bakerstreet | (no subject)

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The Last Words MemeThis is it. The final curtain. You're at the end of your life, and there's someone here you really, really need to say something to before you die.

HOW IT WORKS:

1. Comment with your character. Using it random.org or a similar site, the first character to post rolls for their cause of death and how long they have left to live. Or you can leave it blank and let the person commenting choose for you!

2. Responding characters then roll for the relationship between the two of you. Optionally responding characters can also share your cause of death/time left to live or roll for their own, but that's not required. A living character caring for (or horribly mutilating) a dying one is fine, too.

3. Tell the person what you need to tell them before you bite it.

4. Have fun

CAUSE OF DEATH

1 - Accidental. Nobody meant for this to happen, but it doesn't matter now. Due to negligance, arrogance or just plain bad luck, you've become gravely ill or injured and are now in your last moments. This covers all kinds of accidental deaths--strangulation, drowning, car accidents, unintentional beheadings, whatever you can think of.

2 - Murder. Somebody really didn't like you. Enough to kill you, it seems. You're now dead by someone else's hand. (Maybe even the person replying to you?) As with accidental death, this covers all types of intentional, malicious murder, regardless of method--so poisoning, stabbing, shooting, etc., all work here. Same with all the below options: any possible variation you can think of on it will work!

3 - Suicide. There is no hope for you, and no way out. You've reached the absolute bottom pits of despair, and the only recourse you have is to take your own life. Someone shows up to stop you... but they're too late to help you now.

4- Terminal illness. You have cancer, or tuberculosis, or cholera back when people got cholera. The doctors have done everything they could and it wasn't enough. The only thing to do now is give your loved ones the bad news.

5 - Starvation. So thirsty. So hungry. Maybe you've been traveling in the desert for hours, or maybe you're just really poor. Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter, because you're slowly wasting away until you're nothing but skin and bones.

6 - Death in battle. You've died a hero's death, and gone out in a blaze of glory. Or maybe you were a coward who got shot for deserting? Either way, you're now a casualty of war. Will you be honored with a parade or scorned as a traitor to your country?

7 - Natural causes. You've lived a long, happy life, and now your story is at an end. In a warm bed, surrounded by your family and friends, you peacefully drift off. Just make sure that you've made a will somewhere, or at least use your deathbed to set the record straight. Otherwise, who knows what kind of squabbles might errupt after you leave this world?

TIME LEFT

1 - A few minutes. You're fading fast and you don't have much, well, any time left. Better tell the person with you that you love -- or despise-- them with your last breath, because you'll never have the chance otherwise.

2 - A few hours. You haven't got much time left. Is there someone you still need to kill? To kiss? Better do it quick. (Note: last kisses not recommended for people dying of highly contagious illnesses.)

3 - A few days. The doctors have given you the news, and it's not very good. You've only got a couple days left to live. You should start trying to make peace with people and saying your final goodbyes with the days you have left.

4 - A few weeks. Take that vacation you've always wanted to go on but never had the chance to. Go do that thing you've never thought you'd be any good at. You've got only weeks left to live. Don't waste them.

5 - A few months. While you aren't quite on death's doorstep yet, your lifespan has still dwindled considerably from what you probably thought it would be. How are you going to spend your last few months on Earth? Making the world a better place and telling your family you love them? Or raising as much hell as possible?

RELATIONSHIP

1 - Lovers. This is your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, mistress, whatever you call them they were the person you wanted to spend your life with. Too bad you don't have much of a life to spend with them anymore.

2 - Siblings. Your beloved little or older sibling is just standing there, watching you slowly waste away before their eyes. Can you say anything to comfort them? Note that it doesn't necessarily have to be interpreted literally; adopted siblings and friends so close they might as well be siblings work too.

3 - Parent and child. Nothing is worse than a parent having to bury their child... except, maybe, a young child now alone in the world after losing their parent. As with the sibling prompt, this can be expanded to include parental figures and people who are LIKE a father/mother to you as well as actual biological parents.

4 - Co-workers, teammates or classmates. You were fighting for the same side. Or you worked together in the same office for years. Or they sat behind you in biology all semester. However you met, how do your react when you find out someone who used to be a fixture in your life is going to die?

5 - Friends. You're the best of friends! You go everywhere together, know all each other's secrets, and are never seen apart. At least, you didn't use to be. Now one of you is dying and the other one is left alone in the world. Or maybe you're dying together. Wait, is that better or worse?

6 - Bitter enemies. You hate, hate, HATE this person. In fact, maybe you killed them. Or they killed you. Or maybe nobody killed anybody and they're just bitter that Mother Nature got to you before they did. Regardless, they want to confront you one last time before you bite it, if only to rub your nose in your imminent demise and their ability to outlive you.

