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1 — i'm really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
2 — i would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. fuck that guy
3 — who's your beautiful friend? please include the words "straight", "single", and "legal" in your response.
4 — every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar
5 — got bit by a peacock. that's how hard shit went down last night
2 — i would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. fuck that guy
3 — who's your beautiful friend? please include the words "straight", "single", and "legal" in your response.
4 — every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar
5 — got bit by a peacock. that's how hard shit went down last night
Edited 2017-02-03 13:27 (UTC)
1 — turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other than that it was a good day
2 — i am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. just in case this is bad, know what happened.
3 — i don't remember. are we still dating?
2 — i am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. just in case this is bad, know what happened.
3 — i don't remember. are we still dating?
Edited 2017-02-03 13:26 (UTC)
1. Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
2. TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
3. It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
4. You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things. 😐
5. The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
...Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
6. There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
2. TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
3. It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
4. You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things. 😐
5. The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
...Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
6. There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
1. I want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so damned handsome.
2. I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
3. Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can.
4. Just woke up covered in twelve different colors of glitter. Thirteen if you count the glitter I'm coughing up into the bathroom sink. The stories are true, it gets everywhere.
2. I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
3. Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can.
4. Just woke up covered in twelve different colors of glitter. Thirteen if you count the glitter I'm coughing up into the bathroom sink. The stories are true, it gets everywhere.
Edited 2017-02-03 13:27 (UTC)
1. I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
2. I think you made your point. Now get off the roof.
3. Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
4. She's cute, but crazy. Like some kind of dominatrix storybook princess.
5. I found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
6. text her!
2. I think you made your point. Now get off the roof.
3. Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
4. She's cute, but crazy. Like some kind of dominatrix storybook princess.
5. I found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
6. text her!
1. Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
2. He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
3. I’ve achieved a new state of being which is sustained only by coffee and unrelenting rage
2. He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
3. I’ve achieved a new state of being which is sustained only by coffee and unrelenting rage
Edited 2017-02-03 13:31 (UTC)
1. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay death eater fanfic. May the gods be praised for firewhisky
2. I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
3. o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
4. The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
5. I don't think tits should taste like fish.
6. Text him!
2. I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
3. o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
4. The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
5. I don't think tits should taste like fish.
6. Text him!
1. He fell asleep cradling my arse and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
2. Sirius' response to Peter throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER?
3. Someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths.
4. Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
5. I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
6. Wildcard!
2. Sirius' response to Peter throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER?
3. Someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths.
4. Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
5. I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
6. Wildcard!
1. There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
2. Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
3. i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
4. You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
5. You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
6. Text him!
2. Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
3. i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
4. You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
5. You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
6. Text him!
1. it's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking: wow i took your husband's virginity.
2. if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
3. HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM??
4. I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
5. wtf mate. i knew she was bad news. no sane person cares if you eat their ravioli.
6. or text him!
2. if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
3. HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM??
4. I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
5. wtf mate. i knew she was bad news. no sane person cares if you eat their ravioli.
6. or text him!
1. STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
2. Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
3. He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
4. We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
5. i wish semen tasted like chocolate
6. Text him!
2. Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
3. He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
4. We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
5. i wish semen tasted like chocolate
6. Text him!
1. And I told him that even though we're not together, if he has sex with anyone, I would have sex with someone else, video tape it, and send it to him.
2. Going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer, don't wait up.
3. Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches.
4. Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
5. Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you.
6. Wildcard!
2. Going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer, don't wait up.
3. Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches.
4. Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
5. Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you.
6. Wildcard!
1. Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
2. I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
3. If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
4. Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
5. I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Text him!
2. I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
3. If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
4. Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
5. I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Text him!
1. So where are we on this whole you write my paper...I do sexual favors situation?
2. When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
3. It's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
4. or text her!
2. When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
3. It's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
4. or text her!
1. i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
2. I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
3. when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
4. text her!
2. I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
3. when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
4. text her!
How public? Like under the table public, or against the wall in a club public?
1, group text?? other marauders should jump in imo
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brighteyedsacrifice
2017-02-03 01:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Moony, darling, there's no need to yell. I was the one who took that artful shot of James' penis for everyone to marvel.
1. He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
2. Can you hurry up? Prompto just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed him a sword?
3. We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on your face.
4. Text her!
2. Can you hurry up? Prompto just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed him a sword?
3. We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on your face.
4. Text her!
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