[ Diluc remains motionless and listens. He listens to what Kaeya has to say, not uttering a word, not so much as batting an eyelash. It is only when the other young man mentions Crepus that Diluc gives any indication that he was, in fact, hearing everything that was said. A quiet, sharp intake of breath and Diluc grits his teeth, hand at his side balling into a tight fist. He didn’t expect Kaeya to apologize for that and the shock of hearing him say his father’s name aloud is like being plunged into ice-cold waters. His voice dies in his throat before the words ever leave his tongue and his heart stutters painfully in his chest, all of him in the agonizing throes of wanting to comfort Kaeya and wanting to keep himself safe from being subjected to more hurt.
Diluc swallows thickly, closes his eyes for a moment and bows his head. He can feel his nails biting into his palm even through his glove from how tight his fist is. It takes him longer than he would like for him to find his voice again. ]
I don’t blame you for not being there. But we can’t go back. What’s done is done.
[ He takes a deep breath and raises his head. He finally unclenches his fist, flexing his sore fingers, and adjusts his glove. He still doesn’t look back at Kaeya. A part of him does not want to see his face and be reminded of their battle, of what he’d done to him. He knows he owes Kaeya a score of apologies too, but he doesn’t have the nerve to so much as offer them. It wouldn’t change the fact that he still turned his back on Kaeya when the younger man trusted him and dared to be the most vulnerable with him that he’d ever been before in his life. It won’t change that he turned his blade on Kaeya and nearly took his sight. It won’t change that he couldn’t — and still can’t to a degree — see past his own hurt to realize that Kaeya had always been there for him, had always been loyal to the people who took him in. It won’t change the fact that he couldn’t save their father. It won’t change how alone his actions rendered both of them after Crepus’s death.
No number of apologies would heal the injuries they’ve inflicted on each other and Diluc knows he doesn’t have any right to ask for Kaeya’s forgiveness. Unable to fully forgive and unable to be forgiven. He doomed them both to this hell, didn’t he? It’s his own fault they are this broken now, not Kaeya’s. ]
You did what you had to and I did what I had to. Apologies won’t change the past. I can’t give you back your life either.
no subject
Diluc swallows thickly, closes his eyes for a moment and bows his head. He can feel his nails biting into his palm even through his glove from how tight his fist is. It takes him longer than he would like for him to find his voice again. ]
I don’t blame you for not being there. But we can’t go back. What’s done is done.
[ He takes a deep breath and raises his head. He finally unclenches his fist, flexing his sore fingers, and adjusts his glove. He still doesn’t look back at Kaeya. A part of him does not want to see his face and be reminded of their battle, of what he’d done to him. He knows he owes Kaeya a score of apologies too, but he doesn’t have the nerve to so much as offer them. It wouldn’t change the fact that he still turned his back on Kaeya when the younger man trusted him and dared to be the most vulnerable with him that he’d ever been before in his life. It won’t change that he turned his blade on Kaeya and nearly took his sight. It won’t change that he couldn’t — and still can’t to a degree — see past his own hurt to realize that Kaeya had always been there for him, had always been loyal to the people who took him in. It won’t change the fact that he couldn’t save their father. It won’t change how alone his actions rendered both of them after Crepus’s death.
No number of apologies would heal the injuries they’ve inflicted on each other and Diluc knows he doesn’t have any right to ask for Kaeya’s forgiveness. Unable to fully forgive and unable to be forgiven. He doomed them both to this hell, didn’t he? It’s his own fault they are this broken now, not Kaeya’s. ]
You did what you had to and I did what I had to. Apologies won’t change the past. I can’t give you back your life either.