Han Swolo (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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bakerstreet2018-11-09 08:14 am
hanswolo) wrote in bakerstreet2018-11-09 08:14 am
Entry tags:
1. You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
2. Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
3. As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
4. What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
2. Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
3. As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
4. What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
A. guess who knows how to break into cars now
B. sand is actually really comfortable
C. i woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. i had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. i was trapped. how did that happen
D. i didn't mean to throw the knife at your head
E. [text her!]
B. sand is actually really comfortable
C. i woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. i had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. i was trapped. how did that happen
D. i didn't mean to throw the knife at your head
E. [text her!]
1. T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
2. I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
3. Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
4. Why is my helmet full of peanuts?
5. Text her.
2. I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
3. Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
4. Why is my helmet full of peanuts?
5. Text her.
Edited 2018-11-09 16:25 (UTC)
1) Hold on. There may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check.
2) Hungover and showing clips from Jurassic Park as part of their training seminar. We can all learn from velociraptors.
3) All I remember is trying to call all of you back by howling.
On the bright side, no new tattoos.
4) How many wooden owls is too many wooden owls?
2) Hungover and showing clips from Jurassic Park as part of their training seminar. We can all learn from velociraptors.
3) All I remember is trying to call all of you back by howling.
On the bright side, no new tattoos.
4) How many wooden owls is too many wooden owls?
1) Just woke up to a gallon of water, a bottle of Advil, and a get-well card from myself. I am a cocky bitch.
2) Desperate enough to eat Froot Loops, if I'm being honest.
3) Of course it's appropriate to pregame a duel. Are you bringing a bottle, or should I bring two?
4) I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
2) Desperate enough to eat Froot Loops, if I'm being honest.
3) Of course it's appropriate to pregame a duel. Are you bringing a bottle, or should I bring two?
4) I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Edited 2018-11-09 16:26 (UTC)
1) WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
2) I just.....want a duckling...to be my fuzzy friend...so downy soft... :c
3) i would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
no i wouldn't.
but i'd knock on the window and politely request a handful.
4) spent like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
5) do u NOT lift boulders for fun?
2) I just.....want a duckling...to be my fuzzy friend...so downy soft... :c
3) i would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
no i wouldn't.
but i'd knock on the window and politely request a handful.
4) spent like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
5) do u NOT lift boulders for fun?
1. im having a threesome with these popsicles
2. We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms"
3. operation slutty penguin = pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
4. Theres always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples!! Theyre cute!!! She didn't have to stop me
5. Hes so cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
2. We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms"
3. operation slutty penguin = pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
4. Theres always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples!! Theyre cute!!! She didn't have to stop me
5. Hes so cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
James Bond | Bond films | cross-canon/assumed cr welcome
nameusername
2018-11-09 04:26 pm (UTC)(link)
a. Good news first: the damage to your car is reparable.
b. Your bathroom’s first aid kit is reassuringly well-stocked. My congratulations and also my thanks.
c. It’s not my fault that you didn’t hear me knocking. I can only apologise so many times for getting a look at your arse.
d. I was not ‘naked’. I had on socks.
e. [ Text him. ]
b. Your bathroom’s first aid kit is reassuringly well-stocked. My congratulations and also my thanks.
c. It’s not my fault that you didn’t hear me knocking. I can only apologise so many times for getting a look at your arse.
d. I was not ‘naked’. I had on socks.
e. [ Text him. ]
1. That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
2. Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
3. Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
4. I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
2. Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
3. Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
4. I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
( Aged up to 18+ please! )
i. i'm sorry but i require more work than a hamster. i need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and i have to be played with daily
ii. dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
iii. it's hard to talk dirty with a mouthful of peanut butter
iv. thanks for bringing me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort you built around me is also appreciated
v. he sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me i'm his 'little pet' for the night
vi. or text him!
