what am I supposed to do with this?

[blacklisle]

accidental child acquisition meme

For all your "whoops I guess I have a kid now?" needs. Did you always want to be a parent? Did you swear you'd never ever be a parent? Doesn't matter now.

Possible scenarios include, but are not limited to:

• Left on your doorstep with a tearjerking note
• Wandering around unsupervised
• Entrusted to you by a friend/stranger/enemy
• Has apparently adopted YOU
• Product of your past indiscretions
• Product of your PARENTS' past indiscretions
• Summoned from another dimension
• Rescued from a mad scientist's lab

The kid in question can be whatever character tags yours, or you can enlist that character to help you wrangle your new NPC rugrat. Suit yourselves. Have fun!

Comments

Frisk ♥ Undertale ♥ OTA

[dustless]

[Will probably adopt 'parents' instead.]

Rey || Star Wars || OTA

[force_sensitive]

[Rey is pretty eager to have someone adopt her, to be honest.
BUT! She has also been known for taking in a precious BB-8 in the past. So open to both roles. ;D]

Chibi-Usa | Sailor Moon | OTA

[future_of_the_moon]

(OoC: Well, something has happened to deprive her of parents and not fade out of existence? Care to adopt?)

Agatha Harkness 💜 MCU 💜 OTA

[hexcoding]

[ ... best case scenario, those kids are gonna turn out weird. ]

Wei Wuxian | The Untamed | M/M

[flutegremlin]

[ Let him have A-Yuan. ]

Wei Wuxian • The Untamed • OTA

[createschaos]

diana prince | dceu

[yuvaika]

[ my kingdom for a donna troy, but ota. ❤ ]

Cee | Prospect | OTA

[feralspacedaughter]

[The child. Also known as her canon lol. Open to having her being the older sister type figure too! But space dads are especially loved. OTA, canon, cross canon, assumed CR, etc.]

Alex Price | InCryptid | OTA

[cryptoherpetology]

[Particularly useful with non-human children or those in paranormal situations. Adopt a cryptozoologist as your new dad/older brother figure and camping trips will never be boring again.]

Cassandra Pentaghast | Dragon Age

[stabsbooks]

Rey || Star Wars || OTA

[talentedscavenger]

[ Open to either role. She would LOVE to be adopted, but she won't say no to taking in a stray kid...droid...animal, what have you. ]

Crowley | Good Omens | ota

[glarefully]

[ ...anyone need a nanny?

Crowley's always had a soft spot for kids, even if he might deny it to his very last breath. Open for any scenario -- whether it's a kid needing looking after, or someone looking after a kid with him. ]

[thestoriesarereal]

[Well, would Crowley like to be the nanny to Lucy? Or parent? She is from Once Upon a Time, and her parents are cursed/don't remember a darn thing and clearly she needs looking after.]

elia martell | asoiaf | ota

[veryfond]

[ the parent, if you would like to add to her brood of dragon children. ]

Grand Admiral Thrawn | Star Wars | OTA

[admiralchiss]

[Who wants to get adopted by this fellow?]

[guqin_strings]

Lan Wangji blinked at the baby, the baby blinked back at him.

It was four thirty in the morning, he was still in his pajamas, and had been woken to the sound of crying. When he wandered out of his room he had been greeted with a baby, in a car seat, in the middle of his living room. The window, which had been closed, was shattered (somehow he didn’t hear that) and the baby was now here. Obviously he had not gotten the baby, Lan Wangji was not good with children, and there was a note pinned to the blanket.

Slowly, as if he might startle it, Lan Wangji reached his hand out and gently removed the note. The baby had stopped crying when he told it to, like it had been startled that Lan Wangji told it to. He wondered what it’s gender was, he wasn’t exactly interested in checking right this second. The baby was quiet.

The note was simple, too simple.

Take care of A-Yuan.
Wen

The signature was illegible, he couldn’t read it, just that they were from the Wen family. The child’s name was A-Yuan then, but he had no surname. Lan Wangji blinked and lifted his gaze, looking at the baby again. “Do not go anywhere.” It laughed, waved it’s tiny hands and Lan Wangji stood before heading to his bedroom. He changed his clothes first, because that was important, and put his hair up into a complete bun to keep it out of the way. He had a feeling he would have to change the diaper and learn the child’s gender before he figured out any sort of solution to this. Grabbing his phone he returned out to the living room and dialed Xichen.

His brother did not answer. It was five now, at this point, Xichen should answer. He had heard though, from the man last night, that he was intending to spend the night at his boyfriends, Jiang Wanyin. Jiang Wanyin lived with Wei Wuxian, who he had gone to school with and still had the phone number of. Wei Wuxian had put it into his phone declaring them friends. The boy had a nice smile, they still kept in contact, he liked the way the other painted.

Glancing to the baby he looked back to his phone and then, desperate, dialed a different number. It rang, and rang, and rang—he was almost certain that the other wouldn’t answer and his heart fell into his stomach. Before he gave up though he heard it pick up, the groan on the other side and what was probably a muffled greeting in a pillow.

