bakerstreet | But you say you're just a friend

[Either role is fine. Persona 5 characters preferred, but 4 is also good.]

[Either role.]

(( Is this guy alright? If so, which canon point so I don't accidentally spoil you? ))

[Sure thing! They're really good together! Um, I'm aware of spoilers about Erwin and Armin but I've not actually read that far so I might not be clued in on EVERYTHING that happened. If you don't mind we could pick up where season 2 of the anime's latest episode stopped? Unless you have a diff preference.]

(( I don't mind at all! I just went to do a bit of research to make sure I knew what equivalent that is Anime wise, I promised I'd wait for my friend before I watched the new episodes, but I am all caught up otherwisse! So, as long as you're okay with it, I'll throw something generic around the time-frame at you (bit nervous so sorry about the ramble)? ))

[Yeah! That sounds good! I'm good with whatever! Don't worry I'm a very laid back rper haha.]

(( Thanks for that! I'll do my best ♥! If I go on and on setting up, don't worry about reply length, I'm just excited to be able to do this at all! Let me know if you want anything changed.))

Tense times brought out many things in people. The concept wasn't foreign to anyone on the front lines and it isn't foreign to anyone who saw those around them crumble under pressure. Certainly there was something to be said of urgency and being in situation after situation where they always managed to squeak past the impossible left Armin sometimes feeling like they always would. There would be nothing to stop the small bunch of them that comprised those who seemed to live every time things got bad. Or went from bad to worse. None any different from the current time.

None except for the outcome, or rather, how it looked to someone who had a hand in many of those outcomes so far. This, however, looked bleak. It looked hopeless and the idea that he and Eren may not actually make it out this time, or at least, he couldn't see many options, only ones that risked one or the other. That was what had prompted him to open his mouth in the first place and blurt it out. It hadn't happened immediately, well the blurting had but not the feelings, those grew the older they got. At least on his end. Armin had never been certain about what boundary Eren really felt, he'd always just been... Eren.

There when Armin needed him when they were children, alongside Mikasa of course, there when Armin was almost... When he'd almost lost Eren for good. Faced with the prospect that it may happen again, to either of them, in any capacity, he finally spoke up after looking more like a deer in the headlights. He'd said it and it was out there. At least as much as: "Eren if we don't make it out, I need you to know how important you are to me." could be for Armin. It may not be taken as Armin intended, but that was why both the situation and what he'd said had gotten him to the standstill he was in. Staring and wondering if he should elaborate or just shut his mouth. Opting for the later, he just stood still, studying Eren's features for some sign that he didn't just botch up everything.

(It's good! I'm assuming they're in some kind of bad situation? Like surrounded by titans or something?)

Eren blinks a few times as the words Armin spoke to him sink in.

"Hey...we're gonna be just fine, okay? We've got my titan form, your brains, and Mikasa's brawn on our side. There's no way we can lose. You're important to me too, but don't go talking like we're gonna die, okay? Cause we aren't."

It's true that things aren't looking good at the moment, but after everything they've been through, Eren refuses to just lay down and die. He won't be taken down by mindless titans or shitty traitor humans, and he definitely won't let anything happen to his friends. He would die to protect the people he cared about.

Flashing Armin his biggest smile, he pulls the blonde into a tight hug. He's not one for hugs, but he knows that they've always made Armin feel better when he was upset, ever since he was a child, and that's a good enough reason for Eren to give him one.

"I'm really lucky to have you by my side, Armin."

((Something of the like! I left it vagueish just in case you wanted it tweaked ♥. ))

There is a breath stuck in Armin's lungs that he hasn't realized he's been holding. Eren not saying much of anything and letting the cogs in his head turn had already caught him off guard enough. That is until Eren spoke and Armin could shakily breathe again knowing that maybe even if Eren wasn't getting it, he was getting it enough to understand what to say back. Maybe the best thing to come of it is Eren not understanding fully, but for one of the few times in his life, he isn't sure. "Right- Right. I just, it's been..." he trails off. Eren is smiling and Armin is hopeless about it.

He doesn't even realize how handsome he looks doing it and Armin takes another breath, one that doesn't get held and lets it out in a sigh with a softer smile of his own and a nod of his head. One forced for Eren's sake and one that's interrupted by Eren reading his mind. Closeness isn't something he didn't have with his best friend their entire time, but it's small things like this that always have him questioning. He's solved problems on the battlefield that strain his mentality less than when he's trying to figure out just what Eren is giving him to work with, to work for. Inappropriate timing on Armin's part, but Eren is right. If they stick to it, they can do it somehow. It looks bleak but they can.

The taller male's words catch him off guard less so than the arms around him. Armin's slender arms were already slid around Eren's waist by the time his head perks up and he looks over at Eren from his shoulder's perch. "Says the one who's saved mine and countless other lives how many times now by putting theirs on the line?" He doesn't mean it in a self depreciating way and his tone at least says as much, it's more uplifted with Eren this close.

This close. "Eren..." he bites onto his bottom lip lightly. "I was talking out of fear of us both being killed... But I'd have meant it even if I wasn't afraid of it. When I thought you were dead before, Mikasa and I both, we just didn't have the glue that stuck our lives to a purpose." Maybe he was getting a little flowery and he didn't want to sound like an idiot either, or a blathering, puppy-love-stricken fanboy. It was hard not to be sometimes. "If." he started, keeping close to Eren even after the hug should have expired, his hands loosely still at the brunette's sides. "If I had just one request and then I'll put all else out of my mind so that I can put to rest everything that isn't this mission... Could you let me do it without judgment?"

Armin was acting...odd, even given their current situation. He seems fidgety and nervous, and he keeps saying things that make Eren's chest tighten in a good way. To mean so much to someone, to know that they genuinely care about him for who he is and not because of his titan shifting abilities...it warms his jaded heart. He reaches up and ruffles Armin's fluffy blonde hair affectionately, the smile never leaving his face despite the dire circumstances.

He cares about this boy and Mikasa more than anything in the world.

"Of course. No going into this thing with regrets. If you need to tell me something then I'm all ears."

Eren continues to hold his friend close, not caring about anything else right now. It's precious moments like these that make surviving in this hellish world worthwhile. After everything they've been through together, Eren is more than willing to die for Armin, but he would much rather live to see the world with him. They did make a promise to see the ocean someday, after all, and Eren intends to fulfill that promise.

"So what is it you need to tell me?"

Edited 2017-05-09 20:23 (UTC)

The way that Eren held him makes Armin draw his limbs in closer and hold Eren all the harder in return. He may not ever be as physically strong as him, no matter what he ever does, but the sentiment isn't any less. It's after hearing Eren speak for the second time that Armin's head picks up off of his shoulder, out of the crook of his neck and is left studying him for a little while.

"I..." he pauses, his breath a little shaky and he contemplates saying the same tired thing he'd said before, but it's been proven a little harder to get Eren to understand. If he really, really wouldn't judge him, within the heart of hearts he feels he won't... It's not a stretch to think that if he'd just lean in, just that little bit.

Armin's silence lasts just a moment or two longer and he bites his bottom lip before letting it go and leaning in to press them instead, briefly, against the other teen's. Definitely brief, enough so it can't be taken as a mistake and enough to cause him a heavy flush across his face, part in worry part in surprise at his own actions. "I ... I mean you understand now," he asks with a tentative voice. "Right?"

