The Balance

[steahl]

THE BALANCE
Balance is an important part of an individual; it allows social interaction, growth, emotional well being...
This meme isn't about those well balanced people.
This is for the broken. The made weapons, the trained killers, the children raised in chains and those born lacking.
This is for you...
...and those that keep you from burning the world.

THIS MEME MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERS

Rules

• Post with Character/Canon/Preferences - this last one is important people. This meme can go into dark places and taggers need to know up front what you're comfortable with.
• Starters are encouraged if you have an idea for your character's role in this situation
• Read through the options, pick or use a handy RNG.
• This meme allows for AU options, sudden family relations, etc etc. If you prefer to stick to your own canon mates or previous taggers etc list this fact in your preferences.
• The Broken People can ALSO be Balancers. Being broken doesn't stop you from fixing someone's world, don't hesitate to mix roles.
• Tag around
• Have fun, be brutal, balance it out!

RNG aids: Roles: Broken (1-12), Balancer (1-19) Scenarios: (1-17)

Roles

Broken:

1. Created Weapon (Active): You are exactly what you were made to be. The government,  private collector, it doesn't matter who made you, you don't admit you feel, you rarely think, you're a weapon and you're very good at your job.
2. Created Weapon (Inactive): You worked, for a while, but something went wrong. Your program was retired, you questioned an order, or you simply got old and injured. Now you're held somewhere, possibly sedated, hidden away because the public wouldn't understand but you want out...or maybe you already escaped...
3. Born That Way: Monsters exist and sometimes they wear human skins. It's not your fault really, someone messed with your mother before you were born, you have eel DNA, human flesh is just so damn tasty, and you just don't have the ability to care about most humans out there.
4. Raised That Way (child): Mom and Dad say we protect the farm, I can kill you with my brain, and I was raised by wolves.
5. Raised That Way (teen): My parents are crazy but I still have habits, I left when the farm burned down, the foster system....hahahahahaha the foster system.
6. Raised That Way (adult): It's tradition really and it's kept us going this long, my land, my hunt, my rules.
7. Broke That Way: It's not how you started out, but somewhere along the line there were terrible things. Abuse, torture, something twisted you and the only way to survive at all was to become something inhuman.
8. Insane: You're really just that crazy. You might remember why, you might not, but the world around you isn't safe and half of it at least isn't real!
9. Freak: Mutants, mistakes of the lab, alive because you escaped the scientists or because they wanted to see what you'd become, hybrids, bit by radioactive hamsters and cursed by gypsies.
10. Alien: You don't get humans because you're not human. Why not do as you please?
11. Other: Not covered above? Go for it anyway!
12. Double Duty: You're broken, yeah, but you're helping someone too. Roll twice, once for the Broken and once for the Balancer.

Balancer:

1. Parent: Of course they listen to you, that's your kid and you love them.
2. Sibling (twins): You're twins, you have an unbreakable bond and you know you're the only one who can help them.
3. Sibling (older): Hey, the little one is your responsibility, they always looked up to you and you may not have been the best role model but you learn from your mistakes!
4. Sibling (younger): You believe in your older sibling even when no one else does! They always treated you well and tried to look out for you!
5. Child: It isn't easy being the child of such a person but you're their Hope and you won't let them forget that.
6. Beloved: Even the broken know true love. One sided or mutual, love can help a person control themselves and change.
7. Lover: Hey, it's not a fairy tale romance but you've got some sway!
8. Friend: You're the one they trust come thick or thin. It's not a romantic love, but you're there for them
9. Handler (newbie): It's your job to wrangle people like this and you've read all the manuals! Oh....hell....who did you get paired with?
10. Handler (veteran): It's an easy job as long as you follow the rules. You know the right things to say, you know the right things to do when they're agitated. You may not call them by their first name but you're trustworthy in your own right.
11. Mr./Ms. Right: Somehow, someway, you're just...right for them. Maybe it's your scent, or the tone of your voice, maybe you just feel soothing.
12. Samaritan: So you found someone bleeding in an alley, or raided a lab to free the animals and sprang their cage too, hell, maybe you worked at a soup kitchen and they drifted in...
13. Mutual Gain: You're not in it because you care; they help you, you help them, it works out.
14. Dumb Luck: You found them tangled in a tuna net, or asleep in the back seat of the car you jacked...
15. You Owe Them: They have something on you, they saved your life, they saved your sanity...
16. Worthy Prey: They'd really love to hunt you some time...when you're worth the effort. Until then they'll hang out and make sure no one else touches you.
17. Purpose: However else you may feel about them, you can give them a Purpose.
18. Other: Not found above but you're rolling with it anyway!
19. Double Duty: Just because you can balance someone out doesn't mean you're not broken in your own way. Roll twice, once for Breakage, once for Balancer.

