[He's trying to understand the hot, tingling mixture of emotions in him - perhaps he's never felt something this complex, this multilayered, he's never felt this many things all at one time, anger and fear and something else urgent and hot and demanding that throbs along with the spot on his lip where Shiroe bit him. He doesn't respond, just watches that expression on Shiroe's face, a kind of happiness laced with cruelty he can't quite understand, and for a moment, he misses Sam's smiles, open and honest and simple.
But then Shiroe's hand is coming up to brush his hair back (it's stupid, he notices, for the first time, a very stupid-looking hairstyle, pulled off to the side like that) and he's breathing too heavily. They're too close, his body pinning Shiroe's smaller, lighter frame against the wall with just the weight of himself, the muscles in his arms not bearing much of Shiroe's.
And again, hopelessly, Keith's mind is telling him, somewhere in the background, that he should let Shiroe down and walk away to salvage this before he's lost a competition he never chose to enter. But that voice of reason is too small, too quiet in the face of his lack of understanding - there is no Sam to hold him back, no classmates to pull Shiroe away from him, and he lacks the self-control to stop himself. When Shiroe mentions Suena again, he lets out a sharp noise of anger, and he pushes.
He's angry because it's only now, with Shiroe mocking him, after kissing him like that, that he realizes what it was he didn't understand about her. It is his own lack of understanding that makes him angry, and it is his own realization that even now, knowing that Suena might have wanted to kiss him, he has no interest that makes him keep pushing. His lip is throbbing, and there is no denying he wants to hurt Shiroe. But when that hand settles on his jaw and fingernails scratch his skin, he wants to kiss him again, too, and that is more confusing than anything.
But without Sam to hold him back, with a voice of reason well-trained but too fragile to withstand the power of his emotion, he leans in and crushes his mouth against Shiroe's again, with all the passion he's feeling. There's nothing to subdue it, to give him a moment to think, and his mouth is opening, teeth closing on Shiroe's lip seeking vengeance for that bite, clumsy and untrained and unknowing. Uncomplicated, and too raw for a person like him.]
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But then Shiroe's hand is coming up to brush his hair back (it's stupid, he notices, for the first time, a very stupid-looking hairstyle, pulled off to the side like that) and he's breathing too heavily. They're too close, his body pinning Shiroe's smaller, lighter frame against the wall with just the weight of himself, the muscles in his arms not bearing much of Shiroe's.
And again, hopelessly, Keith's mind is telling him, somewhere in the background, that he should let Shiroe down and walk away to salvage this before he's lost a competition he never chose to enter. But that voice of reason is too small, too quiet in the face of his lack of understanding - there is no Sam to hold him back, no classmates to pull Shiroe away from him, and he lacks the self-control to stop himself. When Shiroe mentions Suena again, he lets out a sharp noise of anger, and he pushes.
He's angry because it's only now, with Shiroe mocking him, after kissing him like that, that he realizes what it was he didn't understand about her. It is his own lack of understanding that makes him angry, and it is his own realization that even now, knowing that Suena might have wanted to kiss him, he has no interest that makes him keep pushing. His lip is throbbing, and there is no denying he wants to hurt Shiroe. But when that hand settles on his jaw and fingernails scratch his skin, he wants to kiss him again, too, and that is more confusing than anything.
But without Sam to hold him back, with a voice of reason well-trained but too fragile to withstand the power of his emotion, he leans in and crushes his mouth against Shiroe's again, with all the passion he's feeling. There's nothing to subdue it, to give him a moment to think, and his mouth is opening, teeth closing on Shiroe's lip seeking vengeance for that bite, clumsy and untrained and unknowing. Uncomplicated, and too raw for a person like him.]