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bakerstreet2020-09-11 10:13 am
memeswearhouse) wrote in bakerstreet2020-09-11 10:13 am
Entry tags:
1. Someone just sent this to me anonymously and commented "you_irl".
I need help narrowing down the suspects.
2. She asked to see the way the stars were charted in my system when I was born, looked over it, and said "Ah. It all makes sense now."
3. If you can count on one hand the number of times you actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not truly living.
4. I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold.
5. ( text him! )
1b. [ This comes a few hours after the first message ]
They sent another one.......
1. I found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. I'm guessing I had a horrible birthday.
2. In my defense, it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
3. He was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake, which is pretty much exactly how I anticipated the night would go.
4. You lit my birthday candles with a joint, which I thought was pretty resourceful of you.
5. Got kicked out of my own birthday party and took all the drinks with me. Thirsty?
6. Birthday surprise me. Birthday.
2. In my defense, it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
3. He was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake, which is pretty much exactly how I anticipated the night would go.
4. You lit my birthday candles with a joint, which I thought was pretty resourceful of you.
5. Got kicked out of my own birthday party and took all the drinks with me. Thirsty?
6. Birthday surprise me. Birthday.
( 01. ) you live 7 mins away and i'm leaving in 10 mins. sex before work is still possible if we meet halfway.
( 02. ) i just jerked off to the thought of him talking to me. just straight up having a conversation. wtf
( 03. ) come over and we'll put iced coffee in the bong
( 04. ) 10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as a squirrel
( 05. ) chief just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ...
( 06. ) the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself afterward.
( 07. ) WHAT DID YOU SAY VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD.
( 02. ) i just jerked off to the thought of him talking to me. just straight up having a conversation. wtf
( 03. ) come over and we'll put iced coffee in the bong
( 04. ) 10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as a squirrel
( 05. ) chief just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ...
( 06. ) the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself afterward.
( 07. ) WHAT DID YOU SAY VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD.
1. I was distracted and forgot to put on pants before opening the door. I don't think the neighbors are going to visit again.
2. Once, I was trapped on the couch for over two hours before Hank came home and got Sumo to move by shaking the food bag.
3. Do you really find me unattractive?
4. One of these days, I just know he's going to stick a muzzle on me. Or tape my mouth shut. I can see it in his eyes every time I have to process evidence.
5. If they release an RK production line, how uncomfortable is it going to be for you to work with someone who has the same face and voice as me? Just wondering.
2. Once, I was trapped on the couch for over two hours before Hank came home and got Sumo to move by shaking the food bag.
3. Do you really find me unattractive?
4. One of these days, I just know he's going to stick a muzzle on me. Or tape my mouth shut. I can see it in his eyes every time I have to process evidence.
5. If they release an RK production line, how uncomfortable is it going to be for you to work with someone who has the same face and voice as me? Just wondering.
1: Sexting across star systems is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
2: Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sweet roll and juice.
3: And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
4: Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision?
5: Three words: multiple screaming orgasms.
6: [bring your own text]
2: Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sweet roll and juice.
3: And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
4: Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision?
5: Three words: multiple screaming orgasms.
6: [bring your own text]
1 • It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realise that you were on fire.
2 • We’re hate flirting, damnit.
3 • I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
4 • Your facebook status just popped up and said ‘probably going to jail’. Thought I should check in.
5 • Considering what happened last night, and how horrible I feel, I look amazing.
2 • We’re hate flirting, damnit.
3 • I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
4 • Your facebook status just popped up and said ‘probably going to jail’. Thought I should check in.
5 • Considering what happened last night, and how horrible I feel, I look amazing.
1: It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on the ground in public.
2: OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
3: Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
4: Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
5: I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
6: [bring your own text]
2: OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
3: Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
4: Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
5: I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
6: [bring your own text]
1. We're hate flirting, dammit.
2. I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks.
3. I told him it was fine and then I froze his car.
4. There is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
5. Text him!
2. I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks.
3. I told him it was fine and then I froze his car.
4. There is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
5. Text him!
2. My night was good. I made people cry and run home.
3. (1/2) I am coming home for anal
(2/2) *a nap
4. and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
5. Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
6. [ text himmm ]
Okuyasu Nijimura | Jojo's Bizarre Adventure | misfires/assumed cr ok, info in journal
hundredmil
2020-09-11 05:19 pm (UTC)(link)
a. Hey, I found a dog. I dropped it off at your place but I'm not real sure it was yours...did you already have a dog?
b. if you tip the pizza delivery driver $10 or more they’ll remember your house and offer you protection from mirror world delivery drivers (shadow pizza hut, evil dominos, little caesers)
c. i woke up before 6am today and i felt secret emotions...
d. Hey uh...any chance you can give me a ride home?