When Armin presses their lips together Eren is in absolute disbelief. He blinks a few times, not really comprehending what's going on at first, and then slowly realization dawns on him and his eyes grow impossibly wide. Armin...likes him? As more than a friend? Is that really possible??

When Armin pulls away they're both blushing, and Eren brings his fingers up to brush over his lips, the feeling of Armin's kiss lingering there.

"You...you like me...like...that??" he asks, shock and surprise evident in his voice, and god, this is just so unexpected that it's sending his mind reeling. Not that he's upset about it; quite the opposite, actually. He's been trying to figure out his feelings for Armin for ages now, and this just kind of puts it all into perspective.

"Armin...how long? Have you felt this way, I mean?"

Sure they may be in the middle of a dire situation, but he just has to know if the late nights of pining are mutual.

His blue eyes train their unsure look on Eren's fingers as they touch his lips, lips that Armin had been at only moments ago which is a foreign concept to him even after it's done. His teeth catch his lip, pulling the bottom tier further in to worry at, at first.

Being asked something so overtly causes him to turn his eyes away, a smart decision, they should at least be taking cautious looks around. It's a good excuse to use at least. "...Yeah like that." he answers, the nervous tone in his barely audible inflection. Excited as Eren is, he seems to be grilling him a little and it's only fair. The Shifter had, after all, allowed him the courtesy of being able to do more than just stand around and continue to worry himself to death of if he'd live to tell Eren or tell him at all. "A long time." is all he can think to answer, "I don't think there's ever been a time where I didn't...like you in one way or another, only more strongly once I started understanding. I know now isn't the time I know you're telling me we'll survive, but I couldn't take the chance."

A long time...Eren takes a moment to process Armin's words, still not quite getting it. He's not sure why it's so hard to believe; maybe it's because he's never had the time to think about romance before, considering everyday there's a new threat to humanity's very existence. So when he's confronted with Armin's honest feelings it's more than a little surprising, and he's not sure how to react.

He's always thought Armin was adorable in that cute little brother kind of way, but now that he looks at him...he's grown into quite a handsome young man. Big, beautiful blue eyes, pouty lips...plus their history together...could that explain why he gets a fluttery feeling in his chest whenever Armin smiles so sweetly at him?

"I...I like you too, Armin. I'm...really happy that you told me."

Eren lifts Armin's chin with his index finger and smiles warmly down at him before capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. He rests his hands on Armin's hips, pulling him closer until their chests touch. His best friend in the world...who better for him to fall in love with?

Finally he breaks the kiss, cheeks flushed and smiling.

"When this is over...I want to do this again, Armin. So you can't go dying on me, got it?"

Having had a look around for their safety, he turns his head back to face Eren watching more at about chest level than having the ability to turn his eyes upon the object of his affection. That is, until Eren confesses in the same vein and his eye widen, his mind replaying the sound of the other boy's voice while searching for any sign that he misheard.

His heart is beating out of his chest at the approach of Eren's hand and his lips are parted to speak but nothing ever manages to manifest word wise. The finger on his chin sends a cold, elated feeling down his spine. Even if he's still processing the touch let alone the return of the feelings, Armin's head tilts without more than the finger to guide it, breathing in a sharp breath at the feel of Eren's mouth on his. It only takes him a second or two to react and his slender fingers slide up to Eren's shoulders, easily slipping closer.

At the end of the kiss he looks into Eren's eyes and to that charming smile before slipping his head against his shoulder. He can't promise a thing. "When it's all over." he replies and leave the rest up to chance. His arms tighten and he holds him just for a moment or two longer. "By the ocean side?" he asks, liking the idea of this fantasy world where they can promise neither will die and think better of what they could be doing than being in constant danger.

[Either role.]

Call your sister.

That's it, that's the note. Attached to a not entirely friendly owl who is definitely more interested in when he'll be allowed to fly away from Godric's Hollow than whether or not Lily's got any owl treats-- in fact, it's not going to stay to see if she's going to write a reply, and its yellow eyes suggest if her hand gets near its leg again she might lose a finger. Open the window, lady.

There's no return address, no name signed, but the handwriting - even after so many years - should be familiar. (Not to mention the hostile bird being a dead giveaway.) Most wizarding villages don't have telephones hooked up, but the row houses outside the defunct mill in Cokeworth still have them. Apparently.

Oh.

Yes, the hostile bird is a dead giveaway. Yes, the handwriting is a dead giveaway. Yes, the fact that it's someone that her sister could contact is a dead giveaway.

Lily lets the owl back out and stares at the note as something dark and painful coils in her chest, thumb brushing over ink. After far too long she tucks the note into her pocket and leaves to travel to the nearest telephone box she remembers the location of. Oftentimes talking to Petunia is difficult. There's so much hidden pain there for the both of them and it's just—

—anyway, no one's house is on fire or anything but it's a small Crisis that is, apparently, a thing that even estranged sisters talk about. It's still tense like it always is, but they manage. Always have, somehow.

Tell him thank you, Tuney, she says, before she hangs up.

That's all. Sisters talking through phone lines in the dark across the borders of two worlds and a thank you for someone she hasn't spoken to in years.

He only has the phone hooked up because he's waiting to hear back from the lawyer handling Tobias's will, something he tells Petunia very pointedly more than once. She's halfway through reaming him out for something-or-other before she stops and asks what happened. He tells her, and she says, Oh. I'm sorry about your mother.

It's funny to him: that she's this much of a bitch and the way he's always treated her has been infinitely worse, but even she leaves out any condolences about Tobias.

Don't phone me again.

She phones him again.

A week goes by. Once more, the finger-hating owl abuses of a window at Godric's Hollow.

Get a PO box and give the address to Petunia, already.

Lily has, in fact, been phoning Petunia periodically; she's been making special trips to do it, in fact. James seems to think this unnecessary when he figures out what she's doing—you remember that horrible row at dinner, he says, but that just makes her angry at him again for riling it up so they have a row and he goes to stay with Remus or Sirius or Peter or whoever, she doesn't care at the moment.

This time she doesn't stare at the note as long but she does tuck it away before going to phone Petunia again.

Tuney, I just talked to you yesterday, what is it? Is something wrong? Lily can't help it.

No, I just wanted to speak with you again.

Lily is so desperate for a re-connection with her sister that she doesn't question it any more. They talk about stupid things and Lily talks about her argument with James and Petunia sounds oddly unsurprised.

Finally, Lily offers to come by the phone box on a daily basis to ring her up. No, no, I don't want to put you out of your way. I'm sure you're very busy with that sulking Potter.

Right. I'll get a PO box an give you the address next time we talk.

Of course, Lily.

She's curious and suspicious but she's still not sure what the hell Petunia is doing.

Edited (I COMMITTED A CARDINAL SIN) 2017-05-09 01:08 (UTC)

In a universe where I'm less busy today there's like eight more tags here further setting up Petunia's nefarious plan of 50% hating James so much she'd rather see her sister with that creepy kid from Cokeworth and 50% kind of wanting to ruin Lily's week out of spite making her talk to that creepy kid from Cokeworth again, but in this universe we're skipping right to Petunia wanting to meet Lily for lunch. In a slightly weird, un-Petunia-like diner downtown that looks more like one of those places that hosted dedicated poetry nights when they were kids and now suffers tech school students and laborers on breaks taking up hours sitting around reading books and never ordering more than coffee and chips.