1. You kept running across the street. Every time you made it across successfully you took something off.
2. When going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case there’s a pool with a roof next to it.
3. We still getting married? Or were you day drinking?
4. I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
5. I just walked into a bar and someone yelled “dibs”!
6. [ text him ]
2. When going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case there’s a pool with a roof next to it.
3. We still getting married? Or were you day drinking?
4. I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
5. I just walked into a bar and someone yelled “dibs”!
6. [ text him ]
1. You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
2. You talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is definitely love.
3. Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
4. Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
2. You talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is definitely love.
3. Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
4. Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i. u said "how could u not want to hook up with me when i have these abs" n then ripped ur shirt open in the middle of the bar. pretty sure u were hammered
ii. I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO U THINK I FEEL
iii. if ur gonna show up unannounced on hangover day u better have coffee, mcdonalds, n be ready to fuck me
iv. how the fuck do u "accidentally" get pissed on
v. nah no plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train i've been riding for the past 3 weeks
vi. or text him!
a. Oh, that's lovely that you would invite me, thank you, but unfortunately, I would rather be dead.
b. I'm taking a shot for every bookshelf I organize where a subsection of reference guides fit on one shelf without overflow. I'm having a wild night.
c. Does anyone mind if I just...scream?
d. Not sure if actually covered in glitter or, just mild hallucination...
e. I need you to tell me not to panic while I try to stop this bleeding, if you would be ever so kind.
f. I've stared demons in the face, but I still have too much anxiety to ask the barista half my height to make my latte with 2%. When will natural selection finally put an end to me?
b. I'm taking a shot for every bookshelf I organize where a subsection of reference guides fit on one shelf without overflow. I'm having a wild night.
c. Does anyone mind if I just...scream?
d. Not sure if actually covered in glitter or, just mild hallucination...
e. I need you to tell me not to panic while I try to stop this bleeding, if you would be ever so kind.
f. I've stared demons in the face, but I still have too much anxiety to ask the barista half my height to make my latte with 2%. When will natural selection finally put an end to me?
i. He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar. This is love.
ii. Get over your kidney infection already, you've been sober for too long.
iii. Just watch out, there's a shitload of broken glass in your bed.
iv. Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, your face isn't between my legs, and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early?
v. Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry arse with.
vi. Or text her!
i. I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine, so that he won't be so stupidly handsome.
ii. You should probably come back from your trip now. I make bad decisions when you're gone.
iii. I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
iv. If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire.
v. You win. I am a disaster who may be slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at your head.
vi. Or text him!
Edited 2018-11-09 16:34 (UTC)
1. Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
2. The sad thing is, I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
3. Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
4. This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
5. TEXT HER.
2. The sad thing is, I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
3. Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
4. This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
5. TEXT HER.
1. Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex.
2. Just saw a group of American tourists in safari outfits bow in thanks to the Starbucks guys. And no I'm not high.
3. I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
4. My mom just told me that after I turned eight I stopped growing mentally and emotionally.
5. [(MIS)TEXT HIM]
2. Just saw a group of American tourists in safari outfits bow in thanks to the Starbucks guys. And no I'm not high.
3. I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
4. My mom just told me that after I turned eight I stopped growing mentally and emotionally.
5. [(MIS)TEXT HIM]
1. I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
2. It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
3. long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
4. I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
2. It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
3. long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
4. I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Edited 2018-11-09 16:34 (UTC)
1. Ahhh, the shame of taking out my recycling.
2. He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar. This is love.
3. Come on, I'm still an alcoholic at heart. Regardless of if it’s broken or not.
4 He just kept pointing to each of us saying, "arrested, arrested, arrested.”
5. Text him
2. He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar. This is love.
3. Come on, I'm still an alcoholic at heart. Regardless of if it’s broken or not.
4 He just kept pointing to each of us saying, "arrested, arrested, arrested.”
5. Text him
1. I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
2. do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
3. You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
4. You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
5. [ Wildcard?? ]
2. do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
3. You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
4. You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
5. [ Wildcard?? ]
1. His status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything I had not to press the like button.
2. You kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer.
3. At this rate you are going to get arrested for a second time tonight.
2. You kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer.
3. At this rate you are going to get arrested for a second time tonight.
Pidge Gunderson/Katie Holt ♦ Voltron: Legendary Defender ♦ ota
sweatysometimes
2018-11-09 04:36 pm (UTC)(link)
1. You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
2. Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
3. I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys
4. I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my brother.
5. define "almost there." like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
6. Text her!
2. Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
3. I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys
4. I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my brother.
5. define "almost there." like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
6. Text her!
Edited 2018-11-09 16:36 (UTC)
1. Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter.
2. Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
3. he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
4. Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
5. TEXT HIM
2. Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
3. he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
4. Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
5. TEXT HIM
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