the insomnia meme

[sockerballs]

the i n s o m n i a meme

It happens to everyone - sometimes, you have nights where you just can't fall asleep, no matter what you do. It could be for a number of reasons, or no reason at all. And this is what's happened now: you've been laying in bed for what feels like hours, just tossing and turning, and nothing seems to help. So what's left to do? Get out of bed and go wake someone else up, of course. If you're not getting any sleep, then why should they? i n s t r u c t i o n s • Post with your character (note the name and fandom in the subject). • Other people reply to you by generating a number from 1 to 10. • Have fun! o p t i o n s 01 • FEAR. Maybe you're hearing strange, indeterminable noises; maybe there's a severe storm happening outside; maybe you watched a scary movie before bed? Whatever the reason, you're terrified and it's keeping you awake. You just want to wake someone else up so they can protect you from the monster in your closet. 02 • HUNGER. Your stomach is growling and it just won't stop. Or perhaps your throat is so dry you could cough up a tumbleweed? Well, you've gone to the kitchen to remedy this and hey, that was a pan that just dropped on the floor. It was loud enough to wake the dead! Oops. 03 • PAIN. Your body is completely worn out, be it from exercise, battle, sickness, or what have you. Either way you're in enough pain to keep you from sleeping, so maybe someone else has a home remedy or something, or can at least help you take your mind off of it. 04 • SOLITUDE. For some reason, your bed just feels so empty at the moment. You're feeling terribly lonely and really just want someone to keep you company for a while. Maybe it'd be easier to fall asleep if you're with them... 05 • DISCOMFORT. Your room is an oven. Either that or a freezer. Or maybe this bed is just really uncomfortable? Who knows why you can't get to sleep, it feels like it could be anything. Why even bother trying? Maybe someone else can preoccupy you until you feel tired enough to ignore your discomfort. 06 • PENSIVE. Something's on your mind, and no matter how hard you try to focus elsewhere, it's just not going to work. Your body may be tired, but your mind is incredibly busy and it's virtually impossible to get to sleep. Surely, talking it out with someone else will help? 07 • SADNESS. Something terrible has happened that day, perhaps; or you could just be severely depressed. Either way you're trying your hardest not to cry yourself to sleep, and it's not working at all. Better find a way to get it out of your system somehow; you need a shoulder to cry on. 08 • ANGER. You are just... fuming. Who knows why - that annoying dog is barking again, or maybe the people next door are getting busy and keeping you awake. Whatever the reason for your ire is, you'd better put an end to it so you can get some damn rest already! Go wake up a friend so you can complain to them. 09 • RESTLESS. You're far too energetic to sleep right now. Maybe you're just trying to do so out of necessity - you have to be up early tomorrow! But you just don't think you'll be able to fall asleep for a while now, so why waste the time trying to sleep when you could be doing something else? Namely bothering someone else - you're totally jealous because they're getting more sleep than you. 10 • WILDCARD. Choose one of the options above, or make up your own scenario.

Comments

[oldfashionedhero]

[ He matches Bucky's stare, but he refuses to back down from it. It can't be doing any good eating away at him. Steve knows it's going to be hard to hear, but there's a part of him that knows he deserves it. And Bucky doesn't deserve to carry around this weight on his own. ]

Tell me what you can.

[ It seems like an easy enough start. At least easier than asking about the beginning. He knows the beginning, at least some of it. He wants to know about the nightmares. About the ghosts that Bucky is still battling.]

[onceahero]

[ He holds the other man's gaze evenly, although every instinct is telling him to duck and cover. Walk away to provide himself some level of protection, Steve some peace of mind, something-something 'too dangerous to let the cat out of the bag', whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. ]

I killed kids. [ His tone is level, but soft. Like he's in church and afraid of offending a priest in confession. ] Killed a lot of people, but kids. They never stood a chance.

[ There are other, equally as terrible memories, but these are some of the worst. Bucky, the older brother to three siblings, became a child-killer. His gaze finally drifts down to stare at the table, shoulders hunched. Like he's waiting for Steve to pronounce judgment. ]

[oldfashionedhero]

[ Steve's mouth tightens, his fingers curl into his palms but his jaw remains set. He doesn't take his eyes off Bucky. He doesn't miss the lowering of his gaze, or the hunching of his shoulders. Bucky looks as if he expects to be punched. Steve doesn't say anything for a long moment. ]

You weren't in control.

[ Steve's voice is surprisingly gentle, despite the tightness of his body language. He swallows thickly, forcing his hands to uncurl and one to reach out for Bucky and grip his shoulder, trying to ground him. Trying to get him to look at him.]

If you could've stopped it, you would have.

[onceahero]

But I still did it.

[ There are knots in his stomach that won't go away, no matter how many times Bucky tells himself it's all in his head. That's the problem. Everything is in his head and his head is so fucked up that he can't tell where up and down is sometimes.

This is one of those times. ]

Never thought I'd actually understand where Frankenstein's monster was coming from.

[ Mentally. Maybe physically. After an awkward pause, he reaches up to cover Steve's hand with his own. ]

[oldfashionedhero]

You were a weapon. You're not a monster.

[ He needs Bucky to understand there's a difference. He may have pulled the trigger, but he wasn't the one that chose the targets. If he had been himself, he never would've been able to do the things he'd done. ]

It could've been any of us. [ He takes a deep breath. ] It could've been me.

[ Sometimes, he wishes it had been. ]

[onceahero]

[ He opens his mouth to argue, to tell Steve that a man can be both weapon and monster if pushed far enough, but that's promptly derailed by the spectre of Hydra getting their hands on someone who is (who was) a good man. ]

No. It wasn't you, thank god. I'd take seventy more years of that shit to make sure it...

Don't say that, Stevie. Not you.