As it turns out: No, Petunia is not at this diner, never will be at this diner, but through a series of obnoxious events she's ferreted out this is where one (1) Severus Snape will be at this precise time. Sitting at a table with coffee and a book and a half-smoked cigarette set in the groove of an ashtray.

He doesn't notice when Lily walks in - too absorbed in whatever he's reading (occasionally putting notes into the margins of with a pen), and sat a ways back in the place. It isn't empty, but it's between rushes, the atmosphere quiet and only a little dingy. Characterful, some would say in its defense. A dive according to most others.

That's basically it though: spite both James and Lily in one fell swoop, but mostly James. Mmmmostly James. Anyway, nefarious plans are in motion and Lily appears precisely when she's meant (fresh off another row, James having apparently forgotten what happened the last time he complained about her sister), surprised to not see Petunia as she's normally very punctual.

She actually doesn't realize what's going on until she's on her way to the table she'll be waiting for Petunia at and

coming to a complete and total stop in the middle of the walkway. "Oh."

It's very soft as that something dark and twisting rears in her chest, but then she continues, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'm going to kill her." Simply. Petunia is never going to get here, which she should have known from the moment she saw the place.

Oh.

Severus doesn't say anything, doesn't startle or sit up, but the look on his face says he's just as shocked as she is. Moreso, actually, as he was not invited here by a scheming sister. He's just here, and now so is Lily. He's frozen in place, one hand holding his book open, elbows on the table, staring at her like he can't figure out what emotion matches this situation, brain frantically searching through a significant ERROR moment.

I'm going to kill her.

Her? What? Checks to his peripheral vision says Lily's alone, who-- Ah.

It clicks into place and he feels queasy and embarrassed, and now he does sit up, closing his book and pulling his hands back like he's withdrawing into himself. He looks cornered, like he's going to bolt any second or maybe just die on the spot, because this is entirely too many shades of Hogwarts bullying for him to process gracefully.

Lily is, quite obviously, having a moment. She doesn't move closer or further away, just... plunks into the nearest chair, which is at the table next to his and not the one he is currently having his own moment at, which either helps or doesn't, she doesn't know anymore. But she does know the withdrawing and the cornered look and—

—"sorry," she breathes out suddenly, sounding lost and awkward and... something, she doesn't know. "I'm sorry, I didn't know about this. Just that she's been bothering you so she could talk to me more." Right. Talk to her more. Man, Petunia. Of all the dick moves. She's not looking at him, instead looking down at her hands worrying over each other... nervously? Why does she feel nervous? Embarrassed too, obviously, but it's just not something she knows how to deal with right now.

So Petunia's been planning this all along. "Did she even bother to tell you I said thank you for telling me to call? I didn't want you to think I was just not going to say anything."

(Even though he really clearly did not actually want her to reply just like he hadn't wanted to have to contact her in the first place.)

Edited 2017-05-09 04:09 (UTC)

Whatever Severus wants or doesn't want is irrelevant - she told him to leave her alone and he's been leaving her alone; he feels awful about having invaded her privacy with the owl post in the first place, but Petunia has been so adamant, and so upset. He'd even told her. Lily doesn't want me to bother her, you don't understand. It's been years. Petunia argued that Lily would ultimately be more upset if she found out he could have helped her and refused, and, well. She'd had a point.

Now, though. He thinks he'll hex all her hair off if he sees her again.

Petunia had passed on Lily's thanks. She'd also complained - quite a lot - about how much Lily and James fought, about how awful James is to her. Severus endured it silently and swallowed any reaction, because it's not his place. James can do whatever he bloody likes and Lily will always forgive him. She chose her path, after all.

"I shouldn't have bothered you," he says eventually. "I'm disconnecting the phone next week anyway."

Because everything's wrapped up. Did Petunia mention his parents are dead? --Whatever train of thought there is derailed violently as he sees a familiar figure pass by the front glass; fortunately at an angle not to be looking within. Yet. His expression twists, half-panicked.

"Sit in the booth behind me and be quiet." Suddenly he's all seriousness, speaking like he's not used to being disobeyed. He knocks the ashtray off his table and stands up in between her and the front of the diner, blocking her from view -- of Orin Avery, just pulling the door open.

Lily will probably hex Petunia's hair off too. Doubly so if she finds out that her sister used James in conversation with Severus. How dare she. "I wasn't bothered," she mutters without thought, but--she hadn't been. He'd sent her a message with purpose, hadn't bothered her over it, and only at her sister's insistence.

Severus, she thinks, at least listens to her wishes.

Petunia didn't mention his parents, no. "Disconnecting it? Wh--"

Severus doesn't have to say anything for her to tense in response to that expression. Many Gryffindors would have balked at being told what to do by someone like Severus, but they would be idiots and also probably dead. Lily, on the contrary, immediately does as she's instructed, settling in small and inconspicuous and with a cup of coffee that was definitely not full a moment ago but is currently between her hands, black and steaming. A reason to be sat there. By the time Orin is anywhere near close enough to see her, she's nothing more than an anonymous redhead drinking some coffee.

Totally inconspicuous. No need to even more than glance, really.

The disillusionment charm on the scarf she's just tugged out of a pocket and wrapped around her neck is as close to perfect as is humanly possible, but she's still not going to make any noise or do anything conspicuous. No, she's going to sit here, think of the meanings and ramifications of this, and not be noticed by Orin Avery, whose eyes will just slide over her like she isn't even there.

Severus sets the ashtray back where it belongs, and his coffee cup and book have conveniently slid to the other side of the table. Orin joins him and they exchange hellos, the other wizard taking the seat Severus had been in earlier-- not facing Lily. Instead, when Severus sits back down, he can keep an eye on her. They can even exchange a look in the glass behind the bar, if they really want to. (Severus does not.)

Conversation isn't anything damning or even particularly interesting. Orin thought Severus might be here and he was in the area, lucked out stopping by. They talk about the girl Orin's been seeing, Severus' apothecary work, and then Orin says Did your da really shuffle off the other week, and things turn a little stilted. Something he overheard Antonin say, but Severus privately doesn't know why the fuck Antonin would know. Probably Lucius and Narcissa talking. You want to go out for a pint or something with the lads?

"I'm not upset. He was a cunt."

Orin laughs. Severus lights another cigarette, and one for the other man. They talk more and it's easy again, but curiously coded. Severus could kill Orin, honestly, because to anyone else it would be utterly inconspicuous, but to Lily, it has to be plain as day they're discussing Voldemort. Someone of importance is upset with a situation concerning a vicious stray dog. Flatly, Severus advises it just be put down, and the conversation becomes incredulous on Orin's part-- skeptical Severus can get away with whatever it is he's suggesting.

"You tell Fenrir if I see another one of his envoys anywhere near me he's getting eyeteeth and blood back and that's all," Severus says in a near hiss, praying it's quiet enough that Lily can't hear him clearly, but too annoyed not to say it. They have a hushed, irritable exchange, but Orin gives up, deciding: I don't disagree, honestly, just don't want you to be in trouble.

"Sweet of you." Dry.

