[It's too much. The undisguised forcefulness of teenager keeping criminal's gaze on her, easy enough to feel, he's caught in the line of pupils after all. Having to be even this bare, especially by the comparison. Alois is a leaf in winter on the skeleton of a tree, and she's gossamer, fraying. His acting deteriorates, he can't manage false allure. There's barely a thing to gain from any of this. It's never occurred to him until now, that his single, pitiable skill was useful only because he was trapped in a place that it was of use, but he completely lacks power here. To stop the monitor, to send them home, to convince Miyuki of anything.
His head is splitting with the apologies that want to pour out of him. His mind, habitually, keeps trying to retreat, and it won't be good, and Miyuki, already in the worst situation, will be angry, and yes, his acting isn't good at all in the attempt to keep this facade up.
He can't look at him, he clenches his own wrist, not gently flaunting like he has for others before, but wanting to cave inward and trying to tether himself where he is. His voice stops and starts, straying away from everything, and wandering back,]
I don't— Maybe not. But. [The first step is a stumble, because he practically has to break his legs to make them move, but he finds his balance, and shakily proceeds.] You can go away from a lonely life in one night...
[What does he do? He wants this to be normal: he wants to be effortless, impressive, to flow through it as easily as he's done before. He's acting pathetic, virginal, meek. He wants to get Miyuki out of this and this isn't helping, he's going to lengths—does Miyuki know?
He tries, reaches with intention of touching him with interest, but it's not convincing in the least: a hand to shoulder, mechanical and platonic, and his breathing is too quick.]
I can't do anything else, [he makes her choke out the whisper, but it's a disclosure from Alois to Miyuki, trying to make him understand. His eyes, stinging, go to wall, unable to face him, and he squeezes shoulder, still trying to muster up the parts of him that know how to do this, to lock the girl into place, but she's a phantom. He wishes the monitor would tell them to stop the charade, so he can ask Miyuki if there's any hope, if he'll be receptive, because Alois doesn't want to touch or bother him if he doesn't want to be.
Earlier, things had been a touch lighter, a little bit fun, but Miyuki managed to trick him, too. Would seeing him through his mean instead killing him? If he behaves like it's unbearable, would it be more kind to lead him to death himself, get him out that way? He's never killed anyone, save unfortunate butterfly, and he doesn't think he could, but why does Miyuki keep at it, considering everything, considering how it makes him feel?
Wondering how to improve upon things for older boy is his breaking point, he feels useless beyond comprehension, ugly, foul and he erupts into the quickest sob, girl vanishing for a second, there's the telling strangling, before younger boy gasps back into reality, gasping in and out, there but shaken, and putting hands, for now, only on shoulders, or upper arms, over clothes, mindlessly.]
Do you even like girls? [forced, shrill. frantic giggle. Alois stomping girl back into his body.] You keep acting like you're afraid of me. Are you a virgin? [using her voice to communicate with teenager.] If you're afraid of me, you have to tell me, because I don't want to do the things you don't want, mister, you know? I'd rather die than do that to someone. Are you afraid? [A persistence in the question because he's afraid, and he's can't remember ever feeling this vulnerable, this out of control, this alone. Miyuki's repulsed. Claude's doesn't want him anymore.]
no subject
His head is splitting with the apologies that want to pour out of him. His mind, habitually, keeps trying to retreat, and it won't be good, and Miyuki, already in the worst situation, will be angry, and yes, his acting isn't good at all in the attempt to keep this facade up.
He can't look at him, he clenches his own wrist, not gently flaunting like he has for others before, but wanting to cave inward and trying to tether himself where he is. His voice stops and starts, straying away from everything, and wandering back,]
I don't— Maybe not. But. [The first step is a stumble, because he practically has to break his legs to make them move, but he finds his balance, and shakily proceeds.] You can go away from a lonely life in one night...
[What does he do? He wants this to be normal: he wants to be effortless, impressive, to flow through it as easily as he's done before. He's acting pathetic, virginal, meek. He wants to get Miyuki out of this and this isn't helping, he's going to lengths—does Miyuki know?
He tries, reaches with intention of touching him with interest, but it's not convincing in the least: a hand to shoulder, mechanical and platonic, and his breathing is too quick.]
I can't do anything else, [he makes her choke out the whisper, but it's a disclosure from Alois to Miyuki, trying to make him understand. His eyes, stinging, go to wall, unable to face him, and he squeezes shoulder, still trying to muster up the parts of him that know how to do this, to lock the girl into place, but she's a phantom. He wishes the monitor would tell them to stop the charade, so he can ask Miyuki if there's any hope, if he'll be receptive, because Alois doesn't want to touch or bother him if he doesn't want to be.
Earlier, things had been a touch lighter, a little bit fun, but Miyuki managed to trick him, too. Would seeing him through his mean instead killing him? If he behaves like it's unbearable, would it be more kind to lead him to death himself, get him out that way? He's never killed anyone, save unfortunate butterfly, and he doesn't think he could, but why does Miyuki keep at it, considering everything, considering how it makes him feel?
Wondering how to improve upon things for older boy is his breaking point, he feels useless beyond comprehension, ugly, foul and he erupts into the quickest sob, girl vanishing for a second, there's the telling strangling, before younger boy gasps back into reality, gasping in and out, there but shaken, and putting hands, for now, only on shoulders, or upper arms, over clothes, mindlessly.]
Do you even like girls? [forced, shrill. frantic giggle. Alois stomping girl back into his body.] You keep acting like you're afraid of me. Are you a virgin? [using her voice to communicate with teenager.] If you're afraid of me, you have to tell me, because I don't want to do the things you don't want, mister, you know? I'd rather die than do that to someone. Are you afraid? [A persistence in the question because he's afraid, and he's can't remember ever feeling this vulnerable, this out of control, this alone. Miyuki's repulsed. Claude's doesn't want him anymore.]