e. [ Text him. ]
b. if you tip the pizza delivery driver $10 or more they’ll remember your house and offer you protection from mirror world delivery drivers (shadow pizza hut, evil dominos, little caesers)
c. i woke up before 6am today and i felt secret emotions...
d. Hey uh...any chance you can give me a ride home?
e. [ Text him. ]
1. I have no idea where we are, but it doesn't look dirty, so I don't think we're in Gotham yet.
2. Diet starts tomorrow! Guy from Batburger drive-thru asked if I got a new car.
3. Why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat?
4. But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
5. Text her!
2. Diet starts tomorrow! Guy from Batburger drive-thru asked if I got a new car.
3. Why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat?
4. But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
5. Text her!
1: I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
2: Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
3: Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
4: You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
5: I will rip it off your body in ways that are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
6: [bring your own text]
2: Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
3: Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
4: You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
5: I will rip it off your body in ways that are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
6: [bring your own text]
a. I showed you my Stand, you better fucking respond
b. You might not be able to control the plot of your life, or the characters in it, or even the genre, but you can control one thing: the soundtrack. Grab some headphones and stop complaining.
c. If you die before I can come get you, I'll come to the afterlife myself and bring you back so that I can kill you again. Stay safe you dumbass! I'll be there in ten.
d. Please know that when I say "I'd rather cut off my own hand again than spend a Friday night drinking with you", I mean it literally.
e. What the fuck is 'gender fluid'? Is it flammable?
f. [ Text him. ]
b. You might not be able to control the plot of your life, or the characters in it, or even the genre, but you can control one thing: the soundtrack. Grab some headphones and stop complaining.
c. If you die before I can come get you, I'll come to the afterlife myself and bring you back so that I can kill you again. Stay safe you dumbass! I'll be there in ten.
d. Please know that when I say "I'd rather cut off my own hand again than spend a Friday night drinking with you", I mean it literally.
e. What the fuck is 'gender fluid'? Is it flammable?
f. [ Text him. ]
(a.) My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
(b.) The meeting did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
(c.) I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
(d.)They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
(e.) text her
(b.) The meeting did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
(c.) I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
(d.)They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
(e.) text her
01. I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice."
02. Some student is stoned out of his mind in my Alchemy class. Just shouted that the teacher was a genius because he got rid of so many numbers.
03. Associate just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more hanging out with nerds.
04. Don't worry, we didn't bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
05. Let's make a deal! (text, misfire him!)
01. On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
02. Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision?
03. Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit.
04. Text Tasha; assumed cr okay.
02. Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision?
03. Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit.
04. Text Tasha; assumed cr okay.
- 1. i guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building
2. crisis was averted by karaoke thank god
3. hurry up. i didnt get out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone youre never going to see again
4. please find an outlet that isnt stripping or getting arrested
5. ( text him! )
1. I'm sorry for saying you looked like you were going to an Amish community prayer meeting.
2. All the marines left the bar and are running towards the center of town. Please tell me you're not in the center of town.
3. We're hate flirting, dammit.
4. Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
5. Text her!
2. All the marines left the bar and are running towards the center of town. Please tell me you're not in the center of town.
3. We're hate flirting, dammit.
4. Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
5. Text her!
Edited 2020-09-11 17:22 (UTC)
1. Rule #127: If you're going to try fuck a married man, you need to be hotter than his spouse. Your diet starts today.
2. Can I send you a random dick pic? It has a little heart tattoo.
3. The guy you set me up with got a boner when I threatened to decapitate him...
4. A senior from Diasomnia is looking at me like I'm a piece of meat. What should I do?
5. Is today your birthday? [ aka, text him! ]
2. Can I send you a random dick pic? It has a little heart tattoo.
3. The guy you set me up with got a boner when I threatened to decapitate him...
4. A senior from Diasomnia is looking at me like I'm a piece of meat. What should I do?
5. Is today your birthday? [ aka, text him! ]
Edited 2020-09-11 17:24 (UTC)
( 001 ) Now there's a Facebook group for all the people whose lives I've "ruined".
( 002 ) Help me help you realize you are a moron.
( 003 ) I didn't hate myself when I woke up today. That's improvement.
( 004 ) Your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
( 005 ) [ wildcard! ]
( 002 ) Help me help you realize you are a moron.
( 003 ) I didn't hate myself when I woke up today. That's improvement.
( 004 ) Your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
( 005 ) [ wildcard! ]
1. If you break up with me one more time, it's over.
2. Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
3. Donating our bodies would not justify what we're doing to them.
4. At this point, I think you're judging my taste in everything.
( or text him. )
2. Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
3. Donating our bodies would not justify what we're doing to them.
4. At this point, I think you're judging my taste in everything.
( or text him. )
Don't get too used to it, I thought we could live a little on your birthday.
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