Bad texting choices

[adisastergay]

meme op: what it says on the tin. leave a blank comment, include your preferences or a starter, it's all good. reply to others with a text, a dirty picture (please link all nsfw things!), misfires, misdials, drunk filthy voicemails, whatever your heart desires.
Sent: 01/19/21

SEXTING & PHONE SEX MEME (555-555-5555)

9:00 PM

Comments

[tobesomeone]

How's my kitten?

Staying out of too much trouble I hope?

[Of course some trouble is perfectly acceptable, pirate after all.]

[portolan]

[ he’s grinning something stupid. He loves Reyes having a pet name for him ]

Reyes please. My dignity.

[tobesomeone]

[Balthier being a complete mess of a drunk that curled in his lap like a big cat only warranted he be called 'kitten'. He brought this on himself.]

I think it's very fitting.

You do purr so nicely when I pet you.

[portolan]

I’m neither small nor young and I only purr for you.

[ go on Reyes. Argue why he’s a cat ]

[tobesomeone]

My kitty cat doesn't quite have the same ring to it as kitten does.

[He doesn't need to argue anything, he's already won.]

Being an old soul doesn't mean you're not young, Balthier.

[portolan]

You've never asked my age. I'm 2000 years old.

[tobesomeone]

[Look Balthier, some aliens live 1000s of years so this wouldn't be that strange, but you are human so... humans on Ivalice really got that long life expectance, damn.]

You look impeccable for your age.

[Of course he knows he's just kidding.]

Guess that means you're robbing the cradle with me, I'm only 636.

[portolan]

...are you actually?

[ look he doesn't know if hume and humans are exactly the same and Fran is going to live a much longer time than he is.

Reyes doesn't seem tired enough for 636, though. ]

[tobesomeone]

[There's probably a few minor differences, but Reyes isn't concerned about that. Balthier is Balthier, hume, human, alien. It doesn't matter to him.]

I am. Though to be fair, 600 of those years was spent in cryo sleep so I'm not sure if it counts.

[portolan]

Well then you're clearly robbing my cradle.

It counts so that I can complain dramatically that you're a villain. So I suppose it suits you that you have a gorgeous cat on your lap.

[tobesomeone]

A villain, murderer and a thief. Are you sure you wish to be my lap candy?

[portolan]

Well I'd be a hypocrite if any of that were a problem. And a liar if I said any of that weren't tantalizingly attractive.

It's also abundantly clear you want your kitten on your lap again.

[tobesomeone]

And I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you.

Thinking of you warming my lap is enticing and terrible for my work ethic.

[What work ethic, please.]

[portolan]

I miss you too. If you were here I’d grace your lap again, sober even.

Better to menace you.

[tobesomeone]

Threatening me with a good time. I can't promise I'm not imagining it now.

It's a damn shame I can't kiss you through comms.

[portolan]

We both know you’re absolutely miserable at resisting me.

[ maybe not a kiss but he sends a selfie smirking at Reyes. ]

[tobesomeone]

I am.

[The picture has him smiling softly, thumb stroking over it.]

You're my weakness.

[portolan]

[ Balthier’s heart skips at that like a damn teenager in love ]

You can’t just pierce a man through the heart like that. He has no defense.

[tobesomeone]

Before you expire then why don't you let me see you one last time.

[Reyes teases and oh- incoming video call. Fancy that.]

[portolan]

[ Balthier doesn't have time to reply before the comm displays the video graphic -- Balthier keeps the sounds off, mostly; too distracting and invasive. But he likes the way this tech lets him stay in touch with Reyes when they're apart.

He'll answer, not even trying to hide the warmth that comes over him when he sees his treasure's face. ]

No faith in me whatsoever. Calling to watch me in my most pathetic hour.

[tobesomeone]

[Reyes chuckles, unable to stop himself from smiling.]

Hello to you too. You know you look handsome for a dying man.

[portolan]

[ That smiles makes him want to kiss the comm screen, but he'll settle for grinning instead. it's good to see Reye's face, hear his voice, his laugh. ]

I always look handsome. Curse of being a leading man. Terrible burden. Good deal of time grooming.

[tobesomeone]

I won't argue you that. Your efforts don't go to waste.

Leading man hm? The leading man never dies, that's a relief. Well if you'll be sticking around a little longer then, I've a confession to make.

[His cheeks flush slightly, expression a bit more serious.]

You're a terrible distraction you know. Terrible for business... I can't get you out of my mind.

[portolan]

Leading men do tend to foil smugglers and thieves. Going to banish me?

[ Does he use both definitions of foil? Absolutely he’s a pompous nerd.

But he’s curious at the change in tone. He wants to reach out and cup that face. Downside of seeing but not being together. ]

[tobesomeone]

[There's a soft snort at that.]

A leading man who's a pirate, isn't that an oxymoron?

[But he shakes his head.]

Even if I had to, I doubt I could.

[Banish him that is.]

I'd rather you were here right now, warming my lap, like a good kitten.