[I think it comes back to a lack of equals thing. Charles builds himself up and without an equal, he can't express it out, work it out, and by the time someone comes along who could be, he's so used to holding it in that it doesn't come out easily.]
The problem, at least a problem on Charles' part, was that Aurus was right. It was set deep into his mind and it wasn't going to go away easily, even with a change of subject, as much as he might want it to. He looked up towards Aurus, studying him in silence and weighing his request, before he gave a small nod. Really, every part of him wanted to smear those thoughts into the dirt, the offer that was made, forget it ever was spoken and go back to the comfortable numb it had become. What right did Aurus have to force it back into the light, to make it hurt all over again? The thoughts of what he had lost, emotionally even more so than physically, still dug deep, like barbed wire around his heart. A millstone that weighed a little more with every year, even as he tried to strengthen himself to carry it.
"...as you wish," he said after a long pause, knowing that it was on purpose to some degree. "I imagine we could fit that in before you're supposed to meet Hank." It wasn't quite a smile that he gave, but he did set the wheelchair to roll backwards, turning it carefully not to hit Aurus in the process.
Really, his face showed that his mind was anywhere near this conversation or subject as they moved outside, the halls quiet with students mostly in class. Some were outside, though, as they came out. The grounds were beautiful, almost English-countryside in the way they were kept. Open, yet the grounds felt alone compared to the world outside of it. A private place of peace, a sanctuary in a growing world. "...my family owned this estate for several generations," he commented after a time. "My parents passed when Raven and I were still young." The words didn't come exactly with a sadness. A warm family home hadn't exactly been the childhood he remembered. Distant. A bit cold. Too posh for what his heart wanted, but he had Raven to make it bearable.
This weekend was NUTS! I'm sick, exhausted, but it was absolutely beyond fun!
The problem, at least a problem on Charles' part, was that Aurus was right. It was set deep into his mind and it wasn't going to go away easily, even with a change of subject, as much as he might want it to. He looked up towards Aurus, studying him in silence and weighing his request, before he gave a small nod. Really, every part of him wanted to smear those thoughts into the dirt, the offer that was made, forget it ever was spoken and go back to the comfortable numb it had become. What right did Aurus have to force it back into the light, to make it hurt all over again? The thoughts of what he had lost, emotionally even more so than physically, still dug deep, like barbed wire around his heart. A millstone that weighed a little more with every year, even as he tried to strengthen himself to carry it.
"...as you wish," he said after a long pause, knowing that it was on purpose to some degree. "I imagine we could fit that in before you're supposed to meet Hank." It wasn't quite a smile that he gave, but he did set the wheelchair to roll backwards, turning it carefully not to hit Aurus in the process.
Really, his face showed that his mind was anywhere near this conversation or subject as they moved outside, the halls quiet with students mostly in class. Some were outside, though, as they came out. The grounds were beautiful, almost English-countryside in the way they were kept. Open, yet the grounds felt alone compared to the world outside of it. A private place of peace, a sanctuary in a growing world. "...my family owned this estate for several generations," he commented after a time. "My parents passed when Raven and I were still young." The words didn't come exactly with a sadness. A warm family home hadn't exactly been the childhood he remembered. Distant. A bit cold. Too posh for what his heart wanted, but he had Raven to make it bearable.