![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
1. I won't be sarcastic... just naked.
2. Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
3. My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club.
4. When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the guest bathroom and use mine. Happy will take her home in an hour.
5. TEXT HIM
2. Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
3. My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club.
4. When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the guest bathroom and use mine. Happy will take her home in an hour.
5. TEXT HIM
1. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
2. Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If you go in a pervy direction with ‘package’ I’m leaving you on read.
3. The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
4. With me, movie night is every night.
5. Text him!
2. Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If you go in a pervy direction with ‘package’ I’m leaving you on read.
3. The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
4. With me, movie night is every night.
5. Text him!
1. I'm T-minus 10 seconds to sobering up over here. Plz sneak me some booze into the hospital ty
2. walked into my house with a limp and my pants inside out and all anyone said was you're home early
3. I need to step up my thirst trap game so I can show my future cats how hot I used to be.
4. Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
5. My new fave hobby is sending my friends facebook relationship requests just to freak em out
6. Text him!
2. walked into my house with a limp and my pants inside out and all anyone said was you're home early
3. I need to step up my thirst trap game so I can show my future cats how hot I used to be.
4. Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
5. My new fave hobby is sending my friends facebook relationship requests just to freak em out
6. Text him!
1. It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
2. We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
3. If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
4. My shrine smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
5. [text her]
2. We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
3. If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
4. My shrine smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
5. [text her]
Yo check out how cute my bf is
[ boring evenings spent terrorizing your boyfriend with candid photos you took of them? don't mind if he do ✨ ]
[ boring evenings spent terrorizing your boyfriend with candid photos you took of them? don't mind if he do ✨ ]
1. Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
2. I've penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
3. She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
4. Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
5. This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
6. You wouldn't be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
7. WILD CARD - text him!
2. I've penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
3. She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
4. Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
5. This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
6. You wouldn't be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
7. WILD CARD - text him!
((m/m shippy, ota everything else))
1. Well now u know, so don't be surprised next time I'm steering u around the bedroom by ur throat
2. why does my prep counter look like a crime scene?
3. P sure I asked u to get him home safely so why is he sleeping in my bathtub???
4. I don't remember exactly but my hangover burps taste like ur cum so good job ig?
5. TEXT HIM!
1. Well now u know, so don't be surprised next time I'm steering u around the bedroom by ur throat
2. why does my prep counter look like a crime scene?
3. P sure I asked u to get him home safely so why is he sleeping in my bathtub???
4. I don't remember exactly but my hangover burps taste like ur cum so good job ig?
5. TEXT HIM!
1. Don't come over yet, I can't find my socks
2. He let 3 seagulls into the room and he's trying to teach them how to play blackjack.... can u plz call animal control?
3. Yeah we went to a love hotel but I started crying while he was giving me head so
4. Fun fact of the day: hamsters eat their babies when they're stressed out and that feels really relevant to our lives rn
5. WILDCARD
2. He let 3 seagulls into the room and he's trying to teach them how to play blackjack.... can u plz call animal control?
3. Yeah we went to a love hotel but I started crying while he was giving me head so
4. Fun fact of the day: hamsters eat their babies when they're stressed out and that feels really relevant to our lives rn
5. WILDCARD
1 → now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked.
2 → i mean, i am completely serious and also drunk.
3 → if you don't have time, i'll understand. but they won't.
4 → on an unrelated note, i see music in my hair.
5 → or text him.
1. Frankly, that sounds like a you problem, not a me problem.
2. If the quality is worth the price, then the price isn't a concern. Just buy the damn vibrator.
3. He's telling everyone the bruise is from a fall, so yes, we've become poorly-contrived parodies of ourselves.
4. After last night, I thought it best to let you sleep. Take the day off. That's not a request.
5. TEXT HIM
2. If the quality is worth the price, then the price isn't a concern. Just buy the damn vibrator.
3. He's telling everyone the bruise is from a fall, so yes, we've become poorly-contrived parodies of ourselves.
4. After last night, I thought it best to let you sleep. Take the day off. That's not a request.
5. TEXT HIM
the limp, or the family? because the limp will wear off by morning... or in a day or two.
- You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
- Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what mom meant by checking in on me.
- I just had a boat ride of shame. With senior citizens. Not Cap or Wolverine, either.
- Have now officially visited every ER in the city in two months. Still don't get a discount.
- Text him!
Edited 2021-05-21 13:17 (UTC)
1. u mean to tell me a shrimp fried this rice???
2. He's older so I'm always stuck between wanting to call him daddy and worrying about blowing his back out
3. wow I dunno, I didn't think I'd get this far
uhhh u want head?
4. IF UR GOING TO THE STORE
GET BREAD
GET CHEESE
IT'S BREADCHEESE TIME
5. WILDCARD
2. He's older so I'm always stuck between wanting to call him daddy and worrying about blowing his back out
3. wow I dunno, I didn't think I'd get this far
uhhh u want head?
4. IF UR GOING TO THE STORE
GET BREAD
GET CHEESE
IT'S BREADCHEESE TIME
5. WILDCARD
Page 1 of 238
- «
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- 6
- 7
- 8
- 9
- 10
- 11
- 12
- 13
- 14
- 15
- 16
- 17
- 18
- 19
- 20
- 21
- 22
- 23
- 24
- 25
- 26
- 27
- 28
- 29
- 30
- 31
- 32
- 33
- 34
- 35
- 36
- 37
- 38
- 39
- 40
- 41
- 42
- 43
- 44
- 45
- 46
- 47
- 48
- 49
- 50
- 51
- 52
- 53
- 54
- 55
- 56
- 57
- 58
- 59
- 60
- 61
- 62
- 63
- 64
- 65
- 66
- 67
- 68
- 69
- 70
- 71
- 72
- 73
- 74
- 75
- 76
- 77
- 78
- 79
- 80
- 81
- 82
- 83
- 84
- 85
- 86
- 87
- 88
- 89
- 90
- 91
- 92
- 93
- 94
- 95
- 96
- 97
- 98
- 99
- 100
- 101
- 102
- 103
- 104
- 105
- 106
- 107
- 108
- 109
- 110
- 111
- 112
- 113
- 114
- 115
- 116
- 117
- 118
- 119
- 120
- 121
- 122
- 123
- 124
- 125
- 126
- 127
- 128
- 129
- 130
- 131
- 132
- 133
- 134
- 135
- 136
- 137
- 138
- 139
- 140
- 141
- 142
- 143
- 144
- 145
- 146
- 147
- 148
- 149
- 150
- 151
- 152
- 153
- 154
- 155
- 156
- 157
- 158
- 159
- 160
- 161
- 162
- 163
- 164
- 165
- 166
- 167
- 168
- 169
- 170
- 171
- 172
- 173
- 174
- 175
- 176
- 177
- 178
- 179
- 180
- 181
- 182
- 183
- 184
- 185
- 186
- 187
- 188
- 189
- 190
- 191
- 192
- 193
- 194
- 195
- 196
- 197
- 198
- 199
- 200
- 201
- 202
- 203
- 204
- 205
- 206
- 207
- 208
- 209
- 210
- 211
- 212
- 213
- 214
- 215
- 216
- 217
- 218
- 219
- 220
- 221
- 222
- 223
- 224
- 225
- 226
- 227
- 228
- 229
- 230
- 231
- 232
- 233
- 234
- 235
- 236
- 237
- 238
- »
Page 1 of 238