Scenarios:

1. Get Me Out: Out of this program, out of this lifestyle, away from these people. It doesn't matter from what, one or the other of you needs to escape.
2. Mine Will be the Hand: The Broken person went too far and you owe it to them to put them down cleanly. It's a damn hard hunt though.
3. Take Them Apart: One or both of you have enemies that you need to take out before you can rest.
4. Running: It's just best if you keep moving. Away from the crimes, away from anyone after you, just away. The other person may or may not be along voluntarily.
5. Keep Me Entertained: One or the other of you is just playing until you get bored...
6. Mission: You're doing the job, you're running the mission (this may or may not be a valid mission).
7. Pretty Make-Believe: You're both pretending to be normal right now. Neighbors, a home, jobs...how long can you keep it up?
8. Slipping: Broken people have habits and they've been...slipping...recently.
9. You Never Told Me!: Your Balancer doesn't know your dark past...until the kidnapping/helicopter assault/fireballs....
10. Down the Rabbit Hole: They didn't mean to suck you into this life but you're a target now. Best learn to survive in it!
11. Off the Grid: You're both living mean and dirty, under the radar to stay safe...and that puts a strain on things eventually.
12. Crime Partners: One has the skills and the will, the other has the drive and the brains or any combo thereof...but why live low when you can live large?
13. Birds of a Feather: You're both broken but you manage between the two of you...mostly.
14. You Were Gone: Helping keep someone sane can wear on a person. Maybe the Balancer walked out, maybe the Broken person didn't want to be the reason they committed suicide...
15. You were Taken: Oh, it's on now.
16. Lost: There's no bottom to this hole, you lost your Balancer and now you're spiraling. Maybe you'll find another, maybe you'll find someone to help you make them suffer...
17. Create Your Own Adventure: It's a dark world out there and it's dangerous to go alone.

Comments

[unrelentingly]

Leaving Kirkwall had been the easy part. A grand escape that sparked a holy war, forcing the two men into a life on the run. A pair of fugitives with nowhere to turn and no one to trust. That first step out of the city and leaving it all behind was simple - but as the days turned to weeks, Anders steadily grew more distant. At first, they would stop for a few nights in small villages, only to rest and then leave again in the early hours of morning. That came to an end quickly, Anders' paranoia getting the better of him and the fear of recognition lingering steadily in them both.

Camping ended up as the only choice they had. Away from people, just the two of them. Years ago, it would have been a romantic thought to simply run off together but the reality of it all was less than glamourous. So long as they were running, the Templars - among others - would be in pursuit. As the days dragged on and the nights crept by, Anders' silence was almost deafening. It was painful to endure but Hawke couldn't distract himself with stoking the small fire all night. Keeping it steady, keeping it controlled.

Just like he used to be able to keep Anders.

Feeling his companion's eyes on him, Hawke finally lifts his gaze to look over at him, brow furrowing with concern. Those nervous glances again, always looking around, always waiting. The question was always for what and it was a question Hawke did not have the answer to. They were safe for the time being, it was a chance for them both to rest and save their strength for the trek they would begin in the morning.