Lily can't not listen. They're right there, there's nothing else to focus on. She manages all right until Avery mentions Severus' father and--she hadn't known. Something plummets in her a little. She's not sorry he's dead and she knows Severus isn't either, but she still hadn't even known. (Why does she care so much about not knowing? She knows why. It's the same reason she'd felt so suddenly guilty as soon as she saw him. Fuck's sake.

Anyway.

There's little to feel about anything but cold when the conversation turns to - yes, she instantly knows - Voldemort. Severus has to know that she's going to have to relay everything she hears. It's no secret that she's a member of the Order. It never has been. She continues to sit quietly, doesn't look toward Severus in the glass, drinks her coffee and waits.

(She hates that she thinks a moment that Severus didn't know the conversation would turn to this, that she should leave before it finishes.)

Lily hears the word Fenrir and some other choice words but the full breadth of it is lost in the hiss of his statement. Lily doesn't react to any of it. Not at all. The conversation doesn't go on much longer after that - Orin has places he needs to be, which are in fact not war-related in the least, as he's about to meet the girl he's been seeing for a date. Even when he's professing concern for Severus not getting in trouble, he seems so damn laid-back in this place talking about this. What a personality on that guy.

Eventually though, he takes his leave, though he does remind of the offer of going out for a pint whether in mourning or celebratory, which says a lot about the state of things in his head (in both of their heads, since knocking back a drink to that death doesn't sound horrible). In any case, the door swings shut behind him when he leaves.

Lily, for a moment, still doesn't move.

It's very quiet, but she can still probably here his long exhale and utterance of "Fuck."

He knows she's in the Order. Just like she knows he's in with the Dark Lord. But it's one thing to know an another thing to have it shoved in her face-- at least, some frantic part of his mind offers, no one actually knows how to identify a Death Eater, or what they really are. If it were illegal to be associated with a certain crowd it'd be another story, but it isn't yet, just

very tense.

There's also this: Severus could have told her to leave. He could have staged an argument, accused her of following him, made a scene with Orin or dragged his friend elsewhere. He could have stunned her silently at any moment during that conversation, he could be Obliviating her right now. But he's just sitting at his table with his head in one hand, swearing internally.

Lily doesn't move a bit longer. Then she stands, but she doesn't leave. She doesn't run, she doesn't apparate away, doesn't try to stun him. She turns and unwinds her scarf to tuck it away and sits across from Severus, bringing her coffee with her. She knows that he should have done any of those things, that he still should now, but he hasn't and he's not.

She just looks at him and she breathes and then she glances away and takes a sip of her coffee like they've just been sitting here talking like normal people and that they don't know they're on opposite sides of a chasm that's currently filled with unquenchable flames. The silence carries on. "Petunia never told me about your father."

Of all the things she could have said, should have said, that is not really high on the priority list. "So that's why the phone--I'm sorry you've had to deal with her on top of everything else." Not I'm sorry for your loss, not any kind of condolences over his father, just: sorry you got more stress piled on you.

(What is she doing, why is she pretending they're normal people, why is she saying any of this? She doesn't know.)

Severus is rubbing his forehead, staring at the empty space on the table between them. He doesn't want to look at her. A time-turner, he thinks. Twenty minutes, is all.

He doesn't say anything for a while.

Eventually,

"He got drunk and pushed Eileen down the stairs last year." Severus puts out the last of his cigarette with the hand not holding his head up, having found he's lost his taste for anything and everything, at the moment. "Killed her. Constable wouldn't look into it."

And now he's dead, so. Good fucking riddance.

"I should have just lent Petunia an owl. I'm sorry."

Twenty minutes would about do it, yeah. If only.

"I'm sorry," she finally says, "about Eileen." There's something there that's very clear that isn't being said, but Tobias deserved whatever he got and sainted Lily Potter is not actually a saint at all. Good fucking riddance indeed.

Instead of staring down at the table, Lily is staring studiously out of the very slightly dingy window. There's not much to see outside, but it's less awkward than this table is right now.

Eventually: "no you shouldn't have. Vernon probably would have tried to kill it and talking to me wasn't Petunia's goal anyway, she still would have found ways to bother you." Dry. "I offered to call her every day so she could stop bothering you, she said she was fine with things then kept going on with it anyway."

Basically: they both got played really hard by Petunia and now it's got them ... here, awkwardly.

He makes a low noise of acknowledgement about her condolences - which he knows are sincere, despite the years of silence between them. Severus didn't love either of his parents, but Eileen, for all her enabling and for as much as she failed to protect her child, was as much of a victim as he was. She deserved more than what life dealt her, no matter she picked half the cards herself.

Lily doesn't ask how Tobias went. He's grateful.

Another long pause.

"Reckon we can go shove her in a lake," he deadpans, because he can't think of anything but the threat they used to levy at her when they were children and Petunia wouldn't lay off.

The silence is... not soothing, that's not the word for it, but it is... just, it is. There's no other way to put it. It's there unassuming and with no need to twist around or figure out what to say. Quietly sitting together. How strange.

And then--honestly, Lily almost laughs. Almost. It would have been a fluttering, nervous laugh that he wouldn't have recognized, so perhaps it's for the better this way. "I think," she settles on, "I've never felt more like it than I have now. She used to just want to join in so she didn't miss anything, now she's just meddling."

Hell of a place to meddle, Petunia.

"She's angry and doesn't know how to feel better," he says quietly.

Severus dislikes Petunia to an extreme degree - her behavior is on the list of reasons he hates muggles so much - but he understands why she stooped to taking her rage out on her sister like this. Much more effective to try and screw up her marriage and force her to open old wounds than to say something cruel. Awfully Slytherin of her. Severus should be impressed.

He doesn't want to look at Lily. If he looks at her she's going to think about everything Petunia said about her marriage to Potter, he's going to think about how hurt he is still. He's fought bitterly to amputate feelings for her from himself, but he's weak and she's every weakness; he doesn't want to give it an inch. He should leave. He can't, though, because she's heard what she's heard and they have to - they have to.

Something.

"I know," Lily finally says, softly. "I know."

(It hurts more than she'd like to admit, honestly. She doesn't need to admit it though, since Severus knows her well enough even now to know how much she's hurt by Petunia's actions. Dragging her husband and--someone she still cares about very much, even estranged and guilty--Severus into it just makes it all the worse.)

She knows they have to do something. But part of her is trying to say it likes sitting here and the rest of her is desperately trying to smash it down because their friendship has sailed off into the damn distance and, unlike what she'd liked to have believed as a teenager when she was vicious and angry, it's not all his fault. It's a lot her fault too. It stings but it should, and for a long time she just sits.

Eventually when she speaks again, her voice is still low.

"Where do we go from here?" Their situation. They should be fighting. Or. Something.

They hurt each other. Badly. Severus should have been a stronger person, able to withstand more abuse and not need the sanctuary of everything dark and wrong. Lily should have been a stronger person, stood fortified for herself and not craved the attention from-- well. Her husband.

All in all her sins are lesser by far. Severus thinks of her trying not to laugh that day but he knows what he did was worse, he knows he deserved it. All of it. That doesn't mean he isn't hurt and bitter about everything, but humans are funny like that. Emotional multitasking. (I know, but)

"I don't know."

Severus' coffee is cold.

"They got me out of it," he says at last, and finally risks looking at her. "They got me out of it. I know who they are and what I'm doing but the first person to ever tell me 'it's wrong and you aren't staying there anymore' was Lucius's mother."

