Even if Tony knows that the work they're doing is important and needs to be done, he's struggling to find the words to ask Scott to leave. Not because he wants him to, because he really doesn't. He had been so excited to have him visit the compound that Tony's spirits had soared for a whole two days, but after the last few incidents following his nightmares, he's convinced that he'd be better off away from him.
He had hurt him. He had hurt him, not once but TWICE, and to say that Tony's heart feels heavier from the guilt of it all is just a hilarious understatement. He had hoped that being so bogged down with exhaustion would make his mind shut off long enough to nap without violent dreams, but he had been wrong. He dreams of Siberia, and he watches his parents die all over again, and he dreams of Steve and Barnes, and
And he dreams of dying. Sometimes he dies with his parents, other nights Steve or Barnes kill him. Other nights he's buried in snow after being stranded there for who knows how long with a dead suit, and
And. Scott shouldn't have to deal with this. At all. Ever. He knows he has a heart of gold, and he knows he wants to help, but Tony feels like shit for putting him in danger. Because Tony's dangerous, that mind of his is a ticking time bomb, and shouldn't he try to get Scott away from the destruction zone before he gets too close?
Scott's voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He had been working on a simulator to try and figure out a way to shrink the suit successfully, trying to ignore the awkward silence and the way his chest just ached from wishing he could find a way to apologize for everything as his mind kept going into darker spaces within him, but Scott's words make him pause. The compound, at night?
"Pretty quiet," he ventures with a small sigh, glancing between Scott and the simulator. Not because he found a solution or was even close to it, but it's easier than turning to Scott completely. It's cowardly, probably, how he can't quite look him in the eye but he just can't help it. Tony hates hurting those he cares about, and somewhere along the way Scott had joined that list. "We're far enough from the city that it's just quiet." A beat. "Other than that, I don't really know. I'm usually in here, I don't really go out there."
IT'S OK, LOVE. I'm going to be swamped at work but I had to get this out, that tag killed me ;-;
He had hurt him. He had hurt him, not once but TWICE, and to say that Tony's heart feels heavier from the guilt of it all is just a hilarious understatement. He had hoped that being so bogged down with exhaustion would make his mind shut off long enough to nap without violent dreams, but he had been wrong. He dreams of Siberia, and he watches his parents die all over again, and he dreams of Steve and Barnes, and
And he dreams of dying. Sometimes he dies with his parents, other nights Steve or Barnes kill him. Other nights he's buried in snow after being stranded there for who knows how long with a dead suit, and
And. Scott shouldn't have to deal with this. At all. Ever. He knows he has a heart of gold, and he knows he wants to help, but Tony feels like shit for putting him in danger. Because Tony's dangerous, that mind of his is a ticking time bomb, and shouldn't he try to get Scott away from the destruction zone before he gets too close?
Scott's voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He had been working on a simulator to try and figure out a way to shrink the suit successfully, trying to ignore the awkward silence and the way his chest just ached from wishing he could find a way to apologize for everything as his mind kept going into darker spaces within him, but Scott's words make him pause. The compound, at night?
"Pretty quiet," he ventures with a small sigh, glancing between Scott and the simulator. Not because he found a solution or was even close to it, but it's easier than turning to Scott completely. It's cowardly, probably, how he can't quite look him in the eye but he just can't help it. Tony hates hurting those he cares about, and somewhere along the way Scott had joined that list. "We're far enough from the city that it's just quiet." A beat. "Other than that, I don't really know. I'm usually in here, I don't really go out there."