[Quid pro quo is a double-edged sword; Eren should know this. He asked Bethan a painful question; she asks him one, and it's a natural one.
[It would all be easier to stomach, Eren thinks, if one could tell themselves that it was only happening because Eren had never known love. Surely, to do what he's doing, one must have never known love. Who would do it despite?
[Someone might do it for love. Someone is.
["You got anyone?" Not a brother. Not a father or a mother - not anymore. Aside from that, though...he's spoiled for choice.
[It just isn't enough.
[He searches for words - enough to provide an answer, but not enough to hurt; it's impossible. He still doesn't know their fates, but he knows that the battle comes. He knows that their deaths are possible - likely, even...
[He has to believe they're stronger than he is. He has to believe they're braver.
[He knows they are. Eren loves. He loves desperately, violently, mournfully. He loves. He loves. He loves.]
There are people that I care about. [His words are cheap. It isn't enough. He feels guilt, rotten, decaying. He longs.
[He can't list them all. He'd rattle off names all day - Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Sasha - God, Sasha, dead - Marco, dead - Reiner - Reiner Braun, and Annie, even - yes, even Annie. Captain Levi, Commander Hange (dead, dead, dead). Historia, whom he met with on the farm - protected, loved, cherished. He thinks of Petra, and Eld, Oluo, Gunther, even after all these years - their faces, their trusts, the indents of bite marks on their hands - like Eren's bite marks, like Bethan's bite marks, but she'd never trust him, and they shouldn't have--
[Eren's eyes flicker back up to Bethan. He's lost focus. Pupils dialate through stormy green, and he evens his gaze back into something cold, false--
[He tries, but. She gave him her brother. He should give her something.
[Why not? They're both here.]
Armin. And Mikasa. [Mikasa. Mikasa. Mikasa. The grief is insurmountable. In his mind, he's cradling her safe in his arms - finally, finally, but it isn't real. He'll craft her a world from scratch - he'll build them a cabin with his mind and they'll live there until he wastes away, the world crumbling all around them.
[Eren rolls his head on his shoulders, cracking his neck. He can't look at Bethan for a moment - this is his distraction. His hand jerks violently as his side.]
jesus christ the way I blacked out for 10 minutes and wrote you a novel
[It would all be easier to stomach, Eren thinks, if one could tell themselves that it was only happening because Eren had never known love. Surely, to do what he's doing, one must have never known love. Who would do it despite?
[Someone might do it for love. Someone is.
["You got anyone?" Not a brother. Not a father or a mother - not anymore. Aside from that, though...he's spoiled for choice.
[It just isn't enough.
[He searches for words - enough to provide an answer, but not enough to hurt; it's impossible. He still doesn't know their fates, but he knows that the battle comes. He knows that their deaths are possible - likely, even...
[He has to believe they're stronger than he is. He has to believe they're braver.
[He knows they are. Eren loves. He loves desperately, violently, mournfully. He loves. He loves. He loves.]
There are people that I care about. [His words are cheap. It isn't enough. He feels guilt, rotten, decaying. He longs.
[He can't list them all. He'd rattle off names all day - Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Sasha - God, Sasha, dead - Marco, dead - Reiner - Reiner Braun, and Annie, even - yes, even Annie. Captain Levi, Commander Hange (dead, dead, dead). Historia, whom he met with on the farm - protected, loved, cherished. He thinks of Petra, and Eld, Oluo, Gunther, even after all these years - their faces, their trusts, the indents of bite marks on their hands - like Eren's bite marks, like Bethan's bite marks, but she'd never trust him, and they shouldn't have--
[Eren's eyes flicker back up to Bethan. He's lost focus. Pupils dialate through stormy green, and he evens his gaze back into something cold, false--
[He tries, but. She gave him her brother. He should give her something.
[Why not? They're both here.]
Armin. And Mikasa. [Mikasa. Mikasa. Mikasa. The grief is insurmountable. In his mind, he's cradling her safe in his arms - finally, finally, but it isn't real. He'll craft her a world from scratch - he'll build them a cabin with his mind and they'll live there until he wastes away, the world crumbling all around them.
[Eren rolls his head on his shoulders, cracking his neck. He can't look at Bethan for a moment - this is his distraction. His hand jerks violently as his side.]
We grew up together.