It's not an excuse. The fact that child protective services in the UK wouldn't bother with complaints from the neighborhood he grew up in, and the fact that the Ministry defaulted to the muggle government because the man of the house wasn't a wizard, and the fact that not a single teacher or nurse ever so much as batted an eye at the bruises he'd show up to term with-- none of these things erase what Voldemort and his followers want. But it goes a hell of a long way to explain why Severus has never been deaf to it, on top of everything else. It's wrong, he knows it's wrong, but it's the only place he belongs and he hates all the alternatives anyway.

(I know, but)

They both should have done things, should have been things that they didn't or weren't. No matter whose sins were (are?) worse, the fact remains they're both at fault and Lily regrets so much. (No one deserves what James Potter and co. did to Severus. No one.)

Lily looks back at Severus quiet and unflinching, not searching but somber and listening to Severus' explanation. (Not excuses. They both know that's not what Severus is doing though, and she can appreciate that much.) For a long time she just nods once, processing and trying to unpack her emotions as her gaze dips down to her coffee cup. "I should have--" Should have what? What could a young teenager have done? Instead she settles on: "I'm sorry. For everything," everything that was her, the way she hurt him, the way she'd acted and contributed and everything that rests sour in her throat now. It's not an excuse and it doesn't make things better, but the sincere regret is there. For a moment it looks almost like she wants to grasp for one of his hands but then thinks better of it, fingers flexing uselessly against the flat surface of the table. "I'm glad someone finally did get you out of it."

Even if it was who it was. (Is who it is.)

Eventually she looks up at him again, her whisper so soft that it's barely audible. "I've been asked," she begins, "twice."

That's all she says. Whether Severus knew or not, something interesting is she doesn't include James for reasons other than his treatment of Severus: while they'd both been asked, the fact of the matter remains that were it about James, they would have only asked him. But asking both of them means it's about Lily, the muggle-born witch, and asking James, the pure-blood wizard, is only to hide the fact that it is about her and to make her more likely to accept.

She hadn't.

Severus doesn't blame her. He did, when he was younger, less inclined to think rationally and so unable to control himself emotionally that he'd blame the fall of the Roman Empire on a westerly breeze. (It's something he'll think of in years to come, though, why Mr and Mrs Evans would look at him and sigh and gossip with the neighbors, why they'd move away, but never say anything. Is that a muggle thing or a human thing, the way people care enough to hiss behind each other's backs but never do anything.)

"I know."

Well. Cat's out of the bag, so to speak, there's no reason to be coy about it. Severus shouldn't give this much away, he knows - he should let everyone believe he's just some fringe sycophant, an errand boy, and not... what he is. A young man in the immediate, personal confidence of Lord Voldemort, a young man who knows about Tom Riddle's muggle father. Of course the Dark Lord would find Lily Evans, muggle-born witch of renowned power that that fairy-tale red hair, the more appealing potential servant than her spoilt pureblood husband.

"I told him not to bother, but I guess there's something about you that makes the worst of us pay attention."

I know. It sticks in her mind and she says nothing for a few moments.

Knowing and knowing are utterly different things. Lily nods, just a little. She wouldn't believe he were just some fringe sycophant anyway, but the sheer closeness required that makes a fresh wave of nausea rise up in her briefly that she squashes down. When she looks across at him now it's not accusing or disgusted, it's... difficult to read. Lily's always been so expressive but it's been closed off lately with the war and with stress and quite honestly just existing in the current climate.

Then again it's like that for most everyone these days.

"Told him not to bother." Dry. "Yes, clearly that hasn't worked." The rules of their existence dictate that she should never let her guard down around him but she slumps slightly in her seat, head tipping back toward the ceiling as she briefly closes her eyes. "I'm bloody tired, Severus." She tips her head forward again and looks at him. "Do you know if he's going to ask me again? Because my answer won't change. No matter what."

It's so surreal in a horrible way to be asking her childhood best friend if he knows whether the Dark Lord is going to ask her again to friend him on wizard facebook.

He's not going to get into it more-- of course, the exchange wasn't akin to I think you shouldn't bother, anyway, are we ordering out for supper. The discussion of Lily Potter, like discussions of anyone and everyone, was long and difficult and involved Severus not saying she's too much of a saint, but that she's too stubborn and has chosen her line in the sand already. It's the look of a saint that appeals to her, Severus had told Voldemort. If it were just social power and wealth, it'd be easy to turn away from the likes of James Potter, but she's stubborn, she's smart, and she's not giving up her cultivated position of moral authority for anything. She wouldn't buckle for her best friend, she won't now.

Voldemort thinks rather highly of himself, however, to no-one's surprise. He's going to try, being more dynamic than Severus (especially then-teenage Severus), and he's going to be distracted by the sheer potential Lily holds.

"I don't know. I don't have his day planner," he says, somewhat bitterly. Like Severus set You-Know-Who on her, or something.

"Life is tiring, Lily. You could go on vacation to Bermuda if you'd rather."

No one forced her to join up with Dumbledore. She's muggle-born but she's not a soldier. She has options, she has money. She's always had a thousand doors just waiting for her.

"That's not what I meant," she says, and it's tight but not sharp. Barely. She sits up straight again too, arms folding on the table. There's a flicker of old fire in her, but it's more controlled than it ever was. Which is for the best - wild and all-consuming fire is beautiful on her but she can't consume herself from the inside-out. Perhaps she's meant to die young but not like this. Never like this.

Lily's not a saint - no one is, sainthood is a damned lie - but people thinking she is isn't something she's cultivated. She cares too much, but she's still fucking exhausted.

"Being tired doesn't mean not being dedicated. It's all shit but it's not going to go away just because someone leaves off on holiday, maybe puts their head in the sand a while at a nice beach. Drinks a mimosa with grit in their teeth pretending everything is fine."

Both sides are full of shit. The side he's ended up on may hate muggles and muggle-borns but the side she's on treats them like curiosities and are endlessly surprised by how smart people like her are. surprised she could be as smart as she is, as good at magic as she is. You're such a strong witch is only a compliment when it's not said with blatant surprise.

She does have options. This is the one she chose and she's not a quitter.

"Isn't it fine?" --and Severus is sharp, by comparison. He always was. Neither of them are soft, kind people, never have been, but if she's fire then Severus is a fucking knife. Together they could make a Youtube channel about hot knives cutting through everyday household objects, and annoy literally every internet user.

"The pureblood line is to keep the old money interested," he says, matter-of-fact. "With his aims it'd be foolish not to weaponize the ancient cult, the Knights of Walpurgis and all that rubbish, because without the fanatical it's over. You're walking, breathing proof he doesn't actually care about where anyone comes from. It's the end result, it's the--"

Severus cuts himself off, almost tangibly frustrated, looking away to collect himself before meeting her eyes again.

"This world is awful. Tell me Dumbledore's going to change it for better, that he's not putting you all in front of a firing squad to die for the way things are. If you tell me I'll believe you."

"Nothing is fine." And it's the damn truth. They'd be better off with their annoying youtube channel, honestly. "And I'm not stupid. There's always been too much posturing for it to have been about that. It's performative but that doesn't change anything." Someone who gave a shit about blood would just kill her, not try to recruit her. This is about power and--well, power isn't all.