"Something on your mind?" He finally speaks up, keeping his focus on Anders.

[magerights]

Anders started as Hawke spoke, his face darkening with a mix of embarrassment and shame and guilt that had been lurking at the back of his mind for weeks now. Before they'd even fled Kirkwall, there had been the guilt at what he'd planned, what he would have to do to the man who'd taken him into his home and heart and given him so much more than Anders had ever thought he would find in the world.

And he'd had to destroy it all.

He swallowed hard, finally breaking his gaze from the other man, staring instead at his own hands, thin and worn. "Why are you doing this, Garrett? After what I did... I thought you'd never want to see me again at the very least. I'd even thought that you would... end it. But you haven't. You've lost everything because of me."

[unrelentingly]

It felt like it had been days since he'd heard Anders' voice and hearing it now, hearing those words, just made that sting ebb through him all the more. There were moments of weakness, moments where Hawke truly wondered why. He had given everything up for Anders - his family's home, his friends, his very stability just to remain at Anders' side. None of it mattered now, it was far beyond that point. He couldn't go back to that life even if he wanted to.

Drawing his brows, Hawke turned his gaze back to the fire, using a stick to idly push around the embers. Why did he do this? Why did he agree to run off with the man, to dedicate himself to running and hiding, to Anders' safety. There was an easy answer to it all - but that easy answer was often laced with uncertainty. After all that had happened, Anders hiding things from him, lying to him, using him. He should have thrown it all away, including the mage himself.

But his heart wouldn't allow it. Three years of loving someone, more than double that caring for them. He couldn't discard Anders so quickly. He couldn't.

"I believe in your plight, Anders..." he finally answers, the stick going still as he watched the flame. "I can't back away from it now, no more than you yourself can."

[magerights]

"Just not my methods," Anders murmurs, giving voice to what he's certain they both know is true. Garrett had been a great support to him and his cause over the years, but Anders had known he wouldn't agree to his plan. He'd want to find another way, while the years continued and the Knight-Commander grew more insane and Justice clawed at his mind. And Anders... he just couldn't.

Yet here they are, together still, and he wonders why.

"Why with me, Garrett?" he asks, giving voice to those thoughts. "You could leave Kirkwall, support the cause of mages without throwing your lot in with me, many would rally to your banner. Me? I intend to fight as much as I can, but I would fault few for wanting to shun me, and I make no assumptions about my chances of surviving the war. I don't understand why you would choose that, why you'd still choose me after everything..."

Anders swallows, dropping his gaze to his knees and hunching in on himself. "...I'd think you cared for me, but I can't understand how you could now. I almost wish you hated me instead."

[unrelentingly]

Hawke could feel his stomach twist and knot up, unable to bring his gaze away from the fire. The question of why still lingered, weighing down everything around them. Maybe it was out of some misplaced sense of duty, maybe it was out of selfishness - maybe Hawke was simply tired of failing the people he cared about. Whatever it was that pushed him forward, whatever it was that motivated him to remain here, Hawke didn't fully understand. Maybe he didn't want to understand.

But the idea of existing in a world without Anders, the idea of calling mages to arms and standing for their rights without this man at his side, was a thought Hawke didn't wish to foster. It was Anders who dragged him into all of this and Hawke went along with it. He may not have agreed with what Anders did, he didn't agree with being used and lied to but here he was. A willing accomplice to a man on the run. There was nothing Hawke could return to now. He may not have known what Anders' plan was originally - but he was just as guilty as the man he loved.

And knowing that man wished he hated him hurt the most. More than any betrayal.

"Come here," Hawke gestured to the spot next to him, still not looking away from the fire.

[magerights]

Anders swallows, not certain what to make of Garrett's silence, the way the man doesn't even look at him or turn his eyes from the fire as he speaks. But he can't deny him either. He'd meant what he'd said, and if Garrett wants to take it out on him somehow, shout or shake him or say something to him before turning and walking away from him forever... then Anders has to accept it. He can't do anything else.

