bakerstreet | Because babies aren't cute all the time

Because babies aren't cute all the time

The Parenting Is Hell meme

So it's finally happened, after however long planning (or not planning at all) nine months of carrying it (or looking) and more hours than we'll think about of labor (or a grueling last stage of the process) you have a wee little bundle of joy in your arms. You think it might be smiling! It's so magical and adorable and wonderful, you just know your life is going to be different forever. From now on everything is going to be amazing and perfect and fuzzy and wonderful and storybook and...

No.

No it isn't.

You just signed up for hell in a swaddling blanket.

Step One: Post with your character, including name, series and prefs in the subject, especially if you'd prefer the cliche-prompts or not.
Step Two: Others go to RNG and roll up a scenario, and optionally a relationship to share the suffering with.
Step Three: Optionally NPC or bring in a different person to play the child, if you want, or just discuss it without having the child there.
Step Four: Suffer.

Prompts 1-10 are straightforward, prompts 11-20 play with kidfic cliches.

1 - Shut it offffff | Baby is adorable except when you haven't slept in a week because it. won't. stop. crying. whenever you to go bed. How is it so LOUD?

2 - BABY COME BACK | Teaching baby to walk is a brilliant idea until it's up and running around everywhere, trying to trip you up every time you're not looking. What have you unleashed?

3 - So you're a wise guy huh | Good news! The tyke can verbalize what it wants without just crying all the time. Unfortunately its favorite words are 'no' and 'mine'. Arguing is fun! Are you seriously getting baited by a toddler?

4 - JUST END IT | You didn't sign up for a hellion like this. You never signed anything! They can't make you put up with it! Just drop it off at Disneyland and run or something, MICKEY CAN HANDLE IT! THE MOUSE MUST BE QUALIFIED BY NOW! YOU WON'T TELL, HONEST! YOU CAN START AGAIN!

5 - And the award for worst parents go to | IS IT BLEEDING? I THINK THAT'S BLOOD. You only looked away for a second and now it's BLEEDING. That's a LEGIT SCRAPED KNEE. Or maybe even something worse, who cares, ~~baby~~ tyke is hurt and it's totally your fault. WORST PARENT EVER. YOU ARE THE WORST.

6 - WHAT THE HELL, SCHOOL? | Did your baby just come home with a bruise? Oh, hell naw your kid is not going to be bullied. YOU'LL GET THAT KID ARRESTED OR SOMETHING. RIGHT NOW.

7 - YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL ON ME | WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY RAN AWAY? Ran WHERE? WHY?! COME BACK! COME BACK RIGHT NOW!

8 - I'M NOT CLEANING THIS UP | Did they seriously think you weren't going to double back and make sure they weren't holding a party while you went out on your holiday? Not smooth, kid.

9 - But it's cool! | You are apparently no longer cool enough to be seen in public with the kid who you buy everything for, and also you're ruining their life by being stuffy and all parent-y and saying no. Discuss.

10 - Oh yay a--wait WHAT | In 2.5 minutes your baby will be marrying off with someone and moving away. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? IT'S BEEN LIKE FIVE MINUTES. THIS ISN'T FAIR!

11 - What did he just say? | That baby is...really, really smart man. Is that even possible? It'd be cute if it weren't so unnerving.

12 - Mirror image | When they said baby was a chip off the old block, they weren't kidding. It's like living in a house with TWO of your significant other. Or two of you. Or a frightening yet uncanny match up. That's so weird

13 - In their shadow | Did baby just save the world? Without your help? What the hell was in your coffee this morning?

14 - A certain set of skills | OH NO Baby has been kidnapped! Someone is going to be paying a ransom, but is it going to be you or the kidnappers?

15 - WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT SPOILERS? | Baby just came back from the future. Apparently you HAVE a baby in the future. You'll never guess who with! Wait why did they come by again?

16 - How do you spell that? | Your sappy and thoughtful name was great until they're being picked on ~~in school~~ EVERYWHERE for having six names. What were you even thinking?

17 - Cheaper by the... | What, are you like trying to start your own country or something?

