[ It was so easy before, wearing the gangster like a second skin. Now he no longer fits right, barely able to sit straight on his own without Miyuki propping the puppet up. The boy can see her breaking apart, revealing Alois and the pain of his own struggle, but the man remains lifeless and unable to take the burden of feeling from Miyuki, to place himself as that comfortable layer and distance through which the teenager can assess the situation.
It's thin as paper now, his fellow captive's plea called through the girl's words and wrenching him forward through it. I can't do anything else — he knows. He knows. Alois did so well and Miyuki's letting him down despite all he'd said. Losing sight of the goal when he's stumbled upon much less clear things to consider on the way, not knowing which way around is the right one. His hands jump up — and that rule was hers, after all, not the monitor's — at the sight of distress, though knowing he has no way to stop it.
Maybe he's led them to a dead end.
One of his hands grips at Alois' wrist, gently. It feels like the girl's questions are biting through him but Miyuki doesn't flinch. He likes girls. He likes guys, too. Yes, he's done little more than kissing with either. Hell yes, he's afraid, though not of that. The reflex to say the opposite rears up, to erect himself as that pillar for the other boy who is so clearly shaken and lost. Not let him doubt that Miyuki is any less than perfectly confident and dependable.
But lying's brought them here. ]
I'm terrified.
[ The gangster supplies a wisp of sarcasm that saves the boy from baring himself completely, but he does not have the power to mask what exhaustion mars Miyuki's face, expression breaking open into vulnerability. ]
Never... been more scared in my life.
[ His hand grips tighter to Alois and he hardens his gaze to look at him, a grin cracked into his lips to break it to the girl that what was a confession for Alois is only a joke for her. And for the both of them, ]
Believe it or not... You don't scare me at all.
[ Alois, by himself, isn't the danger. He's the one in danger, in Miyuki's mind. He may be afraid of hurting the older boy, but Miyuki doesn't see it like that at all. What he's most afraid of right now is the younger boy hurting himself on him, finding Miyuki's edges and cutting himself upon them and he doesn't want that. It doesn't matter how many wounds he may have sustained before.
But that ultimatum she presents leaves him with that, or something worse. Don't die. Please — Miyuki's hand slips up to ensconce the smaller one at his shoulder, covering it. He can't all of a sudden make himself want the other boy physically, but of course he can make himself do the motions. It is still as he's said before: he'll do what he has to. He did it before. Why isn't that enough? ]
no subject
It's thin as paper now, his fellow captive's plea called through the girl's words and wrenching him forward through it. I can't do anything else — he knows. He knows. Alois did so well and Miyuki's letting him down despite all he'd said. Losing sight of the goal when he's stumbled upon much less clear things to consider on the way, not knowing which way around is the right one. His hands jump up — and that rule was hers, after all, not the monitor's — at the sight of distress, though knowing he has no way to stop it.
Maybe he's led them to a dead end.
One of his hands grips at Alois' wrist, gently. It feels like the girl's questions are biting through him but Miyuki doesn't flinch. He likes girls. He likes guys, too. Yes, he's done little more than kissing with either. Hell yes, he's afraid, though not of that. The reflex to say the opposite rears up, to erect himself as that pillar for the other boy who is so clearly shaken and lost. Not let him doubt that Miyuki is any less than perfectly confident and dependable.
But lying's brought them here. ]
I'm terrified.
[ The gangster supplies a wisp of sarcasm that saves the boy from baring himself completely, but he does not have the power to mask what exhaustion mars Miyuki's face, expression breaking open into vulnerability. ]
Never... been more scared in my life.
[ His hand grips tighter to Alois and he hardens his gaze to look at him, a grin cracked into his lips to break it to the girl that what was a confession for Alois is only a joke for her. And for the both of them, ]
Believe it or not... You don't scare me at all.
[ Alois, by himself, isn't the danger. He's the one in danger, in Miyuki's mind. He may be afraid of hurting the older boy, but Miyuki doesn't see it like that at all. What he's most afraid of right now is the younger boy hurting himself on him, finding Miyuki's edges and cutting himself upon them and he doesn't want that. It doesn't matter how many wounds he may have sustained before.
But that ultimatum she presents leaves him with that, or something worse. Don't die. Please — Miyuki's hand slips up to ensconce the smaller one at his shoulder, covering it. He can't all of a sudden make himself want the other boy physically, but of course he can make himself do the motions. It is still as he's said before: he'll do what he has to. He did it before. Why isn't that enough? ]