[ He doesn't understand, or it seems as much as Miyuki listens to the unthinkable — the boy apologizing for being assaulted. For Miyuki assaulting him, forcing himself on him and not even fucking saving them for the trouble. And how he describes it is so similar to his hesitant words under the pillowcase, how he didn't mean for it, that it yanks at the older boy's stomach treacherously hard. Ah, and he almost had it under control...
He's quiet for a long moment more, trying to find the right words as he pulls himself together. ]
I'm not... disgusted by you. I'm disgusted by what I did.
[ It's impossible not to be, no matter how much he reasoned it out. He still feels weak and exhausted and it shows, but when Miyuki turns there's this burn of determination in his eyes that has either sparked again, or hadn't ever gone out. It hurts still, and it really is hard looking at the boy with clothes askew, wet cheeks, and eyes stained red. Because it all reminds Miyuki of what he's done. ]
But we're not dying in here.
[ Not him, not the boy. He stares straight at him now with that conviction, holding back his weakness and holding up his armor for the sake of them both.
And even more, to show his words are not just that and to give the boy greater faith in him, he finally looks over to the screen and reads the new instructions. It's... surprisingly easy, really. So innocent the heaviness inside of him is kicked up in a little jump, his lips even managing the slightest of upturns when he glances back to the other boy. ]
Wanna go first? [ He can handle being the one undressing better than him, Miyuki thinks — and there he goes, already thinking again. He's still sitting on the floor, face looking up to the younger boy but body only half-turned his way. He gestures to the closet with his eyes and a short movement of his head, good-natured, gentle teasing attempted in his voice, ]
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He's quiet for a long moment more, trying to find the right words as he pulls himself together. ]
I'm not... disgusted by you. I'm disgusted by what I did.
[ It's impossible not to be, no matter how much he reasoned it out. He still feels weak and exhausted and it shows, but when Miyuki turns there's this burn of determination in his eyes that has either sparked again, or hadn't ever gone out. It hurts still, and it really is hard looking at the boy with clothes askew, wet cheeks, and eyes stained red. Because it all reminds Miyuki of what he's done. ]
But we're not dying in here.
[ Not him, not the boy. He stares straight at him now with that conviction, holding back his weakness and holding up his armor for the sake of them both.
And even more, to show his words are not just that and to give the boy greater faith in him, he finally looks over to the screen and reads the new instructions. It's... surprisingly easy, really. So innocent the heaviness inside of him is kicked up in a little jump, his lips even managing the slightest of upturns when he glances back to the other boy. ]
Wanna go first? [ He can handle being the one undressing better than him, Miyuki thinks — and there he goes, already thinking again. He's still sitting on the floor, face looking up to the younger boy but body only half-turned his way. He gestures to the closet with his eyes and a short movement of his head, good-natured, gentle teasing attempted in his voice, ]
Pick something nice out for me.