[ His fingers curl into the other boy's shoulder slightly, and he almost gives up on gleaning anything substantial from him. Miyuki doesn't want to hear empty apologies with nothing behind them or in front of them, and if the younger boy can voice his meaning, then maybe Miyuki can assuage his worries.
Except he has no idea what to make of it when Alois tells him that. The implication is a shock; it's a similar thought that causes the disquiet when he's been urged toward the other boy in the way he has been. Alois is young, large eyes and fair features making him look so innocent. He shouldn't be made to do what he's not ready for, and Miyuki doesn't want to be the instrument used to inflict it upon him.
Though he's learned, Alois already has been made to do things before Miyuki ever touched him. Before anything in this room. It starts to form, then, as he thinks perhaps the other boy is referring to what the monitor's making him do. How Miyuki has been made to feel vulnerable and violated, and he wants to say it's not Alois' fault, a million times. He wants to think, too, that he's resilient enough not to be ruined by something like this.
But even if it isn't Alois' fault, Miyuki remembers how he felt upon waking up here. He'll remember it even if they manage to escape from this hell hole (when. when they escape), and with the relatively lighter orders they've been given since then, he knows their captor is fully capable of making things worse at any point. Maybe he will be ruined. The same way he realizes... Alois thinks he himself has been ruined.
His hands loosen and slide down to the sides of the younger boy's upper arms, holding him like that, focused solely on him with not even a blink spared for the monitor and its changing face. ]
I'd have to have a pretty sensitive ego for a little embarrassment to ruin me.
[ He sounds wry, but confident. That's the one thing you need to really sell what you're faking, you know, and he's had loads of practice at it. To the point where it's so easy to slip back into closing up, hiding the weakness and insecurity. ]
... I'm going to do what I have to, and so are you. Okay?
[ In less pretty terms, that's what being careful means for them. Miyuki stays for a long moment, but whether the younger boy will look at him and agree or not, he eventually leaves with a pat to his arm.
Alois doesn't need to worry about someone willing to do what he has to to survive, including what he already has done to him. Miyuki doesn't want him to. He learned back when he was a little runt how to ward that attention off and not let anyone see how it hurt. Mentally, he chastises himself for letting their captor get to him to such an extent, for even a moment letting the other boy see him bleed.
He goes for his pants and starts to tug them on while turned away, though ends up glancing too long at the monitor and happens to read it, scowling to himself where the other boy can't see. One thing on top of another... but he meant what he said. He'll do it, and delaying while not refusing doesn't seem to trigger the collar, luckily. He's reluctant to go ahead without giving Alois time to calm himself and meanwhile, Miyuki can straighten out his clothes as he ponders over how to go about it. ]
no subject
Except he has no idea what to make of it when Alois tells him that. The implication is a shock; it's a similar thought that causes the disquiet when he's been urged toward the other boy in the way he has been. Alois is young, large eyes and fair features making him look so innocent. He shouldn't be made to do what he's not ready for, and Miyuki doesn't want to be the instrument used to inflict it upon him.
Though he's learned, Alois already has been made to do things before Miyuki ever touched him. Before anything in this room. It starts to form, then, as he thinks perhaps the other boy is referring to what the monitor's making him do. How Miyuki has been made to feel vulnerable and violated, and he wants to say it's not Alois' fault, a million times. He wants to think, too, that he's resilient enough not to be ruined by something like this.
But even if it isn't Alois' fault, Miyuki remembers how he felt upon waking up here. He'll remember it even if they manage to escape from this hell hole (when. when they escape), and with the relatively lighter orders they've been given since then, he knows their captor is fully capable of making things worse at any point. Maybe he will be ruined. The same way he realizes... Alois thinks he himself has been ruined.
His hands loosen and slide down to the sides of the younger boy's upper arms, holding him like that, focused solely on him with not even a blink spared for the monitor and its changing face. ]
I'd have to have a pretty sensitive ego for a little embarrassment to ruin me.
[ He sounds wry, but confident. That's the one thing you need to really sell what you're faking, you know, and he's had loads of practice at it. To the point where it's so easy to slip back into closing up, hiding the weakness and insecurity. ]
... I'm going to do what I have to, and so are you. Okay?
[ In less pretty terms, that's what being careful means for them. Miyuki stays for a long moment, but whether the younger boy will look at him and agree or not, he eventually leaves with a pat to his arm.
Alois doesn't need to worry about someone willing to do what he has to to survive, including what he already has done to him. Miyuki doesn't want him to. He learned back when he was a little runt how to ward that attention off and not let anyone see how it hurt. Mentally, he chastises himself for letting their captor get to him to such an extent, for even a moment letting the other boy see him bleed.
He goes for his pants and starts to tug them on while turned away, though ends up glancing too long at the monitor and happens to read it, scowling to himself where the other boy can't see. One thing on top of another... but he meant what he said. He'll do it, and delaying while not refusing doesn't seem to trigger the collar, luckily. He's reluctant to go ahead without giving Alois time to calm himself and meanwhile, Miyuki can straighten out his clothes as he ponders over how to go about it. ]