She breathes out and it's angry, though not necessarily at him. "You know how I feel about this world already. That hasn't changed." This world is outdated, and stilted, and refuses to come to terms with the fact that time moves on and advancements must be made. This world forces them to channel their magic tighter and restricted because they're afraid of people like Lily and Severus, who breathe and existence changes.

"Stop telling me to lie to you," Lily finally snaps, "I know we're cannon fodder. I know."

It's a cover in both directions; well of course they can't want to kill everyone with a drop of muggle blood don't be ridiculous, well of course they still hate muggles and mudbloods why else would they be doing this don't be ridiculous. All politics are horseshit. Surprise. At the same time, Severus isn't a fool - he can see the visionary giving way more and more to pure, selfish megalomania, but he's in too deep and if he hates the idea of being someone's lackey he truly loathes the idea of going back into the fold.

(He'd been so sure, growing up, that the magical world would save him.)

"Then why do you want him to stop asking?"

There's a silence and Lily just looks at him, observing and searching. Her jaw is set and it looks for a moment like she's going to just get up and leave, so offended by the mere suggestion that she can't stand to be here. Or--it would look like that to someone else. Because even with all the years apart, some things never change.

Eventually, Lily smiles and it's sharp like those knives we talked about. "He stops asking, I'm cannon fodder. He keeps asking and I say no, I'm still canon fodder. He keeps asking and I say yes, I'm cannon fodder somewhere else."

(Sainted Lily Potter knows the bloody score.)

It's a wildly unfair question, Severus knows it and she knows he knows-- she can't join him because no matter what, she'd be a mudblood sitting at a table surrounded by pureblood supremacists and nothing about that will ever work, no matter the heart of Voldemort's aims. Just like he can't join her, because it'd mean working to further the lives and well-being of everyone who's abused and tormented him his entire life. He's just trying to piss her off, because he isn't nice.

"I'm not."

Really isn't nice. Rubbing it in. He may be the Dark Lord's servant as a Death Eater, but he knows the score. He's not laboring under the delusion of an idealized moral view, and he's not on the front lines - that happy duty is being foisted on idiots and nonhumans. It's better this way.

"We're at an impasse."

Like they have been for years.

Well, she's been pissed off for a while now so it's more icing on the cake than anything, but it works and she hates that it works and that just makes her more mad. She should leave. She should get up and she should leave and she should never talk to him again and she should go home to her husband and pretend she had a nice lunch with her sister.

She doesn't. She stays sitting across from him, staring him down, unflinching no matter how furious he's made her. "Good. Stay alive."

—and as angry as she is, despite everything, despite Severus only saying it to rub it in, despite the fact she snaps it out in annoyance, she means it. Stay alive, you stupid prick.

"It looks like that trend will continue, yes." I don't like fighting with you. But it's not like there are many other options between them. "As neither of us seem to have any ideas that can actually be implemented." It's almost challenging.

It's definitely challenging.

Stay alive wins her a sharp, honestly surprised look. It's one thing for Severus to be pining over her in some deep dark corner of his heart but he's the one who begged on his knees. Lily giving a fuck, genuinely, enough to say something about it in the face of Severus being (yes) a stupid prick, is surprising.

"Guess we can't rule the world after all."

He doesn't know why he says it. Idiotic childhood callbacks; shoving Petunia in a lake is incidental, referencing the private daydreams and fantasies they played with in the summertime is ... another world. Severus looks at his coffee, and silently heats it back up. Fuck you. (Who?) He takes a drink.

"How are your parents?"

Again, Lily doesn't flinch. She means it and the fact that he's surprised in the face of it... well, she can't call it hurtful because it's her fault he's shocked by it. It's hurtful in a way that's not Severus' fault is a better way of putting it.

He's definitely being a stupid prick.

Somehow he drags a laugh out of her anyway even if it sounds breathy and half choked like she almost wants to cry. She's fine. (No one is fine.)

"I guess we can't."

It had felt like they could. Asking about her parents is surreal but she shrugs, looking down at her coffee but not drinking it or heating it up or anything. Just staring into it. Read the future in your coffee dregs.

"They're all right. I haven't seen them as much lately but dad's sick so I'm trying to get to them more." She shrugs with one shoulder. It's not great, but. Then, blandly: "you know how Petunia is already, so she's sorted at least."

It's only surreal because it's normal; normal people who are friends, who aren't on either side of a cold war, ask each other about their lives and their families, because they're civilized human beings. Severus and Lily are none of these things, not normal or friends or even very civilized. Pretending, for a moment, to be real people.

"I'm sorry to hear that." About her father. Severus never disliked the Evanses personally, and they tolerated his presence well enough, considering he was some weird borderline-homeless unwashed weird kid from the bad side of the village. Even if they never intervened where they could, they were never unkind, and it wasn't their responsibility anyway.

But then there's Petunia. Severus rolls his eyes. "I wouldn't ask anyway. And I won't be speaking to her again, so you don't have to worry about running into me in the future."

It must be strange to be a real person. Safe, boring, and, yes, civilized. Neither of them would actually function that way: they're not normal, not people. Human, but not people. They could pretend because both of them are good at that: pretending. In some ways. In others, maybe not. They'd still end up being strange and stilted and fringe around regular, normal people.

Lily nods her appreciation for the comment - sick is a bit of an understatement. He's not doing too well, but she'd rather not touch on it too deeply even if they did grow up together. She's still processing it herself. (Sometimes, she'd been afraid of the worst when Petunia had wanted to talk with her. Knowing now, it makes her trickery hurt even more.)

"She long-conned the hell out of us, Severus." At some point she's started doodling tiny runes on the table with her finger: they're not doing anything really, just existing and not in a way that any of the muggles around would notice. She's not even really paying attention to them, still looking at him. "I wouldn't call it a worry," she says, because it's not really. "More a startle."

Severus misses the nuances of not seeing much of her sick father - he killed his own, after all. (Remember, he was grateful she didn't ask.) If he were someone else he might not miss it, and then might nitpick; why doesn't James let them hook a bloody phone up so she can call her mother sometimes? It'd be easy, wouldn't it? Hell, even the Malfoys have a bloody telephone, to manage real estate.

He'll think of it later, and wonder.

"No more startles, then." Flat. He intends to leave and try - unsuccessfully but bitterly - to forget this and move on. Severus drains the rest of his coffee.

"For what it's worth I'm sorry. You asked me to leave you alone and I should have kept to that."

It's... Honestly, that isn't great either. Something rotten, &tc. Butting heads constantly, getting frustrated, dealing with temper tantrums and wanting to throw her own - it's a lot. She'd considered bringing in a telephone while Petunia was endlessly bothering her but decided in the end that it was easier to leave and talk to her elsewhere than deal with it. James doesn't abuse her - she'd kill him, probably literally - but he's him and there's no changing that.

Whatever.

Lily's silent for a moment, looking out the window before she speaks. "Don't be sorry," she finally begins, "and I've had far worse startles in my life." What is she even trying to say? She's not sure.

Recklessly, without thought, she holds out her palm like she's expecting something. "Give me your hand for a moment. Don't argue, just do it."

Severus looks at her.