Rising slowly, he moves to Garrett's side, sitting again gingerly and watching the other man. There's no going back now for either of them, but perhaps he can at least help the man he loves by convincing him not to throw his life away so easily.

[unrelentingly]

Hawke's eyes didn't move from that fire even as Anders came and settled next to him. Hawke remained quiet a bit longer, still just poking at that small fire. He moved the kindling and the sticks that fed it, letting it burn steady, keeping it controlled and concealed. It was strange, everything that went through his head as he stared into those flames. It was an impossible feeling to truly recognize, let alone acknowledge. Something akin to guilt yet kept at bay by duty, something like remorse but laced with acceptance. Those feelings seemed to amplify as Anders came near, the man sitting at his shoulder.

He breathed. Deeply and slowly.

After the death of Carver, the loss of Bethany and his mother's fate, there was so little Hawke had any ties to. The only thing truly and honestly had left was the man that was seated next to him. He remembered the words Anders spoke to him, that first passionate night they'd shared at his estate. We'll be hunted, hated- - and that was true. Yet, it meant nothing. It had done nothing to deter him then and it would do nothing to deter him now.

Hawke set his stick down and with that hand, he took hold of Anders' own, linking his fingers between the man's and squeezing it. His eyes moved from the flicker of flame and to Anders' face, a determined amber gaze meeting honeyed brown. "A fire left to burn will burn wildly, scorching everything that surrounds it..." his thumb rubbed the back of Anders' hand, not breaking eye-contact. "It will burn and destroy until there is nothing left in its path, finally choking itself out and becoming nothing more than a fading wisp of smoke."

Hawke paused, swallowing. His expression remained the same, keeping Anders' hand in his own.

"I know of that fire inside you, I know how deep it burns. The anger, the hate, I've seen with my own eyes what it can do - what you are capable of. But I won't let you become that blaze... There will be stories written about you, the mage who dared to stand for his freedom, who pursued his right to be. Though all of this, I shall be at your side, tending to that fire... And it will not be extinguished.

[magerights]

It surprised him when Garrett took his hand, a slight twitch of surprise obvious, though Anders didn't pull away. A part of him thought that perhaps he should, should pull away and say something that would sever Hawke from him forever, force the man to leave for his own sake, but he couldn't. He couldn't say if it was because he knew that Garrett had lost so much else and he hadn't the right to take this, whatever it was, from him too, or if it were pure selfishness that kept him silent.

Whatever the reason, he found he welcomed, the warmth of Garrett's hand and the gentle reassurance a simple touch could provide, the love that still remained, despite everything, in the other man's eyes. His words painted a clear picture, one Anders had always expected would come to pass since the enormity of what he and Justice had done had settled in. He'd thought, in all honestly, that the fire Garrett spoke of would have been extinguished back in Kirkwall, put out before it consumed so many more. But that hadn't happened, and now...

"What if the fire turns on the one tending it?" Anders murmured, his brow creasing. "It's hurt and consumed so much else, Hawke. I don't want to lose you to it as well. I don't know if I can protect you from it. From me."

[unrelentingly]

He could see the man's hesitation, his worry and his fear. Hawke knew he couldn't assuage them all, he couldn't fix him. Despite all his efforts, everything he expended to try and make a better life for the man he loved, it had all been cast aside. The lies, the hiding, the blackmail - Hawke had taken it all. Everything around him burned and crumbled, all of it at the hand of a man who claimed to love him. Squeezin that hand once more, Hawke allowed himself a moment to breathe before leaning in and resting his forehead against Anders' own.

There was no forgiving what Anders had done. It was something that would always rest on his shoulders - and for Hawke, it was a guilt that he could never shake. If he'd just done a little more, perhaps things wouldn't have ended the way they did. If he just tried a bit harder, if he just pushed a bit more... He couldn't make that same mistake again. This war was his now as well.