“Wei Ying.” Desperate, worried. “I need—help.” A pause, lips licked. “Wei Ying there is a baby.”

[createschaos]

Wei Wuxian did not believe in getting up before noon. Something that drove his brother absolutely crazy. How his brother did it, he'd never know. Or maybe it was because of his brother's boyfriend. That man showed up at ungodly hours. No, he came at a decent time, but come morning was up at an ungodly hour. He can't help but try not to laugh at the idea of his brother trying to keep that man in bed. Not that it was any of his business. It wasn't.

He'd been sleeping rather well, or more like had just gotten to sleep. Started getting into that deep sleep when he heard the phone ring. At first, he'd thought it was his brother's phone. Except that was too close to his ear. Where had he even put that damn thing? So, there's a groan when he answers. His brain vaguely recognizing the voice on the other end. Squinting at the clock he makes a bit of a face. It was five in the morning. Why would Lan Wangji want to wake him up at...

"...What?"

He was not awake enough for this.

"Did you knock someone up, Lan Zhan?"

[guqin_strings]

“Wei Ying.” Shameless, he was always shameless. Closing his eyes he took a calming breath, partly hopping when he opened them back up the baby would be gone. That did not happen. Blinking into those grey eyes that looked far too similar to someone else he knew, he spoke again. “My window was broken when I got up. I believe someone—put it here.” It. He should really check the gender of the child or choose a different word. He was not panicking, Lan Wangji did not panic. He was worried for the child of course, that was not the same as panicking.

“There was a note. It says to take care of A-Yuan. I believe the baby’s name is Yuan.” There was another sound from the child, perhaps confirming his theory. “The signature was illegible. I do not know whose baby this is.” It was not his, he did not “knock someone up” as Wei Wuxian put it. Lan Wangji did not do children, he didn’t like them crying and he did not like holding them. When the Aunties in the Cloud Recesses asked him to hold their baby, he stepped away and let Xichen take them. Xichen was good with children, he smiled, they felt calm around him.

The baby’s face started squishing up, tears filling it’s eyes. Lan Wangji moved the phone a bit from his mouth as he looked to it. “Do not cry. You are a big boy. Loud noises are prohibited.”

Lan Wangji | The Untamed | M/M

[guqin_strings]

[createschaos]

"If you expect me to come there, Lan Zhan, you are going to have to give me time. You woke me up and I am not a fully functioning person right now."

He wasn't sure how in the hell the Lans functioned at this hour. That was crazy. Yuan. There's another groan and he gets up slipping his shoes on. Before grabbing his keys so he could head out. Though, he tries not to laugh hearing the other tell the baby that it was a big boy and loud noises were prohibited. That wasn't bound to work.

"I'll be there in like ten minutes or so."

After all, Lan Wangji had only mentioned the fact that there was a baby. He didn't specify if he had everything he needed for the little one. Babies needed specific types of food, clothes, and such like that. They were a handful. Just ask his shijie.

[guqin_strings]

There was a mess. The faces the baby was making and the crying was apparently because it had to go to the bathroom. Not just a little either, the baby move it’s bowls and when Lan Wangji attempted to pick it up—it had gone everywhere. The clothes that the boy (he learned the gender) had on were tattered, ruined and disgusting, filthy. The stool did not help anything and just made everything worse.

Lan Wangji stripped the clothes, carried the crying infant to the sink and filled it with warm water that was cool enough to be comfortable but not hot enough to burn. He had no supplies for the baby, no shampoo that was safe for them, but considering who the Lan’s were he did have all natural things. He assumed, at least for a one time thing in a desperate situation, it would be fine.

He bathed Yuan gently, trying to clean the baby up though that was far from easy considering how filthy the child was. He wondered if they had been living in horrible conditions before someone broke into his apartment and abandoned them. Though he did feel bad for the child that did not make him anymore comfortable with any of this. You couldn’t simply break into someone’s home and leave them there. There was services for situations like this.

The child sniffled and rubbed his eyes, smearing soap across his face. “Do not grieve in excess. You will get soap in your eyes. You are fine. Sit up.” He did not have diapers and he did not have clothes, apart from Yuan there was nothing else left with the boy, not even toys or a blanket. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do, there wasn’t anything around here that he could use, Lan Wangji lived on his own.

He’ll have to go to the store then, they could wrap the baby in a blanket as there was nothing appropriate to use, and bundle him up in the car seat. After it was cleaned, of course, and they would buy a new one of those too.

A knock on the door, loud much like the person that did it, and Lan Wangji turned his head a bit in the direction of it. One does not shout. “It’s open, Wei Ying. I cannot leave the kitchen.” Hopefully, he was heard or Wei Wuxian would just walk in as he used to be prone to do in their younger days. He could not leave Yuan alone in the sink to answer it however and the boy still had shampoo in his eyes.

