bakerstreet | (no subject)

(no subject)

the TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT meme

one ➝ post with your character and their name/canon/pref in the subject.
two ➝ either post with a tfln or just wait for someone.

three ➝ respond to people's texts or tag them with your own.

four ➝ fun time for all!

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I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.

The arrest was probably divine intervention; I think we were headed toward an ill-advised threesome.

You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.

Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things.

My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.

YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!

Congratulations, you're starting to unfuck your life.

it's going to be ok. as we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. like safe sex. and standards.

It is entirely possible to eat a cheeseburger sexually.

Edited (first one wasn't horrible enough) 2013-05-05 02:45 (UTC)

you threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. however, you were quickly ko'd by the bartender. solid right hook.

I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.

I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.

trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me

you would pick up someone in the library.

Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami.

Edited 2013-05-05 02:30 (UTC)

Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.

Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night.

(509):

btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...

(480):

gifts from me to you. you're welcome.

Edited 2013-05-05 02:24 (UTC)

Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.

you stupid fucking shit what were you doing last night with my mother's dachshund?

Edited 2013-05-05 02:25 (UTC)

I just wanna say I did some math, and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch.

The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.

They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.

ttly fuckin worth it

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 1 of 153

(no subject)

Steve Rogers ✯ Marvel Cinematic Universe

Tony Stark | MCU | Ota

Pepper Potts | MCU

Lady Zozo | Code of Princess

Danny Messer / csi:ny / ota

Doctor Whale | Once Upon a Time

Andromeda Black | Harry Potter

edward elric | fullmetal alchemist

britta perry / community

Filia | Skullgirls

steve rogers / captain america ( mcu )

Peter Petrelli | Heroes

Ann Reilly / James Bond novels

thor odinson | mcu au

victor frankenstein \ frankenstein [modern au]

Elle Turner | OC

Takami Minatsuki | Deadman Wonderland | OTA but why would you ever

Bruce Banner | MCU | OTA

Morgana | Merlin | OTA

Adriel van Edher | Original

Ricky Roma | Glengarry Glen Ross

Netherlands | Axis Powers Hetalia

Elle Woods - Legally Blonde

Sean Cassidy || TFXA || OTA

no subject