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[ Charles heaved a gentle sigh as he removed the damp cloth from Erik's forehead, wringing it out in the bowl at his bedside before gently laying it back over his heated skin. There was really little Charles could do even with all his abilities to help Erik. He couldn't fix sickness with his mind, but if he had been able to he would have. No matter what had happened between them, how things had been, he had always loved the man-- had always been loved. Ideals weren't the deciding factor, there was so much more to either man that Charles would not have changed a thing between them. He loved Erik Lehnsherr dearly; enough so to settle within the ranks of the Brotherhood when the man had taken ill. To care for him in a way he would not allow the others-- they couldn't stop Charles, he wouldn't let them, and he knew how sick Erik had really become. It was painful, but he would not allow the man to go alone, would not let him leave without knowing how truly loved he was.

Brushing his fingertips along that solid jaw he thumbs a bit of scruff; he's been in bed for a few days now, illness taking hold, even despite his stubborn disposition. ] I think you're about due for a shave, love. [ There's no mention of the sickness, how tired he looks or the simple fact he probably couldn't shave himself if he tried-- no, Charles is here to make things as easy as possible. ]

[ Erik didn't want to tell Charles the moment the diagnosis was made, because how could he in the first place; admit that a man as strong as him had fallen victim to a disease that didn't differentiate between mutants and humans alike, granting him only months to live and nothing he could do would prevent it. He had kept silent about it entirely, making provisions to handle the medicine on his own, without anyone else in the Brotherhood finding out; had taken to wearing the helmet almost nonstop to keep from Emma's prying thoughts, because he knew she would have been the first to find out when Erik had begun dropping weight off his normally muscular body, had taken to eating alone rather than allowing Raven to see through his moments of weaknesses, when Erik could no longer hold his food. In the end it was Azazeal who caught Erik when he stumbled along during a mission, nearly earning them all a sentence in prison, when he conceded the truth, sending Raven to find Charles before locking himself in his room.

He was exceptionally vulnerable right now, and the only man who could see him was his lover, is his lover, though it had been a considerably time since Erik had deliberately made love to the man settled against him. Were he in any better condition, Erik would have fought off the constant care but it was time he faced the inevitable, drawing out a hand from under the blanket towards Charles' hand, his grip considerable fragile in the recent months. ] A little overdue, perhaps. [ Barely managing a smile at his lover's words, Erik is clearly straining himself to speak, coughing in between each word. He was grateful for Charles' company, knowing the inevitable waiting for him. ]

Just a little, [ The corner of his mouth tugged upwards, but the expression faultered. Erik was in pain but Charles sore he could feel it too, resounding through his chest, eating at him because what was there to look forward to with Erik gone? The future they both wanted, both desired-- no matter who had been proven the victor was incomplete without the other. He laughed in order to keep himself from crying, drawing Erik's hand up a little more with his own, kissing at his fingertips and then turning to nuzzle his cheek into the familiar palm. That burning warmth that had always been there, the heat of his skin that had kept Charles warm on more than one occasion, absent. He felt colder than he ever had, not absent of warmth entirely, but not that same familiar burn that sent shivers down his spine when they touched. ] It's not terrible though, just a tad scratchy. [ He leans down, pressing a kiss to the scruff, feeling it tickle at his nose as he turns his head to nuzzle against his cheek. ] But that's what I'm here for, right? To take care of you. [ Another weak smile, ] It makes me feel special.

[ He doesn't want Erik to feel like a burden because he isn't. If Charles hadn't come here, hadn't been able to care for him, he would have never forgiven himself. Always wondered, always regretted letting others do what he should have. He rolls to the side, just enough to grab the little prepared tray at the beside Raven had left for him. She was as aware as he was that Erik was not going to make it, so the task of getting him presentable to be carried out had fallen to Charles. Sure it could be done after he had passed but Charles didn't-- he didn't want anyone else to touch Erik. To take care of him, and while he could not carry the man out himself he could do everything else. A small brush lathered bumps against his chin, hands steeled to the best of his ability. ] And to think, I used to bugger you to shave me. Guess I should have known I'd eventually have to return the favor. [ His lip is bitten as he tries his best to keep it together, but he knows the tears are already beginning to well. ]

[ He knows he's too weak for this, that trying to refuse Charles' assistance right now would sap away the last remaining vestiges of his energy, and it pains him even more that he can't give his lover what he wanted, comfort to ease the passing of a man that had become more than just a friend to him. Erik had settled his affairs into about a few days after Charles came to live with them, passing on the Brotherhood to Raven, with an explicit instruction to join forces with Charles' students as she saw fit. Perhaps if he was healthier they would resist, seek out the future by separate means, but this was far too late for them to handle, and Charles would have to accept that he'd lead on his own. ] I don't need your help.