"I would rather risk burning at your side than try to cope in a world without you," his voice was quiet, almost inaudible over the sound of the fire crackling. Anders had given him a warning like this in the past, urging him away - but it was going to take more than that. Hawke was determined now, moreso than ever. "I want to help you. I want to fight at your side and bring hope to those who've had it stripped away. We are strongest when we stand together - and that is how we shall remain."

[magerights]

Anders froze as Garrett leaned in to press their foreheads together, his heart pounding in his chest as the other man offered without prompting what Anders had so keenly missed these long nights. It was almost too much to take, then he was exhaling in a rush, his hand was slowly rising, trembling faintly in the corners of his vision, to cup Garrett's face and stroke through the roughness of his beard, just as he always had before.

"I can't- I can't promise or say what will happen, Garrett," he began, his voice faltering slightly. "But I can say that I won't try to push you away any more if this is what you really want. I cannot think for a moment that I deserve you after all of this, but if you wish to stay..."

Anders' grip tightened slightly and he met Garrett's eyes, warm amber so close to his own, he couldn't help but feel as though Garrett were filling his vision, his soul, and maybe lending him a little more strength to keep going.

"Then I won't force you. Just promise me that if I, if I ever seem that I might hurt you... you'll stop me. I could not live with myself if I did that to you after everything else."

[unrelentingly]

Hawke found himself leaning into that touch, those fingers against his beard, hand against his cheek. Though the sensation was light, it filled his heart with a warmth that had been fleeting for so many weeks. This moment of contact was what he'd needed, what he'd been yearning for. Selfish though he was to let Anders live after all that had happened, selfish he may be for staying with the man, this was what he wanted. Over the years, he'd lost everything else - he couldn't afford to lose Anders. He couldn't afford to give up on the man he loved.

It would be difficult but he was resolute. It was tense now - but they would work through it. They would push on, together - side by side, hand in hand.

"Just as I told you that first night we shared together..." Hawke's voice was quiet now, a soft whisper against Anders' face, meant only for the mage's ears. He gaze remained locked on Anders' own, craning his neck forward just slightly, just enough to brush his lips to his partner's own.

"I want you right here... Until the day we die."

[magerights]

Anders' breath caught at that gentle, exploratory brush of lips against his own, as sweet and caring as their first night together. He struggled briefly with a rush of emotion, a gasp that sounded dangerously close to being a sob escaping him, and his hands fell to Garrett's shoulders, all but clinging to the other man as though this might vanish in a moment.

"You're a bloody fool, you know that, Garrett?" he said, leaning his forehead against the other man's and just enjoying the reassurance that he was solid and there. "You should want everything other than that, you should at least be afraid of what I might do to you..."

A shiver slid through him, and Anders' voice lowered. "I know I am. I couldn't stand it if I lost you."

[unrelentingly]

"You aren't going to lose me, Anders," he spoke the words firmly and with conviction, the same words he spoke their first night together. It was that night that Hawke resolved in himself that being with Anders, loving this man meant accepting every part of him. It meant accepting Anders, it meant accepting Justice - it meant accepting Vengeance. Everything he had built up was gone now, everything he trusted and held crumbled to nothing. Life was not going to be easy, he knew that - but since when was life easy?

Betrayal, blackmail, the lies - Hawke needed to move past all of them. Dwelling would not bring him peace, dwelling would not bring change. The hurt may linger for some time but it would fade. That was why he was still here. That was why he remained at Anders' side. Love was greater than all of that. Love was worth this hardship. His arms slipped around Anders' middle, drawing the man closer into his embrace. He inhaled deeply, fingers clutching the back of Anders' jacket.

"I stood before the Knight-Commander, I stood at your side and for the right of all Mages. I stood before that woman and showed her that I love an apostate... And it will take more than an army of templars to take you from me."