bakerstreet | tfln.

a. How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
b. I'm like, not good at living.
c. You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out

a. Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.<./font>

b. I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

c. A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.

or text her.

Edited 2016-07-08 18:34 (UTC)

1) I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
2) quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
3) can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
4) Four feet of snow. Teaching the cats how to snow swim. Throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

a. I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
b. I really hate whoever invented fireball.
c. I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity

Edited 2016-07-08 18:34 (UTC)

1. You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.

2. Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?

3. Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?

4. I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.

5. [text her]

a. Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
b. Does this mean I have to put a bra on now?
c. I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my boss as well...

1) I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
2) So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
3) if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
4) Just had a drunken guest at Skyhold threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
5) [ TEXT HER. ]

a. Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.

b. I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.

c. You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.

or text him.

Edited 2016-07-08 18:37 (UTC)

a. Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
b. Hungover. No words. Just emojiis
c. cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
d. BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?

1. Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
2. All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
3. Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
4. That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
5. Text her!

1.) Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?

2.) cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober

3.) No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything

4.) I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence

5.) How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?

6.) text him!

a. I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.

b. I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are

c. Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.

or text him.

Now I have to ask; why is it not a good place for you to be?

1) YE I WAS HANDCUfFED TO THE BED ALL NiTE BUT I ACTCUALLY SLEPT LIKE A BABBY

2) DONT BOTHER TEXTIN ME @ 10!!!!!!!!!!!! MY PANTS WILL BE OFF AND IM NOT PUTTIN THEM BACK ON TO COME SeE U

1. I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.

2. Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?

3. I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.

4. Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?

5. No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything

1) The strip club called, they have your shoe.
2) im drinking this country out of the recession.
3) Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
4) I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
5) [ TEXT HER. ]

thank you.

You didn't have to do that, Dutch.

But, yes, thank you.

[Because wow!]

ONE ⟫ Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
TWO ⟫ I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
THREE ⟫ You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.

01.) No, those tally marks on your arm are for number of rejections you got last night. 02.) Please take me off the list of people you text when you don't want to drink alone. 03.) Bring your knife. I need you to help with some amateur surgery. 04.) Why did I wake up to pictures of your dick from every angle?

Because I might be expected to join in on the festivities.

1) You tried to sit down....there was a distinct lack of couch
2) You don't know what I've done yet but I'm saying sorry in advance
3) You are so hot. Bye panties.

Or send your own text!

Edited 2016-07-08 18:44 (UTC)

That's a little harsh, don't you think?

Expected, or tempted?

But, hell, nobody's going to force you, and if they try, you just have to whistle and they will regret it.

i. I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks.

ii. You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with.

iii. He called me the "mom friend". I've never been more insulted in all my life.

Edited 2016-07-08 18:44 (UTC)

1. No, absolutely not, you tried to trade me for a jug of Nunvill last night. 2. You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?" 3. It's 9 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments. 4. Well, other than trying to undress me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine. 5. Text him?

tfln.

caroline forbes » the vampire diaries

clary fray ( shadowhunters | ota )

jack frost ( rise of the guardians )

blue sargent ∞ the raven cycle

Roxy Morton [Lancelot] | Kingsman | ota

sharon carter - mcu

ava trevelyan ( dragon age: inquisition )

adam parrish ( the raven cycle | ota )

kenzi - lost girl

Dutch Velders | The Strain | OTA

Atsushi Nakajima ( BSD )

eames ( inception | ota )

c

junkrat | overwatch

rey | star wars: the force awakens

eleanor guthrie ( black sails )

1

antillar maximus — codex alera

locus ( red vs blue )

no subject

Clara Oswald || Doctor Who

a.

no subject

hux ☆ star wars

Takashi (Shiro) Shirogane | Voltron (2016)