Too bad nobody loves you

[sockdere]

UNLOVEABLE

rules

01. Comment with your character. NO BLANK COMMENTS. Your top-level should include your character's IC reason that they think they're...well, unlovable!

02. See if they're an impartial judge.

Comments

[rewilding]

A radio program, a singer, and a comedian? You're a triple threat. I'm as good as I can be, as far as reputation goes. But that's just because everybody where I come from is at least as bad as me. Best of the worst, baby.

Really says a lot about you. Maybe I can look at your resume and help you find a better gig.

[johnnygobs]

Best of the worst is still the best!

Would you!? Oh my gob, I need resume help. My agency, State Farm hasn't gotten me a single gig ever. I'm starting to think they aren't even trying.

[rewilding]

That's how I look at it too.

So who do you think you'd get along with? Carnies? Gnomes? Guys made out of chocolate? You probably want to stay away from gambling types.

[johnnygobs]

Honestly, I'd get along with pretty much anybody except trolls. Or Brads.

[rewilding]

Don't think I've met a troll. Or a Brad. I've been lucky.

But I've never met anyone who looks like you before either.

[johnnygobs]

Really? Never met anyone who screws with people because they’re not happy inside? That’s what a troll is.

I never met a talking plant in person before. A day of firsts.

[rewilding]

Oh, well, of course... I didn't think it was a whole species, though.

Pressure's on, huh? I'll try not to let the team down. We're not much different from mammals where it counts, I think. Or are you a reptile kinda guy?

[johnnygobs]

That's what they want you to think.

... You're asking am I a reptile? No, I'm a goblin. i thought that was pretty obvious.

So, uh, I hate to be "the guy" that asks that question, but do you know Audrey II?

[rewilding]

How do they reproduce? With Brads?

Never seen a goblin before either! Must be the imps and ghosts crowded em out of the ecosystem where I'm from and they never got a chance to evolve. But you look like you'd fit in with the haunted train crew anyway. Ever think about becoming a railroad dick?

Never heard of em. Why's that, are they some kinda big name plant or something?

[johnnygobs]

Actually? Yeah! Possibly. They'd actually want to be with some guy that double parks his miata and gets his employees to work through lunch.

[He's nodding along til the last bit,]
Uhh, sounds kind of painful. No thanks.

They're this man-eating plant. Movie star, real good voice.

[rewilding]

I wouldn't normally say this but you maybe need to mulch your boss.

Why? A bo chaser's not more dangerous than being a normal private eye. Might even be less. Most rail riders can't afford guns.

How about that? Long as we don't compete for sunlight I think we could get along. Not that different from a regular plant, they just wait longer to do their man eating. Everybody's food for us eventually.

[johnnygobs]

I tried that on accident once. It didn't stick.

Okay, so. I am pretty much open to anything including railing, but I'm not specifically a bo chaser. I might be if I knew what a bo was though.

Never thought of that! That would be a really good life insurance pitch to humans actually. Plant food.

[rewilding]

Pity. Only the good die young.

A hobo! What are you, wheat? Railway dicks make sure nobody gets a free ride. Makes for a more 'civil society', and all that root-rot.

It's why I like the way things are. Animals do us a pretty good service while they're alive. Spreading our seeds by eating our fruit and getting pollen in their fur, sometimes they even water us when they don't have to because they think we look pretty. We make a good team when everything's working smoothly.

Do goblins have anything like that with other species or do you just kinda make your own way?

[johnnygobs]

Ohh, okay so that was not what I was thinking of at all. I'll pass.

Synergy! I only know what goblins stuck on earth in a mostly human society do. They're like humans, kind of alone. Maybe you had parents, maybe you fall in love with someone, but mostly you're alone.

[rewilding]

Yeah, it's not for everybody. Especially sensitive souls. That's why mostly bees and ants end up being cops. [ ACAB, you know? All Cops Are Bees. ]

It wouldn't be like that if you were in nature, but rare species gotta work a lot harder to be comfortable. Like when your pollinators die out and you gotta find new ones. Nothing exists by itself in a vacuum. Everything's connected.

[johnnygobs]

Sounds like a nightmare.

I feel that. Do you have like pollinator Grindr? Must love orange, no wasps?

[rewilding]

That's why I stay rural, to avoid the fuzz. Big city living's fine but a guy can only take so much competition in lawbreaking.

Hahaha! I like you. You know there's probably an opening somewhere for a court jester.

[johnnygobs]

It’s weird you’ve got to avoid bees and ants by living in the country.

Thanks! If podcasts fall through I’ll try that.

[rewilding]

Wait til you hear how you avoid crockery. Trick question, you can't, they're everywhere.

You should let me have a listen! I like variety hours.