Like she's lost her mind, like he's not falling for this again, like he knows she's making fun of him and is immediately, nauseously angry. Severus gives her a hard, offended look, and doesn't say anything-- before he gets up, heads to the counter to wordlessly leave a few quid for the coffee, and then strides out the door. He doesn't break pace, just keeps walking. It'll be a few blocks before it's deserted enough to duck into an alley to disapparate.

Fuck this. Fuck her, fuck her sister and her husband, he's not going to sit through this.

Oh for fucking wizard god's sake, there's no changing.

(It's only been like four years, it's not like they've had time to grow as not-people.)

Lily quickly pays for the coffee she didn't actually order before storming out after him. She's furious suddenly, though she knows he's well within his rights. Still: she's going to pace him and then overtake him so that she can stand in front of him abruptly, eyes sharp.

It says something that she's not worried at all that he's going to attack her if she does this, take his wrist (curiously gently, no matter how angry she is) and grasp it so that she can use her other hand to draw a few more runes on the back of his hand with purpose. He should recognize them immediately: a silly little protective thing she crafted when they were children learning themselves. It's just more finessed now, stronger, perfected. It's not something tangible once it's done, but it's there, and if there's one thing Lily can do it's protect others.

Then she releases his hand and looks at him with her chin tipped up - she may as well have her hands on her hips. Challenging. Stay alive, she'd said.

Of course he's not going to attack her. He does freeze up, though, startling at the touch-- gentle as she is, Severus is still never going to be a man who doesn't recoil, internally or otherwise, at unexpected physical contact. He's fucking furious and it's written all over his face, in the tension in his shoulders and through his arm to the hand she's holding.

"Stop it," he hisses at her, but he doesn't jerk away. It would be too much of a physically violent movement and he's so inherently opposed to that sort of thing, and it's not like he feels threatened. When she's finished he snatches his hand back and just glares at her.

"What do you think this is proving? Do you want an extra honorific on your tombstone, that you gave water to lepers and forgave Death Eaters? Buying into the Saint Potter propaganda now that you've married into it?"

She's furious too. It's in her eyes and her stance and the way her feet are planted firm. Her shoulders are squared, hands at her sides but not balled up. Just hanging there, tense but useless.

"Shut up," she says, "shut up if you think this is about shit like being remembered fondly or proving something. I'm not a saint. Saints don't exist. I'm selfish and spoiled and horrible and I was so furious at you but fuck's sake, I never didn't like you. You have every right to be angry with me, I know, but at least accept a bloody ward. Fat lot of good it'd do anyway but I can't do much else."

A beat, still angry. "I don't want to be remembered at all, much less as some damned saint."

[ooc: fancy something with these two?]

[Probably the one with feelings, but either way.]

[ either role is fine with me. ]

[ let me know if you don't want spoilers! ]

[Mind an Akira? It's fine if not, just curious!]

[ sure thing! c: ]

[Okay cool! Do you have anything specific you'd like to do? Like scenario wise? And would you rather have Ryuji be the one confessing or being confessed to? I'm good with either. I can throw together a starter on my work break.]

[ I don't have a preference, really! could be something done in between missions, maybe them hanging out together at leblanc? and I'd prefer ryuuji to be the one being confessed to, if that's okay? c: ]

[Sounds good to me!]

Another day of torrential rainfall prevents Akira from being able to go out and visit his usual hangout spots, and so he'd opted instead to invite Ryuji over to Leblanc for a night of manga and video games. Ryuji had smuggled some snacks in for them, and now they're holed up in Akira's room, playing some silly co-op first person shooting game and stuffing their faces with junk food. It's really nice to be able to actually relax for once between missions, and Akira is more than happy to spend his free time with his best friend.

If only he thought of Ryuji as just a friend these days. They'd grown incredibly close over the course of their time together, and Akira, being the softie that he is, had fallen for this loudmouthed punk hook, line and sinker. He's not sure when his feelings had shifted from mere friendship to romantic interest, but shifted they had, and it was getting harder and harder by the day to simply ignore how he feels.

Especially when Ryuji looks as happy and downright cute as he does right now.

Distracted by his staring, Akira doesn't even notice that he's getting shot at in the game until it's too late. Once again Ryuji wins, but Akira doesn't mind at all.

"I really suck at this, huh? At least my aim is better in the metaverse," Akira says with a chuckle as he sets the controller down and stands up to stretch. Morgana is fast asleep on Akira's bed, so it's really just him and Ryuji, alone, in his room...

"Hey...can I ask you something? It's kind of random, but I'm just curious. We can go downstairs and talk over coffee, if you want. I think my eyes need a break from staring at the screen for so long."

Smiling softly, Akira heads downstairs to begin brewing them both a fresh cup of coffee, hoping that he can still replicate the things that Soujiro had taught him to make it extra nice. Hopefully Ryuji will be willing to sit and chat with him for at least a little while longer. For or better or worse, he really needs to get this off his chest.

Edited 2017-05-09 18:17 (UTC)

Ryuuji never passed up the opportunity to slack off, especially when Akira was facilitating it. Most people chided him for his lackadaisical nature when it came to academics (which, honestly, he should have been studying right then instead of playing video games), but Akira knew better than to be as rigid with Ryuuji. It was different with him, somehow. Ryuuji felt less inclined to fail when he knew that Akira was counting on him, so there really wasn't a need to get on his case when it came down to it. Most of the time, anyway.

What mattered was focusing on the games, right? Devouring snack after snack, plowing through level after level, Ryuuji was really in the zone. It was difficult to distract him when he was focused on something, but even he took notice to the way Akira was playing. It was sloppy, definitely a contrast to the sharp, precise movements and calculations he made whenever they were in the Metaverse. Sure, he wasn't as stupid as to assume that if someone was good at handling a gun in real life that the skill would carry over to a video game (a retro one, at that), but it was still jarring. Ryuuji lifted a brow as Akira quit to head downstairs, the question he posed taking on something of an ominous implication after that terrible performance in their game.

"Uh, yeah, sure, dude..." Ryuuji trailed off as he watched his friend escape to the lower level. Giving one cursory glance over at Mona (who was still sleeping somehow, the lazy bastard), Ryuuji stood up and followed, shuffling his way down the stairs. Once he was there, at the bar, he took a seat as casually as ever. It was a good thing the cafe was closed, as the image of some punkass blonde kid slouched on a stool, legs akimbo, would probably give the wrong impression of what kind of clientele populated the place on the regular.

"Hey, make sure it's not too bitter, yeah?" Ryuuji supplied as he leaned against the counter, grinning up at Akira as he watched him prep their drinks. "What kinda stuff did you wanna talk about, anyway?"

Akira chuckles and nods at the very Ryuji-like request, using a medium roast coffee bean that he grinds himself before brewing. It should be milder in flavor and much less bitter than the bold dark roast that Soujiro favors. He puts extra love into the brewing this time, and when it's finally done he pours them both a cup, complete with tons of cream and sugar for Ryuji, and plops down onto the barstool next to him, still in his apron.

It's only once he takes a sip of the invigorating brew that he actually gathers up the courage to ask the question that's been on his mind for a while now.

"Do you...like anyone? Romantically, I mean. Like Ann, or Makoto...or Futaba, I guess, though she's a little out there," Akira says with a little fond half smile. All of the girls in the Phantom Thieves are quite beautiful, and Akira has caught Ryuji staring at Ann on more than one occasion (heck he's done it himself a few times, but more out of appreciation than actual attraction). But Akira needs to know if it's rabid teenage hormones or if Ryuji actually has feelings for her.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to. Just curious."