[ But Erik doesn't refuse, closing his eyes as Charles brings the brush to his skin, tilting his head slightly so he doesn't have to see the tears that are forming. ] It took you long enough, [ He says with a smile, breath now barely coming out as heavily as it used to, his lungs too weak to perform that complicated task of oxygen transfer to a body it's certain no longer needs it. ] but I expect you're just in time. [ Drawing a hand up along Charles' thighs, Erik doesn't want to detract from the task of shaving, but rather offer whatever comfort he could to his closest friend. He knows it will never be enough for Charles, but he has to try, has to concede whatever he can, because he is a burden. ]

[ Another weak laugh, more reflex than anything else, as he finds there's little to laugh about in a situation like this. Softly he rubs the brush up along his jaw and neck, covering the stubble in gentle circles of cream. Settling the wooden handle aside he takes the straight razor in hand, thumbing the side of the blade as he's lost for a moment in the stark contrast of the man he had been and the one he was now. The strong lines of his features becoming sharp, deeper hallows of sickness and withering away. He could remember all too well how things had been. How they would practice his fine motor controls by having him shave without the use of his hands some mornings when there was time to spare or either had gotten up a bit too early. How after a while Charles had settled on the counter and tipped his chin up with the implicit trust that Erik would not cut him. How it had, for some time, almost become a little ritual that dissolved into being more about spending the spare moments together than it was about control or shaving.

He snaps himself from the momentary reprieve of fond memories only to find them more painful now in the face of what is to come. Pressing his pinky gently against the side of Erik's cheek he begins a soft stroke along the skin, focused so intently on the spot he doesn't think to brush the tears away-- lets them flow because for the moment they're not eye to eye and he doesn't have to feel guilty for burdening him with his tears. Things will go on but they wont ever be the same. He will push forward for his students, for Erik's, but not for the future he had hoped to have. Incomplete no matter how well things go, because nothing will quite fill that void.

Shifting his hand over he draws the blade over skin again, carefully mapping the curves of his jsaw as to prevent nicking. ] You always did look a sight better shaved. [ His words are meant to be light, teasing, the end clipped short as he bites his lip to keep everything else he wants to say back. ]

[ He hates that he's a former shade of the man he was, that he's been reduced to being at Charles' mercy for simple acts such as shaving, which had long become a staple part of their routine for the challenge it offered him. Erik's fine control had been so sorely tested the first few days, almost taking off Charles' neck after the man had pointed out it tickled. Needless to say the explanations in the days after had left them both beet red and at the subject of ridicule from the younger mutants. Mutants, that for Erik, he'd never see again, would never be able to ask how they were shaping up, how they were adjusting to their control and to Charles as a leader. Erik hates it all, loathes being in Charles' care, but he'd never concede to it, because it's an unspoken conclusion between the pair. They were meant to balance each other, constantly push the other to excel and succeed at being leaders and now Charles wouldn't have that from him.

Erik doesn't laugh, because there had been a time for doing that but now they were at the point where all humor was only a distraction from the inevitable. No matter how hard they tried to beat around the bush, Erik playing stubborn until the end, Charles affectionate and teasing, settling into their niched roles so easily that he has to wonder it has to end this way. Charles deserves better, he's always had, giving up his status as a teacher to come to the aid of a man who can't remember how to walk, probably couldn't even he tried. ]

And you've never looked better. [ He mimics Charles' words from that night, one of the first they've had over the years they've known each other, drawing out a hand to squeeze the other's. Erik's too weak for this and it hurts, not out of pain but because he's a shadow of the man he was, incapable of doing something so simple like offering consolation. Erik wants to say I'm sorry, that he's dying, that Charles has to see him like this, that he's split them apart, but he can't. Instead he draws his hand up, using his sweater as leverage to cup Charles' jaw, thumb brushing against his cheek in an effort to reassure. ]

Liar... [ Charles murmurs softly against the brush of his thumb, cracking the smallest of smiles. He can't imagine he looks well-- better than Erik, no doubt, but not well. He doesn't know if he'll be able to after this; as cliche as it even sounds to him. But what does a man do when he's invested so much in someone else? Hopes? Wants? Dreams? A future? Does he let the dreams die with them or attempt to salvage what he can. He'll teach, work for their future-- but his own is crumbling. Every flicker of pain, ever trembling touch-- it's breaking him and he's too scared to say anything. Doesn't want to make Erik suffer through anything more than he has to- so he'll pretend it isn't killing him. He'll smile and tease because as painful as it is, he loves Erik enough to pretend. To try and make it easier, to let him know he'll be missed-- that he was loved. That he is loved. That he won't ever be forgotten. ]

...But thank you. [ He twists his wrist slowly, angling to get each little bit all the while focusing so seriously on not nicking him. Shave complete he sets the razor back on the tray and gently takes a wet cloth to clean his face off. Smiling a little at the familiar smooth skin, even if Charles found the dips in his cheeks and under his jaw too deep to be comfortable. Erik had been so strong, striking, handsome-- and now Charles could see all of those things, but they were buried in the shadows of sickness. Weight loss and skin losing that lively flush. Still, Charles loved him-- no matter how ill he was or looked. ] All done.

