[Carla buzzes at Kaoru's wrist, no doubt trying to warn him of his flaring heartrate or blood pressure or whatever, but he barely even registers it. It seems immaterial to the moment, when the only thing he has the mind to focus on is the enormity of the decision something so casual has opened up. It's not even like he can pretend to not be ready for it either. Variations of this exact scene have haunted his dreams for as long as he can remember, longer than even the ones that end in tangled limbs and heated words.

Their shared unsuitability for a long-term relationship always been an in-joke; Kaoru runs too cold for a mate and Kojiro too hot. Maybe they were just waiting for the other to give the whole time.

The thought makes his breath catch and he can't help but jerk away from him.]

Mated? [With his eyes cast downwards, it's hard to tell whether he's talking to Kojiro or himself.] Us?

[God, the worst part is how accurate Kojiro's read of him is. Some nights, he has to leave S early, knowing full well that otherwise he'd spend the rest of the night resenting whoever it is that goes home with Kojiro that night. If they were actually sleeping together- the pang in his chest forces Kaoru to look up and meet his eyes.]

You'd hate it.

["You'd end up hating me" is what he wants to say. Even the lesser version sounds so pathetic to his ears that he has to follow it up with a haughty huff to try and wrestle back some control.]

Be as that may, you're making a lot of assumptions. You might be an overly sentimental gorilla but I'm not- I don't "catch feelings".