That's a goddamn lie. He's pretty sure if Mona was down here he'd call him out on his bullshit, but luckily he's snoozing the day away upstairs. Ryuji is a little oblivious to begin with, so Akira wonders if he'll question why Akira is asking this all of a sudden, or if he'll just think of it as casual guy talk. There's a little tremble in his hands as he picks up his mug to take another sip, hoping that his friend gives him an answer that won't crush his hopes.

Edited 2017-05-10 01:31 (UTC)

As he waited for Akira to finish the coffee, Ryuuji's leg began to bounce. Nervous energy was a part of who he was, even if he would never describe himself as a nervous person to start with. It didn't help that he had no idea what Akira had in store for him in regards to the actual question he wanted to ask. It could have been anything, knowing that guy. He was weirdly mysterious and difficult to read the majority of the time; no matter how close they got, Ryuuji was certain that he'd never get the method of reading his friend's expression down.

Once he was given the coffee, Ryuuji went in on it eagerly. He didn't really enjoy coffee, but the way Akira prepared it actually made it palatable to his tongue. If anyone could make Ryuuji like the drink, it was Akira. In fact, he was in the middle of drinking it down when Akira posed the question to him.

"Mmph--??" Ryuuji made a startled sound as he choked the drink down, coughing a bit after it reached its destination. He pounded his chest once or twice for good measure, shooting Akira an incredulous look.

"What?? Where did that come from?" Before he could try to stop himself, Ryuuji's face started to darken. Akira having mentioned Ann along with Makoto and Futaba only seemed to make it worse. "Are ya plannin' on swoopin' in on one of 'em??"

The darkened expression on Ryuji's face is like a knife in Akira's gut. He doesn't seem at all happy about being asked that question, and Akira figures that it's because he truly does have feelings for Ann. Pushing his glasses up his nose, Akira takes another sip of the bitter coffee and tries to mentally prepare himself for rejection and disgust.

"No, that's not it. I'm not interested in dating them at all."

It's a completely true statement. Despite their appearances Akira just doesn't see himself becoming romantically involved with Ann or Makoto, and Futaba is more like a cute little sister than anything. He's not entirely certain of his own sexuality, but he is sure that he likes Ryuji in a way that far surpasses that of best bros. Absentmindedly stirring in a bit of sugar in his coffee, Akira rests his chin on his hand and looks over at Ryuji, trying to keep his cool.

"The reason I asked is because..."

Taking a deep breath and resting his hands in his lap, Akira knows that it's now or never. He looks Ryuji straight in the eye so that he knows for damn sure that Akira isn't just messing with him.

"Because I like you, Ryuji. More than a friend should. I need to know if you have a thing for Ann so that I can back off and not bother getting my hopes up if you do."

There it is. He sincerely hopes he hasn't just lost his best friend forever...

The situation got interesting before it got awfully awkward again in record time. Ryuuji was definitely the type of guy to try and encourage his friends (or... well, friend, he supposed) to go out and experience life as a healthy teenager should. If he really wanted to go after one of the girls, he'd support him wholeheartedly! Even if he might have gotten a little jealous over the lovey-dovey shit... Well, that didn't matter, anyway. Akira nipped that in the bud right off.

"Oh," he supplied, initially. And there is where it began to get a little strange. Why would Akira ask if he wasn't interested in them himself? Ryuuji's mind started filling in the blanks on his own. Did one of them confess their feelings to Akira? Or maybe they confessed their feelings for Ryuuji to Akira, because he's such a trustworthy guy? Was Akira some kind of messenger of love?!

But before Ryuuji could get too excited, Akira just went ahead and... unloaded on him. It was only two sentences, but it may as well have been two tomes filled with ancient Greek poetry for all the initial understanding Ryuuji got out of it. It didn't make sense, not inherently. Akira liked him? Well, sure, Ryuuji liked him, too... But, wait.

Throwing Ann into this, yet again, and Ryuuji felt a tidal wave of mixed emotions crash down on him. Akira was concerned about how he felt about Ann because he liked him... like that? Ryuuji shook his head rapidly, waving his hands around for good measure. "W-w-w-w-wait a second!" If Akira thought Ryuuji's face was red before, it easily doubled over now. How was he supposed to react to that?

"Y-you like me? Like that?" Well, Ryuuji didn't sound disgusted... more or less confused at this point. "Why? Why the hell would you like me like that??"

That blush...is that a good sign? He's not storming off and calling him weird and gross, so that's a relief.

"Why? There's a ton of reasons, Ryuji. You were the first person to actually treat me like a human being and not a dirty criminal. You kept hanging around me even though it wasn't doing your reputation any favors. Not to mention that you've saved my ass more than once in the metaverse," Akira confesses, the blush on his cheeks steadily growing as he circles the rim of his coffee mug with a finger.

"And um...I think you're really...attractive..." he adds with a little bite of his bottom lip.

Sure he may not be a traditional pretty boy like Yusuke, but Ryuji has his own rough around the edges charm and bad boy aesthetic that Akira just can't seem to get enough of. And he doesn't care what anyone says, the blonde hair suits him.

"It's fine if you don't feel the same way, of course. I just...couldn't keep it a secret anymore."

He's spent far too many lonely nights pining over this boy, and it was only going to get worse the longer he waited to confess, so it's a bit of a weight off his shoulders to have this out in the open despite the real risk of Ryuji wanting absolutely nothing to do with him anymore.

"I totally understand if you want to leave now. I won't stop you..."

The way he's acting right now is so unlike the strong, courageous leader role he plays on a daily basis. It's like his mask has been ripped off and his true, insecure form laid bare for all the world to see. Fighting terrifying shadows and corrupt villains is one thing, but potentially losing his best friend forever...that's a fear that shakes him down to his core.

Ryuji seems to be staring at him in shock still...

"Your coffee is going to get cold..." he says with a nervous smile, trying to break the uneasy atmosphere.

Edited (commas) 2017-05-11 02:57 (UTC)

(M/F, no team unless its Hardison, voicetesting.)

Canon characters preferred but not set in stone.

( ok with being either role )

But you say you're just a friend

Akira Kurusu | Persona 5 | M/M

Eren Jaeger | SnK | M/M

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Once again Eren is oblivious to feelings

It's perfect! I had a d'aww moment lol! Never change!

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Izuku Midoriya | BNHA | M/M

Matt Holt | Voltron: Legendary Defender

Gladio || FFXV || m/m

lily evans. harry potter.

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gamora (gotg)

siwon (yoon taemin) | at the end of the road ( m/m )

danielle rand | iron fist (rule 63)

LEONARD SNART ( ❄ CAPTAIN COLD ) | DCTV | OTA

noctis lucis caelum ( ffxv )

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Wanda Maximoff || MCU || F/M

Rey || Star Wars: The Force Awakens || F/M

Kiyoshi, Teppei | Kuroko no Basuke

kuroo tetsurou | haikyuu!!

Ignis Stupeo Scientia || Final Fantasy XV

sakamoto ryuuji | persona 5 | ota

Re: sakamoto ryuuji | persona 5 | ota

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Tell me if this okay! [btw I'm at the part with Futaba's palace in p5 so]

this works!