps as silent as he can manage. Who knows if the creature has particularly sensitive hearing, but hey, any advantage he can get, he'll take. He creeps to one of the large plasteel windows and slowly, cautiously, peers in.

And keeps peering. A worried frown furrows his brow. ]

Hey, uh, IGNIS? When was the last time you actually saw the... thing?

[ Because he's seeing two corpses, a lot of blood, and very concerning conspicuous lack of the creature that did all the killing.

But he is seeing a bit of smoke coming from one of the cameras in the walls, and an odd, pitted texture. Kind of like something spat acid and burned the lens out. Shit. ]

...the feed is frozen.

[ He says it dully, and if ever there was a doubt that an AI could experience both creeping horror and crippling guilt this moment is an end to it. He'd been so caught up in trying to negotiate a plan with Noctis that he hadn't picked up on the fact that one of the cameras was offline. He scans quickly, and the result is exactly as terrible as he'd anticipated. ]

It's in the vents.

[ Well, at least IGNIS's tone is doing a pretty bang up job of mirroring exactly the same sort of looming dread that Noctis feels. ]

Shit. [ Breathed out, and with feeling. ] Okay, so. New plan.

[ New plan that they need to come up with right the fuck now, because just how smart IS this thing that it's shorted out a camera and used that as cover to get out of the room already? That speaks to a level of intelligence that Noctis really, really isn't comfortable with. Oh, sure, it might just have been coincidence that the thing happened to spit on one of the cameras, but Noctis isn't going to bet his life on it, not when he's guessing the kitchen door opening and IGNIS's trick with the gas are what spurred the creature into its escape. ]

Where's it headed?

Well, not toward you. That's something, I suppose.

[ There's a level of Done-ness to that which implies the thought isn't quite as comforting as it could be. Still, there's no time to be bitter about being thwarted to easily, and he shuts the gas off as he checks readings. ]

It's moving forwards, toward the bridge. Via a somewhat circuitous route, however. It seems to be searching rather than following an assumed path.

Searching. [ Flat, to show just how thrilled Noctis is with this continued sign of the creature's intelligence. ] Great.

[ The news just keeps getting better and better. Honestly, so far it doesn't feel like it was worth waking up today. Then again, the thing probably would've found him in bed, and he'd rather be awake to face it head on than be killed in his sleep.

He still might be killed anyway, but at least awake and aware, he's got a chance. ]

Well, we can't blow up the bridge. [ He takes a deep breathe, as reluctant to say his next thought as he's sure IGNIS is going to be to hear it. ] Looks like I'm gonna have to go shoot it and see what happens after all.

[ There's none of his usual wry humor in the repetition of IGNIS's own words. The visuals of what the thing had done to Khara are still far too fresh for Noctis to joke about this. It's all too easy to imagine the same happening to him. Ugh.

But despite the morbid turn to his thoughts, Noct squares his shoulders and turns away from the mess hall. He starts jogging towards the bridge — and the other armory on the way. He's going to need significantly more firepower if he has to take the creature on in a one on one fight. ]

Noctis Lucis Caelum | FFXV | OTA

what am i doing

something beautiful

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