18 - That's just not fair. | Your kid is like perfect at EVERYTHING and incredibly beautiful and enchanting and charismatic and everyone loves them. To an absurd degree. Where did they even get the rainbow eyes gene? Good for them, but come ON it's like a unicorn just vomited them up. Is there any shared genetics?

19 - But Vegas PROMISED! | Wait wait wait. The kid is your secret lovechild with WHO? SOMEONE IS GOING TO BE GIVING YOU ANSWERS RIGHT NOW. ~~IT WAS ONE TIME~~

20 - So no pressure then? | Your baby is the chosen one. Begin dealing with it. It probably involves trying not to die tragically every weekend.

Optional Relationship:

1 - Significant Other: You're in this together.
2 - Friend: Did you sign up for baby-sitting duties and late-night calls from frazzled parents?
3 - Parents: Looks like karma has finally come around!
4 - Family: Another child? THE child? A sympathetic sibling?
5 - Stranger: Oh you shouldn't have asked anything.
6 - Enemy: Delight in all the details of their suffering!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

[OKAY so having a kid with Elena was something he never really thought about, considering they never talked about the idea. Then again, that may have been because they were always busy, and not so much enamored with the idea of having a child. Still, it happened and it's been about a year and well...

Maybe teaching this kid to walk wasn't that good of an idea. Currently, Nate's running around the house, trying to find the baby. At the least, it's a good thing this child hasn't caught on to the fact that he can climb?

Hopefully, he can find him before Elena comes home.]

Where is... Craaaap.

[Unfortunately for Nate, Elena's back from work early. She hadn't really expected it, but she can't complain either: extra time is extra time spent with Nate and Russell and life'll be...

Well, it'd be wonderful if the house didn't suddenly look like a tornado had just swept through the idea.]

Do I even want to know?

[He hears the door open and there's that panicked look in his eyes for a moment as he looks around frantically. Grimacing, he recovers when he looks to the woman suddenly there.

A sheepish look and he lifts his hands in surrender, shrugging almost.]

I-- it'll be a great story for the holidays?

Yeah, I'm sure Mom'll think it's a riot.

[Honestly, she's more impressed Nate managed to lose their kid in their own house than anything.] Where'd you last see him?

[The mental image of Elena's mother finding that out. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM.]

In-- the bedroom.

Then he ran out somewhere... [There's a giggle down the hall at that.]

[BECAUSE IT'S NOT A STORY YOU TELL ELENA'S MOM, NATE.]

Got it. [She hears that laugh! Elena sets her stuff down before going down in the voice's general direction.] Come on, I think he's this way.

[HE HAS ENOUGH TROUBLE GETTING APPROVAL FROM HER HE DOESN'T NEED TO DO THAT]

Take the lead, captain. [A sigh as he throws in the towel. So much for finding Russell before Mom got home.. There's another laugh, and the sound of a door closing when Elena gets closer to the end of the hall.]

[Not to mention, little Russell somehow figured out how to lock the door. Elena tries it, twisting the knob a few times...]

Dammit, when did we teach him that little trick?

[Nate holds his hands up to prove his innocence, grimacing as he sees that the door's just not opening.]

He's a clever kid, was probably watching us. Here, I got it. [He leans down, looking at the doorknob.] Do you got a hairpin?

[She nods, reaching for her bangs and pulling out a couple.] Thanks. Here you go.

[After this, Elena's probably always going to have one on her, just in case.]

No, thank you. [He offers her a smile with brows furrowed because yes this is his fault but at least he hasn't lost their child completely! Picking at the lock now, there's a small laugh followed by the sound of something falling.

The lock clicks and Nate looks to Elena, slowly as he turns the knob.]

You first or me?

I'll go ahead.

[She's more worried about Russell at the moment, considering not all of their house's entirely child-proof. Elena walks in, carefully inspecting the room before she sees Russell walk on by past that poor lamp that just broke.

... At least the kid's got Nate's luck.] Russell! Come back here! ... Please?

[He's following behind, making sure their kid isn't going to try and run past their knees and back into the hallway. A look around and he tries not to whistle at the sight. Well, at least they know Russell definitely is their kid?