[ Leaning in he presses a soft kiss to the now clean shaven cheek, feeling the smooth skin against his lips before he settles an additional one to his temple. ] I missed you. [ Even though they saw each other on occasion it wasn't the same, didn't have the closeness that came with privacy; and while he would give it all up to have Erik well again, there's no denying he missed him. His fingers curl gently over Erik's, holding his hand there as he supports his weight with his other arm; leaning in to be close to him but not putting any weight on him. He didn't need to make things any more difficult than they already were. They've said so many things, so many utterances spoken around a main idea, but Erik doesn't have all the time in the world anymore and Charles would regret it if he didn't say it now, ] I love you, Erik. Always have.

[ Even as Charles says those words, Erik has known forever, has known since their conversations had allowed both of them to open up more than they were accustomed to, until they could final put themselves back together and simply live as leaders who spent far too much time with each other. He’s known since the overprotective glares Alex has shot in his direction, when they’d meet for chess games and scotch, he’s known since Charles had given up everything to move in with him, from the whispers spoken from Azazeal until Raven had to talk to Charles’ students, issue whatever she had said that Erik hadn’t been around for to convert matters into a peaceful treaty. ]

I know. [ Erik’s voice is as shaky as it gets, a tone he rarely, if at all spoke with, because it doesn’t resemble a man that countries had feared for what he could do. He had been a threat, a foe, fallen by a disease that didn’t distinguish mutant and mankind alike, and he had known for years what Charles felt, humbled by five sets of words that were left unspoken because he didn’t know how to say them out in the open. Has always thought them, whispered them in the silence, knowing no one could hear them, or the helmet had kept him safe and secure. ] I’m sorry, Charles.

[ Because he is. Because Charles has to see him like this, that their confessions have to be in this final moment when Erik is forced to utter his dying words and won’t live to remember them, won’t live to say them again to someone he’d spend the rest of his life with, conflicts and debates aside. Fingers brushing against Charles’ cheek, it feels like ages as he pulls Charles closer, taking his time to nudge his lips towards his own, a tentative kiss that shouldn’t have come this late, but it does anyway. ]

I’ve always loved you.

[ He can't stop it now, as strong as he wants to be, the shaking of his own body betrays how much it hurts to see Erik go. As much as he wanted to draw Erik in and keep him forever, as much as he would give anything to keep Erik with him-- it's horrible the things he had considered when he first found out that Erik was terminal. But he knew that in the end there was nothing he could do but love him, let him know he was loved, and stay with him till he had passed on. He would do those things no matter what it took, but it was still so challenging to let o. Charles had only ever been close to a few people in his live and Erik had been closer than any of them in such a short span of time. If there had been no Erik Lehnsherr in his lie there would have been no Charles Xavier-- not as he is now. No professor, no steely reserve-- many of the things he had lacked he gained from Erik. Now, of course, he would be gone and Charles will have to try and do this for himself. He doesn't know if he can, but he'll have to try.

Pressing a soft kiss to Erik's mouth he tips his head to the side and slowly eases his lips along his loves. He takes his time, wants to remember this kiss for as long as he can. Even the chapped feel of Erik's lips against his own was delightful because he needed it as badly as he had wanted to give it to Erik. He wanted the man's memory burned into his own mind. The pressure of his lips, how the lower was more plush than the upper, the way his mouth moved and the sensation of his skin against Charles' own. His fingers crept along Erik's neck, touching against his collarbone and then upward to his neck, holding him as gently as he could manage. The silent mantra of 'iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou' running in the background of his mind. ]

[ It wouldn't be such a bad thing, Erik thinks, to die kissing the man he loves. Parting his lips, he lets Charles in willingly, kissing him in return with a desperation that fits these last moments. Charles matters to him, differences aside, Charles has been the kind of man Erik needs in his life, balancing each other perfectly, giving him a reason not to outright seek revenge against humanity. ] I'm so sorry. [ Erik whispers against his lips, pulling away just barely and he doesn't want to let go, breathes intermingling and it all feels so right. The others might judge him for these final decisions, but the moment Erik had fallen ill, he barricaded himself in his room, refused to see anyone until Charles broke through like the defiant man he was.

And even now, he can't refuse him, lifting his head up to remember this kiss perfectly. Parting his lips, Erik slips a tongue between them, cautiously exploring, if far too late for anything. Fingers curling against Charles' forearm to steady his grip, he wants this to last as long as possible, forgetting about his own need to breathe, when he had been dependent on a machine for far so long. Canting his head upwards, he doesn't pull away, but demands, needing this. ]

Don't let go.

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IV | II | I

sob tears

/cuddle

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