[createschaos]

Hear Lan Wangji? No. He didn't hear the other call out. That, however, doesn't stop him from walking into the house. One of these days he would have to get onto the other for allowing his door to be unlocked. That was dangerous. Even if the man who lived there could be dangerous on his own.

Wei Wuxian hears the child before he hears Lan Wangji, and heads to the kitchen. Placing the bag on the counter he moves over to the sink and places his hand on the back of the little one's neck. "Go do whatever you need to do, Lan Zhan, I've got this." He hadn't even really gotten dressed when he left the house. When he'd left he'd only been in sleep pants and a t-shirt. No one had blinked an eye when he'd gone to the store.

"Hey, little guy. Don't listen to the fuddy-duddy. You'll be alright," he tells him softly. It was too early for this, but he gently uses his hand and gets the soap out of the little one's eyes. "There we go, Yuan. Much better, right? Lets finish getting you cleaned up, then we'll get you changed and clothed, then fed." He's sure that the other is bound to panic more.

"The things he needs is in the bag."

[guqin_strings]

“We will need to go to the store and get him things he needs. There was nothing but the dirty car seat and clothes. He had an accident.” Lan Wangji frowned and glanced from the boy to the dirty things Lan Wangji had taken off of him. “Do not spoil him, Wei Ying, he needs to learn to behave.” Lan Wangji had been a quiet child because his Uncle had raised them as such. He can’t remember crying, ever, not even when his mother passed and he hadn’t understood they couldn’t see her again. That her door wouldn’t open to him anymore.

His Uncle had said that misbehaving children cried. That it made them selfish and problematic. Their home had a lot of rules and some of them he would admit to being unsure about, but a lot of the rules he did follow. Like the sleep schedule which was healthy, the food, certain things that were just better overall for their health. If the child was staying, till he figured something out, he could teach them the rules too. It would be healthy to start a balanced schedule early.

Lan Wangji left the infant to Wei Wuxian and went to clean up the mess that had been made, taking a pair of gloves and cleaning supplies with him. He was a little impressed that Wei Wuxian was here so early, even if he had called. Normally he knew the other didn’t get up unless he absolutely had to. Which made sense to him considering he knew when Wei Wuxian went to sleep at. He was usually late to class when they attended school together.

[createschaos]

"Lan Zhan has become hard of hearing."

They could go to the store and get more for the child, but he'd already brought a bag of stuff, which happened to be sitting by his feet, for the little one. "I'll spoil him if I want. Your rules are not going to apply to someone of his age," he tells him. "Telling him that being loud is prohibited. Lan Zhan is funny, isn't he?" Once Yuan is cleaned up he drains the sink, even holds the boy and cleans it out, then gets him all dried up, in a diaper and change of clothes.

"I bet that feels much better, doesn't it, Yuan?" He says with a grin, holding the little one to him and bouncing him a little. Wei Wuxian even goes about grabbing the little blanket he'd gotten as well as making a bottle, then finds a place to sit and holds the little one while he eats. "Not too fast, though. Don't need your tummy getting upset." If Wei Wuxian ends up in Lan Wangji's favorite chair, curled up in it with the baby... well, the other would have to get over it.

[guqin_strings]

“No, I heard Wei Ying. However, Wei Ying couldn’t buy everything or know his proper size. He is small for his age, underfed, I could feel his ribs. Also, the clothes he had on looked as if they had not been changed in several weeks. The child is lucky he is not ill.” Or worse. But he didn’t need to voice that for Wei Wuxian to understand. Holding him he should be able to feel the difference. “We will need clothes that fit properly, toys, a crib, a bassinet, the—tub bathing thing—“ he frowns, not liking the fact he couldn’t think of the word. He never had a child before, he wasn’t entirely sure everything they needed.

“I will need to make a phone call.”

The car seat was cleaned as good as it was going to get and Lan Wangji stands before going to fetch the computer. He comes back with it, Video Chat already loaded up and the call put through. He pulls up a chair and a table in front of Wei Wuxian and sets the computer down to face him. When it’s finally answered a very tired Jin Zixuan appears on the screen, rubbing his eyes and pulling his hair up into a ponytail. “Lan Wangji, your Lan schedule sucks.”

“Mm…” that is not the first time he had heard that today, however it was not his fault if the other answered. The phone was adjusted and he could see Jin Zixuan spot Wei Wuxian, seeming to instantly become awake at noticing his brother in law. He actually drops the phone, curses, and fumbles to grab it as he stands from his bed. “Is that Wei Wuxian? Is he holding a baby!? Did he kidnap it!?”

“Xian?” The phone was shifted, Jiang Yanli appearing over her husbands shoulder before vanishing again, saying something about getting dressed.

“Mm. My apartment was broken into.”

“By Wei Wuxian and a baby!?”

“...no by the baby. His name is Yuan.”

There was a pause, the other clearly not believing him before running a hand through his hair. “I need a drink.”