The boy giggles, turning to his parents. He shakes his head and keeps his distance, hands behind his back.]

What do you got in your hands, kiddo? [Russell bounces on his heels, says 'nothing' with a singsong tone to it. Why does Nate have a bad feeling about this?]

[Nothing? Elena shoots Nate a worried look.]

What if we gave you some chocolate? Would you trade your "nothing" for it?

[She's totally resorting to bribery and she's not ashamed to admit it either.]

[There's a small grimace at the idea of whatever their kid has found, but at the least? It's definitely not a grenade or weapon. .. Hopefully.

Russell perks up at the idea, tilts his head. "What kind of chocolate?"]

We taught him too well. [Nate's gonna admit that with a small sigh, taking a glance around the room.]

Milk chocolate. [She nods very matter-of-fact as she goes to retrieve it from one of her (many, many) hidden stashes around the house.] Aaand it's your lucky day, I think I just found some truffles.

[To Nate, she grins as she tosses him a truffle:] We did, but we've still got some tricks up our sleeves for a while.

[Nate's watching as Elena goes off and well-- secret stash? He's raising a brow, smiling at her and catching the truffle, turning it over in his hand because he thought he found all of her secrets around the house. Apparently not.

"Fine, fine!" Russell bounces up and down, smiling and reaching up at his mom; he even holds out the object he had for her to grab, which looks like one of her older cameras.

Nate just smiles at her, raises a brow.]

Maybe you could teach me a few of your tricks?

[When it comes to her chocolate? Elena's pretty dedicated to hiding it around the house. She laughs, kneeling down to exchange the chocolate for one of her cameras.

After she inspects it - hey, Russell actually took a decent picture - she smiles back at Nate.]

Only because you asked so nicely. I'm sure there's a few more stashes you haven't uncovered... [Come on, kiddo, mommy wants a hug--and maybe she'll buy him one of those colorful kid cameras. Not that Russell doesn't have one already, but this time, the camera'll take real pictures too.]

[Russell takes the chocolate with glee, in the middle of unwrapping it when he notices his mom moving. And that's a hug for mom!]

Should've known you'd be the one to hide something I can't find. [He raises a brow, takes a seat on the bed with a smile. God, he loves his wife and kid so much, did he ever tell anyone that? Russell, once he's done hugging mom though, goes to tackle his dad because surprise! The kid's still pretty wired.]

[Their kid's not weird, he's just incredibly affectionate! Elena pops a truffle in her mouth before she wanders over towards her husband and kid.]

What can I say? It's not like you can go and discover everything...

[Though quite frankly, she wouldn't mind if he did - and when Russell tackles Nate? She can't help laughing as she flops down beside him. Family group hug, Y/Y?]

I got close! That has to count for something, right? W-Whoa, hey! [He's falling backwards onto the bed when Elena joins in; Russell he can handle but when whole family joins in, he's gotta lose a hundred times out of a hundred.]

I'm pretty sure this is cheating! [Russell laughs, saying something like 'it's fair' when he reaches over, pulling his mom into the pile.]

Close enough!

[Elena laughs, taking Russell's hand as she scoots in closer for a group hug. Has she mentioned just how lucky she is lately? Because she feels so very, very lucky to have them right now.] What he said. It's not "cheating," it's a good old-fashioned hug pile.

[Russell has his arms wrapped around the both of his parents as best as he can grinning wide enough to match either of their smiles. Nate's glad, just holding onto the two of them - this is definitely more than he's even asked for.]

More like an old-fashioned dog pile... [Nate shakes his head, tries to stand up and off the bed. Let's see if he can pick up both his son and his wife at the same time!] And-- up!

[Oh she definitely wasn't expecting that! Elena laughs, glancing down at Nate as she holds onto him just a little bit tighter than usual.]

So this isn't considered cheating either?

Because babies aren't cute all the time

Elena Fisher | Uncharted

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/icon fail

/once again, saw nothing! |D

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/on time tags? what are those?

I don't know but they sound pretty lame :c

clearly ♥

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